Our main one-hour Sunday-night episode! In two parts, to-wit:

PART I: “The HALF-CROWN CAMPIES” segment: 0:00 — 32:00:

This first segment of the Sunday show contains a chapter of Varney the Vampire, along with what we think of as the more humourous, melodramatic, and high-campy tidbits from this week’s explorations of early-Victorian street literature — INCLUDING ...

• 01:37: VARNEY THE VAMPYRE; or, THE FEAST OF BLOOD, Chapter 23: Charles Holland consults with his uncle, the admiral. He has determined to challenge the vampire to a duel. He is a little surprised to find his uncle is enthusiastically supportive … suspiciously so. What scheme does the old admiral have in mind? And will it work, or is Charles doomed to fall beneath the fast-flickering blade of a vampire?
• 29:30: TERRIFIC REGISTER ARTICLE: We take coroner’s inquests for granted in the case of sudden death, but did you ever wonder how they got started? It’s all to do with this one woman … and her six dead husbands.

PART II: "THE SIXPENNY SPOOKIES," 32:00 — 1:02:00:

This second segment of the Thursday show contains a chapter or two of Dick Turpin's adventures, along with all the more salacious, cheeky, and naughty elements of the week — INCLUDING ...

• 32:40: EARLY VICTORIAN GHOSTLY SHORT STORY, TO-WIT: Carmilla by J.S. Le Fanu, Part 5 of 9 (chapters 7 and 8): In Part Five, we see Laura sinking beneath the influence of a terrible Something, and becoming pale, languid and melancholy, like Carmilla. Then one night, she is awakened by the voice of her long-dead Hungarian mother warning her to beware of an assassin! Waking up in a fright, she runs to Carmilla’s room … and finds her gone! Where could she be? And why?
• 47:25: A SHORT GHOST STORY from the scrapbook of Charles Lindley, Viscount Halifax: An account written by Lord Halifax himself recounting his personal experience meeting the ghost of an Argyll harper who was hanged by Marquis Montrose’s men during the Scottish Civil War.
• 59:20: A COUPLE SQUEAKY-CLEAN DAD JOKES from the early-1800s' most popular joke book: "Joe Miller's Jests; or, The Wit's Vade-mecum."

A new episode of the show is released every Sunday and Thursday evening at 5:37 p.m. London time. (5:37 p.m. is Dick Turpin Scragging Hour: It's 17:37 in military time, and Dick Turpin — the historical figure — was hanged in 1737 A.D.)

Join host Corinthian Finn, a.k.a. Finn J.D. John 18th Baron Dunwitch,* for a one-hour-long spree through the scandal-sheets and story papers of old London!

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

A full glossary of the flash-cant terms used in this episode at https://pennydread.com/discord .

*The Barony of Dunwitch is located in a wood west of Arkham (where “the hills rise wild, and there are valleys with deep woods that no axe has ever cut; there are dark narrow glens where the trees slope fantastically, and where thin brooklets trickle without ever having caught the glint of sunlight.”) Actually it is a good 3,000 miles west of Arkham. It is not to be confused with Dunwich, the English seacoast town that fell house by house into the sea centuries ago, or Dunsany, the home until 1957 of legendary fantasy author Edward J.M.D. Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany.

A half-hour- long (plus a bit) Ha'penny Horror 'Hursday minisode IN WHICH —

0:02:15: THE BLACK BAND, Chapter 22:

• IN WHICH:— Ballet dancer Clara Melville, seeing Sir Frederick Beaumorris’s valet arriving with his traveling-things, is plunged into despair. Meanwhile, Sir Frederick is very pleased with himself, and looking forward to the conquest of breaking Clara’s spirit, right after dinner. He is on his way down to the table when who should make an unexpected appearance but Colonel Oscar Bertrand! What is he doing there? And what are Clara’s chances of getting out of this — stuck in a chateau in the middle of nowhere in a foreign country at the mercy of — not one, but TWO such thundering rogues?

0:25:30: TERRIBLE TIDBIT OF THE DAY (from "Dickens' Dreadful Almanac"):

• A little joking horseplay with what they thought was an unloaded antique blunderbuss hanging on the wall turned into a dreadful and fatal accident, 174 years ago today.

0:27:10: CRUEL AND INHUMAN MURDER COMMITTED UPON THE BODY OF CAPT. LAWSON: (street broadside)

• A broadsheet printed up telling the story of a maiden whose fiance, after throwing her over for a richer bride, tried to force her to give him back the letters he'd written her ... and she defended herself with a carving-knife. (The headline on this one is misleading.)

0:22:36: EXCESSIVE PUNISHMENT FOR A TRIFLING EXPRESSION:

• A story of the Bad Old Days of the Thirty Years War, in the late 1640s, when a Catholic gentleman's joke at the expense of Stuart Princess Elizabeth (who had married the king of Bohemia) prompted Parliament to impose an outrageous punishment upon him for daring to make fun of the precious royal family.

Join host Finn J.D. John. for a half-hour-long spree through the darkest and loathliest stories seen on the streets of early-Victorian London! Grab a flicker of blue ruin, switch off your mirror neurons, and let's go!

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• HABERDASHERS: Smugglers of liquor.

• BITS OF MUSLIN: Pretty girls.
• KNIGHTS OF THE BRUSH AND MOON: Drunken fellows wandering amok in meadows and ditches, trying to stagger home.
• CORINTHIAN: A fancy toff or titled swell. Used here as a reference to Corinthian Tom, the quintessential Regency rake depicted in Pierce Egan's "Life in London" (usually referred to as "Tom and Jerry")
• CHAFFING-CRIB: A room where drinking and bantering are going on.
• SHERRY OFF: To run away at top speed. Adopted from the nautical term "to sheer off."
• CULLS: Mildly disparaging term for men.
• DOWN TO: Wised-up about, aware of.
• FAKEMENT: Plot or scheme.
• BUMS: Bailiffs.
• CRAPPING COVES: Pronounced "crêpe-ing," it means hangmen, who cause the widows of the criminals they execute to wear crêpe in mourning.
• THE OLD STONE JUG: Newgate Prison, or prisons in general.
• PADDINGTON FAIR: Execution day at Tyburn Tree gallows, which was in Paddington parish.
• DUNWICH, TOWN OF (spelled with no "T"): A seacoast town east of London, once very large, which eroded away and fell into the sea starting in the 13th century; only a few streets and houses remain today.
• DUNWITCH, BARONY OF (spelled with a "T"): A small estate in the hills West of Arkham, according to Colonial chronicler H.P. Lovecraft. Does not actually exist, but if it did, would be headed by Finn J.D. John, 18th Baron Dunwitch.

• DUNSANY, BARONY OF: A large estate in Ireland, including Dunsany Castle in County Meath, headed until 1957 by legendary fantasy author Edward J.M.D. Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany (Lord Dunsany), one of Mr. Lovecraft's favorite authors and a major influence upon his work.

A spicy (-ish) Tuesday Twopenny Torrid minisode IN WHICH —

0:01:50: THE BALLET-GIRL'S REVENGE, Chapter 10, IN WHICH —:

• We cut back to poor Edgar DeVille, who is being marched at pistol-point by the count into an inner chamber at the house, surrounded by the bloodthirsty ruffians in his gang of coiners and counterfeiters. A trap door opens in the floor before him, disclosing a deep well, in which obviously his body is to be thrown. The gang members want him killed on the spot. Can he change their minds? Is this the end for poor young Edgar?

0:22:30: BROADSIDE STREET BALLAD:

• "Courting in the Kitchen." When the lord of the manor came home, our lusty young swain found himself thrown under the hackney-coach by his erstwhile ladyfriend, the boss's kitchen maid, and draws six months on the Brixton treadmill!

0:24:50: A SALACIOUS SALOON SONG:

• "The Ploughman and the Priest." When a newlywed ploughman finds himself unable to take care of his matrimonial duties, the town's parson steps in to help out!

0:30:20: THREE VICTORIAN-AGE DIRTY JOKES.

• From "The Chestnut Club."

Join host Corinthian Finn, a.k.a. Finn J.D. John, for a half-hour-long spree through the scandal-sheets and story papers of old London! Grab a decanter and top off your glass, unload your stumps, and let's go!

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• ACK PIRATES: Thieves who specialize in swiping cargo from riverboats and barges.
• ARCH DOXIES: Spirited, audacious, possibly dangerous ladies.
• KNIGHTS OF THE BRUSH AND MOON: Drunken fellows wandering amok in meadows and ditches, trying to stagger home.

• CHAFFING-CRIB: A room where drinking and bantering are going on.

• CHICKSTERS: Flamboyant ladies, often prostitutes
• LADYBIRDS: Another term for chicksters
• BULLY ROCKS: Brothel muscle men
• ABBESS: Brothel madam
• MOTHER H: A famous abbess from the 1830s
• BOLT THE MOON: Fly by night
• BEAKS: Magistrates and judges
• BODY SNATCHERS: Police officers. (Actual body snatchers were called "resurrection-men.")
• DUNWICH, TOWN OF (spelled with no "T"): A seacoast town east of London, once very large, which eroded away and fell into the sea starting in the 13th century; only a few streets and houses remain today.

• DUNWITCH, BARONY OF (spelled with a "T"): A small estate in the hills West of Arkham, according to Colonial chronicler H.P. Lovecraft. Does not actually exist, but if it did, would be headed by Finn J.D. John, 18th Baron Dunwitch.
• DUNSANY, BARONY OF: A large estate in Ireland, including Dunsany Castle in County Meath, headed until 1957 by legendary fantasy author Edward J.M.D. Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany.

A half-hour- long (plus a bit) Ha'penny Horror 'Hursday minisode IN WHICH —

0:02:05: SWEENEY TODD, THE BARBER OF FLEET-STREET, Chapter 59:

• IN WHICH:— We return to the scene of Sir Richard Blunt in Mrs. Lovett’s pie shop. Once Mrs. Lovett has gone to bed, he slips down the stairs on which he followed her to see if he can learn anything more about the voice that answered her from the room below. He arrives just in time to stop the captive cook from doing something very rash … and is then rewarded with quite an earful about Mrs. Lovett’s business model!

0:17:15: TERRIBLE TIDBIT OF THE DAY (from "Dickens' Dreadful Almanac"):

• An account of the tragic and untimely deaths of two young lads of about 7 or 8: one in a grisly industrial accident, the other at the brutal hands of a 12-year-old murderer with a bill-hook (a sort of hook-shaped machete).

0:18:20: THE LAMENTABLE ACCIDENT, WHICH TOOK PLACE AT GOSFORT PIT:

• A broadside elegy printed up in the aftermath of a horrific explosion in a Yorkshire coal-mine in 1825, which took the lives of 30 men and boys and injured scores more.

0:22:36: THE ROBBER BY NECESSITY:

• An uncharacteristically uplifting account of the redemption of a poor shoemaker, forced by hunger to turn to robbery, at the hands of one of his former victims. From The Terrific Register (1825). Yeah, I know, it's Horrors 'Hursday; but come on, we've just had two stories about dead children. I think we've earned this little ray of hopeful sunlight.

Join host Finn J.D. John. for a half-hour-long spree through the darkest and loathliest stories seen on the streets of early-Victorian London! Grab a flicker of blue ruin, switch off your mirror neurons, and let's go!

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• BLACK SHARKS: Lawyers.

• BODY SNATCHERS: Magistrates, thief-takers and police officers.
• KNIGHTS OF THE BRUSH AND MOON: Drunken fellows wandering amok in meadows and ditches, trying to stagger home.
• CORINTHIAN: A fancy toff or titled swell. Used here as a reference to Corinthian Tom, the quintessential Regency rake depicted in Pierce Egan's "Life in London" (usually referred to as "Tom and Jerry")
• CHAFFING-CRIB: A room where drinking and bantering are going on.
• SHERRY OFF: To run away at top speed. Adopted from the nautical term "to sheer off."
• FLATS: Innocent, not-too-smart persons who are duped by "sharps." In other words, suckers.
• BUMS: Bailiffs.
• CRAPPING COVES: Pronounced "crêpe-ing," it means hangmen, who cause the widows of the criminals they execute to wear crêpe in mourning.
• THE OLD STONE JUG: Newgate Prison, or prisons in general.
• PADDINGTON FAIR: Execution day at Tyburn Tree gallows, which was in Paddington parish.
• DUNWICH, TOWN OF (spelled with no "T"): A seacoast town east of London, once very large, which eroded away and fell into the sea starting in the 13th century; only a few streets and houses remain today.
• DUNWITCH, BARONY OF (spelled with a "T"): A small estate in the hills West of Arkham, according to Colonial chronicler H.P. Lovecraft. Does not actually exist, but if it did, would be headed by Finn J.D. John, 18th Baron Dunwitch.

• DUNSANY, BARONY OF: A large estate in Ireland, including Dunsany Castle in County Meath, headed until 1957 by legendary fantasy author Edward J.M.D. Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany (Lord Dunsany), one of Mr. Lovecraft's favorite authors and a major influence upon his work.

A spicy (-ish) Tuesday Twopenny Torrid minisode IN WHICH —

0:01:50: BLACK BESS (starring Highwayman Dick Turpin), IN WHICH —:

• CHAPTER 23: Turpin and King arrive at the Hand and Keys Inn as the sun is coming up — just in time — and wake up the ostler to get their horses stabled and cared for. Tom Davis sets out a big breakfast for them. And Dick once again sets to thinking … how is he going to get Black Bess back?
• CHAPTER 24: We learn that the inquest is to be held on the old steward’s son, who shot himself in Room 8 at the Hand and Keys. Turpin reconnects with Ellen, and, while making sure she is happy at the Hand and Keys, tells her he feels that “my rescue of you from A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH is a good action in my life that will outweigh many of the bad ones I have done.” Then he prepares to hide out while the inquest is held.

0:22:30: BROADSIDE STREET BALLAD:

• "The Barber of Seville." Don't be fooled, though — when the REAL Barber of Seville came out in Paris, it became an instant classic. So a Salisbury-square printer, hoping to cash in but not knowing the first thing about The Barber of Seville beyond the title, commissioned one of his house hacks to dash off a poem about a barber in Seville, and put it out there to cash in! It's pretty bad, but the story is funny and the art is great.
• "Gentle Annie," an elegy sung for the memory of a love lost to Death's cruel hand, which if you like you can sing to the tune of "Piano Man" by Billy Joel.

0:24:50: A SALACIOUS SALOON SONG:

• "The Troubles of a Pair of Breeches," a humourous and ribald account in song of an evening on which the singer got so very drunk that his breeches started talking to him and told their life story.

0:30:20: THREE VICTORIAN-AGE DIRTY JOKES.

• From "The Chestnut Club."

Join host Corinthian Finn, a.k.a. Finn J.D. John, for a half-hour-long spree through the scandal-sheets and story papers of old London! Grab a decanter and top off your glass, unload your stumps, and let's go!

GLOSSARY OF FLASH TERMS USED IN THIS EPISODE:

• JACK PUDDINGS: Funny fellows, jolly companions.
• HIGH FLYERS: Spirited, audacious, possibly dangerous ladies.
• KNIGHTS OF THE BRUSH AND MOON: Drunken fellows wandering amok in meadows and ditches, trying to stagger home.

• CHAFFING-CRIB: A room where drinking and bantering are going on.

• CHICKSTERS: Flamboyant ladies, often prostitutes
• LADYBIRDS: Another term for chicksters
• BULLY ROCKS: Brothel muscle men
• ABBESS: Brothel madam
• MOTHER H: A famous abbess from the 1830s
• BOLT THE MOON: Fly by night
• BEAKS: Magistrates and judges
• GET FLY TO THE FAKEMENT: Get wise to a swindle that's being perpetrated.
• DUNWICH, TOWN OF (spelled with no "T"): A seacoast town east of London, once very large, which eroded away and fell into the sea starting in the 13th century; only a few streets and houses remain today.

• DUNWITCH, BARONY OF (spelled with a "T"): A small estate in the hills West of Arkham, according to Colonial chronicler H.P. Lovecraft. Does not actually exist, but if it did, would be headed by Finn J.D. John, 18th Baron Dunwitch.
• DUNSANY, BARONY OF: A large estate in Ireland, including Dunsany Castle in County Meath, headed until 1957 by legendary fantasy author Edward J.M.D. Plunkett, 18th Baron Dunsany.