For most of my 5 brutal years of insomnia, I called myself an insomniac. Out loud, to other people, and in my own head.

It felt like the truth. Looking back, calling myself an insomniac was doing real damage.

Why the word keeps you stuck

Every time you say you're an insomniac, you build an identity around it. Insomnia stops being something you're going through and starts being who you are.

And once it's who you are, your brain starts watching for proof. Every bad night confirms it. Every good night feels like luck.

That watching keeps the alarm in your brain on. And that alarm is the exact thing keeping you awake at night.

So here's what I tell my clients. You're not an insomniac. You're you. Insomnia is something you're dealing with for a while, and things you go through come to an end.

Stop making sleep the main thing you talk about

The same goes for talking about it.

You complain about it to friends, to family, to yourself. I get why. It feels good to get it off your chest for a minute.

But most people won't get what you're going through. A lot of them will give you advice that doesn't help, like "just relax" or "have you tried melatonin?" And every talk about your sleep makes it a bigger deal, not a smaller one.

When people asked how I slept, I used to say it was okay, even when it wasn't. Now I tell my clients to do the same, but for a different reason. Not to hide it. To stop making sleep the thing everybody talks about.

So when someone asks, say "I slept fine," and talk about something else. Talk about the things you'll talk about once your insomnia is gone. That's good practice for the life you want back.

It's okay to lean on a partner or a close friend. Just make sure they understand what you're working on. Otherwise they might say things that pull you the other way.

Your worst nights are your best chance

Here's something that sounds backwards at first.

If you want to become less afraid of bad nights, the bad nights are where it happens. Not the good ones.

You don't get over the fear of not sleeping when everything is going great, or when you have a random good night and don't know why. You get over it by facing the thing you're afraid of, and seeing that you can handle it.

On some of my worst nights I felt like I got exactly 0 hours of sleep. The next day I was drained, fatigued, exhausted. But I still went through it.

Every time you get through a day like that, your brain learns something. That a bad night isn't the emergency it thought it was.

So the next rough night, ask yourself two questions. Can I see tonight as practice, a chance to fight less and get used to being awake? And can I see tomorrow as a chance to prove I can get by, and maybe even have a good day?

Your challenge this week

Two things.

First, drop the word insomniac. If it comes out, say "I'm going through insomnia" instead.

Second, the next time someone asks how you slept, say "I slept fine," and change the subject.

Every time you do this, sleep gets a little less important to your brain. And the less important it is, the more the alarm can come down. Once that alarm comes down, sleep comes back on its own.

If you want my personal help ending insomnia, start a 7-day FREE trial of the End Insomnia Program on Skool and recover within 12 months or get a full refund👇

Start Your 7-Day FREE Trial on Skool

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I've now coached 100s like you to end their insomnia for good, 100% naturally, by fixing the root cause: hyper-arousal.

[FIRST NAME GOES HERE],

During my 5 brutal years of insomnia, I tried pretty much everything. Pills, supplements, weighted blankets, gadgets, anything really.

What actually changed things for me wasn’t something I bought. It was mindfulness meditation. It was at the core of my recovery.

I know, when you’re exhausted, meditation can sound like one more thing on your list. You just want your old life back. So let me tell you why it’s worth it.

What meditation really is

You sit up straight and put your attention on your breathing. Your mind goes somewhere else, again and again. Every time you notice, you bring it back.

That’s it. You’re not trying to reach some special calm state. You’re not trying to empty your mind. You’re just practicing being here, right now.

Reason 1: You get better at noticing

You can’t stop fighting the night if you don’t notice you’re fighting it.

You can’t be kind to yourself if you don’t catch yourself being hard on yourself.

And you can’t stop checking the clock if you only realize you did it after the math is already running in your head.

Meditation works on exactly that. Every time your mind goes off and you bring it back, you get a little better at noticing in the moment. And once you catch it, you get to choose something different.

Reason 2: It helps your body come out of flight or fight

Your nervous system has two sides. One side switches on flight or fight, and it switches on fast, because your survival depends on it.

The other side calms you down, so you can rest. That side comes on much more slowly.

With insomnia, the flight or fight side is working way too hard, and the calm side barely gets a chance.

Research shows that meditation turns on that calm side and turns down flight or fight. And the more you practice, the easier it gets for your body to make that switch on its own.

That’s the alarm in your brain coming down. And that alarm is the exact thing keeping you awake at night.

Reason 3: It changes your brain over time

More than 24 studies looked at the brains of people who meditated every day for 8 weeks.

The parts of the brain that help you think straight and handle your emotions got stronger. And the part of the brain that sets off the alarm got smaller.

There’s also more and more research showing that a daily meditation practice on its own can help people with chronic insomnia.

Not because it’s a trick to fall asleep. Because it breaks the stress cycle that keeps insomnia going.

One thing to keep in mind

Don’t use meditation to force sleep tonight. The second it becomes a trick to make you sleep, it turns into a sleep effort, and sleep efforts don’t work. Your brain feels the pressure, and the alarm stays on.

You meditate for the long run. It’s the same as going to the gym. One day doesn’t change much. A few months of showing up every day changes a lot.

For me, the more I brought the alarm down, the less attention I paid to my sleep. And the less attention I paid, the better it got.

Your practice this week

Tomorrow morning, sit down for 5 minutes. Put your attention on your breathing, and every time your mind goes somewhere else, bring it back.

Do it every day this week, no matter how you slept. That’s how you start teaching the alarm in your brain to switch off. And once that alarm comes down, sleep comes back on its own.

If you want my personal help ending insomnia, start a 7-day FREE trial of the End Insomnia Program on Skool and recover within 12 months or get a full refund👇

Start Your 7-Day FREE Trial on Skool

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I've now coached 100s like you to end their insomnia for good, 100% naturally, by fixing the root cause: hyper-arousal.

For most of my 5 brutal years of insomnia, I didn’t want anyone to know how bad it was.

We don’t want to be seen as weak. We prefer to appear tough. I was like that. But deep down, I was suffering, and it was hard.

And I see the same thing in a lot of my clients. Especially the ones who have always pushed themselves. They’re used to being strong, getting things done, and meeting high expectations.

Then insomnia shows up, and suddenly they can barely function.

Why this hits people who push themselves the hardest

When you’re used to solving every problem by trying harder, insomnia feels like a personal failure.

You’ve done everything right. You tried the pills, the supplements, the routines, maybe even CBT-i. And you still can’t sleep. So the voice in your head says you must be weak.

On top of that, you don’t feel like yourself anymore. You’re low energy, you’re not productive, you don’t feel like you used to. All of that hits how you see yourself, and that’s completely normal during insomnia.

But there’s nothing weak about it. Some of the most driven people I’ve coached had insomnia for years, and they recovered.

Here’s the problem with that voice.

Every time you call yourself weak at 2 am, your brain reads that as danger. And danger is exactly what keeps the alarm in your brain switched on.

That alarm is the whole reason you can’t sleep. So the harder you are on yourself, the harder it gets for the alarm to switch off.

A sentence that calms the alarm

Here’s a simple practice you can do anytime, day or night.

First, think of something that’s been bothering you. Your sleep, or anything else.

Then find where you feel it in your body. Maybe it’s a knot in your stomach. A heavy chest. Tense muscles. Just notice where it is.

Keep your attention there, and say a few kind words to yourself. Something like:

“I feel awful right now. That is okay. It will pass.”

Or:

“This is really hard. I’m here for you."

That’s it. You’re not trying to fix anything. You’re not trying to make the feeling go away. You’re just being there for yourself, the same way you would be for someone you love.

It might feel weird at first. That’s normal. The more you practice, the more natural it gets.

Being kind doesn’t mean going soft

A lot of driven people worry that if theyre kind to themselves, they’ll get lazy. That they’ll lose the discipline that made them successful.

You won’t. You can be kind to yourself and still hold yourself accountable. You can still push toward your goals. You can still stick to your sleep window and wake up at the same time every day.

The only difference is that you stop beating yourself up when things are hard.

And that difference matters a lot for your sleep. Because a brain that feels under threat stays on guard. And a brain on guard keeps the alarm on all night.

When you meet your worst nights with care instead of blame, your brain starts to feel safe again. That’s when the alarm starts to settle down. And when the alarm settles down, sleep comes back on its own.

Your practice this week

Every time you catch yourself being hard on yourself, stop for a second.

Find where you feel it in your body. Put your attention there. And say, “I feel awful right now. That is okay. It will pass.”

Do it every time, even when it feels weird. That’s how you teach the alarm in your brain that it doesn’t need to protect you from yourself.

If you want my personal help ending insomnia, start a 7-day FREE trial of the End Insomnia Program on Skool and recover within 12 months or get a full refund 👇

Start Your 7-Day FREE Trial on Skool

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I've now coached 100s like you to end their insomnia for good, 100% naturally, by fixing the root cause: hyper-arousal.