What does it mean to have a close friendship in adulthood? How important is history in a friendship? What does (realistic) quality time with a friend look like when you're no longer in school?

Therapist and podcast host, Jazzmyn Proctor, joins me to bust some of the most common myths she sees in her work with clients. This conversation offers a grounded, kind, and honest look at how we can rethink what adult friendship should look like.

WE DISCUSS:

• Why depth doesn’t equal frequency—and what actually builds emotional closeness
• How to let quality time evolve in your adult life instead of trying to recreate the past
• The trap of overvaluing history in friendships
• Why the phrase “no new friends” might be holding you back
• When “friendship takes work” goes too far
• The often-discussed "trio problem" gets a mention!

MEET JAZZMYN PROCTOR

Meet Jazzmyn Proctor—your go-to therapist and the powerhouse host of the All Our Parts podcast! Jazzmyn is all about helping you find your vibe, face life’s curveballs, and come out stronger. From navigating the highs and lows of love and relationships to embracing self-discovery and smashing through obstacles, she’s here to hype you up every step of the way.

She knows that everyone’s journey is unique, and her mission? To help you unlock your full potential and level up your mental health game. So, if you're ready to live your best life, hit play on All Our Parts and let Jazzmyn guide you straight to your happy place! Find Jazzmyn on Instagram @healingwithjazzmyn and TikTok too!

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

In this milestone 150th episode of Dear Nina, we’re diving deep into friendship and community with siblings and co-directors Rebecca Davis and Pete Davis, the team behind the Netflix documentary Join or Die: A film about why you should join a club and why the fate of America depends on it.

Inspired by the groundbreaking work of political scientist Robert Putnam (Bowling Alone), Join or Die explores the powerful link between social connection, the health of our democracy, and our mental and physical health on an individual level.

If you’ve been feeling stuck, isolated, or unsure where to begin when it comes to finding your people and more meaning in your life, this episode is a place to start.

HIGHLIGHTS:

• Why so many people feel they don’t have enough friends or diverse friendships.
• The difference between community and friendship--and why we need both.
• What “social capital” actually means and why it affects everything from your mental health to the quality of your local government.
• Why loneliness isn’t just a personal issue, it’s a civic one.
• How we went from a culture of joiners to one of solo scrollers, and how we can change that.
• Practical tips on joining or starting something meaningful, even if you're intimidated.

LINKS & RESOURCES

• Watch the film: Join or Die
• Host a screening in your community! Find out how on the film’s website.
• Listen to previous episode mentioned #135: The Hyperlocal Friendship Challenge
• Also #138: The Neighborhood Village and How Community is Different From Friendship: with Seth D. Kaplan

Meet Rebecca Davis & Pete Davis, co-directors and co-producers

Rebecca Davis was a senior producer with NBC News for nearly a decade, where her work focused on social movements, environmental and economic justice, and community innovators.

Pete Davis is a writer and civic advocate and a former student of Robert Putnam's. He is the author of Dedicated: The Case for Commitment in An Age of Infinite Browsing. He is the co-founder of the Democracy Policy Network, a policy organization focused on raising up ideas that deepen democracy.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Welcome to the Dear Nina Friendship Challenge for June: Ask a friend for a favor.

Why? Asking a friend for a favor demonstrates trust and intimacy. It helps your friend feel closer to you merely because you asked, and this will strengthen the friendship. Unfortunately, people really struggle asking for help, even for the smallest of favors. This month I want you to practice this important skill!

I also ask you to consider if you struggle asking friends for help because you're afraid people will then ask you for help. That's how friendship works! We have to be inconvenienced sometimes for friends and community, which is good for relationships AND for society.

I packed a lot into a 12-minute episode. I hope you'll join me in the June Dear Nina Friendship Challenge.

LINKS & RESOURCES

• Join the Dear Nina Facebook Community to discuss wins and struggles from all the monthly challenges.
• Previous Monthly Challenges (Jan–May 2025) are all linked at dearnina.substack.com.
• The episode I mentioned with Gretchen Rubin

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

I sat down with fifth-generation etiquette expert Daniel Post Senning of The Emily Post Institute to explore how classic (and modern!) manners can strengthen and even rescue our adult friendships. We discussed using etiquette for group chat issues, RSVP blunders, office friendship confusion, misuse of AI, bringing up kids' cringe posts, cocktail party escapes, staying friends when your kids' friendship falters, and friendship breakups.

You don't want to miss this one!

LINKS & RESOURCES

• Emily Post's Business Etiquette is the newest book from Dan and Lizzie
• The Emily Post Institute on Instagram
• Dan and Lizzie's podcast, Awesome Etiquette
• We referred to one of my earliest episodes! #2 "When Your Friend's Kid is Being Mean to Your Kid"

MEET DANIEL POST SENNING:

Daniel Post Senning, great-great-grandson of Emily Post, is co-president with his cousin, Lizzie Post, at the Emily Post Institute. He manages the company’s training programs, has authored and co-authored many books on etiquette, covering topics from business to digital manners, and delivers seminars and speeches on these topics around the world. An active spokesperson for the Institute, he regularly speaks with media outlets about business, technology, and dining etiquette. Daniel has appeared on The Today Show, The History Channel, and ESPN, and has been interviewed by publications including the New York Times, GQ, Time Magazine, and the Wall Street Journal. He most enjoys answering questions as a co-host on the Institute’s weekly podcast, Awesome Etiquette, from his home in Duxbury, Vermont, where he lives with his wife, Puja, and their children, Anisha, Arya, and William.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

In this short solo episode, I consider why some people hesitate to tell friends about positive events like a promotion, a published piece, or a personal milestone or achievement. Likely due to cultural conditioning, we worry it will come off as bragging. I think it's a missed opportunity to feel closer to friends when all good news is kept under wraps.

Not sharing can also have a cost. When friends learn about our news secondhand, it can create distance and misunderstandings.

Vulnerability is a key to closeness, and sharing GOOD news is an excellent way to make yourself vulnerable.

Equally as important in this episode: I discuss receiving your friends' good news with graciousness, curiosity, and shared joy if you want friends to keep you in the loop. When a friend shares something exciting, offer clear enthusiasm and ask a follow-up question!

LINKS AND RESOURCES

• Hear me on NPR Life Kit: "How to Keep Old Friends" Apple. Spotify.
• Join the Conversation: In the Dear Nina Facebook group we swap friendship wins and dilemmas.
• Episode 146 of Dear Nina on not overthinking in your friendships and tolerating uncertainty.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

If you’ve ever reread a text 10 times, filled in every silence with worst-case scenarios, or found yourself leaving too many hangouts with friends regretting what you said, this conversation is for you. Psychologist Dr. Jackie Henry and I discuss tools to stop overthinking your every friendship move and learn to tolerate uncertainty in your relationships. We rarely know what someone else is thinking, and we need to stop assuming we do. Wouldn't it be refreshing to just be in your friendships and not feel like you're "performing" to always say and do the exact "right" thing? Dr. Jackie offers Dear Nina listeners practical tips for getting out of your head and back into your life so your friendships can thrive.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Silence usually means “busy,” not “they secretly hate me.”
• Budget your “energy bucks.” Rumination is a waste of energy; spend wisely.
• Constant overthinking can create distance between friends and lead to miscommunication, anxiety, and the fear of judgment.
• Work to tolerate the unknown: there's power in letting things unfold naturally in friendships.
• Lead with curiosity. A simple “Hey, when’s good to chat?” beats the story your telling yourself about why someone hasn't responded.

LINKS & RESOURCES

• Dr. Jackie Henry’s Substack: Less Thinking, More Living
• The Dear Nina monthly friendship challenges. (The April one was mentioned in this episode.)
• The TikTok account I mentioned about recounting awkward moments. @amymaurercreel

MEET DR. JACKIE

Dr. Jackie Henry is a psychologist, writer, and founder of Less Thinking, More Living—a platform dedicated to helping people stop overthinking and start fully embracing life. Based in the Twin Cities, she also works as a wellness consultant and has a private therapy practice. Dr. Jackie combines humor, heart, and relatable insights to help individuals navigate life with greater ease and presence. Outside of work, she's at the cabin, playing board games, or enjoying happy hour with her husband, four daughters, and their small but mighty dog. You can find her on Instagram @dr.jackiehenry or on Substack at Less Thinking, More Living.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

Whether you’re hoping to upgrade a casual acquaintance, breathe life into a longstanding friendship, or accommodate a friend whose season of life recently shifted, a venue swap can work magic without big declarations or heavy planning.

Welcome to the Dear Nina Friendship Challenge for May: Pick a newer friend or an old friend you'd like to feel closer to and initiate a change in where (or how) you hang out.

Do you normally text, but never talk on the phone? Try a call! Do you walk once in awhile, but never go out for lunch? Suggest a new restaurant in town.

I provide more ideas in the episode PLUS all the reasons why a venue change is so powerful for deepening new friendships and revitalizing old ones.

Ready to try this powerful friendship "upgrade?" Hit play, choose your venue swap, and let me know how it goes!

LINKS & RESOURCES

• Join the Dear Nina Facebook Community to discuss wins and struggles from all the monthly challenges.
• Previous Monthly Challenges (Jan–Apr 2025) are all linked at dearnina.substack.com.

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 How to promote your service, business, or book on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, & the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.

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