Épisodes

  • Why The People You Love Are Allowed to Disappoint You

    Why The People You Love Are Allowed to Disappoint You
    Oct 27 2026
    We all have people we love who make choices we wouldn’t make. And often, our instinct is to step in to warn, fix, protect, or even save them from themselves. But where’s the line between loving someone well and trying to control the outcome? In the final episode of my month-long series about CONTROL with my good friend, NYT bestselling author Lysa TerKeurst, we’re talking about spouses, kids, adult children, parents and what happens when the people we love don’t do what we think they should. (Frustrating, right?) We get really honest about letting our kids make mistakes, the difference between encouraging someone and trying to change them, and what it looks like to stop carrying responsibility that was never ours. And Lysa shares one simple word that can be incredibly difficult to say when someone you love makes a choice you disagree with. This one hit close to home for me. ❤️ Let’s talk about it. Listen in to learn more: 3:26 — Stop Carrying Everyone Else’s Responsibilities 4:21 — Love Your Kids Without Controlling Their Choices 5:28 — Helping vs. Enabling: Know the Difference 6:18 — You Might Not Always Be Right 8:49 — Even Good People Will Disappoint You 9:33 — Set Boundaries Without Trying to Change Someone 11:05 — Give Your Kids Permission to Disappoint You 12:36 — The Power of Saying OK 14:00 — Let Adult Kids Own Their Consequences 18:41 — Adjust Your Expectations of Your Parents 23:58 — Get It Right While There’s Still Time In this episode, we are diving into disappointment in relationship, letting our kids make mistakes, the difference between encouraging someone and trying to change them, how to stop carrying responsibility that was never ours to bear, how to respond when someone you love makes a choice you disagree with, and how to reframe our desires when our parents disappoint us. LINKS and RESOURCES Connect with Paula on Instagram Paula’s Newsletter is on Substack!! THE CARRY ALL weekly newsletter is on Substack!! Paula’s Book: You Don’t Have To Carry It All Connect with Lysa on Instagram Lysa’s New Book: Making Peace with What I Can’t Control Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    30 min
  • Are You Helping or Are You Controlling?

    Are You Helping or Are You Controlling?
    Oct 20 2026
    We all say the same thing: “I’m just trying to help.” But what if sometimes our helping is actually controlling? (slowly raising my hand, here) In Episode 3 of my month-long series about CONTROL with my good friend, NYT bestselling author Lysa TerKeurst, we’re putting this whole responsibility-vs.-control question to the test. I throw real-life scenarios at Lysa, from checking Find My Friends and reminding your kids about deadlines to researching literally everything you can to keep your family healthy, and she has to decide: responsible or controlling? We’re talking about the razor-thin line between caring and controlling, how our motivations can reveal more than we realize, and how stepping in to help might actually keep someone from taking responsibility. And yes, I may have gotten called out a few times. 😂 So… are you actually helping? Or are you trying to control the outcome? Let’s talk about it. Listen in to learn more: 0:03:00 Check Your Motive 0:05:15 Let Trust Grow With Evidence 0:09:55 One Reminder, Not a Campaign 0:10:42 Speak Once, Then Let Go 0:11:28 Care Without Curiosity 0:12:34 Share Ownership, Don’t Take Over 0:15:59 Practice Letting Go 0:16:29 Stop Feeding the What-Ifs 0:19:08 Be Preventive, Not All-Powerful Summary In this episode, we dive into the difference between helping and manipulation, with real-life examples of when responsibility becomes controlling behavior and how to recognize the signs of control. LINKS and RESOURCES: Connect with Paula on Instagram Paula’s Newsletter is on Substack!! THE CARRY ALL weekly newsletter is on Substack!! Paula’s Book: You Don’t Have To Carry It All Connect with Lysa on Instagram Lysa’s New Book: Making Peace with What I Can’t Control Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    26 min
  • Why We Think Everything Depends On Us

    Why We Think Everything Depends On Us
    Oct 13 2026
    If I don’t do it, it won’t get done. Sound familiar? In Episode 2 of my month-long series about CONTROL with my good friend, NYT bestselling author Lysa TerKeurst, we’re talking about the crushing weight so many women carry: the belief that everything depends on us. Do our families even realize how much we’re carrying? And have we inadvertently trained them to expect us to carry it? We talk about the invisible labor of motherhood, our sky-high standards, and why we sometimes put in high effort for low impact. And Lysa challenges me to rethink something we all have: expectations. What if there’s a better way to think about them and what we ask of the people we love? Let’s talk about it. Listen in to learn more: 6:12 — Control’s Five P’s 8:06 — Let Consequences Teach Responsibility 11:24 — People Notice What’s Missing 14:04 — Boundaries Aren’t Control 18:22 — Trade Expectations for Desires 20:34 — Protect Your Most Important Standards 22:33 — Choose High Impact Over High Effort In this episode, we are digging into the invisible labor of motherhood, the mental load and societal expectations placed on women, why we try to control our circumstances and people we love, the importance of letting our kids experience the consequences of their choices, the difference between expectations and desires, how unmet expectations can lead to resentment, and ways to release pressure and guilt that come with motherhood. LINKS and RESOURCES: Connect with Paula on Instagram Paula’s Newsletter is on Substack!! THE CARRY ALL weekly newsletter is on Substack!! Paula’s Book: You Don’t Have To Carry It All Connect with Lysa on Instagram Lysa’s New Book: Making Peace with What I Can’t Control Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    31 min
  • Are We All Control Freaks?

    Are We All Control Freaks?
    Oct 6 2026
    Am I a control freak? Absolutely. 😂 But here’s the question I wanted to talk about with my good friend, NYT bestselling author Lysa TerKeurst: Aren’t we ALL a little bit controlling? And is control actually a bad thing? All month long, we’re talking about control and how it shows up in our lives, especially as women. Because the constant need for control wreaks havoc on our bodies, our social health, and our relationships (hello, just wrapped that series!). Lysa just wrote another best-selling book about it. To kick off this series, we’re talking about the fine line between responsibility and control, what happens to our bodies, our anxiety, and our relationships when we’re constantly trying to control what we can’t. Here’s the tension, especially for me: control gets things done. It pays the bills. It gets kids to practice. It creates order and builds businesses. So… are we control freaks? Or are we just really responsible women trying to keep everything from falling apart? Let’s talk about it. Listen in to learn more: 0:04:58 — Control Is Often Rooted in Fear 0:07:31 — The Paper-Thin Line Between Responsibility and Control 0:10:16 — You Can’t Save People From Their Own Choices 0:11:55 — Control Is Fear Disguised as Strength 0:13:17 — Lead Without Micromanaging 0:15:37 — Responsibility Gets Things Done, Not Control 0:16:35 — Control Creates Anxiety and Relationship Tension 0:19:49 — Know Where Your Responsibility Ends In this episode, we are digging into why we try to control people and circumstances in our lives, what drives the need for control, whether control is always a bad thing, the difference between responsibility and control, why attempts to control others don’t give us the results we want, the emotional and relational weight of control, the difference between healthy leadership and control, and real-life signs of control issues. LINKS and RESOURCES: Connect with Paula on Instagram Paula’s Newsletter is on Substack!! THE CARRY ALL weekly newsletter is on Substack!! Paula’s Book: You Don’t Have To Carry It All Connect with Lysa on Instagram Lysa’s New Book: Making Peace with What I Can’t Control Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    28 min
  • When Is A Friendship Worth Saving?

    When Is A Friendship Worth Saving?
    Sep 29 2026
    When do you fight for a friendship and when do you walk away? For the finale of our series on social health, Liz Bohannon and I are putting on our Dear Abby hats and tackling the friendship questions you sent us: conflict, exclusion, betrayal, gossip, growing apart, toxic friendships, and the heartbreak of losing someone you've loved for years. What if you've simply outgrown your friend group? What if one misunderstanding threatens to end a friendship? What do you do when you feel left out—or when a friend seems to be pulling other people into side conversations without you? And what happens when you're caught in the middle of two friends who aren't speaking? We also hear from a woman whose 17-year friendship ended after a relationship became toxic, and she says she's never let anyone that close again. How do you protect yourself without closing yourself off? Liz and I get into the messy, uncomfortable reality of friendship: when to have the hard conversation, when to give someone another chance, and when it's time to let go. And maybe the biggest question of all: What does a healthy friendship actually require of us? Because friendship is one of the most important investments we can make in our health and our lives. So let's talk about which relationships are worth fighting for and which ones aren't. Listen in to learn more: 0:05:01 — It’s Never Too Late to Invest in Friendship 0:07:27 — Gossip Destroys Trust and Relational Safety 0:10:31 — Name the Unmet Longing Instead of Outgrowing the Friendship 0:15:18 — Healthy Friendships Can Handle Conflict 0:20:00 — Make Generous Assumptions Before Assuming the Worst 0:24:01 — Use “I” Statements to Create Space for Repair 0:27:30 — A Friendship After Conflict Won’t Be the Same, But It Can Be Better 0:28:53 — When Repair Keeps Failing, It May Be Time to Walk Away 0:31:12 — Friendship Breakups Are Real Heartbreak 0:32:17 — Don’t Let One Toxic Friendship Cost You Future Connection In this episode, we are diving into when a friendship is worth saving, how to set a zero-tolerance policy for gossip in friendship, working through conflict and the importance of repair in healthy relationships, healthy communication in naming your needs and unmet longings with your friends, the heartbreak of ending a long-term friendship, what makes a friendship toxic, and when it’s time to walk away. Download Liz’s 4-step process: how to have the hard conversations. SEEDS: Download the free SEEDS app and take one small step today: plant your first seed and see what God can grow. Connect with Paula on Instagram Paula’s Newsletter is on Substack!! THE CARRY ALL weekly newsletter is on Substack!! Paula’s Book: You Don’t Have To Carry It All Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    44 min
  • SOCIAL HEALTH: Why Friendship Gets Harder As We Get Older

    SOCIAL HEALTH: Why Friendship Gets Harder As We Get Older
    Sep 22 2026
    Why do our circles tend to get smaller as we get older? You told us your struggles about moving and finding yourself far away from the people you love. About how much harder it is to make new friends. About feeling excluded. And about the surprisingly complicated question of what happens when you love your friend but don't love their kids. So in Episode 4 of our series on social health, Liz Bohannon and I are tackling a question so many of you asked: Why does friendship get harder as we get older? And how many friends do we really need? Is it that we have less time? That our lives get more complicated? That our standards change? Or are we doing something else that makes friendship harder than it needs to be? Liz has a fascinating framework for thinking about this—and it made me rethink everything from how much we should expect from different friendships to how much agreement we actually need from the people in our lives. We also get into the different “circles” of friendship, why you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely, and what to do when the friendships you want don't fit neatly into your life anymore. And we tackle the question so many of us have faced: Do I need to find new friends or do I need to rethink the friendships I already have? Let’s Talk About It. Listen in to learn more : 0:01:10 Social Health Revolution: Friendship as Longevity Superpower 0:03:20 Why Friendship Feels Harder With Age: Moves, Seasons, Exclusion 0:05:00 Not a “You” Problem: How School Systems Once Did the Work for Us 0:09:30 Proximity Power: Urban Commune & Designing Life Around Friends 0:13:40 Alignment Rules: High-Intimacy Requires High-Agreement 0:16:30 Book Club Moms: When Curiosity Matters More Than Compatibility 0:19:40 Beyond Echo Chambers: Resisting Moral Narcissism and Fear of Difference 0:24:00 Dunbar’s Circles: Intimates, Close Friends, Friends, Acquaintances 0:27:10 80/20 Social Energy Rule: Invest in Your Closest 10–15 People 0:30:10 When You Love the Friend but Not the Kids: Creative Third-Way Options 0:34:00 2 Paths to Relational Billionaire Status: Move to Your People or Root With Neighbors In this episode, we are digging into why making friends gets harder as we get older, how to set healthy expectations in adult friendships, how agreement and alignment within our friendships should match levels of commitment and intimacy, the different types and levels of friendship we need in our lives, and how many friendships we actually have capacity to maintain. LInks and Resources SEEDS: Download the free SEEDS app and take one small step today: plant your first seed and see what God can grow. Connect with Paula on Instagram Paula’s Newsletter is on Substack!! THE CARRY ALL weekly newsletter is on Substack!! Paula’s Book: You Don’t Have To Carry It All Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    38 min
  • SOCIAL HEALTH: How Do You Actually Find Your People?

    SOCIAL HEALTH: How Do You Actually Find Your People?
    Sep 15 2026
    “I just can’t find my people.” We heard some version of that over and over from you. Maybe you’ve moved. Maybe your closest friends live across the country. Maybe you have plenty of people around you, but still don’t have the kind of deep, vulnerable friendships you’re craving. So in Episode 3 of our series on social health, Liz Bohannon and I get very specific about how you actually find your people and what might be holding you back. Liz argues that if we want richer friendships, we have to get a little more “chalant.” We have to name what we're looking for, be willing to initiate, and get comfortable with the possibility of rejection. She shares how she intentionally built her own close circle and why it took about three years to find the right people. We also tackle your questions about making friends when you're constantly moving, how to turn casual friendships into deeper ones, and whether everyone really needs to be a “best friend.” And Liz has a pretty radical—and liberating—idea: you don't have to wait for your village to appear. You can create it. Let’s Talk About It. Listen in to learn more : 0:00:00 Relational Fortune Favors the Bold 0:01:05 Social Health as a Longevity Superpower 0:03:30 Three Ingredients of Deep Friendship 0:06:45 Naming Your Longings Up Front 0:11:40 Weekly Rhythm as the Path to Relational Wealth 0:18:10 Be Shallant, Not Nonchalant 0:25:00 Friendship by Design, Not by Accident 0:33:20 Proximity Over Perfect Compatibility 0:44:10 Split Emotional vs Practical Support When You Move 0:54:30 Lower the Bar, Raise the Connection 1:00:40 Treat Everyone Like a Potential Best Friend 1:06:20 Paula’s 3 Big Takeaways: Rhythm, Proximity, Naming In this episode, we are digging into establishing healthy rhythms in friendship, prioritizing proximity, naming your desires in your friendships and relationships, navigating the risk of rejection, why deep friendship requires long-term investment, and building strong friendships even when you move often. Links + Resources SEEDS: Download the free SEEDS app and take one small step today: plant your first seed and see what God can grow. Connect with Paula on Instagram Paula’s Newsletter is on Substack!! THE CARRY ALL weekly newsletter is on Substack!! Paula’s Book: You Don’t Have To Carry It All Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    37 min
  • SOCIAL HEALTH: Why am I always the one reaching Out?

    SOCIAL HEALTH: Why am I always the one reaching Out?
    Sep 8 2026
    Why am I always the one reaching out?” That was hands down, by far the biggest complaint we heard from you when we asked about friendship. The texts that go unanswered. The friends who say, “We need to get together!” but never actually make a plan. The feeling that if you stopped reaching out, the friendship might just… disappear. So in Episode 2 of our series on social health, Liz Bohannon and I are tackling reciprocity and asking a complicated question: Do friendships actually need to be 50/50? What should we expect from our friends? When does being the one who always initiates become exhausting? And how do you know whether you're investing in a friendship that's actually giving something back? Liz challenges the way we think about keeping score in friendship and offers a completely different framework for thinking about who reaches out, who shows up and what we're really asking of one another. If you've ever thought, “Fine. I'm done reaching out. Let's see if they ever call me…”then this episode is for you. (I’m guilty of this!) Because friendship isn't always as simple as who texted first. Let’s Talk About It. Listen in to learn more : 0:00:00 Initiation Is the Price of Admission 0:04:20 Social Health Is Your Job, Not Theirs 0:09:05 From Consumer to Co‑Creator of Connection 0:14:30 Replace Reciprocity with Long‑Term Mutual Benefit 0:19:45 When Unequal Initiation Still Works 0:25:10 Rhythms and Rituals Beat One‑Off Hangouts 0:30:20 Make Recurring Plans Your Social “Rock” 0:35:40 Handling Mismatched Commitment Like an Adult 0:41:15 Naming Your Needs with “Big Kid Words” 0:46:30 Treat Inner‑Circle Friendships Like a Marriage 0:51:00 Clear Expectations to Prevent Silent Resentment In this episode, we are diving into reciprocity in friendship and relationships, two things to consider if you are always the one initiating, how American culture shapes our view of friendship and community, mutual benefit in relationships and why that matters more than reciprocity, personal responsibility in friendship and social health, good communication with friends, and healthy expectations in friendship. Links + Resources SEEDS: Download the free SEEDS app and take one small step today: plant your first seed and see what God can grow. Connect with Paula on Instagram Paula’s Newsletter is on Substack!! THE CARRY ALL weekly newsletter is on Substack!! Paula’s Book: You Don’t Have To Carry It All YOUTUBE SEEDS: Download the free SEEDS app and take one small step today: plant your first seed and see what God can grow. https://tinyurl.com/RONSeedsApp Connect with Paula on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/paulafaris/?hl=en THE CARRY™ ALL NEWSLETTER by and for working moms is on Substack https://officialcarrymedia.substack.com/ Paula’s Newsletter is on Substack!! https://paulafarisofficial.substack.com/ Grab a copy of Paula’s book, You Don’t Have To Carry It All : https://amzn.to/4e80WyF Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    35 min