Submergence is not our end—it's how we begin again.

On The Lose Control Podcast, we explore what happens when we stop clutching for control... and start trusting the pull. Because life doesn’t just ask us to let go—it pulls us under. Into grief. Into love. Into silence. Into seasons that don’t make sense on paper but are perfectly designed to shape our becoming.

Submergence is the paradox: we sink in order to rise. We dissolve in order to become whole.

The invitation isn’t to drown. It’s to surrender. To be undone. Unnamed. Unraveled. Because underneath the surface is where transformation gets real. It’s dark there. Pressurized. Sacred. But that’s the birthplace of peace—not the manufactured kind, but the raw, rooted kind. The kind that breathes under weight.

Lose control—not as defeat, but as initiation. Because what if peace isn’t found in holding it all together… But in letting yourself fall apart on purpose?

On this show, we don’t glorify drowning. We honor the dive. We talk about the courage it takes to fall beneath the ego. To be still. To be stripped. And to rise—not perfect, but honest. Not untouched, but transformed.

If you’re feeling like you’re sinking, good. Maybe that’s exactly where your freedom begins. Not above. But beneath. Where control is surrendered And the real you gets born.

Resentment is a slow poison—one that corrodes the spirit, erodes peace, and traps you in a cycle of stagnation. It festers, feeding off unspoken wounds and unfinished battles, making you more bitter, more disconnected, more imprisoned in your own mind. And the truth is, no one else suffers as much as you do when resentment takes hold. It rots from the inside out. The antidote? Honest, fearless communication—with yourself first. Because if you can’t be real with yourself, every other relationship suffers. You can’t truly function at your highest level, process emotions with clarity, or connect deeply with others. Growth begins when you stop running from your own thoughts and instead build a working relationship with them—when you sit with your feelings, acknowledge them without judgment, and decide to move forward with clarity. Find a tribe that lives in a way that resonates with you. Watch how they move, how they carry themselves, how they navigate adversity. Align yourself with people who don’t just talk about change—but live it. And when you find that, lean into it. Adapt, evolve, follow in their footsteps until you carve your own way. Believe in something greater than yourself—a Higher Calm, a bigger purpose, a guiding force that keeps you steady when life gets chaotic. Trust that even when things feel uncertain, there’s a plan unfolding. You don’t have to have it all figured out today. Give yourself grace. Allow room for mistakes, for missteps, for imperfection. Because here’s the reality—there are no do-overs. We get one shot at this life. And the only way to truly live it is to accept that we are all figuring it out as we go. So drop the weight of resentment. Be brutally honest with yourself. Move toward people who elevate you. Trust in something bigger. And give yourself the grace to grow.

Rosalynn Bourgeois, known as Roz, was born and raised just outside of Washington, DC, in PG County, MD. Growing up as a minority in a tumultuous household, she constantly felt the pressure to fit in and seek attention, especially with her parents embroiled in constant conflict. Roz identifies as a recovering Catholic, having endured religious beliefs that were aggressively forced upon her in a manner she describes as spiritually abusive. The weight of this upbringing required years of therapy to unravel and heal from, a journey she embarked on after achieving sobriety. Despite the chaos, Roz excelled in school and was a dedicated soccer player. She graduated with an Economics degree but fell into a toxic relationship and eventually cracked. A psychotic relapse spiraled out of control, driving Roz to move to Charlotte in a desperate bid to "escape" life. For nine harrowing months, she hit rock bottom, DJing for days without sleep, entangled in a chaotic cycle of self-destruction. Her first arrest was in 2008, leading to a felony and time in county jail. Weekends in county became a nightmare after a dirty urine test sent her to prison for three years. Vowing to never use again, Roz quickly found herself back in the same destructive patterns.. It was in 2013, at a rehab in Michigan, that Roz finally found the lifeline she needed to get clean.. A decade ago, she walked into her last rehab with a felony record, a dismal 500 credit score, and an empty bank account. Her personal relationships were in tatters, ravaged by addiction, childhood trauma, and the severe emotional immaturity that came from years of drug-induced self-centeredness. Though her journey wasn't without setbacks, Roz has been thriving since 2015, relentlessly dedicated to transforming her life and mindset. Today, Roz stands as a testament to the power of relentless dedication and profound personal growth. Her journey from the depths of despair to a life filled with achievement and purpose is a powerful reminder of the human spirit's capacity for change. Roz's story is one of passionate resolve, illustrating that no matter how deep the fall, the climb back up is always possible with unwavering commitment and the right support. Roz stands as a triumphant force, embodying the power of transformation and resilience. As the Director of Business Development for her employer, she brings her wealth of experience and drive to her role. Roz holds both a Bachelor's and a Master's degree, and she is licensed to sell real estate in Hawaii, She owns three properties through the business she created, reflecting her entrepreneurial spirit and hard work. Roz’s journey has taken her across the globe, allowing her to experience the richness of over 20 countries a testament to her unwavering determination and skill. Married to a loving and supportive man, Roz has built a life of stability and love.. Roz's personal relationships and entire life have blossomed beyond her wildest dreams, a direct result of her decision to take control of her destiny. Her story is not just about overcoming addiction but about harnessing the strength within to build a life of purpose and fulfillment. Roz's journey is a profound testament to the indomitable human spirit and the incredible possibilities that arise when we dare to reclaim our lives. Her path to recovery has been nothing short of extraordinary. She passionately declares "I am the creator of my world, so I better make choices that align with my dreams,". For Roz, it's about reclaiming her life from the grip of addiction and living with intention, on her own terms. Her story is a powerful testament to the human spirit's resilience and the unwavering commitment to personal growth. Roz has emerged as a beacon of transformation and resilience.

Brian Ready is not just a national recovery advocate, speaker, and motivational coach—he is a beacon of hope and transformation. A devoted father to three beautiful daughters and a loving husband to his wife, Kimberly, Brian embraces the privilege of working alongside her every day, united in their mission to guide others on the path to recovery.

As the visionary founder of Oaks Recovery, one of the nation’s preeminent 12-step recovery programs nestled in upstate South Carolina, Brian has committed his life to forging a sanctuary where individuals can find solace, support, and profound change. Oaks Recovery is more than just a program; it is a lifeline extended to individuals from every corner of the globe, offering them the compassion, tools, and unwavering love necessary to break free from the shackles of addiction.

Brian's own arduous journey through addiction and recovery ignites his fervor for advocacy and outreach. It is this very experience that has crystallized his belief in the transformative power of community, accountability, the 12 steps, and the gift of second chances. Whether addressing audiences on national stages, coaching individuals with personalized care, or immersing himself in hands-on recovery work, Brian's unwavering dedication to igniting hope and a renewed sense of purpose in others is evident.

His mission transcends the ordinary: to change lives, restore families, and unequivocally demonstrate that recovery is within reach for anyone ready to take that first courageous step and commit to the arduous yet rewarding journey toward genuine freedom from alcoholism and drug addiction. Brian Ready is living proof that with passion, perseverance, and a supportive community, the light at the end of the tunnel is not just a glimmer—it is a radiant sunrise heralding a new beginning.

I must be willing to do whatever “anything” looks like to help another alcoholic. This means offering unwavering friendship and fellowship, and assuring him that if he genuinely desires to get well, I will do anything to support him on his journey. The bond we create is founded on trust, empathy, and shared experience. Pg 95

You can have what we have, no strings attached. However, this comes with the need for brutal honesty with oneself. You must be willing to change every pattern in your life and be consistent. Consistency is not about doing the same thing over and over, but about doing what needs to be done next. Implementing discipline is essential, and through this process, we transform each other by creating an intimate and supportive relationship.

1. We are powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable: This fundamental acknowledgment is the first step towards healing. Recognizing our powerlessness over alcohol and the chaos it brings into our lives opens the door to seeking help and change.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity: Embracing the belief in a higher power—whether it be a spiritual presence, a supportive community, or another source of strength—brings hope and guidance. This belief fosters a sense of purpose and direction in the recovery process.
3. Made a conscious decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him: This step is about surrendering control and trusting in the higher power identified in Step 2. It involves making a profound commitment to follow a new path, allowing this higher power to guide our actions and decisions.

Through these steps, we embark on a journey of profound personal transformation, supporting each other and embracing the possibility of a better future. This process not only fosters individual growth but also strengthens the bonds of fellowship and shared recovery.

Margery Bailey's life is a gripping saga of resilience and profound transformation. Born in Sacramento, CA, she approaches her 50th birthday with a story that speaks to the depths of human struggle and the triumph of spirit. Raised in a turbulent alcoholic Irish Catholic household with two sisters, including an identical twin, Margery's early years were steeped in chaos. Her father, a Vietnam veteran, battled severe depression and PTSD, profoundly shaping her understanding of the world. Yet, his playful moments—enjoying George Carlin, Belushi on SNL, and dancing to Motown records—etched endearing memories that stayed with her. Margery's deeply religious mother remained steadfastly connected to her Catholic church, offering a stark contrast to the disorder at home.

Margery's talent and drive earned her acceptance into an Arts Magnet High School, where she thrived in voice and acting, directed plays, and toured military bases, senior facilities, and Japan with a high school jazz choir. But after high school, the protective bubble burst. Moving out of her restrictive and religious home, Margery faced the harsh realities of juggling university, work, and independence in San Francisco. The pressure led to a breakdown and a return to Sacramento. Determined, she completed her education while working three jobs, saving money for a move to Los Angeles, where she spent three years as a producer before relocating to New York.

In New York City, the chaos intensified. Within just four months, the Twin Towers fell, and Margery's drinking spiraled out of control. Seeking solace, she returned to California, immersed herself in hot yoga, and became a realtor just as the dot-com bubble burst, causing her to lose everything. By 2007, despite becoming a hot yoga teacher and mentoring under a powerful yogi, her alcohol consumption, depression, and sadness grew worse.

Motherhood at nearly 40 triggered early menopause, pushing Margery into researching and writing about healing. Observing that some in yoga found healing while others remained stuck, she began writing "Thinking About Chakra." However, its esoteric nature seemed out of reach for many. She realized that true healing required inner work, focusing on breath work and surrender rather than just physical postures.

2024 marked a pivotal turning point. A month before her 49th birthday, Margery decided to stop drinking. Her health had deteriorated after the Johnson & Johnson vaccine in 2021, and a move to South Carolina exacerbated her symptoms. The accumulated grief finally demanded her attention. As a single mom, she had justified her wine nights but came to see that alcohol was detrimental during menopause.

Margery spent this year crafting a workbook/journal for peri-menopausal and menopausal women, filled with tools she wished she had known a decade ago. Ready to self-publish, she aims to share her insights with women in need. Margery's transformation from a chaotic upbringing to a spiritually enriched life is a testament to her resilience and commitment to personal growth. Now, she stands poised to inspire and support other women facing similar challenges, guiding them out of darkness and into the light of self-discovery and healing.

This week’s special guest is Matthew Parsley. Born in Long Beach, Long Island, and raised in Dillon, South Carolina, by his grandmother and great-grandmother from the age of six, Matthew's early life was deeply influenced by a religious and spiritual household. Church provided solace, but his childhood was also marked by the trauma of being molested by a favorite cousin, a secret that cast a long shadow over his formative years. Unlike other boys, Matthew felt different, gravitating towards girls and finding comfort in their company. His grandmother introduced him to baseball, but another hidden, darker world beckoned, fueled by his father's stash of VHS tapes and DVDs. Pornography, masturbation, and eventually promiscuity became secret addictions that led him to unimaginable places.

College in Daytona Beach, Florida, brought new experiences and vices. Introduced to weed by his best friend, who passed away in 2010, Matthew became a weekend warrior. Transient sexual relations and pornography addiction escalated, leading to missed classes and lost opportunities. Despite graduating, he didn't earn a degree, having lost his band scholarship due to poor attendance.

In 2016, Matthew moved to New York City, where the grip of sex and drugs tightened around his life. Methamphetamine became his new demon, intensifying his sex addiction and leading him down the path of intravenous drug use. Soon, he found himself ostracized after testing HIV positive. His family feared for his safety as he vanished into the city's underbelly. The stroke his father suffered only deepened Matthew's resentment and fueled his desire to escape through drugs, leaving his mother to care for his ailing father alone. This period marked a profound descent into darkness, where the weight of his choices and the pain of his reality collided.

By 2022, Matthew had reached the lowest point in his life. Suicidal and broken, he found himself in the back of a sheriff's car on the way to detox. His first meeting at Primary Purpose in Myrtle Beach was a pivotal moment, marking the start of his transformation. It was there that Matthew came to understand his spiritual sickness.

Today, Matthew is a new man, rebuilt by the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous and the fellowship of the spirit. He passionately says, “Staying stopped… getting high… that’s the small part. It’s what’s inside that needs reparations.” Matthew's presence today is a testament to his choice to be present, living one day at a time.

Matthew's spiritual relationship with God and others is now the cornerstone of his life. Embracing life's terms and focusing on the journey rather than the outcome, he greets each day with profound gratitude and purpose. His entry into Oaks Recovery on his mother's birthday, June 25, symbolizes his rebirth and unwavering commitment to a brighter future. Matthew dedicates himself to helping other addicts, working diligently, and forgiving himself for past mistakes. His journey is a profound testament to the boundless possibility of change and the unbreakable resilience of the human spirit.

Hype's story is one of unimaginable pain and redemption. Born in prison, he faced a life of hardship from the very beginning. At 11, he witnessed his mother's death, and by 12, he endured relentless physical abuse. In a desperate act of self-defense, Hype set his abuser on fire, leading to a sentence of juvenile life. He was released at 19, only to face more turmoil.

In 2001, Hype's twin brother was deployed overseas, but Hype was denied the chance to join him because of his criminal record. In a fit of rage and despair, in January 2002, he stormed a federal courthouse with pipe bombs and assault rifles, resulting in a conviction for domestic terrorism and a 480-month sentence in a high-security prison. The loss of his twin to suicide, driven by PTSD from military service, only deepened Hype's anguish.

While incarcerated, Hype's anger led him to assault another inmate, leaving the man to die of hypothermia in a prison freezer. This act sent Hype to the A.D.X. Supermax security prison, all before he turned 25.

Tragedy continued to follow Hype. He accidentally killed his wife and her son in a car wreck, leaving him lost and alone, feeling destined to live in hell on earth. In his despair, Hype found himself drawn to a supremacist group, seeking a sense of belonging in a dark place. But amidst the darkness, a glimmer of hope emerged. Hype was saved by the blood of Jesus Christ, shed for humanity on Calvary. God pulled him from the depths of hell, showing him a path to redemption. Hype learned to love himself and others after years of becoming calloused. He fell in love once again and began to start a new life, a new soul with a gift from God—a soulmate.

However, Hype endured yet another loss. Despite finding redemption and growth, his girlfriend relapsed and committed suicide. Hype found himself in such despair, feeling destined only to experience grief, pain, and heartache, he thoughts led to one final answer to stop the pain. It was then that God revealed to Hype his true purpose: to help save other young boys from the same trauma he endured. To help others escape the shackles of self-loathing and self-destruction. Through his faith and newfound mission, Hype transformed his life, dedicating himself to guiding others out of the darkness and into the light.