I cut the roots, I bless, I offer

I watch the balloon of the image dissolve

the patterns, the habits, they mushroom out, I invite

then I see Truth, the underbelly

to try to understand the pattern on its own level sucks you in

to its confusion… come out, come out,

look at me, I look at you

we let it be personal, we let it be real

the seeing of each other

the loving each other, the intimacy

the swelling of emotion

the remembering of Wholeness

come out, come out

hidden desires, secret longings underneath

it is personal

it is the Bliss that strengthens the Ka, the Light Body

I feel betrayed by this, betrayed by my emotions,

betrayed by him, cutting and running,

denying depth and impact, denying sanctity

I open my Chalice, again and still, to the flow of Elixir

which I shared gladly with him, the feeling of his lips still upon me

how dare you?! I say,

to Yeshua and Magdalena, the Great Mother and the Angels of Mercy

if one is not acknowledged as a person, then they are an object

the one that I longed for. he wanted to please me

in the moments of physical union, but nothing personal

no energy or desire to get to know me in this way

he said nothing personal, and I agreed to it

though I continued to speak and continued to ask

he said nothing personal, but there was personal

sharing of deeply personal things

he said nothing personal, yet he was conflicted about so many things

veil of denial from my own wounding

I could not believe that we could share bodies and breath

be so magnetized to each other

and he could still keep me in certain boxes inside himself

or keep me in certain boxes over here

but apparently he could