There's a point where personal development stops helping and starts keeping you stuck.

In this episode, Joey opens up about a pattern he's seen in himself over the past year: the urge to find one more coach, one more breakthrough, one more framework, one more answer. On the surface, it looks like growth. But underneath, it can become something else entirely — avoidance.

If you've been stuck in self improvement, overthinking your next move, consuming more than you're creating, or feeling burned out by how much "work" you've already done on yourself, this episode is for you.

You'll learn:

• Why self help addiction can feel productive while quietly keeping you stuck

• The difference between pain vs suffering — and how we create extra suffering by revisiting old stories

• How coaching addiction and constant learning can become procrastination through learning

• Why there's a point where you don't need more insight — you need reps

• How to tell when you actually need support… and when you just need to take action

Helpful Links:

The Great Life Experiment
You built the life. You hit the goals. But the pressure, overthinking, and old patterns still keep showing up. The Great Life Experiment is a free 30-day challenge with one question a day to help you uncover the unconscious patterns underneath it all.

Take the FREE quiz here: Pressure Pattern Profile Quiz

Chapters:

00:00 The trap of always needing "more"

00:39 When personal development becomes addiction

01:48 Pain vs suffering

02:25 The validation loop behind coaching addiction

03:05 Why I thought I needed another mentor

04:17 The question that stopped me from hiring another coach

05:07 Alignment vs fear

06:06 Choosing a coach whose life you actually want

06:59 The next offer… and the same hesitation

08:53 Breakthroughs, blind spots, and reopening old stories

10:53 Why talking about old problems can keep them alive

12:17 You don't need to fix every area right now

13:22 Taking action vs learning more

14:28 The hamster wheel of self improvement

15:23 What you probably need now is reps

Connect with Joey on your favourite social platforms!

Joey Vaillancourt (Real Influence website)

Instagram

Facebook

LinkedIn

YouTube

Enhance your mental clarity, focus, and brain wellness with NeuroVizr—get 10% off with code JOEYV.

Transform your meditation and boost sleep, creativity, and focus with Sens.ai—save $100 with code REALINFLUENCE.

About:

Joey Vaillancourt is the host of Real Influence, a show for high performers who can't turn it off. If you've built the life, hit the goals, and still feel the pressure, this is for you. Joey helps entrepreneurs and executives rewire the unconscious patterns driving the need to force, fix, and prove, so they can achieve more by leading with presence instead of pressure.

Most people don't wait until the end of life to discover what's important.

They simply wait too long to act on what they've known all along.

Inspired by Bronnie Ware's The Five Regrets of the Dying, this episode explores the hidden pattern behind the most common life regrets and why so many ambitious people unknowingly build lives around expectations instead of intention.

If you've been caught in hustle culture, constantly postponing happiness until the next milestone, this episode offers a different perspective.

Rather than blowing up your life, Joey explains how small shifts in awareness can help you reconnect with what actually matters.

• The real meaning behind the five deathbed regrets

• Why high performers are especially vulnerable to burnout

• How societal expectations quietly shape our decisions

• Why authentic living begins with better questions

• Reflection exercises to help you start course correcting today

00:00 The Question Successful People Avoid

00:42 The Five Regrets of the Dying

02:06 One Pattern Behind Every Regret

03:14 Why This Book Changed My Life

05:28 The Five Deathbed Regrets

07:38 Whose Life Are You Living?

09:52 The "Later" That Never Comes

11:18 Borrow the Clarity Now

12:15 Course Correct Without Starting Over

13:49 Awareness Is the Beginning

15:02 Final Reflections

Connect with Joey on your favourite social platforms!

https://joeyvaillancourt.com/

https://www.instagram.com/joeyvaillancourt/

https://www.facebook.com/joey.vaillancourt.9/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/joey-vaillancourt/

https://www.youtube.com/@joeyvaillancourt-realinfluence

https://joeyvaillancourt.com/the-30-day-challenge/

Enhance your mental clarity, focus, and brain wellness with NeuroVizr—get 10% off with code JOEYV. https://neurovizr.com/?ref=rirxqhll

Transform your meditation and boost sleep, creativity, and focus with Sens.ai—save $100 with code REALINFLUENCE.
https://sens.ai/realinfluence

About:

Joey Vaillancourt is the host of Real Influence — a show for high performers who can't turn it off. If you've built the life, hit the goals, and still feel the pressure — this is for you. Joey helps entrepreneurs and executives rewire the unconscious patterns driving the need to force, fix, and prove, so they can achieve more by leading with presence instead of pressure.

It's 9 PM.

You told yourself you'd be done hours ago.

But you're still answering messages, checking one more thing, handling one more problem, and convincing yourself that this season is temporary.

For many entrepreneurs and high performers, the issue isn't a lack of discipline. It's not poor time management. It's a subconscious pattern that equates being needed with being valuable.

In this episode, Joey Vaillancourt shares the personal story that changed his relationship with work, family, and success. From hustle culture conditioning to high functioning anxiety and the constant need to stay available, he explores why so many successful people struggle to actually be present in their own lives.

This conversation is about nervous system regulation, awareness, work life balance, and learning how to stop overworking without sacrificing your ambitions.

The goal isn't doing less.

The goal is becoming someone who can fully experience the life they're working so hard to build.

• High performer burnout and hidden pressure patterns

• Why being available is not the same as being present

• The relationship between overworking and identity

• Stress management for entrepreneurs

• High functioning anxiety and subconscious conditioning

• The downside of hustle culture

• How nervous system regulation supports sustainable success

• Practical ways to reconnect with what matters most

00:00 The 9 PM Moment

01:11 Why Overworking Isn't a Time Problem

02:37 Being Available vs Being Present

03:41 The Night That Changed Everything

05:04 The Wake-Up Call From My Wife

06:21 Repeating the Same Pattern

07:16 What You're Really Working For

08:08 Principle 1: Available Is Not Present

10:02 Principle 2: Pressure Is a Learned Pattern

12:25 Principle 3: The Life You're Protecting

15:43 Principle 4: You Don't Need to Leave to Change

18:36 Finding Peace Before the Next Milestone

18:52 Awareness Is the First Shift

20:08 The Question That Changes Everything

Connect with Joey on your favourite social platforms!

https://joeyvaillancourt.com/

https://www.instagram.com/joeyvaillancourt/

https://www.facebook.com/joey.vaillancourt.9/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/joey-vaillancourt/

https://www.youtube.com/@joeyvaillancourt-realinfluence

https://joeyvaillancourt.com/the-30-day-challenge/

Enhance your mental clarity, focus, and brain wellness with NeuroVizr—get 10% off with code JOEYV. https://neurovizr.com/?ref=rirxqhll

Transform your meditation and boost sleep, creativity, and focus with Sens.ai—save $100 with code REALINFLUENCE.
https://sens.ai/realinfluence

About:

Joey Vaillancourt is the host of Real Influence — a show for high performers who can't turn it off. If you've built the life, hit the goals, and still feel the pressure — this is for you. Joey helps entrepreneurs and executives rewire the unconscious patterns driving the need to force, fix, and prove, so they can achieve more by leading with presence instead of pressure.

Why do some comments stay with us for years while others roll right off our backs?

In this episode, Joey Vaillancourt explores the hidden reason feedback feels so personal and why criticism often triggers something much deeper than the conversation itself.

Using a personal story about receiving difficult workplace feedback, Joey breaks down the beliefs, emotions, and unconscious patterns that shape how we respond when someone points out a weakness, challenge, or blind spot.

You'll learn how to receive feedback with a growth mindset, separate facts from stories, and use criticism as a tool for self-leadership rather than self-judgment.

If you're a high performer who struggles with criticism, overthinking, or feeling not enough, this episode will give you a practical framework for responding differently.

TheGreatLifeExperiment.ca — You built life. You hit the goals. But the pressure never actually left.

The Great Life Experiment is a free 30-day challenge with one powerful question each day to help uncover the unconscious patterns driving stress and suffering.

Start here → thegreatlifeexperiment.ca

🔗 Take the FREE Pressure Pattern Profile Quiz → https://joeyvaillancourt.com/pressure-pattern-quiz/

• Why feedback feels threatening

• Constructive feedback vs personal identity

• How to stop taking criticism personally

• The beliefs driving emotional reactions

• The Real Influence Ladder framework

• Emotional regulation during difficult conversations

• Receiving feedback with a growth mindset

00:00 The Feedback That Haunted Me for Years

01:05 Why Feedback Feels Personal

02:13 The Belief Behind Every Reaction

03:21 Feedback Is a Mirror, Not a Verdict

04:22 The "B Player" Story

06:38 Why Meaning Creates Suffering

09:02 What Feedback Meant Growing Up

10:16 Separating Facts From Stories

11:08 A Real-Life Example at Home

13:20 The Question That Changes Everything

15:03 The Real Influence Ladder

18:56 Feedback as Information, Not Identity

21:18 The Gift Hidden Inside Criticism

Connect with Joey on your favourite social platforms!

https://joeyvaillancourt.com/

https://www.instagram.com/joeyvaillancourt/

https://www.facebook.com/joey.vaillancourt.9/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/joey-vaillancourt/

https://www.youtube.com/@joeyvaillancourt-realinfluence

https://joeyvaillancourt.com/the-30-day-challenge/

Enhance your mental clarity, focus, and brain wellness with NeuroVizr—get 10% off with code JOEYV. https://neurovizr.com/?ref=rirxqhll

Transform your meditation and boost sleep, creativity, and focus with Sens.ai—save $100 with code REALINFLUENCE.
https://sens.ai/realinfluence

About:

Joey Vaillancourt is the host of Real Influence — a show for high performers who can't turn it off. If you've built the life, hit the goals, and still feel the pressure — this is for you. Joey helps entrepreneurs and executives rewire the unconscious patterns driving the need to force, fix, and prove, so they can achieve more by leading with presence instead of pressure.

What happens when the person teaching the tools becomes the one struggling to use them?

In this episode of the Real Influence podcast, I sit down with my wife, Monika, for a raw and unfiltered live coaching session on overwhelm, anxiety, burnout, and suffering.

Instead of speaking from the other side of the breakthrough, I open up in real time about feeling mentally overloaded, emotionally exhausted, disconnected from clarity, and trapped under pressure from multiple areas of life.

Together, we unpack:
• why high performers get stuck in overwhelm
• how nervous system regulation affects the way we think
• the hidden identity patterns behind burnout
• why suffering comes from meaning, not circumstances
• how coaching helps uncover blind spots
• what it actually looks like to rewire your brain in real time

If you've been carrying pressure silently while trying to hold everything together… this episode is for you.

This isn't polished self-help.

It's a real conversation in the middle of the struggle.

TheGreatLifeExperiment.ca — You built the life. You hit the goals. But the pressure never actually left.

The Great Life Experiment is a free 30-day challenge with one powerful question each day to help uncover the unconscious patterns driving stress and suffering.

Start here → thegreatlifeexperiment.ca

🔗 Take the FREE Pressure Pattern Profile Quiz → https://joeyvaillancourt.com/pressure-pattern-quiz/

• Live coaching through overwhelm and suffering

• Burnout recovery for entrepreneurs and executives

• Nervous system regulation and emotional states

• Anxiety, pressure, and mental overload

• Reframing failure and emotional meaning

• Why asking for help changes your state

• Neuroplasticity and subconscious rewiring

00:00 Joey Opens Up About His Own Suffering

01:33 Why Everyone Needs a Coach

03:04 Living in Constant Pressure as a High Performer

05:44 Starting the Coaching Session

07:21 Feeling Scattered and Mentally Overloaded

11:42 The Thoughts Behind Overwhelm

14:27 Where Stress Shows Up in the Body

16:20 Nervous System Regulation Explained

18:44 The Meaning We Attach to Suffering

21:17 Why This Chaos Might Be Necessary

24:56 Reframing Failure and Progress

29:08 Isolation vs Asking for Support

31:19 Shifting Out of a Primal State

34:43 Neuroplasticity and Rewiring Your Brain

38:56 Why Coaching Accelerates Growth

42:30 The Decision Matrix Exercise

Connect with Joey on your favourite social platforms!

https://joeyvaillancourt.com/

https://www.instagram.com/joeyvaillancourt/

https://www.facebook.com/joey.vaillancourt.9/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/joey-vaillancourt/

https://www.youtube.com/@joeyvaillancourt-realinfluence

https://joeyvaillancourt.com/the-30-day-challenge/

Enhance your mental clarity, focus, and brain wellness with NeuroVizr—get 10% off with code JOEYV. https://neurovizr.com/?ref=rirxqhll

Transform your meditation and boost sleep, creativity, and focus with Sens.ai—save $100 with code REALINFLUENCE.
https://sens.ai/realinfluence

Connect with Monika!

Social: https://www.instagram.com/monikavaillancourt/

Coaching: https://joeyvaillancourt.com/coaching/

About:

Joey Vaillancourt is the host of Real Influence — a show for high performers who can't turn it off. If you've built the life, hit the goals, and still feel the pressure — this is for you. Joey helps entrepreneurs and executives rewire the unconscious patterns driving the need to force, fix, and prove, so they can achieve more by leading with presence instead of pressure.

Most high performers aren't lacking discipline.
They're carrying pressure.

In this episode, Joey breaks down the hidden emotional pattern behind pressure-driven discipline — and why success can quietly disconnect you from your life if you're not careful.

This conversation explores how many entrepreneurs and high achievers build their identity around sacrifice, proving themselves, and delaying life for "later." The problem is… later never really comes.

Joey shares five principles for creating discipline from a healthier place — one rooted in awareness, alignment, nervous system regulation, and intentional living instead of constant internal pressure.

If you've achieved success but still feel heavy, restless, or unable to relax… this episode will likely feel very familiar.

TheGreatLifeExperiment.ca — You built the life. You hit the goals. But the pressure never actually left. The Great Life Experiment is a free 30-day challenge that helps you see and shift the unconscious patterns keeping you stuck in that loop — one question a day. That's it.

Start here → thegreatlifeexperiment.ca

🔗 Take the FREE Pressure Pattern Profile Quiz → https://joeyvaillancourt.com/pressure-pattern-quiz/

• Pressure-driven sacrifice

• Discipline and identity

• High achiever mindset

• Nervous system regulation

• How to be disciplined without burnout

• Self improvement and personal growth

• Accountability and coaching

• Creating success without disconnecting from life

00:00 Discipline Isn't The Real Problem

00:19 The Hidden Cost Of Sacrifice

00:55 Why High Performers Feel Pressure

02:04 When Discipline Starts Feeling Heavy

03:05 Discipline Reflects Identity

04:18 Success Through Self-Deprivation

05:40 Principle 1: Act Like Someone Is Watching

08:00 Principle 2: The "I Don't Know If" Framework

10:12 Principle 3: North Star Goals

13:27 Principle 4: The 4D Version Of You

17:14 Principle 5: Accountability & Coaching

20:56 Discipline Without Pressure

21:44 The Pattern Behind Success & Sacrifice

Connect with Joey on your favourite social platforms!

https://joeyvaillancourt.com/

https://www.instagram.com/joeyvaillancourt/

https://www.facebook.com/joey.vaillancourt.9/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/joey-vaillancourt/

https://www.youtube.com/@joeyvaillancourt-realinfluence

Enhance your mental clarity, focus, and brain wellness with NeuroVizr—get 10% off with code JOEYV.https://neurovizr.com/?ref=rirxqhll

Transform your meditation and boost sleep, creativity, and focus with Sens.ai—save $100 with code REALINFLUENCE.
https://sens.ai/realinfluence

About Joey: Joey Vaillancourt, host of the Real Influence podcast, helps people overcome apathy, feeling trapped and living a life of resignation by inspiring them to challenge their assumptions and handed down beliefs so they can experience a more purposeful, fulfilled and aligned life

Most high performers aren't overwhelmed by life itself.
They're overwhelmed by what they think life means about them.

In this episode of Real Influence, Joey Vaillancourt breaks down the hidden pattern that creates constant pressure—even when things are going well and why success doesn't feel the way you expected it to.

You'll learn the difference between pain and suffering, how subconscious patterns shape your experience, and why your nervous system plays a bigger role than you think.

TheGreatLifeExperiment.ca — You built the life. You hit the goals. But the pressure never actually left. The Great Life Experiment is a free 30-day challenge that helps you see and shift the unconscious patterns keeping you stuck in that loop — one question a day. That's it.

Start here → thegreatlifeexperiment.ca

🔗 Take the FREE Pressure Pattern Profile Quiz → https://joeyvaillancourt.com/pressure-pattern-quiz/

Topics covered:

• Why high achievers struggle to relax

• The difference between pain and identity-based suffering

• How resistance amplifies pressure

• The role of subconscious patterns

• Why awareness alone doesn't create change

Timestamps:

00:00 Pain vs Suffering

00:36 Why High Performers Multiply Pressure

01:35 The Pressure Pattern Explained

03:04 Why Missing Goals Feels So Heavy

04:46 Principle 1: Pain vs Identity

06:38 The Formula: Pain × Resistance

07:20 Principle 2: Resistance

09:40 The Echo Effect

12:41 Future Projection

16:47 Awareness Isn't Enough

19:42 Why Pressure Never Leaves

20:41 How to Start Rewiring It

Connect with Joey on your favourite social platforms!

https://joeyvaillancourt.com/

https://www.instagram.com/joeyvaillancourt/

https://www.facebook.com/joey.vaillancourt.9/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/joey-vaillancourt/

https://www.youtube.com/@joeyvaillancourt-realinfluence

Enhance your mental clarity, focus, and brain wellness with NeuroVizr—get 10% off with code JOEYV.https://neurovizr.com/?ref=rirxqhll

Transform your meditation and boost sleep, creativity, and focus with Sens.ai—save $100 with code REALINFLUENCE.
https://sens.ai/realinfluence

About Joey: Joey Vaillancourt, host of the Real Influence podcast, helps people overcome apathy, feeling trapped and living a life of resignation by inspiring them to challenge their assumptions and handed down beliefs so they can experience a more purposeful, fulfilled and aligned life

TheGreatLifeExperiment.ca — You built the life. You hit the goals. But the pressure never actually left. The Great Life Experiment is a free 30-day challenge that helps you see and shift the unconscious patterns keeping you stuck in that loop — one question a day. That's it.

Start here → thegreatlifeexperiment.ca

---

You say you want clarity. You ask for direction. But when life actually gives you an answer… you resist it.

That's not a strategy problem. That's a pattern.

In this episode, I break down why suffering doesn't come from what happens — it comes from the belief that it shouldn't have.

And why high performers, more than anyone, get trapped in that loop.

We cover:

→ Why asking is easy but receiving breaks people → The difference between the event and the story you attach to it

→ Why acceptance is power, not weakness

→ How to rewrite the narrative once you stop fighting reality

→ What alignment actually feels like (hint: it's relief, not effort) If you've been chasing clarity, forcing outcomes, or wondering why nothing clicks even when things look fine on the outside — this one will shift something.

Drop a comment with what you're currently resisting.

That might be exactly where your answer is waiting.

---

CHAPTERS

00:00 Why You Feel Stuck Even When You Want Clarity

00:20 Asking for Answers but Resisting Them

01:05 The Real Source of Suffering

02:06 Personal Story: Asking for a Sign

04:29 Reframing Unexpected Outcomes

09:05 Asking Is Easy — Receiving Is Hard

10:29 Events vs Stories

11:33 Acceptance, Narrative, and Alignment

Connect with Joey on your favourite social platforms!

https://joeyvaillancourt.com/

https://www.instagram.com/joeyvaillancourt/

https://www.facebook.com/joey.vaillancourt.9/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/joey-vaillancourt/

https://www.youtube.com/@joeyvaillancourt-realinfluence

Enhance your mental clarity, focus, and brain wellness with NeuroVizr—get 10% off with code JOEYV.https://neurovizr.com/?ref=rirxqhll

Transform your meditation and boost sleep, creativity, and focus with Sens.ai—save $100 with code REALINFLUENCE.
https://sens.ai/realinfluence

About Joey: Joey Vaillancourt, host of the Real Influence podcast, helps people overcome apathy, feeling trapped and living a life of resignation by inspiring them to challenge their assumptions and handed down beliefs so they can experience a more purposeful, fulfilled and aligned life