Couverture de Episode 50: Stop the Critical and Defensive Behavior

Episode 50: Stop the Critical and Defensive Behavior

Episode 50: Stop the Critical and Defensive Behavior

Écouter gratuitement

Voir les détails

À propos de ce contenu audio

 “I feel overwhelmed when I’m putting the kids to bed because they’re trying to go in more directions than I have hands. And what I need is for you to help tag team and keep them on track at night.” - Lexie Lee   In any marriage, criticism and defensiveness can be like poison, slowly eroding the foundation of love and connection. Renowned relationship expert John Gottman refers to them as part of the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" - destructive behaviors that can lead to the downfall of a relationship. Criticism often arises when we fail to express our needs assertively. Instead of calmly communicating what we desire or how we feel, we resort to pointing out flaws and attacking our partner's character. This not only damages their self-esteem but also creates a hostile environment where open communication becomes nearly impossible. Defensiveness, on the other hand, is a habit that many people fall into when faced with criticism. Instead of listening and trying to understand their partner's perspective, they immediately put up walls and counterattack. This defensive stance prevents any meaningful resolution or growth within the relationship. But there is hope! It is essential for couples to find a better way to ask for what they need without resorting to criticism or defensiveness. By practicing active listening, empathy, and using "I" statements instead of "you" statements, couples can foster an atmosphere of understanding and compassion. Remember, marriage is a partnership built on love and respect. By replacing criticism with assertive communication and defensiveness with openness, couples can overcome challenges together and create a stronger bond that withstands the test of time.   In this Podcast:   Which four behaviors can predict divorce or breakup in a relationship? Which behavior usually happens first, defensiveness or criticism? How can one effectively ask for what they need without being critical? How can one respond to criticism without becoming defensive? What can be done if a defensive response is given but a do-over is desired? Which four behaviors can predict divorce or breakup in a relationship? The four behaviors that can predict divorce or breakup in a relationship, according to John Gottman’s research are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling.   Which behavior usually happens first, defensiveness or criticism? Criticism happens first. You have one partner who is critical or even just says something, they may even say it right, but usually not. Usually it comes out as a criticism and then the partner feels like they have to defend themselves.   How can one effectively ask for what they need without being critical? It is suggested to use a script that includes the following elements: Start with “I feel” followed by an emotion (e.g. overwhelmed, frustrated). State the specific situation or behavior that triggers the emotion (e.g. when I’m putting the kids to bed). Explain the reason behind the emotion (e.g. because they’re trying to go in more directions than I have hands). Clearly state what is needed (e.g. what I need is for you to help tag team and keep them on track at night). By using this script, individuals can express their needs without resorting to criticism, which can lead to more productive conversations and better understanding between partners.   How can one respond to criticism without becoming defensive? The following strategies are offered as ways to address criticism without becoming defensive: Take a breath and pause before responding to criticism. Practice giving the benefit of the doubt to your partner and assume their intentions are good. Make requests instead of complaints, using a script such as “I feel [emotion] when [situation] because [reason], and what I need is [specific request].” If you still find yourself responding defensively, it’s okay to ask for a do-over. Own your mistake, raise your hand, and say something like, “My bad, scratch that. What I want to say is I understand what you’re saying and I’ll work on it.” By implementing these strategies, one can respond to criticism in a more productive and non-defensive manner.   What can be done if a defensive response is given but a do-over is desired? If a defensive response is given but a do-over is desired, it is okay to ask for a do-over. The suggestion is to raise your hand, admit your mistake, and say something like, “My bad, scratch that. What I want to say is I get what you’re saying and I’ll work on it.” Resources Mentioned and Useful Links Rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, and Spotify. Practice of the Practice Network   Connect with the Married Entrepreneurs Visit the Married Entrepreneurs Website Facebook Email us at: Info@marriedentrepreneurspodcast.com About the Married Entrepreneurs Podcast   We have such a passion for meeting new people and helping...
Les membres Amazon Prime bénéficient automatiquement de 2 livres audio offerts chez Audible.

Vous êtes membre Amazon Prime ?

Bénéficiez automatiquement de 2 livres audio offerts.
Bonne écoute !
    Aucun commentaire pour le moment