The path to a transformed relationship rarely follows a straight line. Most couples encounter significant challenges when trying to work together toward positive change, often finding themselves caught in familiar cycles of frustration despite their best intentions.

This episode explores two pivotal moments where partnership efforts commonly derail: at the very beginning when trying to establish teamwork, and when discovering you and your partner want different next steps. Both challenges reveal something profound about how our nervous systems interpret differences as threats, creating protective responses that block genuine connection.

Drawing from Polyvagal Theory and Imago Relationship Therapy, I share practical guidance for navigating these roadblocks. You'll discover why your nervous system state matters more than your words when approaching your partner, how to extend genuine invitations rather than demands, and ways to transform differences from threats into opportunities for deeper understanding.

We explore the common "disappointed-disappointment" dynamic that leaves one partner feeling chronically let down while the other feels perpetually inadequate despite their efforts. This pattern creates serious obstacles to partnership but also offers clues about what's needed for real change.

The journey isn't about perfection but practice. Each attempt to work together—even the messy ones—represents growth toward creating a relationship model you may never have witnessed before. This simultaneously exciting and frightening process requires compassion for both yourself and your partner as you learn to maintain regulated nervous systems and connect through differences rather than despite them.

Whether you're just beginning to shift toward partnership or already encountering obstacles along the way, this episode provides guidance for transforming struggle into opportunity. Subscribe and share with anyone who might benefit from understanding how to take steps together, even when depression is in your bed.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

What if the secret to relationship transformation isn't trying harder alone, but working smartly together? That's the revolutionary concept at the heart of this episode, where I challenge the common myth that one person can (or should) do all the heavy lifting in a relationship.

Whether you've been carrying the relationship load by yourself or you've stepped back while your partner handles everything, this episode offers practical pathways toward true partnership. I share specific, actionable steps both partners can take together to create the relationship you deeply desire and genuinely deserve.

Communication stands as perhaps the most fundamental step couples can take together, though ironically it's often the most challenging. Our protective patterns—whether talking excessively or shutting down—can trigger our partners, creating a dance of disconnection that's hard to break. Finding structured ways to communicate helps partners speak in ways that make it safer for the other to hear.

We explore the surprising power of playfulness in relationships, the importance of cultivating physical intimacy separately from household partnership, how movement together breaks emotional stuckness, and why sharing dreams creates a relationship North Star. I explain why trying new experiences rekindles excitement and how cultivating genuine curiosity about your partner becomes possible when both feel emotionally safe.

This episode acknowledges reality: working as partners might feel awkward or challenging at first, especially if you've been disconnected for some time. Yet every joint step you take—no matter how small—builds momentum toward the relationship transformation you both desire. Your path to a deeply connected partnership doesn't require perfection, just willingness to begin moving forward together.

Ready to stop doing your relationship work alone? Listen now to discover the steps you can take together to create lasting change and real connection.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Feeling like you're carrying the entire weight of your relationship while your partner seems to be coasting? You're not alone—and the solution might surprise you.

Most of us have been fed a harmful myth that if we just work hard enough on ourselves and the relationship, everything will improve. This message is particularly strong for women in heterosexual relationships, who are often encouraged to keep putting in the work while their male partners are implicitly let off the hook. But this approach isn't just exhausting—it's fundamentally flawed.

The truth is that relationships require both partners to be actively engaged. When one person is constantly trying while the other seems disengaged, it's typically not about motivation or love—it's about two dysregulated nervous systems unable to find safety with each other. One partner often gets stuck in anxious hypervigilance (fight/flight) while the other collapses into withdrawal (freeze). From these defensive positions, real connection is physiologically impossible.

The breakthrough comes when both partners understand that self-regulation must come first. Rather than trying to change each other, the focus shifts to helping your own nervous system feel safe. When both people can access their regulated state—what polyvagal theory calls "ventral vagal"—suddenly differences aren't threats anymore. You can approach challenges with curiosity instead of defensiveness, and creative solutions become possible.

This approach transformed my own 21-year relationship after years of feeling stuck in these exact patterns. It doesn't have to take that long for you! Start by noticing when you feel hopeless about your relationship—that feeling itself is information that your nervous system is in survival mode. From there, you can take steps toward regulation, which opens the door to true partnership.

Ready to break free from the cycle of one-sided effort and create a relationship where both people feel seen, supported and valued? Subscribe for next week's episode where I'll share specific steps you and your partner can take together toward the connection you both deserve.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.