The path to a transformed relationship rarely follows a straight line. Most couples encounter significant challenges when trying to work together toward positive change, often finding themselves caught in familiar cycles of frustration despite their best intentions.

This episode explores two pivotal moments where partnership efforts commonly derail: at the very beginning when trying to establish teamwork, and when discovering you and your partner want different next steps. Both challenges reveal something profound about how our nervous systems interpret differences as threats, creating protective responses that block genuine connection.

Drawing from Polyvagal Theory and Imago Relationship Therapy, I share practical guidance for navigating these roadblocks. You'll discover why your nervous system state matters more than your words when approaching your partner, how to extend genuine invitations rather than demands, and ways to transform differences from threats into opportunities for deeper understanding.

We explore the common "disappointed-disappointment" dynamic that leaves one partner feeling chronically let down while the other feels perpetually inadequate despite their efforts. This pattern creates serious obstacles to partnership but also offers clues about what's needed for real change.

The journey isn't about perfection but practice. Each attempt to work together—even the messy ones—represents growth toward creating a relationship model you may never have witnessed before. This simultaneously exciting and frightening process requires compassion for both yourself and your partner as you learn to maintain regulated nervous systems and connect through differences rather than despite them.

Whether you're just beginning to shift toward partnership or already encountering obstacles along the way, this episode provides guidance for transforming struggle into opportunity. Subscribe and share with anyone who might benefit from understanding how to take steps together, even when depression is in your bed.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

What if the secret to relationship transformation isn't trying harder alone, but working smartly together? That's the revolutionary concept at the heart of this episode, where I challenge the common myth that one person can (or should) do all the heavy lifting in a relationship.

Whether you've been carrying the relationship load by yourself or you've stepped back while your partner handles everything, this episode offers practical pathways toward true partnership. I share specific, actionable steps both partners can take together to create the relationship you deeply desire and genuinely deserve.

Communication stands as perhaps the most fundamental step couples can take together, though ironically it's often the most challenging. Our protective patterns—whether talking excessively or shutting down—can trigger our partners, creating a dance of disconnection that's hard to break. Finding structured ways to communicate helps partners speak in ways that make it safer for the other to hear.

We explore the surprising power of playfulness in relationships, the importance of cultivating physical intimacy separately from household partnership, how movement together breaks emotional stuckness, and why sharing dreams creates a relationship North Star. I explain why trying new experiences rekindles excitement and how cultivating genuine curiosity about your partner becomes possible when both feel emotionally safe.

This episode acknowledges reality: working as partners might feel awkward or challenging at first, especially if you've been disconnected for some time. Yet every joint step you take—no matter how small—builds momentum toward the relationship transformation you both desire. Your path to a deeply connected partnership doesn't require perfection, just willingness to begin moving forward together.

Ready to stop doing your relationship work alone? Listen now to discover the steps you can take together to create lasting change and real connection.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Feeling like you're carrying the entire weight of your relationship while your partner seems to be coasting? You're not alone—and the solution might surprise you.

Most of us have been fed a harmful myth that if we just work hard enough on ourselves and the relationship, everything will improve. This message is particularly strong for women in heterosexual relationships, who are often encouraged to keep putting in the work while their male partners are implicitly let off the hook. But this approach isn't just exhausting—it's fundamentally flawed.

The truth is that relationships require both partners to be actively engaged. When one person is constantly trying while the other seems disengaged, it's typically not about motivation or love—it's about two dysregulated nervous systems unable to find safety with each other. One partner often gets stuck in anxious hypervigilance (fight/flight) while the other collapses into withdrawal (freeze). From these defensive positions, real connection is physiologically impossible.

The breakthrough comes when both partners understand that self-regulation must come first. Rather than trying to change each other, the focus shifts to helping your own nervous system feel safe. When both people can access their regulated state—what polyvagal theory calls "ventral vagal"—suddenly differences aren't threats anymore. You can approach challenges with curiosity instead of defensiveness, and creative solutions become possible.

This approach transformed my own 21-year relationship after years of feeling stuck in these exact patterns. It doesn't have to take that long for you! Start by noticing when you feel hopeless about your relationship—that feeling itself is information that your nervous system is in survival mode. From there, you can take steps toward regulation, which opens the door to true partnership.

Ready to break free from the cycle of one-sided effort and create a relationship where both people feel seen, supported and valued? Subscribe for next week's episode where I'll share specific steps you and your partner can take together toward the connection you both deserve.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Depression can trap us in an exhausting cycle of waiting for better days that rarely last. We feel stuck, disconnected, and increasingly hopeless as we search for the magical formula that will finally break us free. But what if moving forward doesn't require having it all figured out first? What if the key lies not in grand plans but in learning to take one attuned step at a time?

Your nervous system holds profound wisdom about what you truly need in any moment. When we feel depressed or detached, our biology is signaling that we're in a protective survival state called dorsal – the freeze response. This isn't failure or weakness; it's your body's brilliant adaptation to perceived threats. Understanding this connection between depression and your nervous system removes shame and offers a compassionate pathway forward.

Hope itself emerges naturally when our nervous system feels safe enough to imagine positive possibilities. Rather than forcing positivity, we can gently move along what I call the "steps of hope" – from simply wondering if change is possible to eventually feeling confident that good things are coming. By tuning into what your system actually needs right now – whether that's rest, safe connection, movement, or a manageable action – you empower yourself to take steps that feel authentic rather than forced.

The freedom comes in realizing you don't need to have the whole journey mapped out. Each small, attuned step creates safety, builds confidence, and gradually illuminates the next part of your path. This approach has transformed my relationship with depression, replacing struggle with understanding and compassion. While it won't eliminate all suffering (we're still human!), it provides a reliable way to respond when you feel stuck, detached, or overwhelmed.

I invite you to experiment with this "take a step" approach. Listen deeply to what your nervous system is telling you. Honor its wisdom rather than pushing through based on "shoulds." With practice and compassion, you may be amazed at how this simple framework can help you move from that stuck place toward a more hopeful, connected life – even when depression is in your bed.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Are you caught up just going through the motions each day? Stuck in a cycle that doesn't feel terrible but certainly doesn't feel good either? That familiar static place can become surprisingly comfortable, even as it drains our sense of aliveness and meaning.

Today we explore how to break free using what I call the "Take-a-Step Approach" – a gentle, biology-based method that works with your nervous system instead of against it. Instead of forcing massive change through willpower (which rarely works), we focus on accessible micro-steps involving your senses, movement, rest, and playfulness that create sustainable shifts toward the life you truly desire.

The biology behind our stuckness explains why change feels so difficult. When our dorsal vagal system activates, we experience that familiar shutdown, collapse, and freeze response. This isn't a character flaw – it's a protective mechanism designed to keep us safe. Understanding this completely transforms how we approach healing. Rather than blaming ourselves for not "just doing better," we can work with our nervous system's natural pathways toward regulation.

Some of the most powerful steps involve anchoring through sensory experiences – truly tasting that piece of chocolate instead of mindlessly consuming it, feeling the weight of a blanket, or gazing at nature through your window. These simple actions activate the ventral vagal pathway – our biological route to feeling safe, connected, and alive.

We'll also explore why genuine rest differs dramatically from depression (hint: one restores while the other depletes), and why playfulness – so often dismissed as frivolous – might be exactly what your nervous system needs to experience freedom and joy again. Each small step builds neural pathways that make the next step easier, gradually creating momentum toward the life you want.

Whether you're struggling with depression or simply feel disconnected from what brings you alive, this episode offers practical, compassionate ways to begin moving forward today. Remember: you don't need to create the whole path at once – just take a single step.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Feeling stuck in a numbed-out state, just going through the motions day after day? Longing for something more but unsure how to find your way forward? This deeply compassionate exploration offers concrete, accessible steps that can help you to begin moving out of a mild, moderate or even severe depression.

Through understanding how our nervous systems become trapped in what experts call the "dorsal vagal state"—that shutdown, collapsed experience of depression—we gain insight into why recovery often happens more slowly than we'd like. The good news is that there are gentle, manageable actions anyone can take, regardless of how deeply entrenched in depression you currently feel.

We explore the vital role of safe connection in healing depression, with particular attention to what "safe" truly means for your unique system. For many of us, our history of social interactions with loved ones has been the source of hurt, making connection feel threatening. This episode offers alternative connection pathways including pet relationships, nature immersion, and even the surprising value of simply being around strangers in public spaces. Discover the remarkable power of wordless connection—how shared gazes and genuine laughter can sometimes create deeper bonds than conversation, especially in romantic relationships where tension often lives in our words.

The episode also delves into breath as a powerful self-regulation tool, distinguishing between dysregulated breathing patterns and those that help lift us from depression's heaviness. Rather than prescribing rigid practices, you'll learn to identify what breath techniques actually resonate with your individual nervous system, whether that's energizing inhales, calming exhales, or the vibrating comfort of humming and chanting.

This episode is part of a series, so check out the last episode for an overview of the "take a step" framework and keep listening to future episodes for more specific step ideas.

Remember that your journey out of depression doesn't require giant leaps—it begins with a single step in any direction. Subscribe now to continue this exploration of practical, compassionate approaches to healing, even when depression has made itself at home in your most intimate spaces.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Depression creates a profound disconnect in relationships that can feel impossible to bridge. The path from where you are to where you want to be might seem unclear or overwhelming—but what if crossing that distance requires just one step at a time?

In this illuminating episode, I share the invitation that concludes each of my podcasts—an invitation many listeners may miss but that contains the most transformative message for anyone impacted by depression. By understanding how our nervous systems function during depression, we can break free from the harmful "just try harder" mentality that keeps us stuck.

I reveal how the dorsal vagal state—our body's shutdown response—operates through slower, unmyelinated nerves that make emerging from depression biologically challenging. This isn't a character flaw; it's neuroscience. By asking a simple question—"Do I need rest, or do I need to take one small step?"—we can honor what our nervous systems truly need rather than forcing action that feels threatening.

For those supporting partners with depression, I offer guidance on recognizing and celebrating microscopic progress. Those tiny steps, acknowledged with genuine pride rather than dismissed as insignificant, build momentum toward healing. When we stop beating ourselves up for being "too slow" and start working with our nervous systems instead of against them, we create space for authentic change.

Whether depression affects you personally or someone you love, this episode provides a compassionate framework for moving forward when everything feels stuck. The journey doesn't require giant leaps—just one step, any size, in any direction. Your nervous system already knows what it needs; learning to listen to that wisdom might be the most powerful step you can take.

Subscribe and share this episode with anyone navigating the challenges of depression in relationships. Remember: getting to a place of greater connection is possible, even when depression is in your bed.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Have you ever noticed that your attempts to help your partner through depression, work stress, or life challenges often backfire? There's a reason your well-intentioned support sometimes lands as criticism or pressure—and it has everything to do with your nervous system.

Drawing from both professional expertise and twenty years in a relationship with a partner who experienced depression, Trish Sanders reveals the hidden dynamic that transforms our genuine desire to help into something that actually increases disconnection. That urgent need to fix your partner's problems isn't just about compassion—it's often your own nervous system in survival mode, perceiving their struggle as a threat to your relationship stability and happiness.

This episode introduces the concept of "rooted response"—a revolutionary approach to supporting your partner without triggering defensive reactions. You'll learn to recognize when you've shifted into fix-it mode, how to regulate your own nervous system first, and specific techniques for offering support that actually lands as supportive. From asking for an appointment before offering help to using "see, know, believe" statements that counter your partner's negative self-beliefs, these practical tools will transform how you show up during difficult moments.

The most powerful support isn't about having all the answers or pushing your partner toward solutions. It's about creating safety for both nervous systems so genuine connection and healing can emerge. Whether you're the partner of someone with depression or simply navigating the everyday challenges of relationship life, this episode offers a path forward that honors both people's needs and abilities.

Ready to break the cycle of unhelpful helping? This conversation might be the turning point your relationship needs.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.