"He's the perfect image of grief, in the sense of accepting, embracing, expressing the emotional sadness, and also having full trust and hope in the resurrection." ~ Pat Millea

Why do grief "stages" set people up to feel like they're doing it wrong?

Is it okay to be angry with God after a loss?

What does Jesus losing himself in grief at Lazarus's tomb teach us about grieving well?

In this episode of This Whole Life, Pat and Kenna Millea talk about what it means to grieve and how to grieve well. They start by naming grief for what it actually is: both an emotional and physical response to loss, whether that loss is big or small, sudden or anticipated, a person, a relationship, or a season of life.

Kenna pushes back on the popular idea of fixed "stages" of grief, offering instead what she calls states of grief, not a staircase that only moves one direction, but a spiral staircase that circles back around. Pat and Kenna also open up about their own experiences of loss, including Kenna's reflections on A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis and what it taught her about grieving with faith instead of around it.

The conversation turns honest about anger, including anger at God, and why that anger and real hope in the resurrection are not mutually exclusive. Pat points to Jesus weeping at the tomb of Lazarus, even knowing he was about to raise him from the dead, as the model for what it looks like to hold both grief and hope at the same time.

This episode is for anyone who has grieved a person, a relationship, or a season of life, and wondered if they were doing it right.

Chapters:

• (00:00) - Cold Open: "And Jesus Wept"
• (00:30) - Welcome & Today's Topic: Grief
• (02:25) - Highs and Hards
• (09:33) - What Grief Actually Is (And Why It Isn't Linear)
• (18:58) - C.S. Lewis, "A Grief Observed," and Kenna's Own Story
• (34:23) - The Spiral Staircase: States, Not Stages, of Grief
• (44:19) - Is It Okay to Be Angry With God?
• (52:22) - Challenge by Choice & Closing Prayer

Links and Resources:

• A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis
• John 11 (Jesus weeps at the tomb of Lazarus)
• Romans 8:28

Support the show

Thank you for listening, and a very special thank you to our community of supporters!

Join our email list and never miss an episode or an event

Visit us online at thiswholelifepodcast.com, and send us an email with your thoughts, questions, or ideas.

Follow us on Instagram & Facebook

Interested in more faith-filled mental health resources? Check out the Martin Center for Integration

Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.

Sometimes God sends angels to save your life. And to let you watch the Super Bowl.

Manny Huerta is back for another Storytellers!

Support the show

Thank you for listening, and a very special thank you to our community of supporters!

Join our email list and never miss an episode or an event

Visit us online at thiswholelifepodcast.com, and send us an email with your thoughts, questions, or ideas.

Follow us on Instagram & Facebook

Interested in more faith-filled mental health resources? Check out the Martin Center for Integration

Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.

"When you throw in the idea of self-care, that makes a lot of Christian people cringe and run away, because what it sounds like is self-interest, self-indulgence, and pride." ~ Pat Millea

• Is wanting rest actually a form of pride, or is refusing rest the real problem?
• What does the prophet Elijah, collapsed under a tree and praying for death, have to teach us about rest and mission?
• Where's the actual line between self-care and self-indulgence?

In this episode of This Whole Life, Pat and Kenna Millea tackle a topic that makes a lot of faithful Christians uneasy: self-care. They name the tension head-on, if love means seeking the good of the other, why would seeking your own good ever be justified? From there they work through the common cultural misuses of self-care before proposing a clearly Catholic definition: self-care is seeking out the renewal, recreation, and refreshment we need in order to return to our duties with greater love, freedom, and generosity, not an end in itself.

Pat brings two scriptural examples to ground the conversation, including a deep dive into 1 Kings 19, where the prophet Elijah, exhausted and afraid after his showdown with the prophets of Baal, flees into the wilderness and prays for death. God's response isn't a rebuke. It's food, rest, and eventually a face-to-face encounter that sends him back to his mission renewed. Pat and Kenna use that story to draw out the real dividing line between self-indulgence and the kind of self-care that actually serves love.

This episode is for anyone who has ever felt guilty for needing rest, or wondered if taking care of themselves is somehow in conflict with taking care of everyone else.

Chapters:

• (00:00) - Cold Open
• (00:29) - Welcome, Where in the World, and a Movie Trivia Game
• (22:17) - Naming the Tension: Does Self-Care Sound Like Pride?
• (28:16) - A Catholic Definition of Self-Care
• (34:27) - Elijah in the Wilderness: 1 Kings 19
• (39:52) - Self-Care as Return to Mission
• (54:59) - Challenge by Choice and Closing Prayer

Support the show

Thank you for listening, and a very special thank you to our community of supporters!

Join our email list and never miss an episode or an event

Visit us online at thiswholelifepodcast.com, and send us an email with your thoughts, questions, or ideas.

Follow us on Instagram & Facebook

Interested in more faith-filled mental health resources? Check out the Martin Center for Integration

Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.