"He's the perfect image of grief, in the sense of accepting, embracing, expressing the emotional sadness, and also having full trust and hope in the resurrection." ~ Pat Millea

Why do grief "stages" set people up to feel like they're doing it wrong?

Is it okay to be angry with God after a loss?

What does Jesus losing himself in grief at Lazarus's tomb teach us about grieving well?

In this episode of This Whole Life, Pat and Kenna Millea talk about what it means to grieve and how to grieve well. They start by naming grief for what it actually is: both an emotional and physical response to loss, whether that loss is big or small, sudden or anticipated, a person, a relationship, or a season of life.

Kenna pushes back on the popular idea of fixed "stages" of grief, offering instead what she calls states of grief, not a staircase that only moves one direction, but a spiral staircase that circles back around. Pat and Kenna also open up about their own experiences of loss, including Kenna's reflections on A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis and what it taught her about grieving with faith instead of around it.

The conversation turns honest about anger, including anger at God, and why that anger and real hope in the resurrection are not mutually exclusive. Pat points to Jesus weeping at the tomb of Lazarus, even knowing he was about to raise him from the dead, as the model for what it looks like to hold both grief and hope at the same time.

This episode is for anyone who has grieved a person, a relationship, or a season of life, and wondered if they were doing it right.

Chapters:

• (00:00) - Cold Open: "And Jesus Wept"
• (00:30) - Welcome & Today's Topic: Grief
• (02:25) - Highs and Hards
• (09:33) - What Grief Actually Is (And Why It Isn't Linear)
• (18:58) - C.S. Lewis, "A Grief Observed," and Kenna's Own Story
• (34:23) - The Spiral Staircase: States, Not Stages, of Grief
• (44:19) - Is It Okay to Be Angry With God?
• (52:22) - Challenge by Choice & Closing Prayer

Links and Resources:

• A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis
• John 11 (Jesus weeps at the tomb of Lazarus)
• Romans 8:28

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Interested in more faith-filled mental health resources? Check out the Martin Center for Integration

Music: "You're Not Alone" by Marie Miller. Used with permission.