Today’s episode explores the downward spiral Figs went through after a conversation with a friend who confidently declared that only two things end a marriage: babies and threesomes.

Figs has thoughts...

In this episode, she challenges that claim by asking the uncomfortable (and fun) questions: Are threesome fantasies actually that common? Is this really a male-centric fantasy? Is it an even split where one person pushes to have a threesome and the other partner complies? Who’s even having threesomes? How do they impact relationships in real life? And finally, is it possible for a threesome to benefit a relationship rather than destroy it?

Citations and Stuff I read:

Armstrong, H. L., & Reissing, E. D. (2014). Attitudes toward casual sex, dating, and committed relationships with bisexual partners. Journal of bisexuality, 14(2), 236-264.

Johnston, S. W. (2025). “My First Threesome with Them Was a Religious Experience”: A Mixed-Methods Study of Symbiosexual Experiences. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 1-18.

Jonason, P. K., & Marks, M. J. (2009). Common vs. uncommon sexual acts: Evidence for the sexual double standard. Sex Roles, 60(5), 357-365.

Joyal, C. C., Cossette, A., & Lapierre, V. (2015). What exactly is an unusual sexual fantasy?. The journal of sexual medicine, 12(2), 328-340.

Kulibert, D., Moran, J. B., Preman, S., Vannier, S. A., & Thompson, A. E. (2021). Sex on the Screen: A Content Analysis of Free Internet Pornography Depicting Mixed-Sex Threesomes from 2012–2020. European Journal of Investigation in Health, Psychology and Education, 11(4), 1555-1570. https://doi.org/10.3390/ejihpe11040110

Morris, H., Chang, I. J., & Knox, D. (2016). Three’sa crowd or bonus?: College students’ threesome experiences. Journal of Positive Sexuality, 2(November), 62-76

Pandey, M. K., Thakral, H., Mishra, P., & Rao, T. S. (2025). Decoding Threesomes: Insights into Motivations, Gender Dynamics, and Societal Impact. Journal of Psychosexual Health, 26318318241299028.

Pornhub (2025, March 18). 2024 year in Review. Pornhub Insights. https://www.pornhub.com/insights/2024-year-in-review#categories

Scoats, R., Joseph, L. J., & Anderson, E. (2018). ‘I don’t mind watching him cum’: Heterosexual men, threesomes, and the erosion of the one-time rule of homosexuality. Sexualities, 21(1-2), 30-48.

Scoats, R. (2019). ‘If there is no homo, there is no trio’: Women’s experiences and expectations of MMF threesomes. Psychology & Sexuality, 10(1), 45-55.

Scoats, R., Anderson, E., & White, A. J. (2021). Exploring gay men's threesomes: Normalization, Concerns, and sexual opportunities. Journal of Bodies, Sexualities, and Masculinities, 2(2), 82-106.

Scoats, R., & Anderson, E. (2019). ‘My partner was just all over her’: jealousy, communication and rules in mixed-sex threesomes. Culture, Health & Sexuality, 21(2), 134-146.

Scoats, R. (2019). Understanding Threesomes: Gender, Sex, and Consensual Non-Monogamy (1st ed.). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9780429453328

Valovirta, E. (2021). Repeated Pleasure: Reading the Threesome Ménage Romance as Digital Literature. Powerful Prose, 45.

Art: bofenglin

For updates, follow figs the therapist's Instagram: @figstherapy or their podcast Instagram and TikTok: @thingsimeanttosaynaked

Or learn about figs, the therapist or want figs as your therapist check out figstherapy.com

I want to hear from you. What are things you meant to say naked— the truths, the questions, the unsent texts?

Today’s episode features an anonymous letter from a listener navigating the blurry, emotionally charged terrain of a situationship that refuses to stay casual. After a recent divorce and a firm decision to “take things slow,” what begins as an easy reconnection slowly turns into daily check-ins, intimacy, emotional support, and mixed signals that don’t quite line up with the label nothing serious.

Together, we unpack what it means when words and actions don’t match, why consistency can feel more powerful than commitment, and how attachment, timing, and self-protection shape modern dating. This episode explores the quiet confusion of relationships without titles, the comfort of being chosen without promises, and the question many of us avoid asking out loud:

Can this be healing, or is this the bare minimum?

If you’ve ever felt emotionally close to someone who insists they don’t want more—yet keeps showing up anyway—this one is for you.

For updates, follow me on instagram and TikTok: @thingsimeanttosaynaked

Or learn about figs, the therapist and her services go to figstherapy.com

Or if you want to write Figs a letter on something you meant to say naked and want it spoken on air. Email her at: hello@figstherapy.com

I want to hear from you. What are things you meant to say naked— the truths, the questions, the unsent texts?

Today's episode wraps up our three-part series on situationships.
(And if you haven’t heard the first two yet, I highly recommend you give them a listen first.)

Now that you know what a situationship is, let’s talk about what happens when you realize… you’re actually in one. In this final chapter, we’ll explore your options—whether you choose to stay, redefine the relationship, or walk away.

For updates, follow me on instagram and TikTok: @thingsimeanttosaynaked

Or learn about figs, the therapist and her services go to figstherapy.com

Citations and things I read for today's episode:

Delizo, S. K. D. J., Dapliyan, Y. A. R., Ban-eg, H. T. A., Canlas, C. A. F., Tong, N. I. D., & Yusingco, E. R. I. (2025). Navigating Ambiguity: An In-Depth Exploration of Situationships in Contemporary Romantic Relationships.

Dolan, E. W. (2025, August 4). New Psychology Research reveals why people stay in situationships. PsyPost. https://www.psypost.org/new-psychology-research-reveals-why-people-stay-in-situationships/

George, A. S. (2024). Escaping the situationship: Understanding and addressing modern relationship ambiguity among young adults. Partners Universal International Innovation Journal, 2(3), 35-56.

Gibson, T. J. (2020). If you want the milk, buy the cow: A study of young black women's experiences in situationships

Langlais, M. R., Podberesky, A., Toohey, L., & Lee, C. T. (2024). Defining and describing situationships: An exploratory investigation. Sexuality & Culture, 28(4), 1831-1857.

Singh, S. Fooling in the Name of Love: Welcome to Gen-Z Relationships.

Shah, K. (2024, January 31). Half of 18 to 34 aged Americans have been in a “Situationship.” YouGov. https://business.yougov.com/content/48492-half-of-18-to-34-aged-americans-have-been-in-a-situationship

Stanley-Blackwell, R. (2025). Navigating Casual Relationship Breakups-The Role of Attachment Orientation and Expectations on Coping Strategies and Distress (Doctoral dissertation).

I want to hear from you. What are things you meant to say naked— the truths, the questions, the unsent texts?

Welcome to part 2 of our three-part series on situationships.
Today, we’re diving into the long-term psychological effects of situationships—and why so many of us leave one only to slip right into another. Cue: “ReLEase ME!”

Situationships are relationships that form and maintain themselves with ambiguity.

For updates, follow me on instagram and tiktok: @thingsimeanttosaynaked

Or learn about figs, the therapist and her services go to figstherapy.com

citation and things I read:

Delizo, S. K. D. J., Dapliyan, Y. A. R., Ban-eg, H. T. A., Canlas, C. A. F., Tong, N. I. D., & Yusingco, E. R. I. (2025). Navigating Ambiguity: An In-Depth Exploration of Situationships in Contemporary Romantic Relationships.

George, A. S. (2024). Escaping the situationship: Understanding and addressing modern relationship ambiguity among young adults. Partners Universal International Innovation Journal, 2(3), 35-56.

Gibson, T. J. (2020). If you want the milk, buy the cow: A study of young black women's experiences in situationships

Langlais, M. R., Podberesky, A., Toohey, L., & Lee, C. T. (2024). Defining and describing situationships: An exploratory investigation. Sexuality & Culture, 28(4), 1831-1857.

Singh, S. Fooling in the Name of Love: Welcome to Gen-Z Relationships.

Shah, K. (2024, January 31). Half of 18 to 34 aged Americans have been in a “Situationship.” YouGov. https://business.yougov.com/content/48492-half-of-18-to-34-aged-americans-have-been-in-a-situationship

art: bofenglin

I want to hear from you. What are things you meant to say naked— the truths, the questions, the unsent texts?

Welcome to part 1 of our three-part series on situationships.
Today's episode dives into why they happen and why they are so common. This episode is part one of a three-part series exploring the dating phenomenon of situationships.

For updates, follow me on instagram and tiktok: @thingsimeanttosaynaked

Or learn about figs, the therapist and her services go to figstherapy.com

Citation and stuff I read:

Delizo, S. K. D. J., Dapliyan, Y. A. R., Ban-eg, H. T. A., Canlas, C. A. F., Tong, N. I. D., & Yusingco, E. R. I. (2025). Navigating Ambiguity: An In-Depth Exploration of Situationships in Contemporary Romantic Relationships.

George, A. S. (2024). Escaping the situationship: Understanding and addressing modern relationship ambiguity among young adults. Partners Universal International Innovation Journal, 2(3), 35-56.

Gibson, T. J. (2020). If you want the milk, buy the cow: A study of young black women's experiences in situationships

Langlais, M. R., Podberesky, A., Toohey, L., & Lee, C. T. (2024). Defining and describing situationships: An exploratory investigation. Sexuality & Culture, 28(4), 1831-1857.

Singh, S. Fooling in the Name of Love: Welcome to Gen-Z Relationships.

Shah, K. (2024, January 31). Half of 18 to 34 aged Americans have been in a “Situationship.” YouGov. https://business.yougov.com/content/48492-half-of-18-to-34-aged-americans-have-been-in-a-situationship

art: bofenglin

I want to hear from you. What are things you meant to say naked— the truths, the questions, the unsent texts?

In today's episode, we go into the inglorious history of the glory hole, its queer cultural significance, and what it reveals about ourselves — changing what we mean by 'vulnerable'.

for updates, follow me on instagram and tiktok: @thingsimeanttosaynaked

Or learn about figs, the therapist and her services go to figstherapy.com

citation and things I read in preparation for today's episode:

Ashford, C., & Longstaff, G. (2021). (Re) regulating gay sex in viral times: COVID-19 and the impersonal intimacy of the glory hole. Culture, Health & Sexuality, 23(11), 1559-1572.

Cooper, D. (2007). Well, you go there to get off' Visiting feminist care ethics through a women's bathhouse. Feminist Theory, 8(3), 243-262.

Drożyński, C. (2022). Holes in Architecture: A Queer Eye on a Design Method. Architecture and Culture, 10(2), 285-303.

Fuckbox | Kinktionary. Fetlife. (n.d.). https://fetlife.com/kinktionary/toys-equipment/furniture/fuckbox-5jjsl

Fruen, L. (2020, June 10). “Make it a little kinky”: nyc officials update their guide to having sex during covid-19 pandemic telling new yorkers to “wear masks, create physical barriers with walls and to take part in sexy zoom parties.” Daily Mail. Retrieved from https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8407933/Make-little-kinky-New-Yorkers-told-create-physical-barriers-walls-sex.html.

Gloryhole | Kinktionary. Fetlife. (n.d.-b). https://fetlife.com/kinktionary/sexual-activities/gloryhole-dyoer

Hagius, H. (Ed.). (2010). Swasarnt Nerf's Gay Guides for 1949. Lulu. com.

Holmes, D., O’Byrne, P., & Gastaldo, D. (2007). Setting the space for sex: Architecture, desire and health issues in gay bathhouses. International journal of nursing studies, 44(2), 273-284.

Houlbrook, M. (2016). On the emptiness of the glory hole, and other non-problems. Modernism/Modernity Print Plus.

Murphy, R. (2019, July 29). Who do we have to thank for “Glory holes”-glass blowers or gays? Slate Magazine. https://slate.com/human-interest/2019/07/glory-hole-term-origins-gay-culture-glass-blowing.html

Prior, S. (2021). Going back to the glory hole: An (extra) ordinary story of meeting shame, doubt, and arousal in the therapy room. In The Everyday Lives of Gay Men (pp. 69-78).

Routledge. Rictor Norton, "A History of Gay Sex", Gay History and Literature, 24 November 2006 http://rictornorton.co.uk/gaysex.htm

Rictor Norton (Ed.), "Trials of Thomas Vaughan and Thomas Davis, 1707," Homosexuality in Eighteenth-Century England: A Sourcebook. 29 April 2007, updated 15 June 2008 http://www.rictornorton.co.uk/eighteen/1707vaug.htm |

Sumerau, J. E., Cragun, R. T., & Mathers, L. A. (2016). “I found god in the glory hole”: The moral career of a gay Christian. Sociological Inquiry, 86(4), 618-640.

Team, M., By, & Team, M. (2022, June 27). What’s a glory hole? the covid-19 safe sex trend explained. maude. https://getmaude.com/blogs/themaudern/what-is-a-glory-hole?srsltid=AfmBOoopSoEk29IyP3sM5Zf93-ZgHCzEecjyGLyrpJVAJZnMiDZlGPIQ

Wall, M. A. (2010). " Textual glory holes": genre and community in fan kink memes.

cover art: @bofenglin

I want to hear from you. What are things you meant to say naked— the truths, the questions, the unsent texts?

Maybe you love horror—or maybe you’ve even AI’d yourself into your favorite final girl. Or… you’ve got a thing for masked men. In this episode, Figs dives into the rising interest in predator/prey play and mask play (a.k.a. the “Ghostface kink”). Play hide and seek with figs as she tries to understand: why the chase can feel hot, how fear flips into desire, and what consent, context, and safety look like when you want to be caught.

Citation/references and other things I read for today’s episode:

Andersen, M. M., Schjoedt, U., Price, H., Rosas, F. E., Scrivner, C., & Clasen, M. (2020). Playing with fear: A field study in recreational horror. Psychological science, 31(12), 1497-1510.

Bloom, P. (2021). The paradox of pleasurable fear. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 25(2), 93-94.

Dutton, D. G., & Aron, A. P. (1974). Some evidence for heightened sexual attraction under conditions of high anxiety. Journal of personality and social psychology, 30(4), 510.

Lin, J. H. T., Wu, D. Y., & Tao, C. C. (2018). So scary, yet so fun: The role of self-efficacy in enjoyment of a virtual reality horror game. New Media & Society, 20(9), 3223-3242.

Lorett, A. (2024). 'Sex Equals Death, Okay?': The Role of Fear on Individual Differences in Sexual Arousal (Doctoral dissertation, Wellesley College).

McKinney, K. (2011). The Effects of Adrenaline on Arousal and Attraction. Scholars: McKendree University Online Journal of Undergraduate Research, 17.

Savage, H. S., & Garfinkel, S. (2025). Making Sense of Sensation: A model of Interoceptive Attribution and Appraisal with Clinical applications. PsyArXiv. https://doi. org/10.31234/osf. io/bsma9_v1.

Schachter, S. (1964). The interaction of cognitive and physiological determinants of emotional state. In Advances in experimental social psychology (Vol. 1, pp. 49-80). Academic Press.

Sharifzadeh, B. (2009). The impact of anxiety on subjective and physiological sexual arousal (Doctoral dissertation, Concordia University).

Scrivner, C., Andersen, M. M., Schjødt, U., & Clasen, M. (2022). The psychological benefits of scary play in three types of horror fans. Journal of Media Psychology.

Zillmann D, Hay TA and Bryant J (1975) The effect of suspense and its resolution on the appreciation of dramatic presentations. Journal of Research in Personality 9(4): 307–323

cover art: bofenglin

I want to hear from you. What are things you meant to say naked— the truths, the questions, the unsent texts?

Just because we are healing doesn't mean life catches up with us. Today, we will talk about how you can be in therapy, journaling, and setting boundaries… and still repeating toxic patterns. You’ll get: red flags to watch in yourself, antidotes, and maybe learn how to call in softness to yourself and your relationships.

Things I’ve read and citations:

Gottman, J., & Schwartz Gottman, J. (2016). Level 1 clinical training: Gottman method couples therapy. The Gottman Institute.

Hammer, M., & Hammer, B. (2015). Healing our emotional pain and relationship pain. Journal of Psychology & Clinical Psychiatry, 2(5), 00091.

Pinkston, S. N. (2023). Dialect Behavior Therapy's Effects on the Therapeutic Reduction of Self-Destructive Behavior and Cognitive Processes. Praptiningsih, N. A., Mulyono, H., & Setiawan, B. (2024). Toxic relationship in youth communication through self-love intervention strategy. Online Journal of Communication and Media Technologies, 14(2), e202416.

Turpin, A. S. (2024). Healing from Toxic Relationships in Marriage, Dating and Interpersonal Connections.

Wisniewska, M. J. (2024, November 18). 11 Signs of a Toxic Relationship You Do Not Want to Ignore. Break the Cycle. Retrieved August 25, 2025, from https://www.breakthecycle.org/signs-of-a-toxic-relationship/

Wisniewska, M. J. (2024, October 15). 11 Early Signs of a Controlling Man: Never Ignore These Red Flags. Break the Cycle. Retrieved August 25, 2025, from https://www.breakthecycle.org/early-signs-of-a-controlling-man.

cover art: bofenglin

I want to hear from you. What are things you meant to say naked— the truths, the questions, the unsent texts?