Ego Defences – The Hidden Patterns That Protect You (and Block You)

In this video I explore ego defences — the unconscious psychological strategies we develop to protect ourselves from emotional pain, fear, shame, and vulnerability.

Ego defences distort reality, not because we are doing something wrong, but because the mind is trying to keep us safe. They reduce anxiety that rises from feelings or thoughts that once felt too overwhelming to hold.

Developed through the work of Anna Freud, ego defences often form early in life, especially when we had limited emotional support or no other tools to cope.

The reason learning about them matters is this:

When you begin to recognise your own defences, you start to understand how you protect yourself without even realising.

With awareness, you gain choice.

Ego defences can block emotional connection — within yourself and with others — but noticing them creates space for deeper healing, emotional freedom, and more secure relationships.

In this episode I share:

• what ego defences are and why they develop

• how they protect the nervous system from emotional overwhelm

• why they can keep us stuck in unconscious patterns

• how awareness helps us respond rather than react

• how compassion opens the door to deeper emotional healing

I also walk through eight key ego defences:

• Repression – unconsciously pushing painful feelings or memories out of awareness

• Denial – refusing to accept something real because it feels too hard

• Projection – attributing your own unwanted feelings to someone else

• Displacement – redirecting emotions from the true source to a safer target

• Reaction formation – acting the opposite of what you actually feel inside

• Regression – reverting to a more childlike way of coping under stress

• Rationalisation – creating logical excuses to avoid the deeper emotional truth

• Sublimation – channelling difficult impulses into something constructive

• Intellectualisation – focusing on analysis and thinking to avoid feeling emotions

Reflection practice:

I recommend writing a list of the ego defences you relate to most. Notice how they have shown up in your life, and create a personal example for each one.

Your awareness creates choice.

And once you begin to see the defence, you can begin to meet the underlying need with love, compassion, and emotional truth.

Next, watch the following podcast on feelings, where I share tools for learning how to feel and process emotions rather than protect against them with your ego defences.

If this resonates, share it with someone you love and trust — a partner, a friend, or within a therapy space.

Subscribe to Wholeyfit – The Soul’s Compass Method™ for more on trauma-informed healing, embodied therapy, and living with greater emotional clarity, safety, and connection.

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Attachment Style – The 4 Patterns That Shape How You Relate

In this video I explore the four attachment styles and why the way we attach in early life becomes the emotional template for how we connect, trust, and relate to others as adults.

Our relationship with our primary caregiver — mother, father, or early guardian — shapes the nervous system, our sense of safety, and our beliefs about whether we are worthy of love and whether others can be relied upon.

Attachment theory, developed through the work of Bowlby and Ainsworth, suggests that these patterns are formed in the first 18 months of life through early bonding, emotional regulation, and responsiveness.

I share:

• how attachment styles develop in childhood

• why early attachment becomes a blueprint for adult relationships

• the four main attachment patterns: secure, anxious-avoidant, anxious-resistant, and disorganised

• how these styles can show up not only in intimacy, but also in distress patterns such as food, emotional regulation, and self-worth

• why the goal is always movement towards secure attachment

The good news is that attachment patterns are not fixed. With awareness, support, and safe relationships, the nervous system can change. Healing is always possible, and we can learn to build a secure base within ourselves and with others.

Subscribe to Wholeyfit – The Soul’s Compass Method™ for more on trauma-informed healing, embodied therapy, and living with greater safety, connection, and emotional clarity.

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Body in Therapy – Nutrition and Exercise to Access the Soul

In this video I explore why the body matters in therapy — not as an add-on, but as an essential part of healing, nervous system regulation, and uncovering the inner compass that guides your life.

Therapy too often lives in the mind, the talk, the story — while the body, where trauma, memory, wisdom and joy are held, gets left in the shadows. I talk about how nutrition and movement influence mood, nervous system regulation, and access to emotional clarity.

I share:

• why ignoring the body in therapy may be an ethical oversight

• how food and exercise shape mental health and resilience

• how the body holds the narratives of our past

• practical ways to bring embodied awareness into healing work

• how movement and nourishment support nervous system regulation and open access to deeper self-knowing.

This isn’t about diet culture or rigid fitness — it’s about listening to the body’s intelligence, discovering how it communicates, and using that awareness to inform therapeutic and life choices.

📖 Read the full Therapy Today article here 👉 https://www.bacp.co.uk/bacp-journals/therapy-today/2025/articles-december/viewpoint/

Subscribe to Wholeyfit – The Soul’s Compass Method™ for more on embodied healing, integration and living with clarity, safety and soul-led living.

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Habits and Why They Are Important in Therapy, Mind, Body, and Soul

In this podcast, we discuss Habits, and why they matter so much for mental, physical, emotional and soul-level wellbeing.

Habits are hard to break — whether they are good or bad. The good news is that we can change them to healthy ones. People who appear to have strong discipline or self-control haven’t necessarily got more willpower; they’ve simply created a habit, and that habit has become their default.

Creating and changing healthy habits is difficult. The journey to get there is the most difficult part. But once the habit is established, it becomes your new normal — and it becomes much easier to maintain.

From a body perspective, the body appreciates routine, structure, and order. We are habitual by default, and we can make conscious decisions to change habits into something that supports us rather than works against us.

From a mental health perspective, healthy habits provide structure, reduce stress, increase self-esteem, and create a sense of control. When challenges arrive, routine gives us greater resilience and a stronger sense of stability and happiness.

So how do we build a supportive routine?

• Eating healthily

• Exercising regularly

• Creating connection to prevent loneliness

• Staying connected through work, family, friends, events, and support

All of this promotes emotional and physical stability, reduces stress, improves mood and energy levels, increases self-esteem, improves sleep, builds resilience, and connection creates a deep sense of belonging.

Habits support the whole system — mind, body, soul and spirit.

Subscribe to explore more of Wholeyfit – The Soul’s Compass Method™, where healing the mind and body leads to clarity, safety, and soul-led living.

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Understanding your body type is important because it affects your therapy, nutrition, exercise, emotional regulation, and spiritual flow.

We are all designed differently for a reason. When you do what your body is designed to do, everything becomes easier: consistency, enjoyment, healing, and balance.

There are three main body types:

Lean, tall frames with fast metabolisms and more Type 1 (slow-twitch) muscle fibres.

These body types tend to respond better to higher carbohydrates, slightly lower fats, and moderate protein.

Naturally athletic with solid frames.

They gain and lose weight easily and tend to have an abundance of Type 2 (fast-twitch) muscle fibres.

These body types usually respond best to a balanced ratio of all three macronutrients.

Softer, rounder bodies with a much higher percentage of Type 2 (fast-twitch) muscle fibres.

Often well suited to strength and power-based work, such as powerlifting.

These body types tend to respond better to higher fats, lower carbohydrates, and moderate protein.

Healing requires connecting fully to the body. When you do what your body is designed to do, it doesn’t fight you — and therapy becomes easier to integrate.

Everyone responds differently. When your food ratios, training style, and recovery match your body type and muscle fibres, your system feels safer and more supported.

Your body is part of who you truly are. Eating enough, not over-exercising, and aligning with your natural design helps you access, connect to, and align with your authentic self.

Working against your body can create stress, elevated cortisol, and blockages in the system. When you come back into alignment, flow returns — physically, emotionally, and energetically.

Your body type matters because your body is the gateway to your whole self.

Always come back to the body.

Here’s a link to discover your body type:

https://www.healthline.com/health/quiz/quiz-whats-your-body-type

https://victoriapenfold.com/nutrition-and-exercise/

Subscribe to explore more of Wholeyfit – The Soul’s Compass Method™, where body, mind, soul, and spirit are treated as one integrated system.

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In this episode, we explore boundaries — what they are, why they matter, and how to set them in a way that supports your health, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

Boundaries are the rules we follow to protect ourselves.

They are not about control or punishment — they are about safety, self-care, and respect.

We begin by looking at personal boundaries:

what feels acceptable to you physically, psychologically, and emotionally, and how you want to be treated. These boundaries are often invisible, but they shape every relationship we have.

I share the boundary string exercise, a simple but powerful way to understand where your boundaries sit and how to communicate them clearly. Setting boundaries is a form of self-care — but they must be communicated to exist.

For example:

“If you yell at me, I will end the phone call.”

This isn’t about controlling another person — it’s about protecting your nervous system and wellbeing.

We also explore the importance of balance:

not being too rigid and keeping people out, and not oversharing or abandoning yourself to keep connection.

Writing boundaries down matters. Research shows that when you write something down, you’re up to 91% more likely to follow through and communicate it.

To support the body, I guide you through grounding practices — placing a hand on the heart, breathing, and box breathing — to bring the nervous system back into regulation before and during boundary conversations.

In the second part of the video, we explore feelings, especially anger.

I read a Rumi poem and reflect on anger as a guardian of boundaries — a signal that something needs protecting, not something to suppress or fear.

Finally, we look at how to set boundaries in practice:

• Remembering you are worthy of respect

• Identifying your needs and wants (which are different for everyone)

• Understanding that boundaries may differ with family, friends, and work

• Communicating boundaries respectfully — and respecting the boundaries of others

If your boundaries are crossed or broken, I invite you to be gentle with yourself.

Your body remembers trauma, and it can make expressing boundaries feel difficult or unsafe. This doesn’t mean you’re failing — it means your system needs care.

Listen to your feelings.

Calm your body.

Write things down.

And come back to yourself.

Boundaries are not walls.

They are bridges to healthier, safer relationships — with others and with yourself.

Subscribe to explore more of Wholeyfit – The Soul’s Compass Method™, where healing the mind and body leads to clarity, safety, and soul-led living.

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Honouring nature’s rhythm to guide healing, action, reflection, and release. 🌙✨

The moon has always been part of the foundation of Wholeyfit – The Soul’s Compass Method™.

My master’s studies in Mythology, Cosmology, Astrology, and the Sacred helped me understand the moon not just symbolically, but psychologically, somatically, and energetically.

The four moon phases mirror the cycles we move through in our inner world:

🌑 New Moon — New Beginnings

A time for intention setting, clarity, and quiet planting of seeds.

🌓 Waxing Moon — Growth & Action

Energy increases. This is when we take steps, build momentum, and move toward our goals.

🌕 Full Moon — Peak Energy, Illumination & Release

Insight rises. Truth becomes clear. What no longer serves can be released.

🌗 Waning Moon — Rest & Reflection

Energy softens. We slow down, restore, and integrate what we’ve learned.

These phases support the Wholeyfit method across all elements:

Emotions and inner states shift throughout the lunar cycle — especially for women.

The moon teaches us to flow, allow completion, and honour emotional cycles instead of suppressing them. This helps you feel, process, and release safely.

Eating seasonally and moving with the rhythm of nature stabilises the nervous system.

The phases help guide when to push, when to nourish, when to soften, and how to support your body with the right foods for grounding and balance.

Your goals can be aligned with the moon’s energetic flow:

new intentions, building action, gaining insight, and reflecting before the next cycle begins.

It brings structure without pressure — working with nature, not against it.

The moon becomes a metaphor for money cycles:

flow, growth, peak, release, and renewal.

This helps soften fear and build a healthier, soul-led relationship with finance.

Because everything is connected — mind, body, earth, psyche, cosmos.

Mythology allows us to access masculine and feminine energies, archetypes, and guides like Chiron, the Wounded Healer, who teaches us that pain can become purpose.

The moon is a reminder that healing happens in cycles.

Growth happens in phases.

And alignment comes from honouring your natural rhythm.

Subscribe to explore more of Wholeyfit – The Soul’s Compass Method™, where healing the mind and body leads to purpose, flow, and freedom.

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BTC123: Be The Change – Money

Where soul meets structure — and money becomes your support for good 💛

Whatever you need in life costs money, and when used consciously, money becomes the support needed for good. It allows you to care for yourself, support others, and create meaningful change in the world.

BTC123 is the fourth pillar within Wholeyfit – The Soul’s Compass Method™.

By the time clients reach this stage, they’ve already created their soul-led map and compass — and abundance naturally begins to move toward them.

But for many, money can be a block:

a place of overwhelm, fear, anxiety, or deep uncertainty.

Some people fear not having enough.

Others fear having more than they know how to hold.

BTC123 helps transform that entire relationship.

This work teaches you to respect money, let it support you, and build a structure that quietly works in the background — reliable, sustainable, and aligned with your purpose. After an initial period of effort and conscious setup, money becomes something you can trust rather than fear.

It looks different for everyone.

Some need more stability, some need less.

It depends entirely on your soul’s purpose — not someone else’s definition of success.

In BTC123, we create:

✨ A conscious money plan

✨ A positive healthy money mindset

✨ A financial structure designed for the life you want

✨ A healthy partnership between ego and soul — safety + direction

✨ A release of old patterns such as scarcity, guilt, fear of success, or fear of letting go

This process gently unravels beliefs that have held you back for years.

Through visual tools, guided visualisations, affirmations, gratitude practices, and future-self techniques, you begin to see what truly matters — and create a structure that reflects that.

Just like with your nutrition, movement, or coaching plan, your money plan becomes grounded, practical, and soul-led.

BTC123 is financial healing with purpose.

A way of letting money support your life, your energy, and your calling — without draining you.

Subscribe to explore more of Wholeyfit – The Soul’s Compass Method™, where healing the mind and body leads to purpose, flow, and freedom.

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