Ego Defences – The Hidden Patterns That Protect You (and Block You)

In this video I explore ego defences — the unconscious psychological strategies we develop to protect ourselves from emotional pain, fear, shame, and vulnerability.

Ego defences distort reality, not because we are doing something wrong, but because the mind is trying to keep us safe. They reduce anxiety that rises from feelings or thoughts that once felt too overwhelming to hold.

Developed through the work of Anna Freud, ego defences often form early in life, especially when we had limited emotional support or no other tools to cope.

The reason learning about them matters is this:

When you begin to recognise your own defences, you start to understand how you protect yourself without even realising.

With awareness, you gain choice.

Ego defences can block emotional connection — within yourself and with others — but noticing them creates space for deeper healing, emotional freedom, and more secure relationships.

In this episode I share:

• what ego defences are and why they develop

• how they protect the nervous system from emotional overwhelm

• why they can keep us stuck in unconscious patterns

• how awareness helps us respond rather than react

• how compassion opens the door to deeper emotional healing

I also walk through eight key ego defences:

• Repression – unconsciously pushing painful feelings or memories out of awareness

• Denial – refusing to accept something real because it feels too hard

• Projection – attributing your own unwanted feelings to someone else

• Displacement – redirecting emotions from the true source to a safer target

• Reaction formation – acting the opposite of what you actually feel inside

• Regression – reverting to a more childlike way of coping under stress

• Rationalisation – creating logical excuses to avoid the deeper emotional truth

• Sublimation – channelling difficult impulses into something constructive

• Intellectualisation – focusing on analysis and thinking to avoid feeling emotions

Reflection practice:

I recommend writing a list of the ego defences you relate to most. Notice how they have shown up in your life, and create a personal example for each one.

Your awareness creates choice.

And once you begin to see the defence, you can begin to meet the underlying need with love, compassion, and emotional truth.

Next, watch the following podcast on feelings, where I share tools for learning how to feel and process emotions rather than protect against them with your ego defences.

If this resonates, share it with someone you love and trust — a partner, a friend, or within a therapy space.

Subscribe to Wholeyfit – The Soul’s Compass Method™ for more on trauma-informed healing, embodied therapy, and living with greater emotional clarity, safety, and connection.

Follow — Victoria & Wholeyfit:

Instagram: @wholeyfit

Facebook: Wholeyfit – The Soul’s Compass Method

LinkedIn: Victoria Penfold

Website: victoriapenfold.com

Attachment Style – The 4 Patterns That Shape How You Relate

In this video I explore the four attachment styles and why the way we attach in early life becomes the emotional template for how we connect, trust, and relate to others as adults.

Our relationship with our primary caregiver — mother, father, or early guardian — shapes the nervous system, our sense of safety, and our beliefs about whether we are worthy of love and whether others can be relied upon.

Attachment theory, developed through the work of Bowlby and Ainsworth, suggests that these patterns are formed in the first 18 months of life through early bonding, emotional regulation, and responsiveness.

I share:

• how attachment styles develop in childhood

• why early attachment becomes a blueprint for adult relationships

• the four main attachment patterns: secure, anxious-avoidant, anxious-resistant, and disorganised

• how these styles can show up not only in intimacy, but also in distress patterns such as food, emotional regulation, and self-worth

• why the goal is always movement towards secure attachment

The good news is that attachment patterns are not fixed. With awareness, support, and safe relationships, the nervous system can change. Healing is always possible, and we can learn to build a secure base within ourselves and with others.

Subscribe to Wholeyfit – The Soul’s Compass Method™ for more on trauma-informed healing, embodied therapy, and living with greater safety, connection, and emotional clarity.

Follow — Victoria & Wholeyfit:

Instagram: @wholeyfit

Facebook: Wholeyfit – The Soul’s Compass Method

LinkedIn: Victoria Penfold

Website: victoriapenfold.com

Body in Therapy – Nutrition and Exercise to Access the Soul

In this video I explore why the body matters in therapy — not as an add-on, but as an essential part of healing, nervous system regulation, and uncovering the inner compass that guides your life.

Therapy too often lives in the mind, the talk, the story — while the body, where trauma, memory, wisdom and joy are held, gets left in the shadows. I talk about how nutrition and movement influence mood, nervous system regulation, and access to emotional clarity.

I share:

• why ignoring the body in therapy may be an ethical oversight

• how food and exercise shape mental health and resilience

• how the body holds the narratives of our past

• practical ways to bring embodied awareness into healing work

• how movement and nourishment support nervous system regulation and open access to deeper self-knowing.

This isn’t about diet culture or rigid fitness — it’s about listening to the body’s intelligence, discovering how it communicates, and using that awareness to inform therapeutic and life choices.

📖 Read the full Therapy Today article here 👉 https://www.bacp.co.uk/bacp-journals/therapy-today/2025/articles-december/viewpoint/

Subscribe to Wholeyfit – The Soul’s Compass Method™ for more on embodied healing, integration and living with clarity, safety and soul-led living.

Follow — Victoria & Wholeyfit:

Instagram: @wholeyfit

Facebook: Wholeyfit – The Soul’s Compass Method

LinkedIn: Victoria Penfold

Website: victoriapenfold.com