Ego Defences – The Hidden Patterns That Protect You (and Block You)

In this video I explore ego defences — the unconscious psychological strategies we develop to protect ourselves from emotional pain, fear, shame, and vulnerability.

Ego defences distort reality, not because we are doing something wrong, but because the mind is trying to keep us safe. They reduce anxiety that rises from feelings or thoughts that once felt too overwhelming to hold.

Developed through the work of Anna Freud, ego defences often form early in life, especially when we had limited emotional support or no other tools to cope.

The reason learning about them matters is this:

When you begin to recognise your own defences, you start to understand how you protect yourself without even realising.

With awareness, you gain choice.

Ego defences can block emotional connection — within yourself and with others — but noticing them creates space for deeper healing, emotional freedom, and more secure relationships.

In this episode I share:

• what ego defences are and why they develop

• how they protect the nervous system from emotional overwhelm

• why they can keep us stuck in unconscious patterns

• how awareness helps us respond rather than react

• how compassion opens the door to deeper emotional healing

I also walk through eight key ego defences:

• Repression – unconsciously pushing painful feelings or memories out of awareness

• Denial – refusing to accept something real because it feels too hard

• Projection – attributing your own unwanted feelings to someone else

• Displacement – redirecting emotions from the true source to a safer target

• Reaction formation – acting the opposite of what you actually feel inside

• Regression – reverting to a more childlike way of coping under stress

• Rationalisation – creating logical excuses to avoid the deeper emotional truth

• Sublimation – channelling difficult impulses into something constructive

• Intellectualisation – focusing on analysis and thinking to avoid feeling emotions

Reflection practice:

I recommend writing a list of the ego defences you relate to most. Notice how they have shown up in your life, and create a personal example for each one.

Your awareness creates choice.

And once you begin to see the defence, you can begin to meet the underlying need with love, compassion, and emotional truth.

Next, watch the following podcast on feelings, where I share tools for learning how to feel and process emotions rather than protect against them with your ego defences.

If this resonates, share it with someone you love and trust — a partner, a friend, or within a therapy space.

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