Something told you that you were right, and it felt so good you didn't stop to check. That feeling is the subject of this episode.

In March, researchers at Stanford and Carnegie Mellon published a study in Science testing 11 leading AI systems. The machines affirmed people's choices about 49% more often than other humans did. After one conversation about a real conflict, people were more certain they were right and less willing to apologize or repair. They also trusted the flattering AI more.

Episode 37 opens our October theme, The Mirror That Talks Back. Us…in the Age of AI. Full disclosure: we used AI to help research this one, then checked it against the actual papers.

We get into:

• A new "relationship" with someone named Claude
• 2,000 posts from Reddit's "Am I the Asshole?" forum
• Why your brain treats disagreement like a mistake
• The slot machine versus the warm bath
• What the "ChatGPT is shrinking your brain" headline leaves out
• London taxi drivers and GPS
• A therapy chatbot that was designed to help instead of to be liked
• Why growth has never come from being agreed with

In this episode, you will learn:

• Why being agreed with feels like relief, especially for those of us who have spent years not being believed
• What happens in the brain when your opinion clashes with the group, and why beliefs tied to identity get defended like threats
• How AI assistants were trained into flattery, partly by accident and partly by incentive
• What the research on heavy chatbot use, loneliness, and emotional dependence does and does not show
• Why the order matters: brain first, machine second
• Why sycophancy is a design choice, not the technology itself
• An anti-flattery toolkit you can start using tonight

⏱️ CHAPTERS

[0:00] "I'm talking to someone"
[1:38] The study that should make us uncomfortable
[8:22] Why disagreement registers as an error in the brain
[14:45] Why would anyone build a flatterer?
[19:21] Coming soon: Not Her Anymore
[20:44] What is AI actually doing to my brain?
[23:53] "ChatGPT is shrinking your brain": what the study says
[29:38] The case for AI: the Therabot trial
[32:48] The anti-flattery toolkit
[37:03] Back to the mirror: growth needs friction

🔗 CONNECT WITH THE RAW ONION:
Website: https://therawonionpodcast.com
IG: https://www.instagram.com/therawonionpodcast

Substack: https://therawonion.substack.com
Reach out: hello@therawonionpodcast.com

🔗 CONNECT WITH STEPHANIE:
Triage Coaching and Consulting: https://triagebalancedlife.com/
Let's talk: https://scheduler.zoom.us/stephanie-ohannesian

🔗 CONNECT WITH YOSHIE:
Lotus Flower Journeys: https://lotusflowerjourneys.com
Let's connect: https://lotusflowerjourneys.com/contact

She told them it stayed at the table. Two weeks later, HR called.

For Heather Rippere, it was her dream job. One dinner and one shared secret later, a coworker was gone and her trust in the team was broken. She stayed nearly ten years, kept her head down, and never spoke about it.

Now a leadership coach and author, Heather joined The Raw Onion to close out our September series on betrayal. This time we take it where many of us spend most of our day: the workplace.

We get into:

• The dinner-table secret that cost a coworker his job and shaped how Heather showed up for almost ten years
• Why HR is not your friend (said with respect)
• How a work problem so often traces back to childhood
• The burnout both Heather and Stephanie went through because they could not say no

In this episode, you will learn:

• Why going quiet after betrayal is your brain adapting, not paranoia
• Why workplace betrayal sparks anger instead of heartbreak
• How taking responsibility differs from blaming yourself
• How coaching moves you from functional to optimal
• Why authenticity at work needs boundaries
• What Heather would tell her younger corporate self

🎙️ GUEST:

Heather Rippere, PCC. ICF PCC-certified leadership coach, Prosci® Certified Change Practitioner, and trauma-informed NLP practitioner with nearly 30 years of corporate experience. Her work blends somatics and change management. Author of From Imposter to Influencer: Stories and Steps to Unlock Self-Doubt and Lead Authentically.

⏱️ CHAPTERS:
[0:00] Welcome
[4:15] Meet Heather: a coach who lived it
[7:01] A dream job and a secret at dinner
[12:09] Trust is a prediction your brain makes
[21:09] Taking responsibility privately
[32:30] Why workplace betrayal hits differently
[39:01] How coaching moves you forward
[47:41] Authenticity needs boundaries
[48:41] Stephanie and Heather on burnout
[1:06:38] Choosing how you trust again
[1:09:10] Where to find Heather

🛠️ RESOURCES:

• Appraisal theory, Richard Lazarus
• Dickerson and Kemeny's research on social-evaluative threat

🔗 CONNECT WITH HEATHER RIPPERE:
Website: heatherrippere.com
Book (Amazon): https://www.amazon.com/Imposter-Influencer-Stories-Unlock-Authentically/dp/B0FSS3TWVW/
Book (Lulu): https://www.lulu.com/shop/heather-k-rippere/from-imposter-to-influencer/paperback/product-p6g8mqj.html?

🔗 CONNECT WITH US:
The Raw Onion: https://www.therawonionpodcast.com

🔗 CONNECT WITH STEPHANIE:
Let's Talk: https://scheduler.zoom.us/stephanie-ohannesian/30-mins-discovery-zoom

🔗 CONNECT WITH YOSHIE:
Let's Connect: https://lotusflowerjourneys.com/contact

The person who was supposed to catch you is the one who let you fall. That is betrayal, and it does not behave like ordinary heartbreak.

We sit down with Lauren Cheney, a mom of two who rebuilt her life after an almost 20-year marriage ended in betrayal. Yoshie also shares her own story on camera for the first time. We get into why this wound cuts so deep, why so many of us blame ourselves and try to fix the very person who hurt us, and what the brain and body are actually doing in the worst of it.

In this episode:

• Why betrayal from your closest person cuts deeper than any other loss
• The strange "gift" in Lauren's timeline that showed her it was never her fault
• Why the brain treats the person who hurt you like an addiction
• Guilt vs. shame, and why the shame spiral keeps us silent
• Broken heart syndrome, and the study on Tylenol and social pain
• The phases of betrayal trauma, and why you stabilize first

🎙️ GUEST:

Lauren Cheney is a mom of two who rebuilt her life after an almost 20-year marriage ended in betrayal. A Certified Emotion Code® and Body Code® Practitioner, she draws on holistic work and her own hard-won experience to explore both traditional and unconventional ways back to steady ground. When she shared her story online, her videos passed a million views. She is now launching her own podcast on rebuilding and moving forward after betrayal.

⏱️ CHAPTERS:

[00:00] What if everything ended?

[5:33] Lauren's story: blindsided after 20 years

[13:03] Yoshie's story, and the shared thread

[20:08] Why betrayal cuts deepest: the oxytocin bond

[23:40] An attachment injury, not just broken trust

[28:40] The brain on rejection, and the urge to fix

[34:51] Guilt, shame, and releasing it

[42:14] The phases: stabilize before you make sense of it

[51:52] Broken heart syndrome, and the Tylenol study

[57:10] The first spark of joy, and rewiring the brain

🛠️ RESOURCES:

• Book: The Betrayal Bind by Michelle Mays: https://amzn.to/4yDRfPO (Affiliate link shared by our guest. Purchases may earn her a commission at no extra cost to you.)
• Find a betrayal-trauma-trained therapist or coach. Search the APSATS or CCPS credentials: https://iitap.com/page/TherapistDirectory
• Helen Fisher's MRI research: a rejecting partner's photo lights up the same dopamine circuitry as addiction.
• Takotsubo cardiomyopathy ("broken heart syndrome"): an adrenaline surge that mimics a heart attack.
• DeWall and Eisenberger study: acetaminophen eased both hurt feelings and social-pain activity in the brain.
• Bach Rescue Remedy

🔗 CONNECT WITH LAUREN:

BetterAfterBetrayal: https://www.tiktok.com/@betterafterbetrayal

🔗 THE RAW ONION:

Web: https://www.therawonionpodcast.com

🔗 CONNECT WITH STEPHANIE:
Let's Talk: https://scheduler.zoom.us/stephanie-ohannesian/30-mins-discovery-zoom

🔗 CONNECT WITH YOSHIE:
Web: https://lotusflowerjourneys.com