Today I'm sharing my step-by-step guide for creating a sexy, intentional Valentine’s Day or sexy night at home. I explain the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire, and offer practical tips to build anticipation throughout the day—starting with bedtime rituals, flirty texts, and sexy underwear. I suggest using dinner as foreplay with finger-friendly foods, then transitioning to the bedroom with sensual activities like oil massages, wax play, and sex toys. I emphasize connection, communication, and making intimacy fun and pressure-free for couples.

Understanding Desire: Spontaneous vs. Responsive (00:01:23)

Explains the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire, and why understanding this matters for couples.

Intentional Desire-Building: The Three-Part Plan (00:02:55)

Jen outlines her three-part plan for building desire from morning to night.

Part 1: Morning Desire & Setting the Tone (00:04:11)

Discusses starting desire the night before, going to bed naked, and setting intentions for the next day.

Sexy Underwear & Turning Yourself On (00:06:13)

Encourages wearing sexy underwear to feel turned on throughout the day, sharing personal anecdotes.

Flirty Connection Throughout the Day (00:09:30)

Suggests sending flirty texts, voice notes, and sharing sexy memories to keep anticipation simmering.

Movement & Hormones: The Power of a Workout (00:10:52)

Recommends working out to boost hormones and get into your body before the evening.

Part 2: Dinner as Sensual Foreplay (00:11:57)

Describes how to make dinner light, sensual, and interactive, using finger foods and food play.

Part 3: Transitioning to the Bedroom (00:13:55)

Emphasizes a slow transition to the bedroom, avoiding rushing, and building on arousal.

Oil Massage & Splash Blankets (00:15:00)

Suggests using oil massages and splash blankets for a sensual, mess-friendly experience.

Warm Wax & Temperature Play (00:16:01)

Introduces warm wax play and experimenting with temperature and textures for added sensation.

Exploring Toys & New Experiences (00:18:02)

Encourages trying new sex toys together to enhance intimacy and break routine.

My favorite Splash Blanket:

https://splashblanket.us/

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In this episode of The Open Bedroom Podcast, I talk with show listener Mr. Pollyanna, who shares his journey from an evangelical Christian upbringing and purity culture to embracing emotional vulnerability and polyamory. We discuss the damaging effects of toxic masculinity, religious shame, and emotional abuse, and how these have shaped our relationships and intimacy.

Mr. Pollyanna offers insights on breaking free from patriarchal norms, cultivating tenderness, and building healthier, more authentic connections. Our conversation provides practical advice for men seeking emotional growth, highlighting the importance of compassion, listening, and redefining masculinity beyond traditional religious expectations.

Guest Introduction & Background (00:01:06)

Jen and Mr. Pollyanna share how they met, his Christian upbringing, and his journey to deconstructing faith.

Purity Culture and Its Impact (00:02:04)

Announcement of the episode’s main topic: how purity culture negatively affects men.

Mr. Pollyanna’s Upbringing & Marriage (00:02:14)

He describes his liberal Christian background, marrying into a conservative family, and early relationship challenges.

Toxic Family Dynamics & Church Involvement (00:04:37)

Explains family abuse, church leadership, and the dysfunction in evangelical communities.

Deconstruction & Anonymity (00:06:09)

Discusses leaving the church, being anonymous on TikTok, and ongoing family abuse and shame.

Purity Culture Guilt & Relationship Roles (00:07:33)

Talks about guilt from past relationships, controlling partners, and the “happy dingbat” dynamic.

Toxic Faith & Family Control (00:08:40)

Describes toxic faith, family control over finances, education, and the struggle to break free.

Leaving the Church & Ongoing Shame (00:10:07)

Explores the lasting effects of purity culture, ongoing guilt, and the contradiction of forgiveness.

Privilege & Abuse in Religious Marriages (00:11:11)

Acknowledges male privilege, shares stories of women’s abuse, and his involvement in healing communities.

Divorce & Breaking Free (00:13:55)

Describes the turning point leading to divorce and the relief of leaving guilt and shame behind.

Host’s Personal Experience with Purity Culture (00:14:40)

Jen shares her Catholic upbringing, friends’ experiences with virginity, and the shame surrounding sex.

Dave Ramsey, Christian Marriages & Sexlessness (00:16:20)

Jen discusses Christian influencers, sexless marriages, and questions why men stay in unfulfilling relationships.

Why Men Stay in Unhappy Marriages (00:18:38)

Mr. Pollyanna explains men’s reasons for staying, lack of emotional skills, and societal changes.

Generational Masculinity & Emotional Deficits (00:21:23)

Explores how past generations shaped men’s inability to be loving and emotionally available.

Homosocial Behavior & Male Loneliness (00:23:52)

Discusses men seeking approval from other men, lack of feminine influence, and self-inflicted loneliness.

Religion, Family, and Toxic Masculinity (00:29:17)

Examines how religion and toxic masculinity perpetuate control, emotional distance, and family conflict.

Nurturing, Intimacy, and Ending Patriarchy (00:30:34)

Advocates for nurturing, emotional intimacy, and how this could challenge patriarchy.

Post-Divorce Relationships & Deconstruction (00:31:32)

Describes dating after divorce, deconstructing faith, and the impact of “the one” narrative.

Solo Polyamory & Relationship Dynamics (00:40:16)

Discusses life as a solo poly man, benefits of independence, and maintaining multiple relationships.

Emotional Intelligence & Being a Better Lover (00:43:19)

Talks about emotional IQ, learning from books, and the importance of tenderness in relationships.

Advice for Men: Listening & Presence (00:45:18)

Offers practical advice for men: listen to women, provide comfort, and be emotionally present.

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In this episode of The Open Bedroom Podcast, I welcome back sexuality and tantra expert Melissa Louise for a deep dive into men’s sexual energy, ejaculation, and the cultural narratives around male sexuality.

Melissa shares her personal stories and offers practical advice on how to harness sexual energy for vitality, creativity, and deeper intimacy.

We explore how early life experiences shape our relationships, discuss the importance of “sexual currency,” and share techniques like breathwork and intention-setting.

Melissa also introduces her “Man in Control” program, which provides tools for men to improve their sexual health. This episode encourages you to rethink sexuality as a source of connection and empowerment.

CHAPTERS:Melissa’s Origin Story (00:02:08) Working with Men and Women (00:06:34) Cultural Attitudes Toward Male Sexuality (00:09:00) The Power and Depletion of Ejaculate (00:10:31) Daoist Perspectives on Ejaculation (00:13:49) Historical and Cultural Shifts in Sexuality (00:15:29) Sexual Energy and Cultural Differences (00:16:34) Sexual Repression and Relationship Dynamics (00:19:10) Sexual Energy as Life Force (00:21:00)ABOUT MELISSA LOUISE:Melissa Louise is Your Absolute Pleasure Advocate Internationally recognized for her no BS, authentic expression she brings warmth, raw honesty, and unapologetic depth to the most intimate parts of being human.Melissa supports women to reclaim their non negotiable and divine birthright to feel alive, orgasmic, and turned the fuck on — no matter their age or relationship status.Melissa supports men to become more attractive, powerful, and trustworthy by mastering their sexual energy, lasting longer in bed, and unlocking freedom in their bodies and bank accounts.SUBSTACK: https://melissalouise.substack.com/subscribeMan in Control Program:https://melissalouise.world/man-6739?am_id=jennifer7672Follow Melissa Louise:https://www.instagram.com/melissa_louise_intimacy/Follow The Open Bedroom Podcast:https://www.instagram.com/theopenbedroompodcast/

In this episode of The Open Bedroom Podcast, I share the story of how Scott and I decided to get married after four years together. I reflect on our initial hesitations, the practical reasons behind our choice—including financial planning and a prenup—and our intimate, DIY park ceremony officiated by a close friend. I discuss the meaning behind our vows, our open relationship, and the importance of creating a wedding that felt authentic to us. I also offer insights into our life together, our recent home remodel, and encourage you to embrace relationships on your own terms.

Introduction & Wrestling with Marriage (00:00:03) Jen introduces the podcast and discusses her and Scott’s initial hesitations and conversations about marriage.

Financial Commitments & Decision to Marry (00:01:09) They consider buying a home and business together, leading to discussions about legal and financial security.

Prenup & Ceremony Planning (00:03:37) Jen and Scott agree on a prenup and begin planning a small, private ceremony focused on themselves.

Choosing the Location & Officiant (00:05:47) They select a park for the ceremony and ask their friend Steph, a minister, to officiate.

Photographer & Ceremony Details (00:06:50) Jen arranges for Ashton, their photographer, to capture the ceremony and describes the intimate guest list.

Wedding Attire & Weather (00:07:49) Jen shares her process of finding a dress, dealing with unexpected cold weather, and last-minute outfit changes.

Comparing Past Weddings (00:10:39) Jen reflects on her previous two weddings, their costs, and how this third wedding is different.

Ring Story & Design (00:12:29) She tells the story of her engagement ring, its history, and how she redesigned it for each marriage.

Vows & Writing Process (00:17:11) Jen discusses writing personalized vows, the importance of privacy, and how their open relationship influenced their promises.

Deciding Not to Invite Kids (00:20:23) She explains why they chose not to include their children in the ceremony for privacy and honesty in their vows.

Handmade Bouquet & Wedding Accoutrements (00:22:35) Jen describes making her own bouquet and boutonniere, and the importance of small details for photos.

DIY Wedding & Costs (00:26:18) She encourages listeners to have simple, affordable weddings and details their total expenses.

Scott’s Wedding Outfit (00:27:14) Jen talks about shopping for Scott’s non-traditional wedding attire and how it fit their style.

Building a Life Together & New Home (00:28:05) Jen shares about buying a house, remodeling, and the practical aspects of merging lives and finances.

Open Relationship & Home Design (00:30:05) They design their home, including a shower for three, to fit their open relationship lifestyle.

Reflections on Relationship Changes (00:32:15) Jen recaps the year’s changes in their relationship dynamics, including breakups and new dating approaches.

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Today I'm sharing an update about the breakup of my polyamorous triad with Scott and Jess, reflecting on the challenges of differing relationship needs. I discuss the evolution of my relationships, the importance of self-fulfillment, and lessons I’ve learned about communication, boundaries, and embracing change. I encourage you to cultivate a full life outside of partnerships and offer insights into navigating love, loss, and growth within open relationships. I also hint at some upcoming life events and future podcast topics.

Timestamps by PodSqueezeIntroduction and Setting the Stage (00:00:03)

Jen introduces the podcast, mentions the recent breakup, and sets up the episode’s focus.

Reflecting on the Triad Vacation (00:01:24)

Jen recalls their first vacation as a triad and the joy of having a third partner.

Scott’s Desire for Openness (00:02:33)

Scott expresses his need for a more open relationship, leading to conflict with Jess.

Jess’s Need for Stability and the Breakup (00:03:47)

Jess asserts her need for monogamy and stability, resulting in the end of the triad.

Being the Person in the Middle (00:05:44)

Jen discusses the pain and challenges of being caught between two partners with conflicting needs.

How Relationship Dynamics Change (00:07:01)

Jen reflects on how needs and dynamics shift over time, using her marriages as examples.

Personal Growth Through Relationships (00:08:14)

Jen shares her journey of self-discovery and growth during her second marriage.

Sexual Awakening and Changing Needs (00:09:05)

Jen describes her late-30s sexual awakening and the resulting end of her second marriage.

Accelerated Change in Open Relationships (00:10:09)

Jen explains how open relationships can accelerate personal and relational growth.

Shifting Dynamics with Scott and Steph (00:11:16)

Jen recounts how relationship dynamics with Scott and Steph evolved, including role reversals.

Tossing Out Relationship Rules (00:12:23)

Jen discusses moving away from rigid rules and embracing fluidity in open relationships.

Evolving Relationship with Steph (00:13:45)

Jen details how her relationship with Steph changed after Scott left the triad.

Intentional Time and Changing Expectations (00:15:45)

Jen describes efforts to schedule intentional time with Steph and how expectations shifted.

Letting Go of Guilt and Societal Roles (00:19:10)

Jen learns to release guilt and societal expectations, focusing on authentic connection.

Self-Fulfillment Outside of Partners (00:20:20)

Jen emphasizes the importance of self-fulfillment and not relying solely on partners for happiness.

Making Room for New Connections (00:22:37)

Jen discusses being open to new partners and connections as life and needs change.

Lessons from the Breakup with Jess (00:23:34)

Jen reflects on the pain of losing Jess and the importance of letting people come and go.

Unattached Love and Relationship Choice (00:25:49)

Jen shares insights about unattached love and choosing relationships without rigid requirements.

Outro and Upcoming Life Events (00:26:44)

Jen wraps up, mentions upcoming travel, moving, and thanks listeners for their support.

Podcast Closing and Listener Engagement (00:28:36)

Closing remarks, encouraging feedback, topic suggestions, and sharing the podcast.

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Ever wondered how couples navigate long-term commitment while exploring other connections? This candid discussion explores one couple's journey into ethical non-monogamy (ENM) after 20 years of marriage. From initial hesitations to embracing polyamorous connections, they share their story of redefining relationships and challenging norms. Learn about the realities of an open relationship and the courage it takes to rewrite your own rules.

Missi and Brian’s Origin Story (00:01:44) Missi shares how she and Brian began discussing adding a third, their early thoughts, and discovering polyamory.

Lisa’s Background and Entry (00:05:13) Lisa describes her background, previous marriage, initial interest in threesomes, and how she met Missi and Brian.

Navigating International Long-Distance (00:11:22) The triad discusses managing a cross-border relationship, travel logistics, and cultural differences between Canada and the US.

Political and Social Challenges (00:15:09) Lisa shares anxieties about political climates, social judgment, and how love overcomes external pressures.

From Casual to Committed (00:16:39) Lisa and Missi discuss how the relationship evolved from casual fun to a committed, equal triad.

Disentangling Marriage for Equality (00:29:31) Missi and Lisa explain how and Brian shifted from a married couple with a girlfriend to a more equal triad.

Navigating New Relationship Energy (00:32:26) They discuss the challenges of balancing new relationship energy, dyad connections, and letting relationships develop naturally.

Staying Connected Long-Distance (00:42:00) The triad shares how they maintain connection across distance, use technology, and structure dyad time.

Advice for Aspiring Triads (00:52:28) Final advice for listeners interested in triads: patience, communication, boundaries, and seeking peace over butterflies.

Follow Brian, Lisa and Missi:

https://www.instagram.com/loveyoutwo2022/

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Psychotherapist Jason Shires shares how childhood trauma shapes adult relationships. Jason explains how internal defense mechanisms formed in childhood impact our partner choices and relationship patterns. We discuss therapeutic approaches like Internal Family Systems and somatic experiencing, the dynamics of masculine and feminine energies, and the role of addiction as escapism. We also explore how you can heal anxiety inside of relationships, offering practical insights for navigating emotional triggers with compassion. Jason shares personal insights and resources for healing, emphasizing self-acceptance, vulnerability, and the ongoing journey toward deeper connection and intimacy. This episode offers compassionate guidance for understanding and transforming relational wounds.

Episode Topic Overview (00:01:13)

Announcement of the episode’s focus: trauma’s impact on adult relationships.

Childhood Wounds and Partner Selection (00:03:13)

How childhood wounds influence partner choice and relationship experiences.

Personal Story of Childhood Trauma (00:05:13)

Jason shares his own childhood trauma and its effect on his adult relationships.

Internal Defense Mechanisms (00:08:37)

Jason explains internal defense mechanisms as intelligent responses to childhood adversity.

Parts Work and Somatic Approaches (00:12:10)

Discussion of Internal Family Systems (IFS) and somatic experiencing in healing trauma.

Impact of Trauma Work on Relationships (00:15:05)

How trauma work can transform relationships and deepen connection.

Navigating New, Healthy Relationships (00:18:06)

The challenges and risks of embracing love after trauma.

Welcoming Insecurity in Relationships (00:22:18)

Welcoming and addressing insecurity to increase intimacy and trust.

Summary and Healing Journey (00:37:14)

Recap of the journey from trauma to healing and healthy relationships.

Follow Jason:

https://www.instagram.com/infiniterecoveryproject/

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This interview surprised me. I tried to enter it with an open heart, and didn't too too much pre-research that might sway my questions or energy toward Paul.I was honestly blown away by Paul's authenticity, the data behind why people cheat, how we can be better partners to avoid cheating, and how Ashley Madison provides a discreet platform so you're not boinking your fellow office workers and ruining your family's life.In this episode of The Open Bedroom Podcast, I talk with Paul Keable, Chief Strategy Officer at Ashley Madison, about the realities of sex, dating, and non-monogamy. Paul shares research on why people seek affairs, the impact of unmet needs in relationships, and the misconceptions around open relationships. Our conversation explores communication challenges, the evolving definition of marriage, and how platforms like Ashley Madison provide discreet ways for people to connect. Paul and I discuss the importance of honesty, consent, and creating relationship agreements that work for each unique couple.Why People Cheat: Research Insights (00:02:21)Paul discusses academic research on why men and women seek affairs, focusing on unmet sexual and emotional needs.Gender Differences in Validation & Desire (00:06:01)How men and women seek validation and desire, and the emotional needs driving infidelity.Personal Experience & Using Ashley Madison (00:08:06)Jen shares her open relationship journey and her research experience joining Ashley Madison.Why Men Send Unsolicited Photos (00:12:20)Paul explains men’s motivations for sending explicit photos and offers advice on respectful communication.Safety, Trust, and Communication in Dating (00:13:29)Importance of trust and safety for women, and how men can better approach online dating.How to Write a Good Dating Profile (00:14:43)Paul gives advice on creating effective, respectful dating profiles, especially on Ashley Madison.Regulation, Pornography, and Privacy Concerns (00:23:46)Jen discusses state-level porn restrictions and concerns about privacy and government regulation.Understanding & Combating Adultery (00:24:41)Paul emphasizes the need to understand infidelity rather than just prohibit it.Affairs as a Way to Save Marriages (00:25:27)Research on how affairs can improve primary relationships and relieve sexual frustration.Sexual Communication & Advice for Couples (00:29:18)Paul gives advice on sexual communication, feedback, and the importance of openness and trying new things.Ashley Madison’s Marketing & Gender Perspectives (00:31:33)Discussion on how Ashley Madison’s marketing resonates differently with men and women.Dead Bedrooms & Rights to Pleasure (00:35:55)Exploring what happens when one partner loses interest in sex and the ethics of seeking pleasure elsewhere.Modern Relationships & Open Arrangements (00:36:25)How open relationships can address unmet needs and misconceptions about non-monogamy.Redefining Marriage & Relationship Norms (00:41:37)Jen and Paul discuss rewriting marriage norms, the rise of non-monogamy, and the need for personalized relationship agreements.History and Evolution of Marriage (00:42:01)Paul explains the origins of marriage, societal expectations, and evolving attitudes toward sex and partnership.COVID-19’s Impact on Relationships (00:45:52)How the pandemic intensified relationship issues and increased Ashley Madison’s user base.Personalizing Marriage & Relationship Agreements (00:46:36)Advocating for individualized marriage agreements and ongoing communication between partners.Five-Year Monogamy Contracts & Final Thoughts (00:48:04)Advice on periodic relationship check-ins and the future of Ashley Madison as a platform for discretion and diverse needs.**Ashley Madison**:https://www.ashleymadison.com/**Follow The Open Bedroom Podcast**:https://www.instagram.com/theopenbedroompodcast/