Today I'm sharing my step-by-step guide for creating a sexy, intentional Valentine’s Day or sexy night at home. I explain the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire, and offer practical tips to build anticipation throughout the day—starting with bedtime rituals, flirty texts, and sexy underwear. I suggest using dinner as foreplay with finger-friendly foods, then transitioning to the bedroom with sensual activities like oil massages, wax play, and sex toys. I emphasize connection, communication, and making intimacy fun and pressure-free for couples.

Understanding Desire: Spontaneous vs. Responsive (00:01:23)

Explains the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire, and why understanding this matters for couples.

Intentional Desire-Building: The Three-Part Plan (00:02:55)

Jen outlines her three-part plan for building desire from morning to night.

Part 1: Morning Desire & Setting the Tone (00:04:11)

Discusses starting desire the night before, going to bed naked, and setting intentions for the next day.

Sexy Underwear & Turning Yourself On (00:06:13)

Encourages wearing sexy underwear to feel turned on throughout the day, sharing personal anecdotes.

Flirty Connection Throughout the Day (00:09:30)

Suggests sending flirty texts, voice notes, and sharing sexy memories to keep anticipation simmering.

Movement & Hormones: The Power of a Workout (00:10:52)

Recommends working out to boost hormones and get into your body before the evening.

Part 2: Dinner as Sensual Foreplay (00:11:57)

Describes how to make dinner light, sensual, and interactive, using finger foods and food play.

Part 3: Transitioning to the Bedroom (00:13:55)

Emphasizes a slow transition to the bedroom, avoiding rushing, and building on arousal.

Oil Massage & Splash Blankets (00:15:00)

Suggests using oil massages and splash blankets for a sensual, mess-friendly experience.

Warm Wax & Temperature Play (00:16:01)

Introduces warm wax play and experimenting with temperature and textures for added sensation.

Exploring Toys & New Experiences (00:18:02)

Encourages trying new sex toys together to enhance intimacy and break routine.

My favorite Splash Blanket:

https://splashblanket.us/

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In this episode of The Open Bedroom Podcast, I talk with show listener Mr. Pollyanna, who shares his journey from an evangelical Christian upbringing and purity culture to embracing emotional vulnerability and polyamory. We discuss the damaging effects of toxic masculinity, religious shame, and emotional abuse, and how these have shaped our relationships and intimacy.

Mr. Pollyanna offers insights on breaking free from patriarchal norms, cultivating tenderness, and building healthier, more authentic connections. Our conversation provides practical advice for men seeking emotional growth, highlighting the importance of compassion, listening, and redefining masculinity beyond traditional religious expectations.

Guest Introduction & Background (00:01:06)

Jen and Mr. Pollyanna share how they met, his Christian upbringing, and his journey to deconstructing faith.

Purity Culture and Its Impact (00:02:04)

Announcement of the episode’s main topic: how purity culture negatively affects men.

Mr. Pollyanna’s Upbringing & Marriage (00:02:14)

He describes his liberal Christian background, marrying into a conservative family, and early relationship challenges.

Toxic Family Dynamics & Church Involvement (00:04:37)

Explains family abuse, church leadership, and the dysfunction in evangelical communities.

Deconstruction & Anonymity (00:06:09)

Discusses leaving the church, being anonymous on TikTok, and ongoing family abuse and shame.

Purity Culture Guilt & Relationship Roles (00:07:33)

Talks about guilt from past relationships, controlling partners, and the “happy dingbat” dynamic.

Toxic Faith & Family Control (00:08:40)

Describes toxic faith, family control over finances, education, and the struggle to break free.

Leaving the Church & Ongoing Shame (00:10:07)

Explores the lasting effects of purity culture, ongoing guilt, and the contradiction of forgiveness.

Privilege & Abuse in Religious Marriages (00:11:11)

Acknowledges male privilege, shares stories of women’s abuse, and his involvement in healing communities.

Divorce & Breaking Free (00:13:55)

Describes the turning point leading to divorce and the relief of leaving guilt and shame behind.

Host’s Personal Experience with Purity Culture (00:14:40)

Jen shares her Catholic upbringing, friends’ experiences with virginity, and the shame surrounding sex.

Dave Ramsey, Christian Marriages & Sexlessness (00:16:20)

Jen discusses Christian influencers, sexless marriages, and questions why men stay in unfulfilling relationships.

Why Men Stay in Unhappy Marriages (00:18:38)

Mr. Pollyanna explains men’s reasons for staying, lack of emotional skills, and societal changes.

Generational Masculinity & Emotional Deficits (00:21:23)

Explores how past generations shaped men’s inability to be loving and emotionally available.

Homosocial Behavior & Male Loneliness (00:23:52)

Discusses men seeking approval from other men, lack of feminine influence, and self-inflicted loneliness.

Religion, Family, and Toxic Masculinity (00:29:17)

Examines how religion and toxic masculinity perpetuate control, emotional distance, and family conflict.

Nurturing, Intimacy, and Ending Patriarchy (00:30:34)

Advocates for nurturing, emotional intimacy, and how this could challenge patriarchy.

Post-Divorce Relationships & Deconstruction (00:31:32)

Describes dating after divorce, deconstructing faith, and the impact of “the one” narrative.

Solo Polyamory & Relationship Dynamics (00:40:16)

Discusses life as a solo poly man, benefits of independence, and maintaining multiple relationships.

Emotional Intelligence & Being a Better Lover (00:43:19)

Talks about emotional IQ, learning from books, and the importance of tenderness in relationships.

Advice for Men: Listening & Presence (00:45:18)

Offers practical advice for men: listen to women, provide comfort, and be emotionally present.

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In this episode of The Open Bedroom Podcast, I welcome back sexuality and tantra expert Melissa Louise for a deep dive into men’s sexual energy, ejaculation, and the cultural narratives around male sexuality.

Melissa shares her personal stories and offers practical advice on how to harness sexual energy for vitality, creativity, and deeper intimacy.

We explore how early life experiences shape our relationships, discuss the importance of “sexual currency,” and share techniques like breathwork and intention-setting.

Melissa also introduces her “Man in Control” program, which provides tools for men to improve their sexual health. This episode encourages you to rethink sexuality as a source of connection and empowerment.

CHAPTERS:Melissa’s Origin Story (00:02:08) Working with Men and Women (00:06:34) Cultural Attitudes Toward Male Sexuality (00:09:00) The Power and Depletion of Ejaculate (00:10:31) Daoist Perspectives on Ejaculation (00:13:49) Historical and Cultural Shifts in Sexuality (00:15:29) Sexual Energy and Cultural Differences (00:16:34) Sexual Repression and Relationship Dynamics (00:19:10) Sexual Energy as Life Force (00:21:00)ABOUT MELISSA LOUISE:Melissa Louise is Your Absolute Pleasure Advocate Internationally recognized for her no BS, authentic expression she brings warmth, raw honesty, and unapologetic depth to the most intimate parts of being human.Melissa supports women to reclaim their non negotiable and divine birthright to feel alive, orgasmic, and turned the fuck on — no matter their age or relationship status.Melissa supports men to become more attractive, powerful, and trustworthy by mastering their sexual energy, lasting longer in bed, and unlocking freedom in their bodies and bank accounts.SUBSTACK: https://melissalouise.substack.com/subscribeMan in Control Program:https://melissalouise.world/man-6739?am_id=jennifer7672Follow Melissa Louise:https://www.instagram.com/melissa_louise_intimacy/Follow The Open Bedroom Podcast:https://www.instagram.com/theopenbedroompodcast/