In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day declare it No November. Somewhere between Halloween and New Year's, the women we know turn into party planners, caterers, built-in therapists, and travel agents, mostly for zero dollars. Consider this episode your permission slip to say no, so you have room to say yes.

Elizabeth breaks down what happens in your body when you say yes to everything: the teeth grinding, the tight stomach, the sleep that won't come. She explains why "I declare myself well" can't become a lifestyle. Calvalyn counts the eight weeks left in the year and asks what you actually have capacity for. They talk about why our lives are not our mothers' lives, who is watching how we say no, and simple scripts for saying no without over-explaining. Then each host shares her own no list: perfect timing, holiday overcommitment, storybook mothering, and dry begging.

This one is for the high-achieving woman who gets excited when plans get canceled, keeps traditions out of guilt, and says yes before she checks her calendar. Count the cost, respect the pause, and make room for your best yes.

Both hosts have room for new coaching clients heading into 2027. Book a discovery call to see if working with one of us is a good fit.

Resources Mentioned:

Book a call with Elizabeth https://call.lovinglifewithliz.com/

Book a call with Calvalyn https://upgradecoaching.lovable.app

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth — https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth — https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth — https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• No is a complete sentence. Any context you add is optional.

• Every no makes room for a yes you actually want.

• Stress with nowhere to go shows up in your body: your jaw, your stomach, your sleep.

• Pushing through sometimes is human. Pushing through as a lifestyle costs you.

• There are about eight weeks left this year. You can't be everywhere for everybody.

• Your life is not your mother's life, so her standards don't have to be yours.

• If you get excited when plans get canceled, you probably should have said no.

• Check your capacity, not just your calendar, before you say yes.

• Count the full cost: 30 minutes to put it up is also an hour to take it down.

• Someone is watching how you say no and learning they're allowed to say it too.

Chapters

00:00 Bone Broth vs. Coffee: Welcome In

00:51 Where No November Came From

02:53 The Unpaid Holiday Jobs Women Take On

04:17 Say No So You Can Say Yes

05:12 What Stress Does to Your Body

06:57 Oura Ring Truths and "I Declare Myself Well"

11:35 Eight Weeks Left: What's Your Capacity?

13:50 Our Lives Are Not Our Mothers' Lives

16:17 Respect the Pause: Who's Watching You

17:34 Scripts for Saying No

19:23 When You're Relieved Someone Canceled

20:45 Elizabeth's No: Perfect Timing and Holiday Plans

23:39 Calvalyn's No: Dry Begging

27:31 Saying No to Storybook Mothering

29:12 Three Questions for Your No November

32:05 Count the Cost Before You Say Yes

33:40 Discovery Calls for 2027

Keywords

Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White, Calvalyn Day, No November, how to say no, saying no, boundaries, holiday boundaries, holiday stress, capacity, overcommitment, people pleasing, stress and the body, rest, emotional labor, dry begging, Black women wellness, high-achieving women, women's mental health, life coaching for women

In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day open up the archives of the Love You To Life Club, the virtual community they ran for high-achieving, ambitious women during the pandemic, and bring back one of its most-loved traditions: the Level Up List. Every month, club members got ten small, doable challenges designed to move their lives in the right direction. This list is from March 2021, and it still hits in 2026.

Elizabeth and Calvalyn walk through all ten items, from freshening up your playlist and trying a new color to getting in front of the camera, going no salt, taking a movement break, and putting your devices to bed early. Calvalyn shares why she has no photos of herself pregnant with any of her children, Elizabeth breaks down why rested women make richer decisions, and both hosts talk about how simply not rushing can tell your nervous system you are safe. They close with practicing forgiveness without giving anyone renewed access to you, and bringing back the joy of snail mail.

This one is for the woman who feels like she's treading water: tired, stretched thin, and short on joy. You don't need a breakthrough moment to feel better. You need small steps you can actually cross off. Try one item or all ten this month, and let the Lovey-Lifers cheer you on.

Download the Level Up List in the show notes, then tell us in the comments which challenge you're taking on

DOWNLOAD the Level Up List

Level Up List (March 2021 edition)

The Well Counseling and Consulting Group — book with therapist Yameen Chestnut

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth — https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth — https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth — https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• Small steps train your brain not to fear the big goal.

• Crossing off something that's just for you is a real win.

• A fresh playlist can move you out of a season you've already processed.

• Try a new color and notice how you feel before and after.

• Get in the picture. Your kids will want photos of you someday.

• Small swaps, like watching your sodium at one meal, compound over time.

• A 10-minute walk after a meal counts. Movement doesn't need an hour.

• Confidence comes from doing new things, not waiting to feel ready.

• Rested women make richer decisions.

• Forgiveness frees you. It doesn't give anyone renewed access to you.

Chapters

00:00 Hot Fire and Holding On to Your Joy

00:38 Back to the Love You To Life Club Archives

01:31 The Level Up List and the Level Up Dance

03:29 Why Small Steps Help You Level Up

04:59 Shout Out to the Lovey-Lifers

05:56 The March 2021 List, Written From Our Guts

06:52 #1 Freshen Up Your Playlist

09:16 #2 Try a New Color

11:24 #3 Get in Front of the Camera

14:31 #4 Go No Salt

17:10 #5 Take a Movement Break

19:06 #6 Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

21:00 #7 Put Your Devices to Bed Early

24:47 #8 Slow Down, Friend

27:50 Slowing Down and Your Nervous System

30:46 #9 Practice Forgiveness

33:50 #10 Send Some Snail Mail

35:22 Which Level Up Will You Try This Month?

In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day are talking harvest season and what it takes to clear the ground before you can grow what you actually want. If this year didn't go the way you planned, the missteps, bad decisions, and regrets you keep replaying might be the weeds choking out your next season. Some of it has to be ripped up by the root, and that starts with forgiving yourself.

Elizabeth and Calvalyn unpack why your relationship with yourself is the operating system for every other relationship, why grace and accountability go hand in hand, and how rumination keeps you chewing on the past without ever processing it. From shame spirals and parenting regrets to money decisions made before a layoff, a Scarlet Letter detour, and the oldest-daughter burden, they show the difference between the leaves (overgiving, overworking, people-pleasing, overspending) and the roots underneath them: the beliefs that you're only worthy when you're earning, proving, or being perfect.

This one is for the high achiever who has become her own biggest bully. You'll also hear how to tell whether you need a therapist, a coach, or both, and why pulling bad roots is only half the work. The other half is nourishing the roots you want to keep. Pick one thing to forgive, one root to pull, and one to cultivate. We're on the journey with you.

Resources Mentioned:

The Well Counseling Group https://thewellcounselinggroup.com/

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth — https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth — https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth — https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• Forgiving yourself isn't excusing, justifying, or pretending it didn't happen. It's choosing to stop punishing yourself.

• Your relationship with yourself is the operating system for how you relate to everyone else.

• If it's hard to forgive, trust, or stop judging others, look at how you treat yourself.

• Grace and accountability go hand in hand: own what happened, then decide how you'll show up now.

• Rumination is chewing without swallowing. Nothing gets processed, so nothing moves.

• You're meditating any time you give something consistent, focused attention. Choose what gets it.

• You made the best decision you could with the information you had at the time.

• Overgiving, overworking, and people-pleasing are leaves. The root is a belief about your worth.

• Pull the roots that don't serve you, and water the ones that do.

• Therapy works from the past forward; coaching works from the present forward. You may need one or both.

In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day (fresh off realizing "Walk It Out" is twenty years old) are talking about the gap between what you say you want and the steps you're actually taking. Whatever fight you've been invited into right now, whether financial, relational, medical, or career, the message is simple: don't just talk it out. Walk it out.

Using David and Goliath as their anchor, the hosts explore adversity as an invitation, Mama D's "pray, believe, act, in that order," and why your present reality is really your past showing up. They cover putting tape on your mouth so you don't speak against your prayers, Peter keeping his eyes locked on Jesus, vision books, the reticular activating system, and counting answered prayers in real time. Elizabeth opens up about her IVF journey, Calvalyn shares her million-dollar-a-day exercise, and together they make the case to prepare for what you're praying for.

This one speaks to the Black and brown women who keep serving and showing up even when life doesn't look the way they hoped, including the sister who isn't at the vision book stage yet. Bible believer or not, eat the meat and spit out the bone: life still takes faith, hope, and one small step at a time.

Resources Mentioned:

"Walk It Out" — Unk (2006)

David and Goliath — 1 Samuel 17

Peter Walks on Water — Matthew 14

Dr. Joe Dispenza — author and teacher on mindset and the future self

Dr. Bill Winston — pastor and teacher

Rachel Rodgers — business coach (Instagram post referenced)

The Color Purple — Alice Walker (Miss Sophia)

Redefining with Calvalyn — Calvalyn's Substack (link in show notes)

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth — https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth — https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth — https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• Adversity can be an invitation to step into a higher level of your own power.

• Pray, believe, act, in that order.

• If you can't believe for the whole thing, believe for a piece of it, or just for today.

• Your present is the result of your past. Don't let it distract you from your future.

• Stop speaking against your prayers. Sometimes the most faithful move is to stay quiet.

• Look for the answered prayers already in your life, even the noisy, inconvenient ones.

• Whatever you pay attention to grows. Your brain will show you more of it.

• Use your past wins as evidence. You've beaten the lion and the bear before.

• Prepare for what you're praying for. If 20 clients called today, would you be ready?

• Confidence comes from action, and small steps beat sweeping overhauls.

In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day return for Part 2 of their two-part series on the lies Black women have believed, picking up right where they left off to unpack the final three. This installment digs into the belief that our worth is tied to how much we carry for everyone else, and the hosts don't pull any punches.

Elizabeth and Calvalyn walk through Lie #5, that you have to hold everybody down, exploring caregiving, the black tax, survivor's remorse, and the fear of disappointing family, including Elizabeth's own story about the year money was tight at Christmas. They move into Lie #6, the belief that ambition is a betrayal of your community, using real talk about MC Hammer, Toni Braxton, Willow Smith, and a classic A Different World callback to unpack how loyalty and ambition get tangled. They close with Lie #7, that you're only worthy of conditional love, including Calvalyn's unforgettable chitlins story and a real conversation about what Black women actually deserve in love.

This episode speaks directly to the woman who has built her identity around being needed, the caregiver, the provider, the one everyone calls on, who is starting to wonder who she is outside of that role. Elizabeth and Calvalyn's core message: you don't owe anyone your smallness, your silence, or your self-neglect. You are worthy of love and a full life exactly as you are.

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth — https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth — https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth — https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• You're allowed to stop holding everybody down. Caregiving shouldn't cost you your own well-being.

• Overgiving is self-neglect with lipstick on. If you're always saying yes to others and no to yourself, pay attention.

• You don't have to earn your place in your family, your job, or your relationship by staying small.

• Your ambition isn't a betrayal of the people you love. It's a right you're allowed to claim.

• You don't have to choose between loyalty and your own dreams.

• Notice the unspoken obligation to fund or fix everyone else's life. It's worth questioning where it came from.

• You are worthy of love exactly as you are, cooking skills, hair length, income, and all, optional.

• Real love doesn't require you to shrink, perform, or prove your worth through service.

• If you don't know who you are outside of what you do for other people, that's worth sitting with.

• Evaluate the beliefs you were raised with. Keep what serves you and release what doesn't.

Chapters

00:00 Welcome Back: Continuing the Lies We've Believed

01:53 Lie #5: You Have to Hold Everybody Down

03:27 Elizabeth's Christmas Story and the Cost of Caregiving Identity

07:52 Overgiving Is Self-Neglect With Lipstick On

12:12 Signs You're Disrupting Your Own Life to Caregive

13:59 Lie #6: Your Ambition Is a Threat

14:51 A Different World, MC Hammer, and the Weight of Success

20:29 Are You Living a Life You Actually Want?

24:15 Lie #7: You're Only Worthy of Conditional Love

25:33 Calvalyn's Chitlins Story

29:57 You Are Worthy of Love Exactly As You Are

32:44 Closing: Choosing the Truths That Serve You

In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day open a series they promised would be a "doubler-downer", a raw, funny, and deeply necessary conversation about the lies Black women have been told about our bodies, our worth, and our right to feel. This is Part 1, and the hosts don't ease you in.

Elizabeth and Calvalyn unpack the lie that a Black woman's body must always be productive, tracing how that belief shows up in everything from Saturday cleaning rituals to the quiet shame around fertility and motherhood. They reference Dr. Joy DeGruy's Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome to root the conversation historically, then move into the lie that a Black woman's body must look a certain way, hair, appearance, and the pressure to look "cared for" just to be treated with basic dignity. From there, they open theme two: the lies about what Black women are allowed to feel and say, starting with the myth that we must always be strong, using Vice President Kamala Harris as a real-world example of the impossible bind between "too strong" and "not strong enough."

This episode speaks to the high-achieving, over-giving woman who has never stopped to ask where these beliefs came from, or whether they're even true. Elizabeth and Calvalyn model what it looks like to hold each other accountable, disagree a little, laugh a lot, and still land on truth. If you've ever felt triggered by a comment about your hair, your body, or your strength, this episode gives that feeling somewhere to go.

Resources Mentioned:

Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome: America's Legacy of Enduring Injury and Healing ⁠https://amzn.to/46mwv2Z

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth, https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn, https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth, https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn, https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn, https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth, https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• Your body's value was never meant to be measured by how productive it is.

• Rest is not laziness, it's a strategy, and sometimes a form of healing.

• The shame you carry around fertility or motherhood may not even be fully yours; some of it is inherited history.

• Not everything said to you was meant to harm you, but that doesn't mean it wasn't harmful.

• You are allowed to question the beauty standards you were raised inside of, even the ones that came from people who love you.

• "Strong Black woman" can be a compliment and a cage at the same time.

• You cannot be expected to be endlessly strong and then punished for showing it.

• Vulnerability, saying you're tired, hurt, or need a break, is not weakness. It's the color of life.

• You get to decide where the line is between valuing your strength and being harmed by it.

• Share this episode with a friend, then sit with what got activated in you while you listened.

Keywords

Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White, Calvalyn Day, lies Black women are told, strong Black woman, post traumatic slave syndrome, Dr. Joy DeGruy, Black women mental health, Black women fertility, Black beauty standards, Black women strength, healing from generational trauma, Lovey-Lifers

In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day get into something that started as a laugh and turned into a real conversation about truth-telling. Calvalyn's TikTok confession, that she doesn't know how to do the Tamia line dance, went viral using the "Netflix documentary" trend, and the comments turned into an unexpected social experiment: hundreds of women disclosing things they don't normally say out loud, from experiencing colorism, as the darkest child in the family to restarting a fitness journey for the hundredth time.

Elizabeth and Calvalyn dig into why so many of us carry stories on loop in our heads without ever speaking them, the loss of communal spaces like the barbershop and beauty shop, the "what happens at home stays at home" rule so many grew up with, the shame of not having anyone in your circle who shares your experience, and the pressure on high-achieving Black women to look like they don't need anything. They talk through the Kirk Franklin moment that went viral, family roles and the myth that people are two-dimensional, the physical cost of carrying isolation and unspoken grief (tying back to the weathering of Black women's bodies), and how social media has created connection without real intimacy.

This episode speaks to anyone who has ever held a story in because they weren't sure it would be received well, whether that's about infertility, financial strain, childhood, or simply feeling like the only one in the room who doesn't get it. The core message: there's a real cost to carrying it alone, and speaking your truth, even in small, safe places like a therapist's office or a trusted support group, can be the very thing that reconnects you to community.

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth, https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn, https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth, https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn, https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn, https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth, https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• You are not the only one carrying a story you've never said out loud, and that silence has a cost.

• The barbershop and beauty shop used to be built-in community; independence has quietly taken some of that away from you.

• "What happens at home stays at home" may be protecting you from something you actually need to release.

• Carrying a heavy thing alone is heavier than carrying it with someone who can share the weight.

• High-achieving does not mean you're not allowed to be tired, struggling, or in need of support.

• People you admire are still human, don't withhold space for someone else's humanity just because they perform well.

• Not every space is safe for your story; some spaces deserve your story, and some deserve your caution.

• A therapist or support group can be the safest first place to test the waters of a story you've never told.

• The cost of hiding a story is often higher than the cost of telling it.

• You get to decide what to share, how much, and with whom, there is no one-size-fits-all answer.

In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day get real about what happens when a woman runs on empty and doesn't even realize it.

Sparked by a twenty-four-hour stretch where every single device in Elizabeth's life died at the same time, this conversation turns a dead battery into a full-blown revelation about the state of her own soul, mind, and body. If you've ever felt yourself running low without knowing exactly when it started, this one is for you.

Liz and Cal walk through what it actually looks like to live in the yellow: decision fatigue, snapping at things that don't usually bother you, everything feeling like an urgent fire. Cal shares her own wake-up call, a medical diagnosis brought on by being stretched too thin, and the two dig into why capacity isn't fixed and changes season to season. They name busyness as a hidden energy drainer, especially heading into back-to-school season, and ask the pointed question: which battery drainer is the most socially rewarded? From caregiving careers to church house culture, they get honest about how overgiving gets praised right up until it breaks you. They also separate real recharge from the recharge myth, wine, weed, doom scrolling, retail therapy, and oversleeping, and lay out their own non-negotiables, including the three-minute buffer between transitions.

This episode speaks directly to the high achievers, the over-givers, and the come-through queens who have a hard time saying no. The core message: give yourself permission to plug in before you hit zero, and don't expect everyone around you to applaud the change. The people who truly love you will adjust.

Join our LIVE FREE EVENT on August 4, 2026 https://weatheringwomen.lovable.app

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth — https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth — https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth — https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• You don't have to hit zero before you're allowed to plug in. Catch the warning signs early: decision fatigue, snapping easily, everything feeling urgent.

• Your capacity isn't fixed. Some seasons you'll only charge to eighty percent, and that's not failure, that's information.

• Busyness is socially rewarded, but it is still an energy drainer. Protect white space on your calendar on purpose.

• Ask yourself honestly whether your go-to recharge, wine, scrolling, shopping, sleep, actually recharges you or just numbs you.

• Retail therapy is not therapy. Notice what you're really trying to soothe before you spend.

• Build a robust list of things that genuinely refuel you, because you already have a robust list of things that drain you.

• Once you find what recharges you, stop canceling it. Put it in ink, not pencil.

• A three-minute buffer between transitions can reset your nervous system more than you think.

• Give yourself permission to change your pace, even if the people around you don't applaud it. The right people will adjust.

• Overgiving in caregiving careers, at church, and at home is often praised right up until it costs you your health.