When you are in a fight with your partner, who should start the repair? Jayson and Ellen explore why couples get stuck arguing over who hurt who first and how letting issues build up can make conflicts spiral out of control. They discuss ways to initiate repair, what to do when one partner is always the first to reach out, and how managing your defensiveness can help you move through conflict together.

Timestamps:

• 2:00 - Who hurt who first?
• 5:30 - Letting issues build up makes conflicts spiral out of control
• 11:00 - Who starts repair?
• 17:00 - Ways to initiate repair
• 20:30 - What if one partner initiates repair more?
• 26:30 - Manage your defensiveness

Links:

• ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

Does a man need to be a rock for his partner? Jayson and Ellen explore the idea of men as a rock and where that model falls short. They talk about whether there is any wisdom to being a rock, why some women promote this idea, and what it looks like for couples to support each other instead of relying on one person to always be strong.

Timestamps:

• 1:25 - Man as a rock?
• 3:53 - The limitations of the being-a-rock model
• 8:55 - Is there any wisdom to being a rock for your partner?
• 15:40 - Why do some women promote the rock model?
• 19:36 - Working together to support each other

Links:

• ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

How do you actually deepen your relationship? Jayson and Ellen unpack the advice men and women often give each other for creating more connection and where those approaches miss the mark. They explore why techniques only get you so far, what it means to be fully present with your partner, and why talking about your inner life creates deeper intimacy. They also discuss the anxiety that comes with opening up in a high stakes relationship. If you want more closeness without relying on tricks or scripts, this episode is for you.

Timestamps:

• 3:09 - the advice men give for deepening their relationship
• 4:40 - the issue with technique approaches
• 9:09 - be present with your partner
• 12:52 - anxiety about deepening connection in a high stakes relationship
• 20:50 - talk about your inner lives
• 21:40 - women’s approaches for deepening relationships

Links:

• ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• ​⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on Spotify, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!