Épisodes

  • EP 81: Unmasking the Traitor Within with Jessica Anne Pressler: Healing from Generations of Abuse

    EP 81: Unmasking the Traitor Within with Jessica Anne Pressler: Healing from Generations of Abuse
    May 13 2026
    In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura interviews Jessica Anne Pressler, LCSW, a Columbia University-trained psychotherapist, host of Your Traitor Within, and emerging author dedicated to helping people heal from narcissistic abuse, trauma, grief, and self-sabotage. Drawing from both four decades of professional expertise and her own personal experiences navigating difficult relationships, Jessica has become a sought-after mental health expert, advocate, and voice for healing and self-discovery. Through her podcast, upcoming book Traitor Within, and her Your Traitor Within Journal featuring 365 healing prompts, Jessica helps people uncover and heal the inner voice shaped by trauma that keeps them stuck in destructive patterns. Despite her professional background, Jessica survived three toxic marriages before finding a healthy fourth. In this conversation, she explains her concept of the "traitor within" — an inner voice formed through childhood wounds and painful experiences that can lead to self-betrayal in relationships. Together, Laura and Jessica discuss gaslighting, betrayal blindness, trauma bonds, and the deep grief that comes with leaving abuse. Jessica emphasizes that healing requires self-awareness, proper support, and reconnecting with one's authentic identity, offering hope that it is never too late to break harmful cycles and create healthier relationships. Key Topics & Timestamps Guest Introduction: Jessica Ann Pressler (00:01:20) Laura introduces her guest, Jessica Ann Pressler, a psychotherapist and author who experienced three toxic marriages. Jessica's Professional and Personal Journey (00:04:03) Jessica discusses her career as a psychotherapist while simultaneously navigating a series of dysfunctional relationships and four marriages. Childhood Roots of Relationship Patterns (00:07:04) Jessica explains how her childhood, marked by narcissism and dysfunction, taught her to ignore bad behavior to feel safe. Betrayal Blindness and Trauma Bonds (00:10:07) The conversation covers betrayal blindness, trauma bonds, and the cognitive dissonance that keeps people in abusive relationships. The Slow Progression of Abuse (00:14:22) Jessica and Laura discuss how psychological abuse happens slowly over time, making it difficult to recognize. The Pain of Gaslighting and Blame (00:16:45) Jessica shares her experience with suicidal ideation due to the intense pain of being blamed for relationship problems. Finding the Right (and Wrong) Therapist (00:19:08) The importance of finding a trauma-informed therapist is discussed, highlighting how the wrong therapist can reinforce the abuser's narrative. The Narcissist's Public Persona (00:21:53) They discuss how covert narcissists present a charming public image while being abusive behind closed doors. The "Traitor Within" Concept Explained (00:24:58) Jessica introduces her concept of the "traitor within," a coping mechanism learned in childhood to feel safe. Abandoning Yourself to Avoid Abandonment (00:31:26) Jessica explains how the "traitor within" prioritizes avoiding abandonment at any cost, even if it means abandoning yourself. Losing Your Identity in a Toxic Relationship (00:33:46) The speakers discuss being so hyper-focused on the toxic partner that you lose your own sense of self and identity. Grieving the End of a Relationship (00:36:24) Jessica explains the grief that comes with ending a relationship, even a toxic one, including grieving lost time. The Importance of Taking Time to Heal (00:38:00) Jessica shares how she finally took two years between relationships to do the work and heal from her patterns. Weaponizing Vulnerability (00:41:03) The speakers discuss the cruelty of an abusive partner using your vulnerabilities and personal secrets against you. Jessica's Current Work and Resources (00:45:14) Jessica details her current projects, including her book, podcast, and blogs, which provide free educational resources for others. Finding Hope and Authenticity After Abuse (00:48:04) Jessica concludes by sharing that it's never too late to find happiness and live an authentic life. Powerful Quotes from the Episode Jessica, 'If a person like me who's trained and helping other people could have repetitive dysfunctional behavior, I kept going from one toxic, narcissistic relationship to another and not recognizing it when I'm in it.'. Jessica, 'I didn't see a way out. I was in so much pain for feeling at fault for ruining a relationship.'. Jessica 'I was terrified to be abandoned. It didn't matter how poorly they may have treated me, because feeling abandoned was worse than being abused.'. Jessica, 'Every time that she was trying to help me not be abandoned, I was abandoning myself.'. Jessica, 'It's never too late. I was 50-something when I came to California, which was a dream. You don't have to find a man to be whole.'. RESOURCES: COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/...
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    49 min
  • EP 80: When Love Becomes a Prison with Dana Diaz: The Complex Reality of Living with a Covert Narcissist

    EP 80: When Love Becomes a Prison with Dana Diaz: The Complex Reality of Living with a Covert Narcissist
    May 6 2026
    In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura welcomes Dana S. Diaz, a bestselling, award-winning author, keynote speaker, and survivor of narcissistic abuse. Dana shares her powerful story of escaping a 25-year marriage to a covert narcissist, offering a deeply honest look into the realities of long-term psychological abuse. After enduring abuse in both childhood and marriage, Dana refused to stay a victim and now uses her voice to help others break free. Featured on nearly 300 podcasts worldwide, she blends raw truth with neuroscience-backed insight to expose the patterns that keep people stuck and guide survivors toward lasting healing and empowerment. In this conversation, Dana and Laura unpack the complexities of narcissistic abuse, trauma bonding, and the physical toll of chronic stress caused by prolonged trauma. Dana also highlights the challenges victims face when leaving abusive relationships and the importance of recognizing manipulation tactics like gaslighting. Despite the pain of her journey, Dana's story is one of resilience, transformation, and hope—reminding listeners that they are not alone and that healing is always possible. Key Topics & Timestamps How Dana's Work Began (00:03:21) Dana explains her work started from a hidden journal she kept while trapped with her abusive husband during COVID. Life with a Narcissist (00:04:33) Dana describes the isolation and control she experienced, including having no smartphone and being accused of cheating. The Pandemic's Impact (00:05:52) The speakers discuss how the pandemic lockdown intensified domestic abuse situations, trapping victims at home with their abusers. Red Flags of Abuse (00:07:45) Laura highlights red flags from Dana's story, such as isolation, control over technology, and financial entitlement from the abuser. The Trauma Bond Explained (00:09:18) The conversation covers trauma bonding, explaining how victims become chemically bonded to their abusers, making it difficult to leave. Dana's Traumatic Childhood (00:10:13) Dana shares her history of being unwanted by her mother and abused by her overtly narcissistic stepfather. From One Abuser to Another (00:13:17) Dana explains how her childhood primed her to fall for her future husband, who offered the attention she craved. The Cycle of Abuse and Love Bombing (00:14:38) Dana describes the cycle of violence followed by promises of love, which kept her hoping for change. The Neuroscience of Abuse (00:20:34) Dana discusses the neuroscience behind trauma bonds, explaining how repeated experiences rewire the brain, making victims believe the abuse is their fault. Defining Narcissism (00:25:39) Dana explains narcissism on a scale, comparing benign narcissists to benign tumors and malignant narcissists to malignant tumors. The Physical Toll of Chronic Stress (00:30:40) Dana details her severe health issues, including an autoimmune disorder and lung syndrome, caused by years of chronic stress. The Turning Point (00:35:14) A neurologist's advice to remove the "toxic" element from her life became the catalyst for Dana's decision to leave. Life After Abuse (00:38:43) Dana shares her incredible post-divorce success, including remarrying, publishing a bestselling trilogy, and finding her purpose. You Don't Need to Understand It to Leave (00:42:49) The speakers discuss reaching a point where understanding the "why" behind the abuse no longer matters; leaving is enough. Misdiagnosed and Medicated (00:49:28) Dana shares how her ex convinced her she was bipolar, leading to a decade of incorrect medication for PTSD. Challenging Social and Religious Pressure (00:53:41) The conversation addresses the societal and religious pressures that often keep women trapped in abusive marriages. The Alarming Statistics of Domestic Violence (01:00:16) Dana shares shocking statistics about the prevalence of intimate partner violence and its fatal consequences for women. Finding Resources and Support (01:02:09) The hosts emphasize that resources and support systems exist to help victims leave, including shelters and pet fostering services. Powerful Quotes from the Episode Dana, 'I'm locked in a house with a man who wants me dead.' Dana 'He loves me, but he's choosing to abuse me. He's choosing to hurt me. He wants me to be in pain. He wants me to suffer. And then by the end of that 25 years, it was, he actually wants me to be dead.' Dana, 'I had been living in fight or flight mode since I was six or seven years old.' 'Dana Diaz', '00:36:38', 'My health, my life was not worth this man that clearly didn't love me.' 'Dana, 'I finally realized that I had to stop living the life that was dictated to me, and live the life that was always in my heart.' RESOURCES: COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlauraYOU'RE NOT CRAZY ebook: GET IT HEREMARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: SHOP HEREJOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://...
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    1 h et 12 min
  • EP 79: Living in the Aftermath with Lyndsey Hackford: Stories of Survival, Advocacy, and Hope Beyond Abuse

    EP 79: Living in the Aftermath with Lyndsey Hackford: Stories of Survival, Advocacy, and Hope Beyond Abuse
    Apr 29 2026
    In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura speaks with Lyndsey Hackford, a domestic violence survivor, advocate, and host of the podcast Living in the Aftermath. After enduring years of coercive control and abuse that began at just 16 years old, shaped by her strict Mormon upbringing, Lyndsey now uses her voice to shed light on the psychological realities of abuse and why leaving is often far more complex than it seems. Lyndsey shares how her abuser used subtle manipulation to isolate her from dance, family, and her sense of independence, along with the darkest moments of her experience and the challenges she faced within the justice system. Drawing from both lived experience and her advocacy work, she now helps others understand trauma, reclaim their identity, and find meaning and purpose after abuse. Together, Laura and Lyndsey explore the long-term impact of coercive control, the complexities of healing, and the importance of creating honest, supportive spaces for survivors. Through her podcast Living in the Aftermath and her advocacy, Lyndsey continues to educate, empower, and amplify the voices of those navigating life after abuse. Key Topics & Timestamps Guest Introduction (00:01:25) Laura introduces her guest, Lyndsey Hackford, a survivor, advocate, and host of the "Living in the Aftermath" podcast. Meeting the Abuser (00:02:46) Lyndsey shares that she met her abusive ex-partner at the young and naive age of sixteen. Upbringing and Religious Background (00:03:19) Lyndsey describes her strict Mormon upbringing, which taught her to be subservient and not question male authority. Early Isolation Tactics (00:04:58) Lyndsey's abuser convinced her to quit competitive dance, a lifelong passion, framing it as a way to gain independence. The Subtlety of Control (00:07:12) Lyndsey explains how her ex's manipulation didn't seem like isolation at the time, but rather like supportive encouragement. Questioning Authority (00:07:57) Lyndsey and Laura discuss being labeled "difficult" as children for asking questions, especially within high-control religious environments. The Dynamics of Isolation (00:11:30) Lyndsey describes how her ex made family events so uncomfortable that she chose to cut off contact with her family. The Burden of Managing an Abuser (00:15:09) The hosts discuss the exhausting and impossible task of managing an abuser's emotions and making them feel comfortable. Life After Abuse (00:18:46) Lyndsey and Laura talk about the overwhelming but exciting process of rediscovering their own identities after leaving their relationships. Emotional vs. Physical Abuse (00:22:02) Lyndsey emphasizes that the emotional abuse she endured for years was often harder to process than the physical violence. Grieving Someone Who Is Still Alive (00:23:56) The hosts discuss the unique and complex grief of mourning a relationship with an abuser who is still living. A Violent Attack (00:27:29) Lyndsey recounts a brutal physical assault where her ex threw her onto concrete, resulting in a serious head injury. The Danger of Leaving (00:30:05) Lyndsey explains why leaving is the most dangerous time for a survivor, using her own story as a powerful example. The Abuser's Childhood (00:35:38) Lyndsey explains how her ex's traumatic childhood, including being given up by his birth father, shaped his abusive behavior. The First Arrest (00:37:17) Lyndsey details the confusing events leading to her ex's first arrest, which he initiated by calling the police himself. The Aftermath and Final Outcome (00:41:52) Lyndsey shares the journey through the legal system, the divorce, and how her ex eventually gave up parental rights. Becoming an Advocate (00:47:22) Lyndsey explains how she found purpose by sharing her story, speaking at high schools, and starting her own podcast. Powerful Quotes from the Episode Lyndsey, 'The moment you realize that you're not responsible for that other person that you will never please, it is the most relieving feeling on the planet.' Lyndsey, 'I still believe to this day that the emotional stuff I went through was so much harder than anything physical I went through, and I suffered that for so much longer, but didn't even realize it.' Lyndsey, 'It did feel like I was grieving my relationship with him as I was in it, because it felt like I didn't know the person that I was with.' Lyndsey, 'There were so many things that I questioned and I'm like, "Was that real? Did that really happen to me?"' Lyndsey, 'I knew very early on that if I didn't find a purpose for my trauma, it was going to destroy me because it doesn't go away.' RESOURCES: COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura YOU'RE NOT CRAZY, RECLAIMING YOUR SANITY AND SELF-WORTH AFTER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE ebook: laurarichpodcast.gumroad.com/l/notcrazyebook MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/book-store FOLLOW THE PODCAST: http://...
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    53 min
  • EP 78: Healing Hidden Trauma and Finding Your Voice with Christina L. Woods

    EP 78: Healing Hidden Trauma and Finding Your Voice with Christina L. Woods
    Apr 22 2026
    In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura speaks with Christina L. Woods, an internationally recognized Clinical Hypnotherapist, Rapid Transformational Therapist®, Certified High Performance Coach, Reiki Master, author, and founder of Wise Woods Hypnotherapy, Inc. Christina helps women unlock their worth, release limiting beliefs, and align with their authentic selves through her signature Wise Woods Method™, which blends hypnotherapy, coaching, and energy healing. Christina shares her powerful personal journey from a 30-year corporate career to discovering hypnotherapy after her marriage collapsed and her health declined. Drawing from both her professional background and lived experience, she opens up about buried childhood trauma, including sexual abuse she didn't acknowledge until age 50, and how it shaped patterns of people-pleasing, overachievement, and self-sabotage. Together, Laura and Christina explore the power of subconscious beliefs, the role of various healing modalities, and the importance of self-compassion, boundaries, and breaking shame. This episode is a deeply honest and transformative conversation about reclaiming your identity, trusting your inner wisdom, and creating a life that feels aligned, meaningful, and fully your own. Key Topics & Timestamps Guest Introduction & Overview (00:01:33) Laura introduces Christina Woods, her background, and previews the conversation about childhood trauma and healing. Christina's Career Shift & Hypnotherapy Introduction (00:03:17) Christina shares her transition from corporate life to healing work and initial misconceptions about hypnotherapy. Childhood Patterns & Overachievement (00:04:10) Christina discusses how childhood survival strategies led to people-pleasing, overachievement, and stress in adulthood. Therapy & Hypnotherapy Experience (00:05:06) Christina describes her journey into therapy, discovering hypnotherapy, and how it quickly revealed and rewired limiting beliefs. How Beliefs Shape Reality (00:07:04) Explains how subconscious beliefs drive behavior and how hypnotherapy helps rewire them for positive change. Challenging Internal Narratives (00:08:02) Laura and Christina discuss questioning negative self-talk and the importance of forming new, positive neural pathways. Learning, Failing, and Growth (00:11:13) They talk about the value of trying new things, embracing failure, and how the brain grows through new experiences. Impact of Narcissistic Relationships (00:12:27) Laura shares how being with a narcissist stifled her ability to try and fail, leading to self-silencing. Seeking Evidence for Beliefs (00:13:06) Christina explains how people seek evidence to support their strongest beliefs, even if those beliefs are negative or untrue. Paradigm Shifts & Changing Self-Dialogue (00:14:21) Discussion on how changing internal dialogue can shift reality and self-perception. Questioning Thoughts & Ownership (00:15:14) Laura emphasizes that not all thoughts are true and the importance of identifying whose voice is influencing self-perception. Unlearning Old Patterns After Divorce (00:19:26) Laura reflects on the process of unlearning automatic behaviors and discovering her authentic self post-divorce. Making New Thoughts Familiar (00:20:26) Christina explains the brain's resistance to change and the need to make new, positive thoughts familiar through repetition. Childhood Trauma's Impact on Adulthood (00:22:29) Christina shares how buried childhood sexual abuse shaped her self-worth, relationships, and coping mechanisms. The Relief of Facing Trauma (00:27:10) Christina describes the relief and self-compassion that came from acknowledging and processing her trauma. Breaking Shame Through Community (00:30:18) Laura discusses how sharing stories and connecting with others helps break the isolation of shame. Universal Patterns of People-Pleasing (00:32:14) They discuss how many women develop people-pleasing tendencies due to childhood roles and expectations. Subconscious Mind & Hypnotherapy (00:32:53) Christina explains the power of the subconscious mind and how hypnotherapy accesses and rewires it. Healing Modalities After Divorce (00:34:43) Christina lists the various healing methods she used post-divorce, including EMDR, therapy, and energy healing. Journaling as a Healing Tool (00:37:44) Both discuss the power of journaling for processing emotions, tracking growth, and expressing anger safely. Boundaries, Anger, and Self-Abandonment (00:41:40) They explore how anger signals unmet needs, the importance of boundaries, and the tendency to self-abandon. Closing Encouragement & Resources (00:44:55) Christina offers final encouragement that change is possible, and Laura shares where listeners can find Christina and support the podcast. Powerful Quotes from the Episode Christina, 'I have learned things about myself that I believed to be true that aren't even true—beliefs like I'm not good enough and I'm ...
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    47 min
  • EP 77: Shattering Silence with Michelle Jewsbury: How One Woman's Story Became a Global Movement for Survivors

    EP 77: Shattering Silence with Michelle Jewsbury: How One Woman's Story Became a Global Movement for Survivors
    Apr 15 2026
    In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura interviews Michelle Jewsbury, founder and CEO of Unsilenced Voices, internationally recognized speaker, coach, and survivor of domestic abuse. Michelle is known for helping individuals transform their personal stories into powerful narratives, using her own journey of breaking the cycle of abuse to inspire others to create impact and purpose from their pain. Michelle shares her harrowing experience with a violent, controlling partner, detailing the early red flags, escalating abuse, and her eventual escape. She opens up about how she transformed her trauma into advocacy through writing, performing a solo play, and launching global programs that support survivors in West Africa. As the driving force behind Unsilenced Voices, Michelle now works with individuals, entrepreneurs, and organizations to harness the power of storytelling for healing and growth. Throughout the conversation, Michelle emphasizes the importance of speaking out, seeking support, and finding community. This episode delivers a powerful message of hope, resilience, and empowerment for survivors ready to reclaim their voice and rewrite their story. Key Topics & Timestamps Michelle's Background & Abusive Relationship (00:03:31) Michelle shares her upbringing, move to Hollywood, and meeting her abusive partner. Early Red Flags & Control (00:04:49) Michelle describes early signs of control and manipulation in her relationship. Hope After Abuse & Unlearning Patterns (00:06:08) Michelle and Laura discuss hope for healthy relationships and the need to unlearn toxic patterns. First Incident of Physical Violence (00:07:27) Michelle recounts the first act of physical violence and her initial reaction. Documenting Her Story & Founding UnSilenced Voices (00:07:58) Michelle explains how documenting her experience led to a play, memoir, and founding her nonprofit. Suing Her Abuser & Regaining Her Voice (00:08:54) Michelle details suing her abuser for financial and emotional damages and the empowerment it brought. The Importance of Speaking Out (00:10:12) Laura and Michelle discuss the stigma of talking about abuse and the importance of breaking silence. Leaving an Abusive Relationship (00:11:34) Both share the difficulty and commonality of multiple attempts to leave abusive partners. Escalation of Abuse & Final Break (00:12:24) Michelle describes escalating violence, infidelity, and what finally gave her the strength to leave. Therapy & Finding Her Voice (00:14:24) Laura and Michelle discuss therapy's role in healing and reclaiming self-worth. Life After Abuse & Small Wins (00:16:10) They reflect on the freedom and small victories experienced after leaving abuse. Recognizing Emotional Abuse (00:19:03) Laura discusses realizing emotional abuse through journaling and family patterns. Who Michelle Helps & Her Programs (00:19:59) Michelle explains her nonprofit and for-profit work, including programs in Sierra Leone and coaching survivors. Why Sierra Leone? (00:24:10) Michelle shares how she was called to work in Africa and the origins of her nonprofit's international focus. The Power of Sharing Your Story (00:26:46) Michelle encourages listeners to share their stories to help others and create change. Healing Modalities & Performing Her Story (00:28:30) Michelle describes how writing, performing, and speaking publicly contributed to her healing. Dealing with Naysayers & Victim Blaming (00:30:33) They discuss negative reactions, victim blaming, and the importance of supportive communities. Support Systems & Cultural Barriers (00:32:41) Michelle talks about losing friends during abuse, the need for supportive people, and cultural challenges in addressing abuse. Encouragement & Final Advice (00:37:03) Michelle and Laura offer encouragement to keep going, referencing "just keep swimming" from Finding Nemo. Powerful Quotes from the Episode 'Michelle, 'I started to really accept that this happened, but it doesn't have to define me.' 'Michelle, 'What I did get from this is my voice back. So when I got my voice back after four years of a lawsuit, it made me feel empowered that I could accomplish all of this.' 'Michelle, 'When you're out of those situations, the prosperity that you actually get, not just financially but for your soul, is incredible.' 'Michelle, 'Our stories are not just for us. Our stories are to help other people.' 'Michelle, 'If you feel trapped, if you are stuck, if you've escaped and you're still in this turmoil of why didn't it work, I want you to know to just keep swimming, keep putting one foot in front of the other. Don't give up. Do not give up because it will get better, I promise you that.' RESOURCES: COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlauraYOU'RE NOT CRAZY ebook: GET IT HEREMARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: SHOP HEREJOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517 FOLLOW ...
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    40 min
  • EP 76: Building Your Emotional Home with Alyssa Scarano

    EP 76: Building Your Emotional Home with Alyssa Scarano
    Apr 8 2026
    In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura speaks with Alyssa Scarano, LPC, NCC, therapist and Founder and Clinical Director of The Collective Therapy & Wellness. Known for her empathetic and compassionate approach, Alyssa views her work as a profound privilege—supporting clients through their most vulnerable experiences while helping them heal from childhood trauma, break generational patterns, and build meaningful, authentic relationships rooted in self-compassion. Alyssa shares how personal loss in her twenties led her to pursue therapy and ultimately specialize in generational trauma and family dynamics. Together, she and Laura explore how childhood emotional suppression shapes adult behavior, the importance of inner child work, and how self-love becomes the foundation for healthy boundaries. Using a powerful "home" metaphor, Alyssa illustrates boundary-setting in a relatable way and encourages listeners to embrace discomfort as a necessary part of healing. She also offers a free 21-day email series designed to help build self-worth. Key Topics & Timestamps Episode Overview & Guest Introduction (00:01:29) Laura previews the conversation with Alyssa about generational patterns, boundaries, and self-love. Alyssa's Healing Journey (00:02:58) Alyssa shares her personal background, family dynamics, and how therapy empowered her. Family Silence and Childhood Trauma (00:03:26) Discussion about growing up in families that suppress emotions and the impact on children. Internalizing Trauma as a Child (00:06:19) Exploring how children internalize family trauma and blame themselves. Alyssa's Path to Therapy Work (00:07:16) Alyssa describes her transition from personal healing to becoming a family therapist. Inner Child Work Explained (00:09:26) Alyssa explains inner child work, early social learning, and how childhood beliefs shape adulthood. Boundaries and Self-Love Connection (00:11:46) Laura and Alyssa discuss how boundaries are rooted in self-love and healing childhood wounds. Survival Mode Parenting & Boundaries (00:13:06) Exploring how generational survival mode affects parenting and boundary-setting. External vs. Internal Boundaries (00:14:10) Alyssa explains the difference between visible boundaries and internal boundaries around self-worth. Impact of Narcissistic Abuse and Healing (00:15:04) Laura shares her experience with narcissistic abuse and the process of unraveling negative self-beliefs. How Trauma Gets Stuck (00:16:32) Alyssa explains trauma as a combination of vulnerability, acute events, and lack of support. Importance of Emotional Support (00:17:51) Discussion on how lack of support after trauma makes healing harder and the need for safe spaces. Therapy Process: Genogram & Family Mapping (00:18:58) Alyssa describes her intake process using genograms to map family patterns and roles. Negative Side of Healing & Family Reactions (00:20:24) Laura discusses how healing can disrupt family dynamics and lead to uncomfortable reactions. Discomfort and Growth in Healing (00:21:59) Alyssa explains why discomfort is part of growth and why families may resist change. Embracing All Emotions (00:23:11) Alyssa emphasizes the importance of feeling all emotions, including anger, for empowerment and boundary-setting. Therapy as a Safe Space (00:26:06) Laura and Alyssa discuss the value of therapy as a safe, validating environment for self-expression. Therapist's Emotional Labor (00:28:30) Alyssa reflects on the emotional demands of being a therapist and the risk of vicarious trauma. Healthy Relationships and Community (00:30:11) Laura shares how healing attracts healthier relationships and changes her social circle. Tips for Listeners: Embracing Discomfort & Self-Compassion (00:30:53) Alyssa offers advice on tolerating discomfort, managing expectations, and giving oneself grace during healing. Boundaries Metaphor: Home as Self (00:33:13) Alyssa introduces a metaphor comparing boundaries to managing your home and deciding who gets access. Self-Love as the Foundation (00:37:34) Alyssa and Laura discuss how self-love is the foundation for breaking patterns and setting boundaries. Powerful Quotes from the Episode Alyssa, "I did my own healing, went to therapy, and found the words and the space to explore what I was feeling, and that was so empowering for me because it changed my life." Alyssa, "You're always kind of working with that inner child that was not seen and not validated, and it's powerful to offer someone an experience they never had." Alyssa, "We have the internal boundary of being able to separate someone else's responses from how you view yourself and your own self-worth—it's like putting up a veil and not letting someone else's behavior pierce it." Alyssa, "We belong to ourselves long before we belong to anyone else." Alyssa, "The reason why those patterns and behaviors formed in the first place was out of a desire for connection and love, so it begins with deciding you are ...
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    41 min
  • EP 75: Breaking the Trauma Bond: Taking Back Your Power

    EP 75: Breaking the Trauma Bond: Taking Back Your Power
    Apr 1 2026
    In this episode of "That's Where I'm At," host Laura shares her personal journey of healing after divorcing a narcissist. She explains the psychological and chemical roots of trauma bonding, the confusing emotions survivors face, and the challenges of breaking free. Laura offers practical steps for recovery, including going no contact, journaling, rebuilding identity, seeking support, and trauma-informed therapy. She emphasizes self-compassion and patience, reassuring listeners that healing is possible and encouraging them to reclaim their lives. Laura closes by inviting listeners to join her supportive community and reminding them they are not alone in their recovery. Key Topics & Timestamps Purpose of the Podcast & Sharing Stories (00:00:31) Emphasizes the importance of sharing difficult stories for collective healing, especially for women. Trigger Warning (00:01:13) Brief warning about potentially triggering content in the episode. Understanding Trauma Bonding (00:01:21) Laura describes her conflicting feelings after leaving her marriage and introduces the concept of trauma bonding. Personal Experience with Trauma Bond (00:02:31) Shares her emotional struggle post-divorce and the confusion of loving and hating her abuser. Intermittent Reinforcement & Abuse Dynamics (00:03:30) Explains how abusers use intermittent reinforcement to keep victims attached and feeling small. Shame and Staying Too Long (00:05:59) Discusses the shame survivors feel for staying and the psychological manipulation that keeps them in abusive relationships. Chemical Basis of Trauma Bond (00:06:59) Explains the brain chemistry behind trauma bonds and the need to rebuild positive chemicals after leaving. The Good Memory Trap (00:08:14) Warns against idealizing isolated good moments in abusive relationships and describes ongoing hypervigilance. Addiction to Hope & Beginning Healing (00:09:23) Clarifies that survivors are addicted to hope, not the abuser, and introduces the first healing steps. No Contact Rule (00:10:41) Stresses the importance of going no contact to break the trauma bond and protect oneself from manipulation. Practical Steps for No Contact (00:11:41) Shares her personal approach to no contact, including blocking on social media and handling mutual friends. No Contact in Co-Parenting & Boundaries (00:12:46) Advises on maintaining boundaries and low contact when full no contact isn't possible, especially with children. No Contact is Survival, Not Cruelty (00:13:49) Explains why staying friends with a narcissist is dangerous and reinforces that no contact is about survival. Journaling for Clarity (00:14:59) Recommends journaling to document abuse, validate experiences, and avoid romanticizing the past. Reconnecting with Identity & Dreams (00:16:02) Encourages rediscovering passions and rebuilding identity lost during the abusive relationship. Building a Support System (00:18:09) Highlights the importance of finding supportive communities and professionals for healing. Trauma-Informed Therapy & Somatic Healing (00:19:19) Advocates for trauma-informed therapy and somatic practices to heal both mind and body. Self-Compassion & Patience in Healing (00:20:44) Emphasizes self-kindness, patience, and the gradual nature of recovery from abuse. Breaking the Inner Voice of the Narcissist (00:22:05) Describes the process of reclaiming one's own thoughts and voice after leaving abuse. Encouragement & Final Thoughts (00:23:10) Offers reassurance about the healing journey, normalizes setbacks, and encourages persistence. Powerful Quotes from the Episode 'I also didn't know until I started to understand some things that you can actually have two opposing thoughts. You can actually hate somebody and love somebody at the same time.' 'So remember that you weren't addicted to him. You were addicted to the hope of the person he pretended to be.' 'No contact is not cruelty. It is survival.' 'You hating him and missing him at the same time does not make you weak. It makes you human.' 'The confusion is not a sign that you made a mistake leaving. It's a sign of how deep the bond went.' RESOURCES: GRAB THE TRAUMA BOND ACTION GUIDE: https://laurarichpodcast.systeme.io/trauma-bondCOACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlauraYOU'RE NOT CRAZY ebook: GET IT HEREMARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: SHOP HEREJOIN THE NICE GUY RECOVERY COMMUNITY: https://www.skool.com/nice-guy-recovery-community-1517 "You weren't addicted to the person—you were holding on to the hope. Healing begins when you choose yourself over that illusion." Podcast Produced and edited by the team at ResilientVoiceMedia.com Contact us for expert podcast production and support.
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    24 min
  • EP 74: Healing and Rebuilding Your Life After Narcissistic Abuse with Coach NiaRenee

    EP 74: Healing and Rebuilding Your Life After Narcissistic Abuse with Coach NiaRenee
    Mar 25 2026
    In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura sits down with Coach NiaRenee, a certified narcissistic abuse recovery coach, author, and advocate dedicated to helping survivors rebuild their lives after emotional and psychological abuse. As the founder of How to Love a Battered Woman LLC and creator of the Battered Hearts Rising methodology, NiaRenee combines professional expertise with lived experience to guide survivors through deep healing, self-reconnection, and the restoration of self-trust after toxic relationships. Known as the Empathy Powerhouse, NiaRenee is passionate about amplifying the voices of survivors and creating spaces where healing, clarity, and empowerment are possible. Her work goes beyond leaving abusive dynamics—she helps individuals untangle trauma bonds, strengthen boundaries, and rebuild their identity so they can form relationships rooted in safety, respect, and emotional security. In this powerful conversation, NiaRenee shares her journey of surviving both childhood and adult abuse, and how those experiences shaped her mission today. She and Laura explore the challenges of recognizing abuse, breaking trauma bonds, and unlearning harmful patterns influenced by societal and media narratives. Together, they emphasize the importance of self-awareness, community, and support in the healing process. This episode offers hope, practical tools, and encouragement for anyone on the path to reclaiming their voice, identity, and power. Key Topics & Timestamps Coach NiaRenee's Background & Advocacy (00:02:20) NiaRenee discusses her advocacy work, credentials, and motivation for helping survivors. Personal Journey into Coaching (00:03:42) NiaRenee shares how her personal experiences with abuse led her to coaching and developing her methodology. Rebuilding Self-Relationship After Abuse (00:05:44) Discussion on the importance of repairing the relationship with oneself after abusive relationships. Leaving the Last Abusive Relationship (00:06:36) NiaRenee talks about leaving her last abusive relationship in 2019 and recognizing unhealthy patterns. Childhood Abuse & Family Dynamics (00:07:02) NiaRenee reveals her childhood sexual abuse and growing up with a narcissistic mother, and how it shaped her. Normalization & Glamourization of Abuse in Media (00:11:40) They discuss how media normalizes and glamorizes domestic violence, making it harder to recognize abuse. Love Bombing & Societal Conditioning (00:13:15) Exploration of love bombing, societal messages about romance, and the impact on boundaries. Learning Healthy Love & Setting Boundaries (00:15:01) NiaRenee describes learning what healthy love looks like through friendships and setting new standards. Unlearning Patterns & Trauma Bonding (00:16:38) The process of unlearning old patterns, trauma bonding, and the importance of self-awareness. Losing Friendships During Healing (00:19:32) NiaRenee and Laura discuss losing friendships that mirrored abusive patterns during their healing journeys. Individual Healing Journeys & Coping Strategies (00:22:04) They share personal healing methods, emphasizing that everyone's journey is unique. Finding and Using Your Voice (00:24:05) Both discuss how speaking out, crying, and sharing their stories helped reclaim their voices. Starting Social Media Advocacy (00:25:03) NiaRenee explains how she began sharing her story on TikTok and the impact of her skits. Balancing Content Creation with Heavy Topics (00:27:04) Challenges of creating content and supporting others during overwhelming world events. Coping with Triggers from Current Events (00:28:25) NiaRenee shares how she manages triggers from the Epstein files and the importance of self-care. Supporting Survivors & Using Your Platform (00:32:21) The importance of amplifying survivor voices and using platforms for advocacy. Calling Out Societal & Political Narcissistic Abuse (00:34:44) Discussion on recognizing narcissistic abuse in political and societal contexts. Recognizing Psychological Abuse (00:37:09) Highlighting the prevalence of psychological abuse and its portrayal in media. Upcoming Movie "My Narcissist" (00:37:41) NiaRenee talks about her role in the upcoming movie that depicts psychological and emotional abuse. Breaking the Cycle & Family Healing (00:43:03) Laura and NiaRenee discuss breaking generational cycles, family healing, and accountability. Powerful Quotes from the Episode NiaRenee, 'I just want to show other people that there is life after abuse.' NiaRenee, 'Those relationships felt familiar, so I thought I was supposed to stay in them because that's just how relationships are.' NiaRenee, 'I think it's deeper than us loving ourselves, because how do we love ourselves if we've never been shown how to be properly loved?' NiaRenee, 'The more you're self-aware, the more you pay attention to what your body is telling you, the more you realize that you trust yourself to make decisions.' NiaRenee, 'I cried for...
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    47 min