In this episode, Renee interviewed a dear coaching client, Lisa Brown, who has done the “work” for 10 years.

When we started working together, she had it “all” on theoutside – the personal & professional achievements she dreamed of.

Like a lot of Enneagram 1 types, she was adept at juggling roles & responsibilities. She pushed through, aimed to please, kept the peace, performed & perfected.

She juggled well but she wasn’t experiencing peace, contentment, & confidence. Anxiety was increasing. What used to work, no longer worked well.

Her journey unfolded:· She got quiet, went inward, listened to her truth, gained clarity, & moved through fear & frustration.

· She stopped the “Ps” to reclaim her personal power.

· Her sense of worth or safety stopped being dependent upon external validation.

· She faced pushback & held steady, again & again.

· She earned her own secure attachment.

· From a reclamation of Self, new outcomes & possibilities unfolded that she could not have predicted.

Today her inner experience matches her external reality:

· She moves with grounded confidence.

· Her discernment is fueled by her values, integrity, & purpose.

· She leans into her feminine essence to lead & mentor her team.

· Her trust in her intuition informs her strategy in operations & guides her relationships at every level.

· She has learned to honor her unique essence & granted herself permission to lead with authenticity & that honorsher unique design.

Real transformation ignites outcomes beyond what you once thought was possible.

CALM EXCELLENCE

• Listen to Lisa describe how she originated the idea of CALM EXCELLENCE as an antidote to pressure & perfectionism.
• Discover the difference & nuance of a standard versus perfection.
• Get clear on how generating safety, inside & out, is essential for relationship health & growth.
• Learn how a change process is a journey - inside yourself, interpersonally, or in organizations, systems, or communities where you are the one to steward people & outcomes.
• Know that no matter who you are or where you are, you are not alone - community matters.
• Witness the benefits of having a shared language & principle or anchor to RESET to, again & again.

We can't wait to see what unfolds next for Lisa, but we know her visionary leadership, integrity, intelligence, & beautiful heart & soul will continue to touch & impact all who enter her orbit.

About our guest:

Lisa Brown is a devoted wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, leader, and lifelong learner. She loves traveling with her husband, Blake, and cherishing the life they’ve built together. Her three beautiful boys keep her busy and remain her greatest and most meaningful work.

For the past 24 years, Lisa has built a successful career in the financial services industry, where she’s passionate about helping both clients and her team achieve their goals. A true Enneagram 1, she is fiercely committed to continuous personal growth. Lisa strives to approach every aspect of life with authenticity, humility, curiosity, and generosity.

About our host:

A therapist for 25+ years & coach, Renee has guided hundreds of clients through a reclamation process.

The work has been condensed into a SIGNATURE PROGRAM: the 90 Day Relationship Reset.

Shorten your learning curve & learn more about the program (& Renee) here:

https://resetwithrenee.com/relationship-reset

Like, follow, share, reveiw, comment - SHARING IS CARING!

Renee is literally & metaphorically ON THE MOVE & in her own rebirth & reset cycle.

Listen to this episode for a more personal share about:

1. The context that led up to moving from Arkansas to St. Louis - it has been unfolding for many months!

2. How a late diagnosis of AUDHD means disruptions in environment & routine are more challenging & stressful. If this is you, you are not alone & there is a reason your brain is on the blink: it's about CAPACITY!

3. The real & regular challenge of obtaining adhd meds - which demands more executive functioning & adds to frustration.

4. Feeling DEEPLY means saying goodbye is hard. Extended good byes or abrupt are even more challenging.

5. GenX Cycle Breakers, like Renee, rarely get a chance to "come up for air" before a new or another life challenge arises.

Renee will be back "in the saddle" seeing clients soon & can't wait to connect!

Listener Question:

It's hard to decide what to do with my relationship & the advice I see seems contradictory or confuses me. I don't know what to think...

In this Episode:

• Renee discusses the challenges trauma survivors face in making major life decisions, particularly in relationships, due to unresolved attachment wounds and a lack of "codes" for healthy relationships.
• She emphasizes the importance of trusting one's intuition and consuming information selectively, taking what resonates and leaving the rest.
• Renee advises trauma survivors to seek guidance from trusted mentors and to focus on healing and addressing their own trauma FIRST before making significant relationship decisions.
• She also highlights the need for survivors to honor themselves while maintaining healthy relationships, without sacrificing their well-being.

Concepts:

1. Health of individuals & relationships is on a continuum. Mainstream advice may not be nuanced enough for trauma survivors or abuse victims.
2. Look for a mentor who has awareness of the "universal patterns" of your particular challenge and can appreciate the nuances of your specific context.
3. Renegotiating relationships or changing/ending relationship contracts ignites primal fear for folks with insecure attachment. Decisions are best made not from fear based trauma energy but from a place of inner authority, clarity, & discernment.
4. Every human is seeking to meet their biological imperative or essential human needs of: SECURITY/SAFETY & BELONGING/CONNECTION/ATTACHMENT. Healthy relationships meet both needs.
5. It is important to CALL IN what you desire & need versus CALL OUT if you want to exit a negative relationship cycle.
6. Do your part. Engage your healing. Keep your side of the street clean & move with your values & integrity intact to minimize harm & minimize regret.
7. Allow an unfolding. There is a divine plan & divine timing. Your job is to be ready to be have the courage to pivot when needed for your growth & evolution.

8. 
   

For more information about your host please visit:

https://resetwithrenee.com/

To join Renee's free community on Mighty Networks -

The Reset Collective:

https://reset-gathering.mn.co/share/Z2B41TXYimz0wgrm?utm_source=manual

Thank you for listening!

Please like, share, follow, & comment.

To support the podcast please leave a tip here:

https://donate.stripe.com/14k16P8N8cBqfDi7sA

Renee chats with Michael Herman , the Autistic Half of "Scenes from a Neurodivergent Marriage".

They chat about the nuances of communication styles, the importance of self-acceptance, & the impact of neurodiversity on personal and professional relationships.

They also discuss how understanding one's own needs & communicating them effectively can lead to healthier interactions, both in work and personal life.

The dialogue emphasizes the significance of vulnerability, especially in the context of social media, and how sharing personal experiences can foster community and healing.

They also touch on the challenges faced by neurodivergent individuals in relationships and the importance of mutual understanding and support.

Our Guest:

Michael is a Chicago-based director, playwright and teacher. He loves nothing more than watching a new play come to life, while increasing access to the arts. Michael studied Architecture at The Cooper Union, holds undergraduate degrees in Theater and English from The State University of New York at Brockport, and an MFA in Dramatic Writing from Carnegie Mellon University. Music is the answer.

http://www.outerlooptheater.org/

http://www.youtube.com/@MyAutisticHusband

https://www.tiktok.com/link/v2?

aid=1988&lang=en&scene=bio_url&target=instagram.com%2Fmyautistichusband

https://www.instagram.com/myautistichusband?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==Our Host: Renee Fleming

A therapist turned coach who specializes in trauma healing & late diagnosed neurodivergence.

https://resetwithrenee.com/

https://www.instagram.com/resetwithrenee/?hl=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@resetwithrenee

Nadine's Journey to Trauma Bond Expertise

Nadine shared her personal journey, including her marriage to the Wolf of Wall Street and her later divorce. She discussed how her experiences led her to pursue a career in therapy & eventually earn a doctorate. Nadine specializes in trauma bonds & betrayal trauma, which she developed after realizing the need for further research in this area. She wrote a book based on her findings, which has been well received.

Nadine's Approach to Complex Trauma

• symptoms
• personality traits
• attachment
• developmental trauma
• reconnect the person with their authentic self, using unconditional positive regard & curiosity
• a need for directness when dealing with women in trauma bonds or those who have just left
• psychoeducation to empower her clients,
• teaching them about the vagus nerve & its role in perceiving safety & danger
• regain their autonomy & overcome the power imbalance often present in trauma bonds

Navigating Toxic Relationships & Co-Parenting Challenges

Nadine shared:

• her personal experience of having her ex-husband arrested, which shifted the power balance in her favor.
• the importance of emotional support & the need for a protective wall, made of several supports
• the re-traumatizing effects of post-separation abuse & the difficulties of mediating with pathological lovers in the family court system.

Pathological Relationships & Self-Care Strategies

• The importance of self-care, therapy, the need for radical acceptance & an understanding that co-parenting with a pathological person is not possible.
• Dr. Christine Cocciola's program, Protected Parents, which helps women dealing with post-separation abuse.

Self-Care &Compassion in Trauma

Nadine discussed the importance of :

• self-care & self-compassion in managing emotional flashbacks & anxiety.
• staying calm & responding to aggressive emails or situations.
• Sandra Brown's book, Women Who Love Psychopaths, discusses the 5-factor model of personality & how certain traits make individuals vulnerable to pathological relationships.

Dealing With Narcissistic Individuals

• Narcissists often target empathetic & caring people, & it's crucial to recognize one's own traits to avoid being a perfect prey.
• The complexities of human behavior & the need to balance labeling & understanding individuals.
• Renee also discussed the intersection of trauma, attachment, & neurodivergence as a potential impact on relationships.

Recognizing Trauma Bonds & Coercive Control

• recognizing the invisible nature of these dynamics
• need for self-care & empowerment
• abuse is never the survivors’ fault
• a journey of building resilience through therapy & self-reflection is encouraged

Our Guest:

Dr. Nadine Macaluso, or Dr. Nae, is the real-life inspiration behind Naomi Belfort's character in "The Wolf of Wall Street." She survived a turbulent eight-year marriage to Jordan Belfort, marked by abuse, greed, & trauma.

Following her experiences, Dr. Macaluso relocated to California. Her journey of trauma & healing inspired her to return to school at age 39, where she earned her Master's in counseling & a Ph.D. in somatic psychotherapy. She further specialized with a two-year postdoctoral training in the Neuro-affective Relational Model (NARM).

As a therapist, Dr. Macaluso combines her education & personal experiences to help others heal from trauma. Her practice focuses on assisting patients in connecting with their authentic selves, fostering confidence, resilience, & agency. Dr. Macaluso firmly believes in the potential for post-traumatic growth, instilling hope in her patients & guiding them to reach their potential in life & love.

Be sure to check out Dr. Macaluso’s new book, “Run Like Hell” & her online community on Circle!

Our Host:

Renee Fleming, therapist & coach, can be found on most social media platforms @Resetwithrenee or www.resetwithrenee.com

Both her free & subscription community & courses can be found on Mighty Networks.

Neurodivergence & Ableism

Alexithymia: Emotional Understanding & Relationships

Alexithymia is a condition where individuals struggle to identify & express their emotions which can be disorienting & unsettling, often requiring a longer period of reflection to understand & resolve. They also touched on the potential impact of alexithymia on interpersonal relationships & how it may vary across different cultures.

Neurodiverse Experiences With IFS Therapy

Sofia and Renee discussed their experiences with Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. Both agreed that their experiences were influenced by their neurodiverse wiring, which made traditional IFS methods less effective for them.

Family Constellations for Parts Work Related to Alexithymia

Sofia highlighted the benefits of these modalities for individuals with Alexithymia.

Exploring Alexithymia & Emotional Suppression

They agreed that this condition could be linked to genetic wiring, as well as emotional neglect & abuse - which sets up a trauma respone of learned suppression. Suppressing emotions is a significant energy drain for those affected.

Family constellations is an approach that can help individuals witness their emotions without having to actively work on them.

Effective Session & Movement Discussion

Recently, Sofia facilitated a session for Renee & Renee shared how helpful it was to have her parts represented. She noted that the session felt more powerful & deep than others she had experienced.

Sofia also shared her experience of representing her own part during a family constellations training, highlighting the importance of using the skills of an Ifs practitioner when working with one's own parts.

New Method of Working With Parts

Sofia shared how she had been able to connect with parts that were previously elusive, such as the parts responsible for squashing joy & play, and the parts responsible for blocking sadness. She noted that these parts were not as extreme in their job after being connected with, allowing for more flexibility & awareness of emotions. Sofia also mentioned that the impact of the parts work persisted after the experience.

Sofia's Work with Parts in Family Constellations

Sofia discussed her recent interactions with four parts. Renee emphasized the importance of building relationships with parts of the self, particularly in the context of the healing journey which often involves updating parts, & releasing them energetically from past traumatic experiences through unburdening.

Sofia's Healing Journey Development Plans

Sofia discussed her intention to develop & make her work available to clients who want to have similar work done for them. She plans to start with one-off sessions & then move to weekly cohorts where participants can trade off being clients & witnesses. She shared her vision of having a group of people who keep coming back to work on their own systems and be involved in other people's work. Sofia also hinted at the possibility of creating a membership program for ongoing practices & communication.

OUR GUEST: Sofia Olson is a Level 2 certified IFS practitioner, as well as a Family Constellations Facilitator.

Sofia is ADHD, alexithymic, & aphantasic. She's also the parent, step-parent, wife, daughter, & sister of people with various neurdivergences. She has benefited tremendously from going on an anti-ableism journey with her wife who became chronically ill in 2014 & then began learning about their neurodivergence in 2022.

To satisfy her ADHD brain, she splits her work time between healing work & nonprofit accounting consulting. Find Sofia at:

sofiaolsoncoaching.com

sunrayaccountingsolutions.com

OUR HOST: Renee Fleming of Reset With Renee

www.resetwithrenee.com

Renee’s mentor, Tanner Wallace, visits for a follow up discussion to their conversation in November 2024.

See Episode: https://open.spotify.com/episode/14OIRSzS0KfCJ7cceOn020?si=hWsntv0iTDWqGzxB627yag

Tanner Wallace, a former academician, is a survivor of childhood trauma & has been on an active healing journey for the past five years. Tanner is a Level 3 Internal Family Systems (IFS) trained practitioner. She has integrated various modalities into a cohesive healing protocol.

Success in Resolution: Persistence & Conviction

Tanner shared a personal story about a mentor who emphasized the importance of persistence in the face of rejections, suggesting that the key to success lies in not giving up. Tanner emphasized that everyone has their own timeline for healing & that setbacks are a natural part of the process. Different trauma responses were discussed & Tanner noted that those with a more collapsed, helpless response may face a harder starting point.

Breaking Cycles of Disempowerment

• Everyone starts from different places & has different resources, which can affect their journey
• The importance of recognizing one's own signals & habits to overcome the freeze response
• Moving from disempowerment to personal power can involve both big leaps & small steps

Exploring Dark Energy & Trauma

Dark energy is characterized by a destructive, dehumanizing energy that can manifest as rage & a desire to destroy. This trauma energy is often a result of unresolved trauma from generations past & can lead to cycles of shame & oppression. Lineage work & ancestral medicine are helpful paths to understand & address these issues.

Expanding Trauma Work & Community

The importance of creating a global community of shared stories & experiences was highlighted for the future of trauma healing. Tanner guides humans focused on cycle-breaking & seeking practical guidance on managing relationships with family members who may not be fully supportive of the healing process. The unique position of Gen X in facilitating this work as a bridge between generations was highlighted.

Personal Power & Self-Trust in Healing

Personal power, self-belief, & self-trust are needed to heal trauma & overcome challenges.

• Take action & not rely solely on passive information
• Take the first step towards healing & to be truthful with themselves about their current state

Our Guest: Tanner Wallace

https://cptsdmedicine.com

@cptsdmedicine

Our Host: Renee Fleming

www.resetwithrenee.com

@resetwithrenee

#resetwithrenee #ifsforcptsd #genx #cyclebreakers #generationalhealers #recovery #traumahealing #lineage #personalpower #unshame #survivors #traumaenergy #householders #conviction

Join Renee & Maggie as they discuss the therapeutic aspects of astrology & the importance of reconnecting with oneself after experiencing significant trauma.

Astrology as Tool for Self-Discovery

• the grounding of astrology in nature & potential as a mirror for personal growth

• a language that transcends the physical world

• hold astrological interpretations lightly - individuals make their own decisions about what resonates with them

Astrology's Prescriptive Nature and Evolution

Maggie discussed the concept of astrology, specifically evolutionary astrology, focusing on its prescriptive nature rather than just descriptive. Maggie explained that astrology can provide insights into the possibilities & experiences an individual may encounter in their lifetime, moving beyond mere personality descriptions, which can be helpful during life transitions & changes.

Exploring Archetypes and Personal Purpose

• Understanding these energies can help make practical life decisions

• A litmus test for personal health as well as helps identify one's soul's purpose & journey

Astrology's Role in Life's Challenges

• Provides a bigger picture of one's life, helping to understand the deeper meaning & purpose behind challenging experiences.

• Helpful for deep thinkers & those who are highly sensitive, as it offers a framework for understanding & processing difficult emotions & experiences.

Radical Acceptance and Astrological Healing

• Astrology can provide a broader perspective on life experiences, helping individuals understand that their wounds may have originated before their current life & that they have the power to heal them

• A perspective can empower individuals to move forward & find meaning in their experiences, rather than feeling stuck or powerless

• Understanding the internal processes that may be mirrored in external events, & how this understanding can lead to more intentional & empowered healing

Astrology as Life Navigation Tool

• Natal charts can reveal areas of life where significant growth & learning occur, helping to broaden one's perspective on challenges

• Valuable insights can potentially reduce suffering & allow for more conscious participation in life

External Perspectives and Personal Clarity

Renee shared her experience of a past relationship, where a reading with Maggie helped her gain clarity & perspective.

Astrology Readings and Life Insights

• Natal chart readings provide insights into an individual's life & purpose

• Chart processing sessions can deepen understanding

• Transit readings offer insights into specific time periods

• Solar return charts predict psychological changes over the next year

Our Guest: Maggie Jones Boyle, LPC, Sacred Circle Holistic Healing, specializes in working with childhood trauma, complex PTSD, & issues related to people pleasing, boundary setting, and sense of self.

www.sacredcircleholistichealing.com

@sacredcircleholistichealing

Your Host: Renee Fleming

www.resetwithrenee.com

@resetwithrenee

#resetwithrenee #traumahealing #astrology #evolutionaryastrology #frameworks #reclamation #clarity #lifepurpose #archetype