In today’s episode, I share how the “tormenting ghosts of yesterday”, the secrets, shame, and thoughts I kept buried followed me everywhere until I finally said them out loud. I truly believed that if I pushed things down far enough, they would disappear, but instead they built up, creating an isolation that fed my illness.

Today I talk about the power of Step 5 and what happened the first time I told someone my truth and heard, “that happened to me too.” That moment changed everything. It showed me I wasn’t unique in my struggles, and that connection begins where honesty starts. Whether it’s sobriety, stroke recovery, or just being human, we were never meant to carry things alone. This episode is about finding the courage to speak, letting the weight lift, and discovering that the very things we hide are the exact things that connect us.

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Inspired by the concept “What You Are Is Where You Were When” by Dr. Morris Massey, it’s incredible to think that when we react to something or someone in our lives today, we are actually reacting to everything that has shaped us up until that very moment that we react. Our early experiences, environments, and relationships form the beliefs, habits, and emotional responses that we carry into our lives, and ultimately, into recovery.

From early feelings of discomfort and anxiety to the patterns that I carried through my alcoholism and then into recovery, I was on conditioned autopilot. Then my sobriety program finally gave me self-awareness. That awareness was introduced when I started practicing the pause. When I stop before I react, I have the opportunity to question old beliefs and behaviors. This gives me the ability to choose differently and break patterns. We are shaped by our past, but we don’t need to be limited by it.

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I used to carry a heavy, constant sadness, feeling like everything was happening to me and believing I was a vicim of misfortune. I spent so much energy trying to manage things outside of my control, while doing very little with what was actually within it. It felt like clenching my fists around nothing, exhausting myself and fixing nothing.

I had an epiphany in a conversation one day, that opened the door to a simpler way of living. I began to learn how to just be, staying present without forcing outcomes, observing without needing to fix, and breaking life down into small, manageable steps. Every day I practice letting go of the need to control things I can’t and finding a more peaceful way to move through life one small step at a time.

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Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779

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Have you ever wanted something so deeply, and you still had to let it go? “Crying for the moon, but the moon won’t have you” is painful, but it’s not a dead end. There have been an extraordinary number of times in my life when no matter how badly I wanted life to be different, I could not change what was. The death of my high school crush when I was 18, realizing I am an alcoholic, determining I have a permanent disability, and medical retirement are just several devastating seasons of my life.

Longing can turn into resistance, and that resistance deepens suffering. There’s a difference between grieving and living in the past. Intentional grieving has helped me process loss without letting it take over my entire day, or my life for that matter, as it used to. It helps me shift my focus from what’s out of reach to what’s right in front of me. Healing happens when I stop reaching for the moon and start noticing what’s still possible today.

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At ten years of sobriety, I’m just getting started. I reflected today on how I don’t need to see the whole picture to keep walking forward. In fact, I’m grateful I can’t. It’s the uncertainties that teach me how to let go and trust the process. It’s so hard to see the value and meaning in the hard stuff while you’re living it, but perspective and beauty arrives later.

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Many of us say without even thinking: “It’s okay.” But it’s actually not. In this episode, I share about complex emotions related to choosing your well-being while also feeling the weight of what you’re missing. Through a deeply personal experience, I walk through the coexistence of gratitude and grief, and the habit many of us have of minimizing our feelings to protect others.

I explore how naming our emotions bring order to the chaos between my ears, and why feelings like jealousy, resentment, and guilt are simply human. Today we’re learning to stop saying “it’s okay” when it isn’t, and instead find peace in honesty. The situation may not be okay, but my feelings and I are.

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Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779

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I voted today!

And on another completely unrelated note, self-pity counteracts faith. It’s easy in early sobriety, stroke recovery, and vestibular recovery, to get pulled into that trap of frustration, fatigue, and emotional pain feeling permanent. If I sit in self-pity, it can actually push me backward and reinforce hopelessness.

In order to loosen my grip on the illusion of control, I must trust beyond what we can see, and take the next right step even when I don’t understand where it's leading me. Through small faithful actions, I'm stepping out of self and into connection. The willingness to keep showing up has carried me most of the way on my recovery journey. What feels like a dead end is often a repositioning and test of faith. There is still a path forward, even if it looks nothing like the one I planned.

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Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779

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It’s easy in stroke and vestibular recovery to compare who we used to be with who we are today, and that comparison can distort our thinking. Living in “before” erodes appreciation for “now,” despite the trials we are in. The present is where recovery happens, so we are better off to stay present. Fear, fatigue, and frustration are part of the healing process, not signs of failure.

I’m not that old version of myself anymore, but I’m not less than I used to be. I’m still whole, and still capable of surfacing joy right where I am. This new version of me is shaped by resilience, self-awareness, and persistence. Every moment spent wishing for the past is a moment stolen from today.

Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and YouTube.

Rather listen on Apple Podcasts? https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/recovery-daily-podcast/id1693924779

Visit my Etsy shop, and join my creative journey at Recovery Upcycling. https://www.etsy.com/shop/RecoveryUpcycling

#strokerecovery #stroke #vestibularrecovery #recovery #vestibular #disability #soberlife #recoverypodcast