You may already know that I hate the phrase “fake it ‘til you make it”. You can’t just fake confidence and expect it to stick. You can be dressed to the nines and runway-ready, but if you’re not feeling it, if you’re not actively choosing to be confident, people are going to see, smell and otherwise just know it.

And then you’re just a well-dressed fake.

I’m not saying physical appearance doesn’t matter – because it does – but it’s no substitute for self-respect and being confident and comfortable in your clothes AND skin. Dressing the part can help, but it’s what’s going on inside that really counts.

So how can you look AND be confident?

I’m glad you asked because that’s what I get into in this episode of Real Confidence: Posture, eye contact, nervous ticks, the words that come out of your mouth, how to teach your brain that it’s go-time by creating positive triggers, and my number one insider tip to help you radiate confidence from the inside out.

Hint: it’s something I teach and preach all the time. Listen in and then drop me a line and let me know if you guessed right!

How to Confidently Interview for that Job

If public speaking is the #1 thing that rattles people’s confidence, then interviewing for a job has got to be a close second.

It doesn’t matter if you’re new to the workforce, returning to the workforce, or a seasoned professional just looking for a change, the prospect of “selling yourself” is totally nerve-wracking – especially when the stakes are high and the new job is a need, not a want.

Conventional interview prep advice tends to focus on studying the organization you’re interviewing with, crafting answers to tricky questions you may (or may not) be asked and getting comfortable with talking about compensation.

But when it comes to your confidence, the advice tends to begin and end with vague and unhelpful phrases like, “Be confident in your abilities,” and “Put your confident best forward.”

That’s all well and good, but what if the interview goes wrong or gets weird? You might have gone in confident and then BOOM. Something knocks you off balance.

My guest on this episode of Real Confidence knows a thing or two about how to master job interviews. Dr. Kyle Elliott used to be a resume reviewer on Fiverr and now is a highly sought-after career and Certified ACI Confidence Coach, largely serving tech executives.

Kyle’s got the goods – and shares them – on how to build, use, and hold onto your confidence before, during, and after the interview so that anytime you have one, you can handle it with poise, ease and resilience.

Top takeaways from our conversation include:

• Why it’s helpful to remember that even the most experienced, high-level professionals struggle to articulate their skills and achievements effectively
• How to create a "fabulousness phrasebook," of your individual selling points and accomplishments to reference during interviews and use as a confidence touchstone
• What it means to approach an interview as a conversation instead of an interrogation and ways you can control the narrative to demonstrate your communication and critical thinking skills
• Ways to handle challenging interviews so that even if things don’t go well you know you did your best and don’t leave feeling defeated
• Why post-interview reflection, which is often overlooked, is one of the most important things you can do

Dr. Kyle Elliott is a high tech career coach, mental health advocate who’s been featured in Business Insider, CNBC, CNN, Entrepreneur, Fast Company, Forbes, Fortune, Glassdoor, Harvard Business Review, The Muse, and The New York Times, among dozens of other leading publications. You can learn more about Kyle and his services at caffeinatedkyle.com.

I don't think anyone would say they want more stress in their life. But most of us create a lot of unnecessary stress for ourselves and other people.

I have a friend (who shall remain nameless – maybe you have one too) and she’s a real drama queen. She looks for it, she creates it. Even the littlest things, turn into a crisis or story like you’d see in a Seinfeld episode and it is EXHAUSTING to be her and to be around her.

Okay. You might have heard it said that if you can spot it, you’ve got it. And guess what? I’ve got some of it too! I’m highly skilled at adding complexity to things that create more stress for me and others (but I’m getting better!).

So why do we make mountains of molehills? What are we getting out of it except feeling bad?

The short answer is we often react to fear in a self-defeating way. Fear of failure, fear of regret, and fear of rejection – it doesn’t matter – that fear drives us to behave in ways that only ramp up our stress levels.Our brains think they’re doing us a favor by getting us to take actions they believe will keep us safe, but a lot of the time that comes at the cost of our peace of mind.

In this episode of Real Confidence, I get into all the ways we unconsciously create unnecessary stress, how our bodies know we’re stressed before our minds do, and what we can do to prevent ourselves from spiraling out of control and reset our confidence.

Because reducing stress isn’t just about feeling better in the moment – it’s about safeguarding our long-term health and well-being and the best time to start doing that is NOW.