The holidays have a way of magnifying whatever is already happening in a family.

Traditions carry memories. Invitations can carry expectations. And a seemingly simple question like “Where are you spending Thanksgiving?” can suddenly feel like it means much more than where you'll be eating turkey.

In this episode of Navigating the Gray, Pat and Kimberly talk about navigating the holidays after a gray divorce—from both the divorced-parent and adult-child perspectives.

Because even years after the divorce is final, the holidays can bring up questions about belonging, loyalty, changing traditions, new partners, divided time, and who's responsible for making sure everyone is okay.

And sometimes the most freeing realization is this:

A holiday can look different without being less meaningful.

• Why holidays can magnify family dynamics that are manageable during the rest of the year
• Why traditions can feel like much more than traditions after divorce
• The pressure adult children can feel to divide their time “fairly”
• How spouses, partners, children, in-laws, and new family relationships make the holiday equation even more complicated
• Why new partners can create very different feelings for parents and adult children
• Giving ourselves permission to keep some traditions, change others, and let a few go
• Why “different” doesn't automatically mean “less than”
• The value of having holiday conversations before emotions and expectations collide
• Why asking instead of assuming can change the tone of the entire conversation

One of the recurring themes in our conversations at Navigating the Gray is that family relationships rarely fit neatly into either/or categories.

The holidays are a perfect example.

You can love your parent and dread going to their house.

A parent can feel lonely and their adult child can choose to spend Christmas somewhere else.

You can miss the holidays your family once had and genuinely enjoy the traditions you're creating now.

You can welcome a parent's new partner without seeing that person as a replacement for your other parent.

Sometimes navigating the gray means allowing both things to be true.

We're definitely not finished with this topic.

We're continuing the conversation during our next FREE Navigating the Gray Zoom conversation: Navigating the Holidays.

The podcast gives us a chance to introduce some of the challenges and possibilities. During the Zoom, we're going deeper.

We'll explore what parents and adult children wish the other understood, the expectations we may be carrying into the holidays, the feelings we sometimes take responsibility for, and how we can approach familiar holiday situations differently.

And because this is Navigating the Gray, you'll have the opportunity to hear from people standing on both sides of the family story.

Bring your experiences. Bring your questions. And yes—bring the holiday situation you're already wondering how you're going to handle.

Thursday, October 8, 2026 | 7pm Eastern

Register here: https://bit.ly/4AoGcvF

Before the holiday plans, invitations, travel schedules, meals and traditions take over, ask yourself:

If nobody had to recreate the past—and nobody had to manage anyone else's feelings—what could a really good holiday look like now?

Different doesn't have to mean broken.

Sometimes different is simply the beginning of a new tradition.

Free Resources

Whether you're navigating gray divorce yourself or you're an adult child of divorce, we've created free guides to help you move forward with greater clarity and confidence.

📘 For Divorced Parents: Post-Gray Divorce Recovery Guide

📗 For Adult Children of Divorce: Healing & Relationship Guide

Who expects a divorce, for goodness’ sake? And if you didn’t expect the divorce, you certainly couldn’t have anticipated all the things that would come afterward.

This week on Navigating the Gray, we’re doing something a little different.

Instead of our usual structured conversation, we’re inviting you into a candid chat between the two of us about some of the things we never expected after our families changed—from holidays that don’t look quite the same anymore, to relationships with parents and adult children, living alone, and the surprising ways divorce can continue to affect a family years later.

Along the way, we ask a question that turns out to be harder to answer than you might think:

Is this a divorce thing…or just a family thing?

We talk about sibling relationships, feeling like time with one parent has to be “balanced” with time with the other, the emotions connected to the family home, and how perfectly normal family transitions can feel very different when divorce is part of the story.

Kimberly also shares what she’s discovering while writing a journal for adult children of divorce—and why, even nearly 20 years later, revisiting those experiences can still uncover places that need attention and healing.

And yes, we laugh.

Not because divorce is funny or because we make light of the pain it can cause. But because humor can become part of healing, too.

• The things neither of us expected after divorce
• How holidays and family traditions evolve
• Why adult children can feel that their choices suddenly “mean something”
• Different relationships between siblings and parents
• Selling the family home and other emotional transitions
• Pat’s unexpected experience of learning to love living alone
• Why two siblings can experience the same divorce very differently
• Kimberly’s experience writing a journal she wishes she’d had 20 years ago
• Why healing doesn’t follow a timetable
• Finding room for laughter alongside grief and growth

If you’re still in the painful, messy middle, we hope this conversation reminds you that where you are today isn’t necessarily where you’ll always be.

There can be growth after divorce. There can be laughter again. And sometimes, years later, there are still things to understand, process and heal.

Two things can be true at the same time.

What’s something you never expected after your—or your parents’—divorce?

And what have you experienced that made you wonder:

“Is this a divorce thing…or is this just a family thing?”

We'd love to hear your thoughts. Use the SpeakPipe link to share your experience. Your story may encourage someone else walking a similar path.

Free Resources

Whether you're navigating gray divorce yourself or you're an adult child of divorce, help yourself to the free guides we’ve created to help you move forward with greater clarity and confidence.

📘 For Divorced Parents: Post-Gray Divorce Recovery Guide

📗 For Adult Children of Divorce: Healing & Relationship Guide

And if you haven't already, follow Navigating the Gray so you don't miss the rest of our conversations about healing, relationships, and family life long after the divorce papers are signed.

The story you believed about your parents' divorce at 15 may not be the same story you believe at 35, 45, or 55.

With time—and a lot more life experience—we sometimes begin to see our parents, their marriage, and their divorce differently. The parent we once blamed may become more understandable. The parent we defended may become a little more complicated. And the stories we created as children to explain what happened can quietly shape the way we see relationships, family—and ourselves—for years afterward.

In this episode of Navigating the Gray, Pat and Kimberly talk about what it means to revisit those stories from the perspective of long-term healing.

We explore the "heroes" and "villains" families sometimes create after divorce, how siblings can carry very different versions of the same family story, and the beliefs adult children may unknowingly take with them into adulthood:

• Relationships don't last.
• People always leave.
• I have to keep everyone happy.
• It's my job to fix things.

But here's the beautiful—and sometimes difficult—part of getting older: we gain perspective we simply couldn't have had before.

Rewriting our family story doesn't mean changing the facts, excusing hurtful behavior, or requiring reconciliation.

Sometimes it simply means realizing:

The story I carried wasn't necessarily wrong. It just wasn't complete.

And perhaps the most powerful story we get to reconsider isn't the one about our parents.

It's the one we've been telling ourselves.

What's one belief you've carried about your family—or yourself—that may deserve a second look today?

We'd love to hear your thoughts. Use the SpeakPipe link to share your experience. Your story may encourage someone else walking a similar path.

Free Resources

Whether you're navigating gray divorce yourself or you're an adult child of divorce, help yourself to the free guides we’ve created to help you move forward with greater clarity and confidence.

📘 For Divorced Parents: Post-Gray Divorce Recovery Guide

📗 For Adult Children of Divorce: Healing & Relationship Guide

And if you haven't already, follow Navigating the Gray so you don't miss the rest of our conversations about healing, relationships, and family life long after the divorce papers are signed.