The holidays have a way of magnifying whatever is already happening in a family.

Traditions carry memories. Invitations can carry expectations. And a seemingly simple question like “Where are you spending Thanksgiving?” can suddenly feel like it means much more than where you'll be eating turkey.

In this episode of Navigating the Gray, Pat and Kimberly talk about navigating the holidays after a gray divorce—from both the divorced-parent and adult-child perspectives.

Because even years after the divorce is final, the holidays can bring up questions about belonging, loyalty, changing traditions, new partners, divided time, and who's responsible for making sure everyone is okay.

And sometimes the most freeing realization is this:

A holiday can look different without being less meaningful.

• Why holidays can magnify family dynamics that are manageable during the rest of the year
• Why traditions can feel like much more than traditions after divorce
• The pressure adult children can feel to divide their time “fairly”
• How spouses, partners, children, in-laws, and new family relationships make the holiday equation even more complicated
• Why new partners can create very different feelings for parents and adult children
• Giving ourselves permission to keep some traditions, change others, and let a few go
• Why “different” doesn't automatically mean “less than”
• The value of having holiday conversations before emotions and expectations collide
• Why asking instead of assuming can change the tone of the entire conversation

One of the recurring themes in our conversations at Navigating the Gray is that family relationships rarely fit neatly into either/or categories.

The holidays are a perfect example.

You can love your parent and dread going to their house.

A parent can feel lonely and their adult child can choose to spend Christmas somewhere else.

You can miss the holidays your family once had and genuinely enjoy the traditions you're creating now.

You can welcome a parent's new partner without seeing that person as a replacement for your other parent.

Sometimes navigating the gray means allowing both things to be true.

We're definitely not finished with this topic.

We're continuing the conversation during our next FREE Navigating the Gray Zoom conversation: Navigating the Holidays.

The podcast gives us a chance to introduce some of the challenges and possibilities. During the Zoom, we're going deeper.

We'll explore what parents and adult children wish the other understood, the expectations we may be carrying into the holidays, the feelings we sometimes take responsibility for, and how we can approach familiar holiday situations differently.

And because this is Navigating the Gray, you'll have the opportunity to hear from people standing on both sides of the family story.

Bring your experiences. Bring your questions. And yes—bring the holiday situation you're already wondering how you're going to handle.

Thursday, October 8, 2026 | 7pm Eastern

Register here: https://bit.ly/4AoGcvF

Before the holiday plans, invitations, travel schedules, meals and traditions take over, ask yourself:

If nobody had to recreate the past—and nobody had to manage anyone else's feelings—what could a really good holiday look like now?

Different doesn't have to mean broken.

Sometimes different is simply the beginning of a new tradition.

Free Resources

Whether you're navigating gray divorce yourself or you're an adult child of divorce, we've created free guides to help you move forward with greater clarity and confidence.

📘 For Divorced Parents: Post-Gray Divorce Recovery Guide

📗 For Adult Children of Divorce: Healing & Relationship Guide

Who expects a divorce, for goodness’ sake? And if you didn’t expect the divorce, you certainly couldn’t have anticipated all the things that would come afterward.

This week on Navigating the Gray, we’re doing something a little different.

Instead of our usual structured conversation, we’re inviting you into a candid chat between the two of us about some of the things we never expected after our families changed—from holidays that don’t look quite the same anymore, to relationships with parents and adult children, living alone, and the surprising ways divorce can continue to affect a family years later.

Along the way, we ask a question that turns out to be harder to answer than you might think:

Is this a divorce thing…or just a family thing?

We talk about sibling relationships, feeling like time with one parent has to be “balanced” with time with the other, the emotions connected to the family home, and how perfectly normal family transitions can feel very different when divorce is part of the story.

Kimberly also shares what she’s discovering while writing a journal for adult children of divorce—and why, even nearly 20 years later, revisiting those experiences can still uncover places that need attention and healing.

And yes, we laugh.

Not because divorce is funny or because we make light of the pain it can cause. But because humor can become part of healing, too.

• The things neither of us expected after divorce
• How holidays and family traditions evolve
• Why adult children can feel that their choices suddenly “mean something”
• Different relationships between siblings and parents
• Selling the family home and other emotional transitions
• Pat’s unexpected experience of learning to love living alone
• Why two siblings can experience the same divorce very differently
• Kimberly’s experience writing a journal she wishes she’d had 20 years ago
• Why healing doesn’t follow a timetable
• Finding room for laughter alongside grief and growth

If you’re still in the painful, messy middle, we hope this conversation reminds you that where you are today isn’t necessarily where you’ll always be.

There can be growth after divorce. There can be laughter again. And sometimes, years later, there are still things to understand, process and heal.

Two things can be true at the same time.

What’s something you never expected after your—or your parents’—divorce?

And what have you experienced that made you wonder:

“Is this a divorce thing…or is this just a family thing?”

We'd love to hear your thoughts. Use the SpeakPipe link to share your experience. Your story may encourage someone else walking a similar path.

Free Resources

Whether you're navigating gray divorce yourself or you're an adult child of divorce, help yourself to the free guides we’ve created to help you move forward with greater clarity and confidence.

📘 For Divorced Parents: Post-Gray Divorce Recovery Guide

📗 For Adult Children of Divorce: Healing & Relationship Guide

And if you haven't already, follow Navigating the Gray so you don't miss the rest of our conversations about healing, relationships, and family life long after the divorce papers are signed.

The story you believed about your parents' divorce at 15 may not be the same story you believe at 35, 45, or 55.

With time—and a lot more life experience—we sometimes begin to see our parents, their marriage, and their divorce differently. The parent we once blamed may become more understandable. The parent we defended may become a little more complicated. And the stories we created as children to explain what happened can quietly shape the way we see relationships, family—and ourselves—for years afterward.

In this episode of Navigating the Gray, Pat and Kimberly talk about what it means to revisit those stories from the perspective of long-term healing.

We explore the "heroes" and "villains" families sometimes create after divorce, how siblings can carry very different versions of the same family story, and the beliefs adult children may unknowingly take with them into adulthood:

• Relationships don't last.
• People always leave.
• I have to keep everyone happy.
• It's my job to fix things.

But here's the beautiful—and sometimes difficult—part of getting older: we gain perspective we simply couldn't have had before.

Rewriting our family story doesn't mean changing the facts, excusing hurtful behavior, or requiring reconciliation.

Sometimes it simply means realizing:

The story I carried wasn't necessarily wrong. It just wasn't complete.

And perhaps the most powerful story we get to reconsider isn't the one about our parents.

It's the one we've been telling ourselves.

What's one belief you've carried about your family—or yourself—that may deserve a second look today?

We'd love to hear your thoughts. Use the SpeakPipe link to share your experience. Your story may encourage someone else walking a similar path.

Free Resources

Whether you're navigating gray divorce yourself or you're an adult child of divorce, help yourself to the free guides we’ve created to help you move forward with greater clarity and confidence.

📘 For Divorced Parents: Post-Gray Divorce Recovery Guide

📗 For Adult Children of Divorce: Healing & Relationship Guide

And if you haven't already, follow Navigating the Gray so you don't miss the rest of our conversations about healing, relationships, and family life long after the divorce papers are signed.

Long after the divorce papers are signed, many adult children continue discovering ways their parents' divorce shaped their own relationships.

In this episode, Pat and Kimberly discuss how gray divorce can influence dating, trust, commitment, communication, and expectations for marriage—even decades later.

Rather than focusing on blame, they explore how recognizing these influences allows us to become more intentional, healthier partners and build relationships that aren't limited by the past.

• The relationship lessons we absorb without realizing it
• Why some people fear commitment while others fear being alone
• How gray divorce changes our understanding of marriage
• Learning to become intentional instead of cynical
• Why communication matters more than ever
• Questions worth asking before making lifelong commitments

Your parents' divorce may have influenced your view of relationships—but it doesn't have to determine your future.

Healing is possible. Healthy love is possible. And every relationship gives us another opportunity to write a better story.

"What you have seen does not have to become your experience." ~ Kimberly Scott

• What relationship lesson did you learn from watching your parents?
• Has your parents' divorce affected your willingness to trust?
• Do you find yourself avoiding commitment—or rushing toward it?
• What assumptions about love might need a second look?
• How can you create a relationship story that's different from the one you inherited?

We'd love to hear your thoughts. Use the SpeakPipe link to share your experience. Your story may encourage someone else walking a similar path.

Free Resources

Whether you're navigating gray divorce yourself or you're an adult child of divorce, help yourself to the free guides we’ve created to help you move forward with greater clarity and confidence.

📘 For Divorced Parents: Post-Gray Divorce Recovery Guide

📗 For Adult Children of Divorce: Healing & Relationship Guide

What if forgiveness doesn't mean what we've always thought it means?

After a gray divorce, forgiveness can get complicated—for the former spouses and for their adult children. There may be old hurts, unanswered questions, broken trust, resentment, guilt, or an apology that never came.

And then we're told we need to forgive and move on.

But what does that actually mean?

In this episode of Navigating the Gray, Pat and Kimberly unpack three common myths about forgiveness:

• Myth #1: Forgiveness means saying what happened was okay.
• Myth #2: I can't forgive until the other person apologizes.
• Myth #3: Forgiveness means reconciliation.

We talk about the important differences between forgiveness, reconciliation, and trust—and why forgiving someone doesn't necessarily mean giving them the same access to your life they once had.

We also explore forgiveness from both sides of a gray divorce: the parent who may be carrying hurt, resentment, regret, or guilt, and the adult child who may still be processing the choices their parents made years ago.

Sometimes forgiveness leads to reconciliation.

Sometimes it leads to new boundaries.

And sometimes it simply allows us to stop carrying something that has been taking up far too much space in our lives.

“Forgiveness doesn't always rebuild a relationship. Sometimes it rebuilds

the person who was hurt.”

Is there someone you're waiting on before you allow yourself to heal?

Maybe forgiveness isn't about pretending the hurt didn't matter.

Maybe it's about deciding the hurt doesn't get to write the rest of your story.

Free Resources

If you're navigating gray divorce as either a divorced parent or an adult child of divorce, we've created free guides specifically for you.

📘 For Divorced Parents: Post-Gray Divorce Recovery Guide

📗 For Adult Children of Divorce: Healing & Relationship Guide

Important Phone Numbers

• National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788
• National Child Abuse Hotline (Childrelp) - call or text 24/7 1-800-422-4453

And if this episode resonated with you, follow Navigating the Gray and share it with someone who might need this conversation today.

Healing after a gray divorce isn't a checklist—and it certainly isn't linear.

In this episode of Navigating the Gray, Pat and Kimberly explore the complicated relationship between grief, anger, and healing. From the divorced parent's perspective and the adult child's perspective, they discuss how emotions can resurface years later, why anger is often a signal rather than the root issue, and how healing isn't about "getting over it"—it's about moving forward with greater awareness and strength.

If you've ever wondered why a song, a TV show, a holiday, or a memory can suddenly bring back emotions you thought you'd already worked through, this conversation is for you.

✅ Why Healing Isn't Linear

✅ Understanding Anger

✅ The Grief Nobody Talks About

✅ Boundaries as a Healing Tool

✅ What Healing Actually Looks Like

"Healing isn't about going back to normal. It's about becoming someone new with new awareness and new strengths." ~ Pat Fenner

Three times this week, when you feel emotionally triggered:

1. Pause.
2. Ask yourself:

• What am I actually feeling right now?
• What might be underneath that feeling?

1. Complete this sentence:

"I feel ______ because ______."

For example: "I feel angry because I feel like my feelings aren't being considered in this situation, and that hurts."

This simple practice can help build emotional awareness and gently move you toward healing.

What's one thing that has helped you take even a single step toward healing after divorce?

We'd love to hear your thoughts. Use the SpeakPipe link to share your experience. Your story may encourage someone else walking a similar path.

Free Resources

Whether you're navigating gray divorce yourself or you're an adult child of divorce, we've created free guides to help you move forward with greater clarity and confidence.

📘 For Divorced Parents: Post-Gray Divorce Recovery Guide

📗 For Adult Children of Divorce: Healing & Relationship Guide

After a gray divorce, healing isn't just about what happened—it's also about the story we tell ourselves about what happened.

In this episode of Navigating the Gray, Kimberly and Pat explore the difference between mental health and mindset, and why the lens through which we view our experiences can either keep us stuck or help us move forward.

Together they discuss trust, identity, scarcity thinking, growth mindset, family narratives, and the powerful process of rewriting the stories we've inherited about ourselves, our families, and our futures.

Whether you're an adult child of divorce or a divorced parent, this conversation will challenge you to examine the beliefs you've been carrying—and decide which ones still deserve a place in your story.

In this episode, we discuss:

✅ The difference between mental health and mindset

✅ Why the end of a marriage doesn't erase the good that came before it

✅ Trust issues and relationship fears after parental divorce

✅ Self-doubt and feelings of failure after gray divorce

✅ Scarcity mindset vs. growth mindset

✅ Why "my family is broken" may not be the most helpful story

✅ Reimagining family culture after divorce

✅ Identity beyond family roles

✅ How to stop managing everyone and rediscover yourself

✅ Practical ways to rewrite limiting narratives

"Mental health helps us survive. Mindset helps us rebuild." ~ Kimberly Scott

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This Week, Try This: Rewrite Your Narrative

Take out a journal and complete these two statements:

Because of this divorce, I am ____________. (You can write a word, a phrase, or a paragraph!)

Some examples:

• I am afraid to trust.
• I am stuck.
• I am angry.
• I am uncertain.

Even after this divorce, I can still ____________.

Examples:

• Build healthy relationships.
• Trust again.
• Create peace.
• Find joy.
• Heal and grow.

The goal isn't to deny reality.

The goal is to rewrite the narrative without minimizing the pain.

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These are the affirmations that Kimberly and I shared:

• My future is not over.
• Growth can happen at any age.
• I can become healthier without pretending the pain didn't happen.

• I am not defined by my family's hardest chapter.
• I can create relationships that feel safe and healthy.
• I do not have to repeat unhealthy patterns.

Don't forget!

🎙️ Subscribe so you don't miss future episodes.

💬 Share your story with us through SpeakPipe. We’d love to hear from you

Gray divorce doesn't just change relationships—it can profoundly impact mental health for both divorced parents and adult children.

In this episode of Navigating the Gray, Kimberly and Pat discuss the emotional exhaustion, anxiety, depression, guilt, loneliness, and stress that often accompany major family transitions. They explore how mental health challenges can show up in unexpected ways, including emotional eating, sleep struggles, binge-watching, financial fears, and the pressure to appear "fine" when you're not.

Together, they share personal experiences, practical coping strategies, and gentle reminders that healing begins with acknowledging where you are—not pretending you're somewhere else.

If you've ever found yourself saying:

• "I'm tired all the time."
• "I don't recognize myself anymore."
• "I feel guilty when I'm happy."
• "I'm fine." (when you're really not)

this episode is for you.

✅ The hidden mental load carried by adult children of divorce

✅ Emotional exhaustion and role changes within the family

✅ Depression, grief, loneliness, and identity shifts after gray divorce

✅ Financial stress and uncertainty for divorced parents

✅ Common unhealthy coping mechanisms

✅ Healthier coping alternatives

✅ Why it's okay to admit: "I'm not okay right now."

"Sometimes you're spending so much energy trying to be okay that you don't realize how exhausted you are." ~ Kimberly Scott

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This week, try this Mental Load Check-In

• Take 5 minutes and ask yourself: What is draining me emotionally right now?
• Then write down:

• My feelings
• My healing
• My boundaries

• Other people's emotions
• Other people's choices
• Other people's healing journeys

Notice the difference!

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👉 Subscribe for honest conversations about gray divorce, adult children, and navigating family change.

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Stuff we mentioned in the show:

Music playlists on YouTube -

• Silver Grooves -
• Music for Walking -

Similar to Kimberly's bracelets, on Etsy -