To mark 50,000 subscribers, I went through your comments and answered 30 real questions from husbands and wives: sexless marriage, desire, rejection, menopause, porn, attraction, pressure, and whether intimacy can actually come back.

I've alternated them, one from a man, one from a woman, to show both sides of the story.

👉 Want to work through this with someone? Book online therapy with me or my team: https://laurahow.com/online-therapists/

👉 Join the Good Wife Club (women-only community, monthly live with me): https://laurahow.com/good-wife-club/

👉 Join the Good Husband Club (men-only community, monthly live with me): https://laurahow.com/good-husband-club/

A note before you watch: these are short answers to big questions, based on the little I know from each comment. They are not individual therapy, and they are not advice for abusive or coercive relationships.

Thank you for 50,000. It's beyond anything I imagined when we started.

⏱️ Timestamps:

00:00 — Who is Laura How?

01:08 — How much sex is normal in marriage?

01:57 — Keeping lust alive after 20 years

02:25 — Married or just roommates?

03:07 — Lonely in marriage for 23 years

04:22 — Is sex a need in marriage?

05:44 — Why does sex feel like a chore?

06:14 — Do sexually generous women exist?

06:48 — When a wife has no desire

07:40 — Sex without emotional engagement

08:05 — He expects sex without effort

09:36 — Getting your wife to watch these videos

10:19 — Low libido and saving your marriage

12:05 — Asking for sex or pressuring?

13:19 — Guilted into sex by your husband

14:19 — Walking on eggshells in marriage

15:24 — "He only wants me for sex"

16:03 — Painful sex after menopause

17:04 — Convincing your wife to try HRT

17:56 — Body image and intimacy

18:41 — Losing attraction to your wife

20:31 — When the husband doesn't want sex

21:54 — "She told me to look outside the marriage"

23:10 — Porn and OnlyFans in marriage

24:04 — She won't work through her trauma

25:05 — Can a sexless marriage be fixed?

26:44 — Trapped and afraid to divorce

28:27 — Erectile dysfunction and intimacy

29:23 — Is a sexless marriage bad for wives too?

31:19 — The Good Wife Club and Good Husband Club

32:30 — Thank you for 50,000

👉 One-Day Couples Intensive (for stuck or sexless marriages): https://laurahow.com/1-day-couples-intensive/

💬 Let me know in the comments: what question should I answer next?

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📌 Hashtags #SexlessMarriage #MarriageAdvice #RelationshipTherapist

When your wife says she “doesn’t feel safe,” it might sound like an accusation. What does that even mean, and how is it your fault when you’ve worked hard to provide? In this team episode, Marijke, Zac and I unpack what safety actually means for women and for men, why it affects desire, and how two people who love each other end up feeling unsafe with the one person who’s meant to be home. 👉 Book online sessions with Zac or Marijke: https://laurahow.com/online-therapists/

In this episode, we discuss:

✔️ Why women carry a constant, low-level scan for safety — and how it follows them into the bedroom

✔️ “Diffuse awareness” vs single focus — why a loud, messy, overwhelming environment can switch desire off

✔️ How men signal stress as aggression or brooding — and why it can feel frightening even when nothing is wrong

✔️ The archetypal homecoming row — “What’s wrong with you?” — and the argument that ends any chance of sex

✔️ Why women read men better than men read themselves — and the energy you carry through the door

✔️ What men actually hear in “I don’t feel safe” — and why it lands like an attack

✔️ Gottman’s love map — why sharing your day is for the relationship, not just for you

✔️ Pokes vs strokes — and the five-to-one ratio that keeps a marriage warm

✔️ The power of specific praise — and why “you’re amazing” means nothing

✔️ “I love you” vs “Do you like me?” — the question that changes everything

✔️ The double bind of wanting to feel liked while withholding the very thing he needs

✔️ Laying down the sword — why real intimacy takes courage, vulnerability and surrender

We record this monthly — we’d love to hear from you.

👉 Leave your questions in the comments for the next episode.

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💎 More ways to connect and grow:

💠 Therapists — Work with me: https://laurahow.com/work-for-me/

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💠 Support my work: https://laurahow.com/support/

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📲 Follow me:

Instagram → / laurahow

Facebook → / laurahowcounsellor

Twitter (X) → / laurahow

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⌚️ Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction

00:14 What Does Safety Mean in a Relationship?

00:39 Why Women Experience Safety Differently

02:51 How Men Express Unhappiness (And Why It Feels Unsafe)

04:35 Women's Emotional Radar — An Evolutionary Advantage

06:18 The Jumper Story: A Case Study in Miscommunication

09:05 The Core Difference: Sex vs. Emotional Connection

11:28 The Power of Specific Compliments

13:34 The Double Bind: Withholding Sex & Affection

15:19 Why Women Can't "Just Switch Off" Their Minds

17:47 The Beautiful Potential: What Men & Women Teach Each Other

20:47 Laying Down the Sword — The Courage of Vulnerability

22:45 Changing Deep-Seated Patterns Takes Real Work

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📌 Hashtags #SexlessMarriage #EmotionalSafety #MarriageAdvice #CouplesTherapy #RelationshipAdvice #MarriageCounselling #IntimacyInMarriage #LauraHow #FeelingSafe #LoveAndCherishPodcast