🔸 Nothing I can possibly understand about an abstract fetal part; the root of my anger issues.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

First call at new time slot: 630am (in Vietnam). I stopped offering it after a few months, having become aware of those crafty parts always suggesting any IFS stuff as a fine substitute for my own parts-work.

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🔸 Another version of me that could be with my mother.

🔹 Parts:

• P: Membrane, buffer. Doing the job of creating another me. Blocking the comparison to another. Needs more time in nature and free expression, free hand doodling for 5 minutes, 5 days. "Open your eyes and really see"
• P: Gotta find the right thing to work with. Lots of choices, pinball, distract.
• E: 7-8yrs old. No time for my feelings. Rejected, not enough, disappointing. "I'm not that other kid"

🎓 What Christine would like to do differently:

Remember to hit record before the call starts!

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🔸 LSD. My partner, my self.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

When I would meet my former business partner on the job site, my first task was to figure out how much he already had to drink. And knowing that, I still couldn't predict how productive we would be. Are we going to get some work done, or am I going to spend my day hiding him from the homeowner and later the cops?

I understood my drinking-buddy's drug of choice and how it affected him. But I don't have experience w higher doses of LSD, and I don't know Julian's sober baseline. I dont know which parts are LSD inspired/accessible, and so my abilities feel devalued/moot. I have the hour blocked off, it's not like I don't want to meet with him, but I don't know who I'll be meeting!

The right thing to do I suppose is just speak for that, but it's a tough line to walk. Plenty of parts disappointed or frustrated, but I did some good work with them eventually,, and discussed it w Jules. I'm not anti-drugs, or anti- having fun with IFS, but I'd like to do that with mutual intention and agreement.

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🔸 If mom wants to go…

📌 Justine call referenced is #411

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🔸 Smoke; a solid ally, something to hold on to in a storm.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

Funky energy today, failing to shift my sleep schedule before going to Vietnam next week. And more tempted to go completely off script working w Christine, like in experimenting w not you-turn today. Why? Cuz what if this type of access is more efficient (or is that a step backwards)? Or a part of me that wants to show my own care for her parts? Or maybe my attention was divided by my own 13-year-old sneak out and smoke parts relating, and because I needed to speak with that part, I was doing that vicariously.

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🔸 At risk all the time. More than validation.

• 
  

• 
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🔸 Too gay... (nobody likes the critic)📌 The last convo we're referencing was not published.

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🔸 No point in being here anymore

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