Épisodes

  • EP 23. Sister, Keep It Moving - Nine Lessons I Learnt After Sexual Violence

    EP 23. Sister, Keep It Moving - Nine Lessons I Learnt After Sexual Violence
    Jul 31 2026

    Episode number: EP 23

    Sister Keep It Moving - Nine Lessons I Learnt After Sexual Violence

    Podcast: Like Me Officially with J'K Frederick

    Category: Society & Culture / Gender-Based Violence / Policy & Accountability / Personal

    ________________________________

    Nine things I've learnt on my healing journey. Not steps. Not a formula. Just what actually held.

    In this episode:

    — Defending my truth to people who didn't believe me, and when I stopped

    — Forgiveness, and everything it isn't

    — The nervous system, and why it isn't the same as personality

    — Being named a victim before I'd named myself

    — Blame, and where it actually belongs

    — Triggers, reframed as information rather than failure

    — Choosing myself, and why that was necessary, not selfish

    — Still unlearning, because the list doesn't end here

    This episode touches on sexual violence and trauma. Please take care of yourself while listening, step away if you need to, and come back when you're ready.

    If anything here resonates, join the conversation on Substack - https://jkfrederick.substack.com/

    If You Need Support

    https://rapecrisis.org.uk/ - 0808 500 2222 (Free, 24/7)

    https://www.rapecrisisscotland.org.uk/ - 08088 01 03 02

    https://www.samaritans.org/ - 116 123 (Free, 24/7)

    Support Directory UK and International



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    25 min
  • EP 22. The Cost of Witnessing -Your Story on the World Stage

    EP 22. The Cost of Witnessing -Your Story on the World Stage
    Jun 28 2026
    Episode number: EP 22Podcast: Like Me Officially with J'K FrederickCategory: Society & Culture / Gender-Based Violence / Policy & AccountabilityThe Cost of Witnessing - Your Story on the World StageWhat does it actually cost a survivor to witness their own experience play out in reports, courtrooms, news cycles, and public arguments, often without ever being in the room? In this episode, J’K Frederick names that cost plainly, traces it through the body, and shares what has helped her manage it over the years.Opening with a tribute to Virginia Giuffre and Cassie — two women whose stories represent different dimensions of the cost of speaking out, J’K moves through the reality of sixteen active conflicts and what conflict-related sexual violence means for the estimated 840 million women and girls globally who share some version of this experience.This is not an episode about resilience. It’s an episode about determination, drive, and the work of staying present in your own life when the world keeps asking you to witness the worst of it.In This EpisodeVirginia Giuffre and Cassie - two names, two kinds of costSixteen active conflicts and what they mean for women and girlsUnited Nations data: conflict-related sexual violence more than doubled in one year840 million women and girls globally: the lived witnessThe body’s response to indirect trauma exposure - Van Der KolkThe Rape Crisis England and Wales Living in Limbo report (2025)>> readWhat J’K actually does: journalling, breathwork, walking, singing, crying, safe friends, silenceThe 5 Minute Journal - how J’K got back to writing after her diary was thrown awayLearning to be your own safe friend firstStopping self harm and replacing it with self loveAudre Lorde on self-preservation as political warfareBoys and young men - sexual violence isn’t exclusive to women and girlsDetermination over resilience — and why the distinction mattersKey Quotes“The body doesn’t read the news. The body feels it.”“Presence first. Release second. Not the other way around.”“Being a witness is not a role I asked for. But since it chose me — I have to find ways to manage all the feelings and emotions that come with it.”“Openness isn’t weakness. It’s how the good gets in.”“I decided I’m not finished.”Research & SourcesRape Crisis England and Wales — Living in Limbo (2025): rapecrisis.org.ukUN Annual Report on Conflict-Related Sexual Violence (2026): un.org/sexualviolenceinconflictOffice National Statistic - Sexual Offences in England and Wales: ons.gov.ukBessel van der Kolk - The Body Keeps the Score (Penguin, 2014)Peter Levine - Waking the Tiger (North Atlantic Books, 1997)Gabor Maté - When the Body Says No (Vermilion, 2019)Audre Lorde - The Cancer Journals (Aunt Lute Books, 1980)Audre Lorde -A Burst of Light (Firebrand Books, 1988)The Five Minute Journal - Alex Ikonn & U.J. Ramdas, Intelligent Change: intelligentchange.comIf You Need SupportRape Crisis England & Wales: rapecrisis.org.uk | 0808 500 2222 (Free, 24/7)Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02Samaritans: samaritans.org | 116 123 (Free, 24/7)Support Directory UK and Internationalhttps://jkfrederick.substack.com/ Get full access to J'K Here at jkfrederick.substack.com/subscribe
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    39 min
  • EP 21. Who Taught Them That?

    EP 21. Who Taught Them That?
    Jun 14 2026
    Episode number: EP21Podcast: Like Me Officially with J'K FrederickCategory: Society & Culture / Gender-Based Violence / Policy & AccountabilityIn 2024, over 122,000 child sexual abuse and exploitation offences were recorded in England and Wales. Half were committed by children aged 10 to 17. Online offences rose 26% in a single year. Over half of all recorded cases are child on child.Something is being taught to our young people. And it is being taught young.This episode of Like Me Officially examines the ecosystem shaping adolescent boys and girls — the manosphere, the structural failures that left young people without community, the algorithm that filled the gap, and where responsibility actually lands.Who Taught Them That? The Danger of the Adolescent Ecosystem.Episode summaryIn 2024, the Youth Justice Board confirmed that proven sexual offences committed by children rose by 47% in one year and a further 6% the following year. 33% of children reported seeing content online that encourages violence against women and girls. Barnardo's found that one in seven girls aged 13 to 15 had been asked to send nude images.In this episode, J'K Frederick asks three questions she couldn't stop thinking about. How does a 13-year-old boy commit a sexual offence against a girl he goes to school with and believe that was acceptable? Why does a boy who grows up watching a man hurt a woman repeat that behaviour ten years later and call it normal? How are girls being groomed online, moved onto encrypted apps, exploited, and then used to recruit other girls — and why is it still happening?The answer isn't one person. It isn't one platform. It isn't one piece of content.It is the ecosystem.J'K traces how social media algorithms connect everyday interests — fitness, gaming, music, self-improvement — to harmful content gradually, across hundreds of videos, without anyone noticing. She examines the 73% cut to UK youth services since 2010 that left young people without community and without the adults who would have spotted the problem early. She looks at what the neuroscience of adolescent brain development says about why current approaches in schools may be making things worse. She names girls as both victims and participants in online harm — and asks what shaped them too.She also shares what she witnessed growing up — domestic violence in real time — and draws a direct line to how early exposure shapes long-term sensitivities, hyper-awareness, and the fuel it takes to fight back.This episode also examines what governments are doing — age restriction legislation in Australia, the UK, and China — and why restriction alone is not enough when the influencers in question don't need the main platforms to reach young people.It ends with a call to the village. And a question about whether the adults in the room have decided that's their responsibility.What this episode answersWhat is the manosphere and where did the term come from?How do social media algorithms connect boys to harmful content?What happened to UK youth services after 2010?What does the developing adolescent brain have to do with online radicalisation?Why are gender equity lessons in schools potentially making things worse for some boys?What is the Youth Justice Board evidence review and what did it find?What are Australia, the UK and China doing about social media and children?Why is restriction not the same as protection?Are girls only victims in this conversation — or is the picture more complicated?What does an actual whole-of-society response to VAWG look like?What does the UK's VAWG strategy actually require to work?Key topics coveredThe manosphere as ecosystem — Movember UK research, 2025Social media algorithms and cultural touchpoints — inverted iceberg modelUK youth services funding cuts 2010 to 2021 — 73% reduction, 4,500 jobs, 760 centresChild poverty in the UK — 4.5 million children in relative low incomeAdolescent brain development — prefrontal cortex, peer approval, neurological vulnerabilityProfessor Jessica Ringrose, UCL — defensive responses to gender equity lessonsYouth Justice Board evidence review — child-on-child sexual offences, algorithm-driven harmBarnardo's UK — online exploitation and peer pressure dataUK drill music — court cases, Ofcom investigations, Metropolitan Police injunctionsDomestic abuse and major England football matches — 26% and 38% increase dataAustralia's social media ban — under-16s, 4.7 million accounts restrictedUK Children's Wellbeing and Schools Act 2026 — restrictions for under-16sChina's gaming and social media time limits — enforcement challengesUK Violence Against Women and Girls Strategy 2025Proverbs 22:6 — train up a childWhitney Houston — I believe the children are our futureIf you need supportRape Crisis England & Wales — free, confidential support for anyone affected by sexual violence. rapecrisis.org.uk 0808 500 2222 — free, 24 hours, 7 days a weekRape ...
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    42 min
  • EP 20. Whose Future Gets Protected?

    EP 20. Whose Future Gets Protected?
    May 30 2026
    Episode number: EP20 Podcast: Like Me Officially with J'K Frederick Category: Society & Culture / Gender-Based Violence / Policy & Accountability In May 2026, three teenage boys convicted of raping two girls in Fordingbridge, Hampshire walked out of Southampton Crown Court without a custodial sentence. The judge handed down youth rehabilitation orders. His reason: he did not want to “unnecessarily criminalise” these children.This episode of the Like Me Officially Podcast examines why that sentence was legally possible, the archaic framework that produced it, and the cost to the victims, survivors everywhere, and all of us.Whose Future Gets Protected? The Fordingbridge Rape Case, Youth Sentencing, and What the Law Still Won't SayEpisode summaryIn May 2026, three teenage boys convicted of raping two girls in Fordingbridge, Hampshire received non-custodial sentences — youth rehabilitation orders. The judge cited a desire to avoid unnecessarily criminalising children. One survivor said the decision felt like a rock to her face.In this episode, J'K Frederick asks the question underneath the verdict: whose future does the legal system actually centre — and whose was already changed before anyone in that courtroom spoke?This isn't a recap of the case. It's an examination of the framework that made the sentence possible. A framework rooted in the Children Act 1908. Written at a time when rape within marriage wasn't a crime, and the abuse of women and children by men wasn't fully recognised by law.J'K traces the neurodevelopmental argument the system uses to reduce accountability for young offenders — and follows it to where it stops. She examines what Bessel van der Kolk's trauma research says about developing brains on both sides of harm. She looks at what digital distribution of assault footage means for victims in 2026. And she asks what the VAWG strategy's ten-year target to halve gender-based violence actually requires of all of us — not just the courts.This episode also includes a personal account from J'K's own teenage years a peer who went through something similar over thirty years ago and a direct message to anyone listening who carries their own experience of sexual violence.What this episode answersWhy did the Fordingbridge boys not go to prison?What are youth sentencing guidelines in England and Wales?Who created the sentencing guidelines for young offenders in the UK?What does the Children Act 1908 have to do with rape sentencing today?Why does age reduce criminal accountability in the UK?What does Bessel van der Kolk say about trauma and brain development?What is the unduly lenient sentence scheme?Who is Gisèle Pelicot and why did she respond to the Fordingbridge case?What is the UK government's VAWG strategy?What are the reoffending rates for young sexual offenders in the UK?Does filming and sharing sexual assault footage count as a separate crime?What can parents, teachers, and schools do to prevent sexual harm?What support is available for survivors of rape and sexual violence in the UK?Key topics coveredThe Fordingbridge rape case (Southampton Crown Court, 2026)Youth sentencing guidelines — England and Wales (Sentencing Council, 2017)The Children Act 1908 and its philosophical rootsThe Sentencing Council — composition and victim representationSean Hogg case — Scotland, 2023Neurodevelopmental science and its asymmetric application in courtBessel van der Kolk — The Body Keeps the Score — trauma and brain restructuringChildren's moral reasoning — research on right and wrong from toddlerhood to adolescenceDigital distribution of assault footage — Snapchat, platform responsibility, and ongoing harmJames Bulger case — punishment, rehabilitation, and the differenceYouth reoffending rates — sexual offences cohortVAWG strategy 2025–2030 — targets, funding, and teacher training allocation-----If you need supportRape Crisis England & Wales Free, confidential support for anyone affected by sexual violence. rapecrisis.org.uk 0808 500 2222 free, 24 hours, 7 days a weekRape Crisis Scotland rascrisis.scot.org.uk 08088 01 03 02Links & Resources:Here are the direct, official links to the resources, legal frameworks, and research databases mentioned in this episode :Core Legal Frameworks & Guidelines* The Children Act 1908: Read the original historical legislation and its evolution via the UK Legislation Statute Law Database.* The Sentencing Council (2017 Guidelines): Access the definitive framework for “Sentencing Children and Young People” through the legal analysis portal at the Youth Justice Legal Centre.* UK Government VAWG Strategy: Review the landmark strategy aimed at halving violence against women and girls on the Crown Prosecution Service Official Portal or find the community policy breakdown via the End Violence Against Women Coalition.Historical & Psychological Context* James Baldwin - No Name in the Street (1972): Explore the historical context, themes, and ...
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    32 min
  • EP 19. Why Does the Media Always Protect Him & Not the Truth?

    EP 19. Why Does the Media Always Protect Him & Not the Truth?
    May 23 2026

    What this episode is about

    There is a script. It runs every time someone asks a question nobody wanted asked. This episode names the architecture — how media framing, community culture, and heritage culture operate in similar ways to protect the powerful and silence the inconvenient. From himpathy to legal language, from Jeffrey Epstein to Lauren Goodger, J'K tracks the pattern and asks who it serves.

    In this episode

    The script that runs every time an inconvenient question gets asked — and why that's not an accident

    Misan Harriman and what happens when inquiry itself becomes the crime

    Himpathy — the disproportionate sympathy extended to powerful men at the expense of those they harmed

    Russell Brand, Phillip Schofield, Jeffrey Epstein — the column that runs in your mind and what it tells us

    Lauren Goodger — she stood in her truth, was told to stay silent, was put on trial by the media, and the man was convicted

    Technology-facilitated abuse — what it is, Refuge's 207% surge in referrals, and why survivors reporting online harm are four times more likely to have a negative experience with the police

    Not guilty is not the same as innocent — what a verdict does and doesn't reach

    The Like Me moment — the quiet, stubborn refusal to let the frame decide what your truth is worth

    Headlines don't just appear — and three questions worth asking before you react, share, or decide

    Resources

    Refuge — UK's largest domestic abuse charity. National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247. Available 24 hours, 7 days a week.

    Support organisations for survivors — full list on the Like Me Officially podcast

    For listeners outside the UK — please check for support local to you.

    About Like Me Officially

    Like Me Officially is hosted by J'K Frederick. This is where raw truths meet reflection, exploring self-advocacy, challenging social narratives, and moving beyond surviving into something that actually looks like living.

    Connect

    Substack: https://jkfrederick.substack.com/s/like-me-podcast

    Instagram: @likemeofficially



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    36 min
  • EP 18. Beyond the Victim Label: The Survivor Algorithm and Regaining Power

    EP 18. Beyond the Victim Label: The Survivor Algorithm and Regaining Power
    May 15 2026

    What is the Survivor Algorithm?

    The Survivor Algorithm is a framework for understanding the identity stages many people move through after trauma victim, survivor, and thriver and why moving between them is rarely straightforward. Like a social media algorithm, it runs in the background, based on rules that were installed without your consent. And like any man-made system, it can be rewritten.

    What you'll hear in this episode:

    Why the victim label arrives through a system not through you and what that does psychologically when it lands years after the experience.

    Why 72% of adults who experienced childhood sexual abuse never told anyone at the time, and what delayed disclosure actually looks like from the inside.

    The honest case for why people stay in survivor identity, the validation, the belonging, the exhaustion of treading water that has become familiar.

    Why the word survivor lands differently for those with lived experience of sexual violence than it does in other contexts and why that matters.

    What a somatic flashback is, what triggers it, and why the body stores trauma as sensory fragments rather than as memory.

    What allostatic load means and why the exhaustion of chronic stress isn't weakness, it's physiology.

    What self-efficacy actually is, and why it's the difference between hoping things get better and having a hand in that.

    What Kintsugi has to do with rebuilding after the system fails you.

    Questions this episode speaks to:

    Why do survivors of sexual abuse stay in survivor identity for so long?

    What is the difference between victim and survivor in the context of sexual violence?

    Why does the criminal justice system use the word victim?

    What is a somatic flashback and what causes it?

    How long does it take to report childhood sexual abuse?

    What is allostatic load and how does it affect trauma survivors?

    How do you move from surviving to thriving after abuse?

    Can identity change after trauma?

    Themes explored:

    The psychology of being named by a system rather than naming yourself. The neuroscience of chronic stress and trauma memory. Label conflict and the word survivor. Delayed disclosure and what the research shows. The benefits and the costs of staying in any one stage. The transition from surviving to thriving. Rebuilding identity on your own terms.

    Listening context:

    This episode is for anyone who has ever felt stuck between who they were told they are and who they know themselves to be. It doesn't offer instructions. It offers a framework, a question, and a different way of seeing a journey that too many people are making alone.

    References:

    Bessel van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score

    Bruce Perry, What Happened to You?

    Gabor Maté, When the Body Says No

    Peter Levine, Waking the Tiger

    Kintsugi, Japanese tradition of repair with gold



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    29 min
  • EP 17. Be The Glitch

    EP 17. Be The Glitch
    May 5 2026

    Episode Summary

    What does it mean to be a "voltage spike" in a broken system? In this episode of Like Me Officially, J’K Frederick explores the concept of the "glitch" an intentional disruption of the scripts we are forced to follow. Drawing from literature, history, and personal experience, we dive into why speaking out is an act of disobedience and why your truth doesn't need a system’s signature to be valid.

    What’s Inside:

    Literary Inspiration: Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

    Depth Psychology: Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés

    Essential Essay: The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action by Audre Lorde

    Modern Philosophy: James McCrae – Words Saved My Life

    Historical Context: NASA’s John Glenn and the "Voltage Spike"

    Episode 16: Revisit EP16: The Pearl in the Oyster



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    21 min
  • EP 16. Surviour: A Milestone, Not the Final Destination

    EP 16. Surviour: A Milestone, Not the Final Destination
    Apr 21 2026

    In this opening episode J’K challenges the societal standard of the "survivor" label. Using the biological formation of a pearl and the architectural rebuilding of Nehemiah’s walls as frameworks, she explores why "survivor" is a crucial milestone that should never have been turned into a full stop. This is an invitation to move beyond endurance and into a space of agency, mental clarity, and thriving.Key Themes

    The Pearl Metaphor - A pearl is a biological response to a non-consensual breach. It's formed because of the intrusion, not despite it. Your survival strategies are the nacre. What you're building is luminous.

    The Etymology of Survivor - Derived from the Latin supervivere ("to live beyond"), the term evolved from a legal context to an act of resistance for Holocaust survivors, and eventually into a clinical standard applied without the same intentionality.

    Cleaning Up Aisle Nine -J'K addresses toxic phrasing in the personal development space and firmly rejects the idea that violations are gifts or meant to happen.

    The Nehemiah Framework -Healing as rebuilding specific gates: the Valley Gate (facing what was avoided), the Dung Gate (releasing what was never yours to carry), the Broad Wall (building the systems that protect you), the Fountain Gate (renewing the mind).

    The Science of Survival Mode - When survival becomes scar tissue: the nervous system stuck in flight (overworking), fight (control), freeze (numbness), or fawn (endless yes).

    Collective Post-Traumatic Growth, Individual healing, community connection, and societal transformation. Pain to story. Story to purpose. Purpose to power.

    Memorable Quotes

    "My name is J'K. Period. My experience is secondary to who I am."

    "Survivor was a milestone someone turned into a full stop."

    "The nervous system can't be shamed into changing. It can only be offered safety. And curiosity is a form of safety."

    "Is the architecture that kept me safe now the very thing keeping me small?"

    References

    Scripture: Isaiah 40:29 · Isaiah 41:13 · 2 Corinthians 1:4 · Romans 12:2

    Dr. Gabor Maté: The Myth of Normal, When the Body Says No

    Kintsugi - Japanese art of repairing with gold

    Nehemiah - Old Testament framework for rebuilding

    Join the Community

    What name are you choosing for yourself today? If survivor was a milestone and not a destination, where are you standing right now?

    UK Support Directory

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    45 min