EPISODE 11: WHO AM I? The Search for Identity

SHOW NOTES

Why do we keep taking personality tests? And what are we really searching for when we do?

In this episode, I explore the cultural obsession with identity, the origins of personality tests like MBTI, DISC, Human Design, and the Enneagram, and why external validation can never replace self-trust.

I share my own experience of taking personality tests after childhood sexual abuse fractured my sense of self — and what I've learned about rebuilding trust in my own knowing.

This episode is for anyone who's ever taken a personality test and wondered why they keep going back. For anyone who's searching for confirmation of who they are. For anyone learning to trust their own knowing.

THEMES EXPLORED IN THIS EPISODE:

• The etymology of "identity" and how the meaning shifted from "sameness" to "individuality" in the 1950s

• Why survivors of childhood trauma often seek external validation through tests and labels

• The origins of MBTI, DISC, Human Design, and Enneagram — and why they're considered pseudoscience

• The Barnum effect: why personality tests feel so accurate even when they're not

• The neuroscience of betrayal: how the amygdala tags trauma memories and disrupts self-concept clarity

• Why personality can change over time — and why tests can't capture growth

• The difference between using a tool and depending on one

• How to rebuild self-trust after it's been fractured by abuse, doubt, or external judgment

• The practice of looking inward first before seeking external confirmation

LISTENING CONTEXT:

This episode discusses childhood sexual abuse, grooming, self-harm, and the impact of trauma on identity. If you're a survivor, please listen with care and take breaks if needed.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• Erik Erikson's work on identity formation (1950s)

• Research on self-concept clarity and childhood sexual abuse

• The Barnum effect (Bertram Forer, 1948)

• René Mõttus on personality change over time

• Daniel Gilbert on being "works in progress"

This episode is for anyone who's ever taken a personality test and wondered why they keep going back. For anyone who's searching for confirmation of who they are. For anyone learning to trust their own knowing.

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EPISODE LENGTH: 40 minutes

CONTENT WARNING: Mention of Childhood sexual abuse, grooming, self-harm, trauma - nothing explicit.

KEYWORDS: identity crisis, personality tests, MBTI, Enneagram, Human Design, DISC, StrengthsFinder, childhood sexual abuse, trauma and identity, self-concept clarity, external validation, self-trust, Barnum effect, pseudoscience, who am I, finding yourself, knowing yourself, trauma recovery, post-traumatic growth, healing from abuse, survivor identity, personal development, self-discovery, authenticity

© Like Me Officially Podcast | J'K | 2026

Lessons from Disclosing

Disclosure isn't what we're told it should be. It's not a cathartic release or a neat turning point. It's messy. It's waiting to see if the person you tell will actually hold your truth — or hand it back to you with questions.

In this episode, I share what I learnt at thirteen when I disclosed childhood sexual abuse to my mother, and what those lessons have taught me about silence, shame, accountability, and the doors we choose to open.

Themes Explored:

What disclosure actually means (linguistically and in lived experience) disclosure comes from the Latin claudere, meaning 'to close.' The prefix dis- reverses it. So disclosure literally means 'to open.'

The myth of "perfect timing" and why waiting didn't protect me — I had a plan to tell my parents after my summer holiday, but my dad died from bowel cancer before I could. There is no perfect time.

What happens when you're not believed — and the cost of being left alone with your truth. My mother's response was: "Are you sure? Once you say this, you can't take it back."

Why "are you sure?" is one of the most harmful responses a child can hear — it teaches them their voice is dangerous and that silence is safer.

How disclosure reveals human capacity, not moral character — disclosure doesn't sort people into good or bad. It reveals what they're able to carry.

The difference between accountability from systems and accountability to yourself — when the paedophile is found not guilty, there is no accountability for those actions. So I had to hold myself accountable to how I move forward.

Why silence doesn't protect — it just makes everything heavier. If I'd shared with more people earlier, more could have supported my truth. The secret didn't protect me.

The innocent and naïve strength I had at thirteen — before I absorbed the language, the labels, the expectations. That strength carried me when no one else did.

A Note on Listening:

This episode discusses childhood sexual abuse and the experience of not being believed or protected after disclosing. No graphic details are shared, but the emotional weight is real. Listen when you're ready. Step away if you need to. You matter more than this episode.