Er is één zin die diep in onze Nederlandse cultuur verankerd zit:

“Doe maar normaal, dan doe je al gek genoeg.”

En hoewel die uitspraak warm en bescheiden klinkt, zie ik in mijn praktijk dat hij voor veel professionals — van starters tot leiders — een onverwachte bijwerking heeft:

hij sabotageert groei.

Niet bewust.

Maar wel structureel.

Waarom?

Omdat de Nederlandse werkcultuur gebouwd is op gelijkheid, bescheidenheid en nuchterheid.

Prachtige waarden…

totdat je ze té letterlijk gaat leven.

Psychologisch gezien botsen deze culturele normen met iets wat we in de loopbaanpsychologie heel goed kennen:

zichtbaarheid = kansen.

Wie nooit laat zien wat hij kan, wordt simpelweg minder vaak gezien als iemand die klaar is voor de volgende stap.

En toch hoor ik professionals dagelijks zeggen:

• “Ik hoef niet zo nodig op de voorgrond.”

• “Mijn werk spreekt voor zich.”

• “Ik wil niet arrogant overkomen.”

Dit klinkt sympathiek — maar het is een misverstand.

Want competentie creëert kwaliteit…

maar zichtbaarheid creëert vooruitgang.

Waarom is dit nu zo’n Nederlands fenomeen?

Omdat wij in de sociale psychologie hoog scoren op collectivistische bescheidenheid: je moet niet boven het maaiveld uitsteken.

In veel internationale contexten wordt initiatief gezien als leiderschap.

Maar in Nederland wordt het soms ervaren als opscheppen, ambitieus zijn, té uitgesproken zijn.

Het gevolg?

Uit onderzoek blijkt dat Nederlanders zichzelf internationaal het minst hoog inschalen op talent en potentieel — terwijl objectieve cijfers laten zien dat we juist bovengemiddeld goed scoren.

We onderschatten onszelf structureel.

Dus hoe doorbreek je dit patroon?

Hier zijn drie psychologische inzichten die echt verschil maken.

There’s a moment many high-achieving leaders never talk about.

That quiet pause — maybe at the end of a long day, maybe in a hotel room somewhere between flights — when everything looks successful on the outside…

but inside, something feels unexpectedly empty.

And it’s surprising, because you’ve done everything right.

You worked hard, delivered results, built teams, climbed the ladder, earned trust, earned titles.

You made it.

And yet… something is missing.

Psychologically, this is much more common than people think.

Research in leadership psychology shows that success satisfies the achievement system in the brain, but not always the meaning system.

You can hit every KPI and still feel disconnected from purpose — or even from yourself.

There are a few mechanisms underneath this that I see in executives all the time.

First: when you grow in responsibility, your world becomes narrower.

Your decisions become heavier, your relationships more political, your conversations more guarded.

Leaders often lose the authentic peer contact they once had — not because they don’t want it, but because the role changes the room.

Second: many high achievers have built their identity around performance.

In psychology, we call this achievement-based self-worth.

It’s powerful — it gets you far — but it also creates a fragile foundation.

When the outside world slows down, or the applause fades, the inner world suddenly becomes very loud.

And third: once you reach the top, the goals that once drove you may no longer fit who you have become.

The brain adapts quickly to success — this is called hedonic adaptation.

What once felt exciting becomes normal.

And normal creates space for deeper questions.

So what actually helps?

Let me give you three evidence-based insights that make a real difference.

Ambition is a beautiful thing.

It gives direction, energy, focus, and momentum.

And yet… many talented professionals — at all levels — quietly sabotage their own success without even noticing it.

Not because they’re weak.

But because ambition comes with a psychological shadow.

The very traits that push you forward can also pull you off balance.

Let’s look at what’s really happening underneath.

One: ambitious people often carry a strong internal drive — but that drive can turn into pressure.

Your brain learns to link worth to output.

And when that happens, even small setbacks feel personal.

Two: the more you aim for, the more you become aware of the gap between where you are and where you want to be.

Psychologists call this the ambition gap: the space between your potential and your current reality.

It’s motivating — but it can also make you doubt yourself.

And three: many ambitious people forget to rest because their nervous system is wired for forward motion.

But growth without recovery becomes fragility, not strength.

So how do you move from self-sabotage to sustainable success?

Let me give you three insights that truly shift things.