Dateable AF Show Notes:

A lot of people think emotional regulation means staying calm. But calm isn’t the same as connected. In this episode, we unpack one of the most misunderstood concepts in modern relationship culture: emotional regulation — and how easily it gets confused with emotional suppression. Because you can look “together,” be low-drama, and even feel composed… while being completely disconnected from what you actually feel. And that disconnection shows up everywhere — in dating, in partnerships, in friendships, and in how safe it feels to be emotionally close to anyone. 🧠 What We Cover We talk about: What emotional regulation actually is (and what it isn’t) Why suppression is often praised as maturity How being “fine” can be a trauma response The difference between being calm and being emotionally present How suppression quietly erodes intimacy What real regulation looks like in everyday relationships You’ll learn why: You can be angry and regulated. You can cry and regulated. And you can be calm and still be completely shut down. Or as we put it: “Regulation means your feelings are online — they’re just not driving the car.” 💬 Why This Matters Many of us learned that being easygoing, not needing much, and not rocking the boat was the goal. Suppression kept us safe. It kept us accepted. It helped us survive. But in adult relationships, that same strategy can turn into: Avoiding conflict instead of resolving it Over-accommodating instead of expressing needs Feeling “fine” while quietly disconnecting And the cost is intimacy. Because emotional regulation isn’t about feeling less — it’s about being able to feel and stay present. 🪞 A Question to Sit With Where in your life might you be calm… but not actually connected? Thanks for listening to the Dateable AF Podcast, where we help you find your happy ending. And remember: be bold, be kind, and for the love of self-respect, don’t text your ex. Stay Dateable AF. 🔥

HANDFUL Bras to get your 30% discount use code DATEABLEAF

Dateable AF Show Notes:

Meet Rachel Howell and Dr. Sarah Kyle

Producer: Jordan Cannon & Shelly Silvey Grabe

Theme Song: Cade Kyle

Cover Photo: Mackenzie Mowat

Dateable AF is a podcast about all things lesbian dating—or queer dating—or women-who-date-women dating. Whatever letter you vibe with, if you're a woman who dates women, this one's for you.

Hosted by two longtime friends, this show dives into the wild, wonderful, and often WTF world of dating women—with honesty, humor, and zero shame. Expect smart takes, relatable stories, and the occasional U-Haul reference.

If your last argument had more plot twists than a Netflix thriller… this episode is for you.

In “Fight Right: How to Argue Without Burning the House Down,” Sarah and Rachel break down what healthy conflict actually looks like and why most of us were never taught how to do it. Fighting is not a relationship failure. But how you fight determines whether you walk away feeling closer, clearer, or completely disconnected.

In this episode, we cover: 🔥 Why you fight the way you do Family patterns, nervous-system reactions, queer identity, culture, and past trauma all shape your conflict style.

🧠 What fair fighting really means Staying on one topic, fighting the issue instead of the person, and keeping connection in mind even when you’re frustrated.

📋 The 7 Fair-Fighting Rules Including: • Use “I” statements • Stay in the moment • Take breaks before you break down • Stop mind reading • Own your part • Seek understanding, not victory • Repair, repair, repair

🚩 Red flags inside arguments Weaponized silence, scorekeeping, dragging in third parties, threats, and emotional escalation.

🌈 Why conflict looks different in queer relationships Fusion, shared friend groups, uneven emotional labor, identity dynamics, and the pressure to avoid conflict at all costs.

💛 How to calm a fight in real time Slow the pace, stay seated, use agreed-upon signals, and remember: “We’re on the same team.”

💭 Discussion Prompts

• What is one thing you want to change about the way you fight? • Where did that behavior come from? • Which fair-fighting rule do you want to practice this week?

Send your questions or stories to @dateableaf or info@dateableaf.com — we may feature them on AFterparty!

💌 Thanks for listening to the Dateable AF Podcast, where we help you find your happy ending. Be bold, be kind, and for the love of queer dating — don’t text your ex. Stay Dateable AF!

HANDFUL Bras to get your 30% discount use code DATEABLEAF

Dateable AF Show Notes:

Meet Rachel Howell and Dr. Sarah Kyle

Producer: Jordan Cannon & Shelly Silvey Grabe

Theme Song: Cade Kyle

Cover Photo: Mackenzie Mowat

Dateable AF is a podcast about all things lesbian dating—or queer dating—or women-who-date-women dating. Whatever letter you vibe with, if you're a woman who dates women, this one's for you.

Hosted by two longtime friends, this show dives into the wild, wonderful, and often WTF world of dating women—with honesty, humor, and zero shame. Expect smart takes, relatable stories, and the occasional U-Haul reference.

If your last argument had more plot twists than a Netflix thriller… this episode is for you.

In “Fight Right: How to Argue Without Burning the House Down,” Sarah and Rachel break down what healthy conflict actually looks like and why most of us were never taught how to do it. Fighting is not a relationship failure. But how you fight determines whether you walk away feeling closer, clearer, or completely disconnected.

In this episode, we cover: 🔥 Why you fight the way you do Family patterns, nervous-system reactions, queer identity, culture, and past trauma all shape your conflict style.

🧠 What fair fighting really means Staying on one topic, fighting the issue instead of the person, and keeping connection in mind even when you’re frustrated.

📋 The 7 Fair-Fighting Rules Including: • Use “I” statements • Stay in the moment • Take breaks before you break down • Stop mind reading • Own your part • Seek understanding, not victory • Repair, repair, repair

🚩 Red flags inside arguments Weaponized silence, scorekeeping, dragging in third parties, threats, and emotional escalation.

🌈 Why conflict looks different in queer relationships Fusion, shared friend groups, uneven emotional labor, identity dynamics, and the pressure to avoid conflict at all costs.

💛 How to calm a fight in real time Slow the pace, stay seated, use agreed-upon signals, and remember: “We’re on the same team.”

💭 Discussion Prompts

• What is one thing you want to change about the way you fight? • Where did that behavior come from? • Which fair-fighting rule do you want to practice this week?

Send your questions or stories to @dateableaf or info@dateableaf.com — we may feature them on AFterparty!

💌 Thanks for listening to the Dateable AF Podcast, where we help you find your happy ending. Be bold, be kind, and for the love of queer dating — don’t text your ex. Stay Dateable AF!

HANDFUL Bras to get your 30% discount use code DATEABLEAF

Dateable AF Show Notes:

Meet Rachel Howell and Dr. Sarah Kyle

Producer: Jordan Cannon & Shelly Silvey Grabe

Theme Song: Cade Kyle

Cover Photo: Mackenzie Mowat

Dateable AF is a podcast about all things lesbian dating—or queer dating—or women-who-date-women dating. Whatever letter you vibe with, if you're a woman who dates women, this one's for you.

Hosted by two longtime friends, this show dives into the wild, wonderful, and often WTF world of dating women—with honesty, humor, and zero shame. Expect smart takes, relatable stories, and the occasional U-Haul reference.

If your last argument had more plot twists than a Netflix thriller… this episode is for you.

In “Fight Right: How to Argue Without Burning the House Down,” Sarah and Rachel break down what healthy conflict actually looks like and why most of us were never taught how to do it. Fighting is not a relationship failure. But how you fight determines whether you walk away feeling closer, clearer, or completely disconnected.

In this episode, we cover: 🔥 Why you fight the way you do Family patterns, nervous-system reactions, queer identity, culture, and past trauma all shape your conflict style.

🧠 What fair fighting really means Staying on one topic, fighting the issue instead of the person, and keeping connection in mind even when you’re frustrated.

📋 The 7 Fair-Fighting Rules Including: • Use “I” statements • Stay in the moment • Take breaks before you break down • Stop mind reading • Own your part • Seek understanding, not victory • Repair, repair, repair

🚩 Red flags inside arguments Weaponized silence, scorekeeping, dragging in third parties, threats, and emotional escalation.

🌈 Why conflict looks different in queer relationships Fusion, shared friend groups, uneven emotional labor, identity dynamics, and the pressure to avoid conflict at all costs.

💛 How to calm a fight in real time Slow the pace, stay seated, use agreed-upon signals, and remember: “We’re on the same team.”

💭 Discussion Prompts

• What is one thing you want to change about the way you fight? • Where did that behavior come from? • Which fair-fighting rule do you want to practice this week?

Send your questions or stories to @dateableaf or info@dateableaf.com — we may feature them on AFterparty!

💌 Thanks for listening to the Dateable AF Podcast, where we help you find your happy ending. Be bold, be kind, and for the love of queer dating — don’t text your ex. Stay Dateable AF!

HANDFUL Bras to get your 30% discount use code DATEABLEAF

Dateable AF Show Notes:

Rachel and Sarah discussing Kissing

Producer: Jordan Cannon & Shelly Silvey Grabe

Theme Song: Cade Kyle

Cover Photo: Mackenzie Mowat

Dateable AF is a podcast about all things lesbian dating—or queer dating—or women-who-date-women dating. Whatever letter you vibe with, if you're a woman who dates women, this one's for you.

Hosted by two longtime friends, this show dives into the wild, wonderful, and often WTF world of dating women—with honesty, humor, and zero shame. Expect smart takes, relatable stories, and the occasional U-Haul reference.

If your last argument had more plot twists than a Netflix thriller… this episode is for you.

In “Fight Right: How to Argue Without Burning the House Down,” Sarah and Rachel break down what healthy conflict actually looks like and why most of us were never taught how to do it. Fighting is not a relationship failure. But how you fight determines whether you walk away feeling closer, clearer, or completely disconnected.

In this episode, we cover: 🔥 Why you fight the way you do Family patterns, nervous-system reactions, queer identity, culture, and past trauma all shape your conflict style.

🧠 What fair fighting really means Staying on one topic, fighting the issue instead of the person, and keeping connection in mind even when you’re frustrated.

📋 The 7 Fair-Fighting Rules Including: • Use “I” statements • Stay in the moment • Take breaks before you break down • Stop mind reading • Own your part • Seek understanding, not victory • Repair, repair, repair

🚩 Red flags inside arguments Weaponized silence, scorekeeping, dragging in third parties, threats, and emotional escalation.

🌈 Why conflict looks different in queer relationships Fusion, shared friend groups, uneven emotional labor, identity dynamics, and the pressure to avoid conflict at all costs.

💛 How to calm a fight in real time Slow the pace, stay seated, use agreed-upon signals, and remember: “We’re on the same team.”

💭 Discussion Prompts

• What is one thing you want to change about the way you fight? • Where did that behavior come from? • Which fair-fighting rule do you want to practice this week?

Send your questions or stories to @dateableaf or info@dateableaf.com — we may feature them on AFterparty!

💌 Thanks for listening to the Dateable AF Podcast, where we help you find your happy ending. Be bold, be kind, and for the love of queer dating — don’t text your ex. Stay Dateable AF!

HANDFUL Bras to get your 30% discount use code DATEABLEAF

Dateable AF Show Notes:

Rachel and Sarah discussing Who is Queer?

Producer: Jordan Cannon & Shelly Silvey Grabe

Theme Song: Cade Kyle

Cover Photo: Mackenzie Mowat

Dateable AF is a podcast about all things lesbian dating—or queer dating—or women-who-date-women dating. Whatever letter you vibe with, if you're a woman who dates women, this one's for you.

Hosted by two longtime friends, this show dives into the wild, wonderful, and often WTF world of dating women—with honesty, humor, and zero shame. Expect smart takes, relatable stories, and the occasional U-Haul reference.

Telling who’s queer used to feel simple. Now half the straight women have undercuts and Doc Martens, and half the lesbians look like Peloton instructors. So… how do we actually know anymore?

In this episode of Dateable AF, Sarah and Rachel break down the rebrand of gaydar and explore how queer people recognize each other in 2025. Because that moment when you clock someone across a room and your brain whispers “one of us” is not just magic. It’s psychology, culture, intuition, and a little community wisdom.

We dig into: 🌈 A brief history of gaydar and how old signals (fashion, vibes, “friend of Dorothy” energy) evolved over time 📱 Digital gaydar in the TikTok/IG era, from hashtags to micro-aesthetics 🧠 The psychology of recognition and why we crave that “I see you” moment 🤷‍♀️ When gaydar fails — false alarms, femme invisibility, and modern etiquette 💗 The new markers of queer connection based on humor, energy, authenticity, and resonance

We also share our own best gaydar fails, play a quick game of “Lesbian or just a country gal?”, and talk about how visibility, fluidity, and online culture made gaydar more complicated and more interesting.

💭 Discussion Prompts

• When was the last time you just knew someone was queer?
• What are your strongest gaydar cues?
• What’s your funniest false-alarm story?

💌 Thanks for listening to the Dateable AF Podcast, where we help you find your happy ending. Be bold, be kind, and for the love of queer dating — don’t text your ex.

Stay Dateable AF. 💙

HANDFUL Bras to get your 30% discount use code DATEABLEAF

Dateable AF Show Notes:

Rachel and Sarah discussing Kissing

Producer: Jordan Cannon & Shelly Silvey Grabe

Theme Song: Cade Kyle

Cover Photo: Mackenzie Mowat

Dateable AF is a podcast about all things lesbian dating—or queer dating—or women-who-date-women dating. Whatever letter you vibe with, if you're a woman who dates women, this one's for you.

Hosted by two longtime friends, this show dives into the wild, wonderful, and often WTF world of dating women—with honesty, humor, and zero shame. Expect smart takes, relatable stories, and the occasional U-Haul reference.

Let’s talk about the kiss — that tiny moment that can make your whole world vibrate… or make you immediately regret life choices. 😬

In this episode of Dateable AF, Sarah and Rachel get up close (but not too close) to explore why kissing matters so much — and how it can reveal way more about your connection than you think.

💌 Thanks for listening to the Dateable AF Podcast, where we help you find your happy ending. Be bold, be kind, and for the love of queer dating — don’t text your ex.

Stay Dateable AF. 💙

HANDFUL Bras to get your 30% discount use code DATEABLEAF

Dateable AF Show Notes:

Rachel and Sarah discussing Kissing

Producer: Jordan Cannon & Shelly Silvey Grabe

Theme Song: Cade Kyle

Cover Photo: Mackenzie Mowat

Dateable AF is a podcast about all things lesbian dating—or queer dating—or women-who-date-women dating. Whatever letter you vibe with, if you're a woman who dates women, this one's for you.

Hosted by two longtime friends, this show dives into the wild, wonderful, and often WTF world of dating women—with honesty, humor, and zero shame. Expect smart takes, relatable stories, and the occasional U-Haul reference.

Let’s talk about the kiss — that tiny moment that can make your whole world vibrate… or make you immediately regret life choices. 😬

In this episode of Dateable AF, Sarah and Rachel get up close (but not too close) to explore why kissing matters so much — and how it can reveal way more about your connection than you think.

We cover: 💋 Why kissing really matters — from the science of attraction and bonding to what it says about your relationship health. 🧠 The psychology + biology of kissing — how dopamine, oxytocin, and 80 million bacteria all play a role in that spark (or lack of it). ❤️ What makes a good kiss great — synchrony, safety, chemistry, and emotional attunement. 🚩 When kissing is a red flag — what a “meh” kiss can signal about compatibility, communication, or emotional distance. 🗣️ Technique, consent, and communication — why good kissing isn’t about moves, it’s about mutual energy and comfort. 💡 Practical takeaways:

• Make time for a “just because” kiss — no agenda.
• If kisses feel flat, ask, “What’s shifted between us?”
• Celebrate the small kisses; they keep connection alive.

Because kissing isn’t just foreplay — it’s feedback. And when it’s good, it’s magic.

💭 Discussion Prompts

• What’s the best kiss you’ve ever had — and what made it memorable?
• Have you ever noticed kissing losing its spark — what changed?
• How does kissing fit into your sense of intimacy or connection?

Share your stories (anonymously if you’d like!) on Instagram or by email — your story might be featured in an upcoming AFterparty episode. 💌

🎧 Next week: We’re diving into something special Stay tuned!

💌 Thanks for listening to the Dateable AF Podcast, where we help you find your happy ending. Be bold, be kind, and for the love of queer dating — don’t text your ex.

Stay Dateable AF. 💙

HANDFUL Bras to get your 30% discount use code DATEABLEAF