Dateable AF Show Notes:

A lot of people think emotional regulation means staying calm. But calm isn’t the same as connected. In this episode, we unpack one of the most misunderstood concepts in modern relationship culture: emotional regulation — and how easily it gets confused with emotional suppression. Because you can look “together,” be low-drama, and even feel composed… while being completely disconnected from what you actually feel. And that disconnection shows up everywhere — in dating, in partnerships, in friendships, and in how safe it feels to be emotionally close to anyone. 🧠 What We Cover We talk about: What emotional regulation actually is (and what it isn’t) Why suppression is often praised as maturity How being “fine” can be a trauma response The difference between being calm and being emotionally present How suppression quietly erodes intimacy What real regulation looks like in everyday relationships You’ll learn why: You can be angry and regulated. You can cry and regulated. And you can be calm and still be completely shut down. Or as we put it: “Regulation means your feelings are online — they’re just not driving the car.” 💬 Why This Matters Many of us learned that being easygoing, not needing much, and not rocking the boat was the goal. Suppression kept us safe. It kept us accepted. It helped us survive. But in adult relationships, that same strategy can turn into: Avoiding conflict instead of resolving it Over-accommodating instead of expressing needs Feeling “fine” while quietly disconnecting And the cost is intimacy. Because emotional regulation isn’t about feeling less — it’s about being able to feel and stay present. 🪞 A Question to Sit With Where in your life might you be calm… but not actually connected? Thanks for listening to the Dateable AF Podcast, where we help you find your happy ending. And remember: be bold, be kind, and for the love of self-respect, don’t text your ex. Stay Dateable AF. 🔥

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Dateable AF Show Notes:

Meet Rachel Howell and Dr. Sarah Kyle

Producer: Jordan Cannon & Shelly Silvey Grabe

Theme Song: Cade Kyle

Cover Photo: Mackenzie Mowat

Dateable AF is a podcast about all things lesbian dating—or queer dating—or women-who-date-women dating. Whatever letter you vibe with, if you're a woman who dates women, this one's for you.

Hosted by two longtime friends, this show dives into the wild, wonderful, and often WTF world of dating women—with honesty, humor, and zero shame. Expect smart takes, relatable stories, and the occasional U-Haul reference.

If your last argument had more plot twists than a Netflix thriller… this episode is for you.

In “Fight Right: How to Argue Without Burning the House Down,” Sarah and Rachel break down what healthy conflict actually looks like and why most of us were never taught how to do it. Fighting is not a relationship failure. But how you fight determines whether you walk away feeling closer, clearer, or completely disconnected.

In this episode, we cover: 🔥 Why you fight the way you do Family patterns, nervous-system reactions, queer identity, culture, and past trauma all shape your conflict style.

🧠 What fair fighting really means Staying on one topic, fighting the issue instead of the person, and keeping connection in mind even when you’re frustrated.

📋 The 7 Fair-Fighting Rules Including: • Use “I” statements • Stay in the moment • Take breaks before you break down • Stop mind reading • Own your part • Seek understanding, not victory • Repair, repair, repair

🚩 Red flags inside arguments Weaponized silence, scorekeeping, dragging in third parties, threats, and emotional escalation.

🌈 Why conflict looks different in queer relationships Fusion, shared friend groups, uneven emotional labor, identity dynamics, and the pressure to avoid conflict at all costs.

💛 How to calm a fight in real time Slow the pace, stay seated, use agreed-upon signals, and remember: “We’re on the same team.”

💭 Discussion Prompts

• What is one thing you want to change about the way you fight? • Where did that behavior come from? • Which fair-fighting rule do you want to practice this week?

Send your questions or stories to @dateableaf or info@dateableaf.com — we may feature them on AFterparty!

💌 Thanks for listening to the Dateable AF Podcast, where we help you find your happy ending. Be bold, be kind, and for the love of queer dating — don’t text your ex. Stay Dateable AF!

HANDFUL Bras to get your 30% discount use code DATEABLEAF

Dateable AF Show Notes:

Meet Rachel Howell and Dr. Sarah Kyle

Producer: Jordan Cannon & Shelly Silvey Grabe

Theme Song: Cade Kyle

Cover Photo: Mackenzie Mowat

Dateable AF is a podcast about all things lesbian dating—or queer dating—or women-who-date-women dating. Whatever letter you vibe with, if you're a woman who dates women, this one's for you.

Hosted by two longtime friends, this show dives into the wild, wonderful, and often WTF world of dating women—with honesty, humor, and zero shame. Expect smart takes, relatable stories, and the occasional U-Haul reference.

If your last argument had more plot twists than a Netflix thriller… this episode is for you.

In “Fight Right: How to Argue Without Burning the House Down,” Sarah and Rachel break down what healthy conflict actually looks like and why most of us were never taught how to do it. Fighting is not a relationship failure. But how you fight determines whether you walk away feeling closer, clearer, or completely disconnected.

In this episode, we cover: 🔥 Why you fight the way you do Family patterns, nervous-system reactions, queer identity, culture, and past trauma all shape your conflict style.

🧠 What fair fighting really means Staying on one topic, fighting the issue instead of the person, and keeping connection in mind even when you’re frustrated.

📋 The 7 Fair-Fighting Rules Including: • Use “I” statements • Stay in the moment • Take breaks before you break down • Stop mind reading • Own your part • Seek understanding, not victory • Repair, repair, repair

🚩 Red flags inside arguments Weaponized silence, scorekeeping, dragging in third parties, threats, and emotional escalation.

🌈 Why conflict looks different in queer relationships Fusion, shared friend groups, uneven emotional labor, identity dynamics, and the pressure to avoid conflict at all costs.

💛 How to calm a fight in real time Slow the pace, stay seated, use agreed-upon signals, and remember: “We’re on the same team.”

💭 Discussion Prompts

• What is one thing you want to change about the way you fight? • Where did that behavior come from? • Which fair-fighting rule do you want to practice this week?

Send your questions or stories to @dateableaf or info@dateableaf.com — we may feature them on AFterparty!

💌 Thanks for listening to the Dateable AF Podcast, where we help you find your happy ending. Be bold, be kind, and for the love of queer dating — don’t text your ex. Stay Dateable AF!

HANDFUL Bras to get your 30% discount use code DATEABLEAF