Let’s be honest. We all love a little drama… as long as it’s not happening to us. 😜

From celebrity family feuds to wedding-day chaos to messy public statements, we can’t look away. But the second that kind of public-facing conflict hits our own nervous system? We’re either shutting down, spiraling, or plotting our escape into permanent invisibility.

In this episode of But For Real, therapists Val and Emerson unpack the psychology of why we love drama and gossip— at least, of course, until it’s about us. We’re talking attachment wounds, tribalism, and the very human tendency to consume chaos as entertainment while avoiding it in our own lives.

As always, we’re kicking things off with some pop culture tea (the Beckhams are fighting, y’all), but quickly zoom out to explore the deeper question: why does other people’s relational conflict feel juicy, but our own feels threatening?

If you grew up in a family where repair wasn’t modeled…

If conflict makes your chest tighten and your brain short-circuit…

If you find yourself glued to reality TV but allergic to confrontation…

This one’s for you, babe.

Because of course drama hits different when your attachment system is involved.

From there, we unpack:

1. Why other people’s drama feels safe to consume
2. What happens in your nervous system when conflict becomes personal
3. How attachment wounds shape your reaction to relational tension
4. The difference between curiosity and rumination
5. Why public family conflict hits so hard culturally
6. When drama becomes avoidance
7. How to stop intellectualizing and start embodying repair
8. Why healing relational trauma requires tolerating discomfort

Plus: Snowmageddon survival stories, exploding trees and frost cracking, unexpected love for a Super 8 motel, Spice Girls loyalty debates, and the trainwreck-you-can’t-look-away-from of the Beckhams fighting in public.

This episode is for anyone who:

1. Loves a little pop culture tea but gets dysregulated the second conflict hits close to home
2. Grew up around tension, enmeshment, or emotional landmines and now feels hyper-aware of drama everywhere
3. Finds themselves glued to other people’s relational mess while avoiding their own
4. Is realizing their nervous system reacts to conflict like it’s a five-alarm fire

Because sometimes we’re not obsessed with drama. We’re just trying to understand something our body never got to feel safe inside of.

We talk about:

1. 00:00 – Snowmageddon 2026 & survival mode
2. 03:30 – Pop culture tea: The Beckhams are fighting
3. 07:00 – Why we love drama when it’s not ours
4. 11:00 – Nervous system activation &...

If conflict makes your chest tighten, your brain freeze, or your instinct scream “AVOID AT ALL COSTS, ABORT, ABORT!,” this episode is for YOU, honey.

In Episode 37 of But For Real, therapists Val and Em talk honestly about repair—not the Instagram version, but the real-life, messy, emotionally vulnerable process of repairing relationships after conflict. We recorded this episode fresh off a hard week, which means we’re not speaking theoretically. We’re speaking from inside it.

We unpack what repair actually looks like when it wasn’t modeled, when uncertainty feels unbearable, and when your nervous system is convinced that conflict equals danger. This isn’t about fixing everything perfectly or tying things up with a bow. It’s about starting, staying present, and choosing connection even when you’re scared.

From there, we unpack:

1. Why repair doesn’t mean “everything is fixed now”
2. Why starting matters more than finishing
3. How uncertainty is anxiety’s worst nightmare (and still unavoidable)
4. What it looks like to live your values instead of just talking about them
5. Why doing the messy, uncomfortable thing is often the most ethical choice

Plus: fragrances, phone maximalism, dairy-free Boursin supremacy, Hobby Lobby slander, and letting your inner toddler run the show occasionally.

This episode is for anyone who:

1. Never saw repair modeled growing up
2. Feels terrified of conflict but longs for deeper connection
3. Thinks they’re “bad at relationships” when really they were just never taught
4. Is learning how to do hard things scared, tender, and imperfect

Repair isn’t clean. It isn’t linear. And it isn’t always possible. But when it IS possible? Even if it’s messy, it can be powerful as hell.

We talk about:

1. 00:00 – Welcome back, sleep deprivation, and why we sound unhinged
2. 01:30 – Why we chose repair as today’s topic (and why it’s personal)
3. 03:00 – Emerson on conflict avoidance, repair not being modeled, and inner-child witnessing
4. 05:00 – Anxiety, uncertainty, and why “not knowing how this ends” is brutal
5. 07:30 – Living your values vs. performing them
6. 10:00 – Tea & Crumpets: fragrance recs, phone maximalism, and inner toddler joy
7. 15:00 – Food opinions we feel unreasonably strong about
8. 18:00 – Why repair isn’t about blame, villains, or being “right”
9. 22:00 – Val’s tower moment: things falling apart to rebuild stronger
10. 26:00 – Starting repair without knowing the...

If you’ve done “the work,” learned nervous system skills, gone to therapy… and you still get dysregulated, this episode is your permission slip to stop spiraling about it.

In Episode 36 of But For Real, Val and Em break down what emotional regulation actually means—and why TikTok, pop psychology, and even therapy culture have wildly distorted it. We start the episode under-caffeinated, under-slept, and already dysregulated (relatable), then use that exact moment to talk about what being human really looks like.

We answer a listener question from a self-described “dysregulated diva” who’s frustrated that anxiety spikes, shutdown, and emotional overwhelm still happen despite years of nervous system work. Spoiler: this does not mean therapy isn’t working.

From there, we unpack:

1. Why emotions are energy in motion, not instructions
2. How emotional regulation has been hijacked by productivity culture
3. Why the DSM doesn’t diagnose emotions—and why TikTok keeps trying to
4. The difference between emotional intensity and mental illness
5. Why “never being activated again” is a scam
6. How DBT skills like urge surfing, TIPP, emotion naming, and opposite action actually work in real life

We also talk cicadas, kombucha shots, weaponized stoicism, BPD discourse on TikTok, why calm ≠ healed, and how regulation was never meant to make you quieter, easier, or more palatable.

This episode is nervous-system education without toxic positivity, spiritual bypassing, or “rewire yourself once and for all” nonsense.

If you’ve ever thought, “Why am I still like this?” — this one’s for you.

We talk about:

1. 00:00 – Low brain power, re-recording chaos, and starting dysregulated
2. 02:00 – Real-life regulation: distraction vs. shifting state
3. 05:00 – Tea & Crumpets: unsettling movies, long-form content, and attention burnout
4. 09:30 – Step Into My Office: “If I still get dysregulated, is therapy working?”
5. 14:00 – Why “never being activated again” is a lie
6. 16:00 – What emotions actually are: energy in motion
7. 18:30 – Thoughts vs. emotions (aka: don’t believe every cicada thought)
8. 21:00 – How emotions get pathologized culturally
9. 23:00 – The DSM reality check (and why TikTok keeps misusing it)
10. 26:00 – BPD discourse, diagnostic criteria, and why labels are getting sloppy
11. 28:00 – What emotional regulation really means
12. 31:00 – Window of Tolerance myths & hot takes