If conflict makes your chest tighten, your brain freeze, or your instinct scream “AVOID AT ALL COSTS, ABORT, ABORT!,” this episode is for YOU, honey.

In Episode 37 of But For Real, therapists Val and Em talk honestly about repair—not the Instagram version, but the real-life, messy, emotionally vulnerable process of repairing relationships after conflict. We recorded this episode fresh off a hard week, which means we’re not speaking theoretically. We’re speaking from inside it.

We unpack what repair actually looks like when it wasn’t modeled, when uncertainty feels unbearable, and when your nervous system is convinced that conflict equals danger. This isn’t about fixing everything perfectly or tying things up with a bow. It’s about starting, staying present, and choosing connection even when you’re scared.

From there, we unpack:

1. Why repair doesn’t mean “everything is fixed now”
2. Why starting matters more than finishing
3. How uncertainty is anxiety’s worst nightmare (and still unavoidable)
4. What it looks like to live your values instead of just talking about them
5. Why doing the messy, uncomfortable thing is often the most ethical choice

Plus: fragrances, phone maximalism, dairy-free Boursin supremacy, Hobby Lobby slander, and letting your inner toddler run the show occasionally.

This episode is for anyone who:

1. Never saw repair modeled growing up
2. Feels terrified of conflict but longs for deeper connection
3. Thinks they’re “bad at relationships” when really they were just never taught
4. Is learning how to do hard things scared, tender, and imperfect

Repair isn’t clean. It isn’t linear. And it isn’t always possible. But when it IS possible? Even if it’s messy, it can be powerful as hell.

We talk about:

1. 00:00 – Welcome back, sleep deprivation, and why we sound unhinged
2. 01:30 – Why we chose repair as today’s topic (and why it’s personal)
3. 03:00 – Emerson on conflict avoidance, repair not being modeled, and inner-child witnessing
4. 05:00 – Anxiety, uncertainty, and why “not knowing how this ends” is brutal
5. 07:30 – Living your values vs. performing them
6. 10:00 – Tea & Crumpets: fragrance recs, phone maximalism, and inner toddler joy
7. 15:00 – Food opinions we feel unreasonably strong about
8. 18:00 – Why repair isn’t about blame, villains, or being “right”
9. 22:00 – Val’s tower moment: things falling apart to rebuild stronger
10. 26:00 – Starting repair without knowing the...