Let’s be honest. We all love a little drama… as long as it’s not happening to us. 😜

From celebrity family feuds to wedding-day chaos to messy public statements, we can’t look away. But the second that kind of public-facing conflict hits our own nervous system? We’re either shutting down, spiraling, or plotting our escape into permanent invisibility.

In this episode of But For Real, therapists Val and Emerson unpack the psychology of why we love drama and gossip— at least, of course, until it’s about us. We’re talking attachment wounds, tribalism, and the very human tendency to consume chaos as entertainment while avoiding it in our own lives.

As always, we’re kicking things off with some pop culture tea (the Beckhams are fighting, y’all), but quickly zoom out to explore the deeper question: why does other people’s relational conflict feel juicy, but our own feels threatening?

If you grew up in a family where repair wasn’t modeled…

If conflict makes your chest tighten and your brain short-circuit…

If you find yourself glued to reality TV but allergic to confrontation…

This one’s for you, babe.

Because of course drama hits different when your attachment system is involved.

From there, we unpack:

1. Why other people’s drama feels safe to consume
2. What happens in your nervous system when conflict becomes personal
3. How attachment wounds shape your reaction to relational tension
4. The difference between curiosity and rumination
5. Why public family conflict hits so hard culturally
6. When drama becomes avoidance
7. How to stop intellectualizing and start embodying repair
8. Why healing relational trauma requires tolerating discomfort

Plus: Snowmageddon survival stories, exploding trees and frost cracking, unexpected love for a Super 8 motel, Spice Girls loyalty debates, and the trainwreck-you-can’t-look-away-from of the Beckhams fighting in public.

This episode is for anyone who:

1. Loves a little pop culture tea but gets dysregulated the second conflict hits close to home
2. Grew up around tension, enmeshment, or emotional landmines and now feels hyper-aware of drama everywhere
3. Finds themselves glued to other people’s relational mess while avoiding their own
4. Is realizing their nervous system reacts to conflict like it’s a five-alarm fire

Because sometimes we’re not obsessed with drama. We’re just trying to understand something our body never got to feel safe inside of.

We talk about:

1. 00:00 – Snowmageddon 2026 & survival mode
2. 03:30 – Pop culture tea: The Beckhams are fighting
3. 07:00 – Why we love drama when it’s not ours
4. 11:00 – Nervous system activation &...

If conflict makes your chest tighten, your brain freeze, or your instinct scream “AVOID AT ALL COSTS, ABORT, ABORT!,” this episode is for YOU, honey.

In Episode 37 of But For Real, therapists Val and Em talk honestly about repair—not the Instagram version, but the real-life, messy, emotionally vulnerable process of repairing relationships after conflict. We recorded this episode fresh off a hard week, which means we’re not speaking theoretically. We’re speaking from inside it.

We unpack what repair actually looks like when it wasn’t modeled, when uncertainty feels unbearable, and when your nervous system is convinced that conflict equals danger. This isn’t about fixing everything perfectly or tying things up with a bow. It’s about starting, staying present, and choosing connection even when you’re scared.

From there, we unpack:

1. Why repair doesn’t mean “everything is fixed now”
2. Why starting matters more than finishing
3. How uncertainty is anxiety’s worst nightmare (and still unavoidable)
4. What it looks like to live your values instead of just talking about them
5. Why doing the messy, uncomfortable thing is often the most ethical choice

Plus: fragrances, phone maximalism, dairy-free Boursin supremacy, Hobby Lobby slander, and letting your inner toddler run the show occasionally.

This episode is for anyone who:

1. Never saw repair modeled growing up
2. Feels terrified of conflict but longs for deeper connection
3. Thinks they’re “bad at relationships” when really they were just never taught
4. Is learning how to do hard things scared, tender, and imperfect

Repair isn’t clean. It isn’t linear. And it isn’t always possible. But when it IS possible? Even if it’s messy, it can be powerful as hell.

We talk about:

1. 00:00 – Welcome back, sleep deprivation, and why we sound unhinged
2. 01:30 – Why we chose repair as today’s topic (and why it’s personal)
3. 03:00 – Emerson on conflict avoidance, repair not being modeled, and inner-child witnessing
4. 05:00 – Anxiety, uncertainty, and why “not knowing how this ends” is brutal
5. 07:30 – Living your values vs. performing them
6. 10:00 – Tea & Crumpets: fragrance recs, phone maximalism, and inner toddler joy
7. 15:00 – Food opinions we feel unreasonably strong about
8. 18:00 – Why repair isn’t about blame, villains, or being “right”
9. 22:00 – Val’s tower moment: things falling apart to rebuild stronger
10. 26:00 – Starting repair without knowing the...

If you’ve done “the work,” learned nervous system skills, gone to therapy… and you still get dysregulated, this episode is your permission slip to stop spiraling about it.

In Episode 36 of But For Real, Val and Em break down what emotional regulation actually means—and why TikTok, pop psychology, and even therapy culture have wildly distorted it. We start the episode under-caffeinated, under-slept, and already dysregulated (relatable), then use that exact moment to talk about what being human really looks like.

We answer a listener question from a self-described “dysregulated diva” who’s frustrated that anxiety spikes, shutdown, and emotional overwhelm still happen despite years of nervous system work. Spoiler: this does not mean therapy isn’t working.

From there, we unpack:

1. Why emotions are energy in motion, not instructions
2. How emotional regulation has been hijacked by productivity culture
3. Why the DSM doesn’t diagnose emotions—and why TikTok keeps trying to
4. The difference between emotional intensity and mental illness
5. Why “never being activated again” is a scam
6. How DBT skills like urge surfing, TIPP, emotion naming, and opposite action actually work in real life

We also talk cicadas, kombucha shots, weaponized stoicism, BPD discourse on TikTok, why calm ≠ healed, and how regulation was never meant to make you quieter, easier, or more palatable.

This episode is nervous-system education without toxic positivity, spiritual bypassing, or “rewire yourself once and for all” nonsense.

If you’ve ever thought, “Why am I still like this?” — this one’s for you.

We talk about:

1. 00:00 – Low brain power, re-recording chaos, and starting dysregulated
2. 02:00 – Real-life regulation: distraction vs. shifting state
3. 05:00 – Tea & Crumpets: unsettling movies, long-form content, and attention burnout
4. 09:30 – Step Into My Office: “If I still get dysregulated, is therapy working?”
5. 14:00 – Why “never being activated again” is a lie
6. 16:00 – What emotions actually are: energy in motion
7. 18:30 – Thoughts vs. emotions (aka: don’t believe every cicada thought)
8. 21:00 – How emotions get pathologized culturally
9. 23:00 – The DSM reality check (and why TikTok keeps misusing it)
10. 26:00 – BPD discourse, diagnostic criteria, and why labels are getting sloppy
11. 28:00 – What emotional regulation really means
12. 31:00 – Window of Tolerance myths & hot takes

January is just… weird, y’all. Not awful necessarily, but also not really the motivation-charged era we’re culturally conditioned that it should be.

In this episode of But For Real, we’re naming the post-holiday emotional hangover that sneaks up on so many of us every January. The irritability. The numbness. The low-grade existential dread. The urge to hibernate while the internet screams “new year, new you.”

We’re calling it Seasonal Feelings Disorder, not a diagnosis, not a pathology, just an honest name for the cocktail of nervous system burnout, disrupted routines, winter darkness, and cultural pressure that makes January feel like liminal purgatory.

We talk about why your body crashes after December, why motivation disappears, why everything feels heavier, and why none of this means you’re broken, behind, or failing at life. We break down the difference between winter blues and Seasonal Affective Disorder, how capitalism fights biology every January, and why neurodivergent folks often feel this season more intensely.

This episode blends therapist brains, lived experience, listener questions, nervous system education, music, trash panda joy, and variety-show chaos, because mental health conversations should feel human, not like homework.

If January has you staring at your calendar wondering what happened to your personality, this one’s for you.

We cover:

• Why January feels emotionally flat, irritable, and existential
• What we mean by “Seasonal Feelings Disorder”
• The difference between January blues and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
• The nervous system crash after December overstimulation
• Why winter biology and productivity culture are always fighting
• How routines, motivation, and identity get scrambled in January
• Why neurodivergent nervous systems feel this season harder
• The myth of “new year energy” and why it backfires
• Gentle ways to support your nervous system instead of forcing growth
• How to re-enter structure without shame or self-punishment
• Why you’re not lazy, ungrateful, or behind, you’re defrosting

We talk about:

• 00:00 – We’re back, end-of-year chaos, and why January already feels weird
• 03:05 – Ins & outs, movement, therapy, identity, and letting go of over-rotting
• 06:40 – Burnout, rest, and learning what actually restores us
• 09:45 – Civic engagement, goblin core, and letting ourselves evolve messily
• 12:30 – Tea & Crumpets, vagus nerve care and nervous system survival tools
• 14:50 – Step Into My Office, the spiritually dehydrated January question
• 18:20 – Why January feels existential and disorienting
• 20:15 – Seasonal Feelings Disorder, what it is and what it isn’t
• 22:10 – SAD vs winter blues, clinical vs situational
• 25:00 – Post-holiday adrenaline crashes and nervous system burnout
• 28:40 – Circadian rhythms, darkness, and winter biology
• 31:10 – Capitalism, productivity pressure, and January whiplash
• 33:45 – Neurodivergence, masking fatigue, and routine collapse
• 36:30 – Gentle structure instead of aggressive self-reinvention
• 39:00 – Defrosting slowly instead of forcing bloom mode
• 41:50 – Music that understands winter sadness
• 44:20 – Fire Dumpster Phoenix, trash panda hope
• 48:10 – Final thoughts, permission to move slowly into the year

Connect with Us:

• Send a story or ask for advice: butforrealpod@gmail.com
• But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod

Ever tried hypnosis and thought, “Cool… nothing is happening,” while everyone else in the comments claims their soul left their body?

Same.

In this episode, we’re pulling hypnosis out of the movie version and into real life. No clucking like a chicken. No blacking out. No dramatic “going under.” Just an honest, funny, science-backed conversation about what hypnosis actually is, why it often feels subtle, and why your brain isn’t broken if you’re still aware of everything.

We talk about blinking aggressively during guided sessions, noticing every swallow, wondering if you left the dryer running, and why all of that is way more normal than you’ve been led to believe. From stage hypnosis myths to clinical hypnotherapy reality, we break down what’s actually happening in your brain and nervous system when you’re in a trance state.

This episode blends clinical insight, nervous system education, pop culture references, and variety-show chaos, because learning about mental health shouldn’t feel like homework.

We cover:

• What hypnosis really is (and what it definitely is not)
• Why hypnosis often feels calm, subtle, and very awake
• The myth of “going under” and where it came from
• Why overthinkers, anxious minds, and neurodivergent brains are not bad at hypnosis
• How hypnosis overlaps with meditation, NSDR, EMDR, and brainspotting
• Why watching TV, driving on autopilot, or losing your keys is already a trance state
• The difference between stage hypnosis, clinical hypnotherapy, and coaching-based hypnosis
• When self-hypnosis can be helpful and when working with a trained practitioner matters
• Why ethical practice and scope of care actually matter in this space

We talk about:

• 00:00 – New setup, unhinged hypotheticals, and stage hypnosis chaos
• 03:15 – Why hypnosis fascinates us (and confuses everyone)
• 06:05 – Listener question, “Why does hypnosis feel like nothing is happening?”
• 09:10 – Am I not hypnotizable? Overthinking, awareness, and myth busting
• 12:40 – What hypnosis actually is (clinical explanation without the snooze)
• 16:30 – The brain science, trance states, and nervous system regulation
• 20:10 – Why watching TV, driving, and losing your keys is already hypnosis
• 23:15 – Stage hypnosis vs clinical hypnotherapy (and why movies lied)
• 27:20 – Hypnosis, ADHD, anxiety, and neurodivergent brains
• 31:05 – Self-hypnosis, YouTube videos, and what actually helps
• 35:40 – When hypnosis is helpful (and when it needs clinical support)
• 40:10 – Pain, gut health, IBS, and what the research actually shows
• 44:30 – Common myths, fears, and losing control concerns
• 48:20 – What hypnosis usually feels like (heavy, light, time distortion)
• 52:10 – Why subtle doesn’t mean ineffective
• 55:00 – Final thoughts, nervous system wisdom, and reframing “nothing happened”

Connect with Us:

• Send a story or ask for advice: butforrealpod@gmail.com
• But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod
• Now That's What I Call... OKAAAAY Playlist
• The Gaia Center on IG: @thegaiacenter
• Val on IG: @valkaymartin
• The Gaia Center website:

Music is literally the soundtrack of our lives – and music can be incredibly healing when used in the right way. In this episode of But For Real, Valerie and Emerson dive into the ins and outs of music therapy, how and why it works, and how you can start your own music therapy journey.

This episode covers:

• 04:12 - Tea & Crumpets: Virginia Giuffre’s memoir: Nobody’s Girl + Take Back Your Marriage by Bill Doherty
• 09:47 - Step Into My Office: Could music therapy be right for me, even if I’m not “musical”?
• 15:03 - The DSM: What Even Is Music Therapy?
• 40:02 - Now That's What I Call...OKAAAAY!
• 43:34 - Val Pick: "Does Not Suffice" by Joanna Newsom
• 46:40 - Em Pick: "29" by Demi Lovato
• 47:11 - Wait...What? Is this gonna ruin the tour?
• 49:01 - Fire Dumpster Phoenix: Fishing as an option for mental health treatment + A stray dog that turned into a service dog has just been crowned the 2025 Hero Dog Award by the American Humane Society!

Resources + Stuff Mentioned in This Episode:

• Nobody's Girl by Virginia Roberts Giuffre
• Take Back Your Marriage by Bill Doherty
• American Music Therapy Association
• How to find a certified MT-BC
• Does Not Suffice by Joanna Newsom
• 29 by Demi Lovato
• Fishing as an option for mental health treatment
• A stray dog that turned into a service dog has just been crowned the 2025 Hero Dog Award by the American Humane Society!

Connect with Us:

• Send a story or ask for advice: butforrealpod@gmail.com
• But For Real on IG: @butforrealpod
• Now That's...