The transition into Key Stage 3 is often described as a fresh start but for many young people, it’s where things quietly begin to unravel.

In this episode of Between Two Psychs, we explore why the move from primary to secondary school can be such a vulnerable point, particularly for students who sit on the margins. We unpack the steady rise in exclusions between Years 7 and 9 and ask a deeper question: what does this transition feel like psychologically for children and what are schools unintentionally missing?

We talk about the shift from one secure relationship to many, from nurture to independence and from feeling known to feeling lost in a much bigger system. Along the way, we explore concepts like learned helplessness, acceptance, autonomy and happiness and why behaviour is often a signal of unmet needs rather than defiance.

This is a conversation about connection, belonging and helping young people develop a sense of direction inside a system that can feel overwhelming.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why exclusions rise so sharply during Key Stage 3
• The psychological impact of moving from one key adult to many
• How independence, when introduced too quickly, can increase distress
• Learned helplessness and its link to disengagement and EBSA
• Why “promoting happiness” may be more useful than “reducing exclusions”
• The role of acceptance, shared identity and belonging in student wellbeing
• Why some students thrive in transition while others struggle
• Starting transition work earlier, including the role of Year 5
• Evidence based supports like Friends for Life and Coping Cat
• Using thoughts feelings behaviour models to support reflection and goal-setting
• Community-focused goals versus purely academic targets
• How small-group and coaching conversations can prevent exclusion
• Why teacher reflection, supervision and support matter just as much as student intervention

Why This Episode Matters

Key Stage 3 is often the most overlooked phase in education but it’s where identity, belonging and disengagement begin to crystallise.

This episode invites educators, leaders, and psychologists to look beyond behaviour and systems and instead focus on acceptance, connection and purpose. When young people can see where they fit, feel supported rather than dropped, and are helped to develop their own internal goals, school becomes something they can stay connected to not something they need to escape from.

Because behaviour is rarely about refusal.
More often, it’s about not feeling seen, safe or accepted.

Connect with Mike Lane

Website: https://www.ridgewaypsychology.co.uk/
LinkedIn: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/michael-lane-4304a3123

Connect with Me

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dradammcartney/
Website: https://www.dradammccartney.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.AdamMcCartney

In this episode, we sit down with Gillian Airey Goodwin to explore what burnout really looks like in education and why understanding our own psychology may be key to keeping educators in the profession.

Drawing on Gillian’s Master’s research in mental health and wellbeing, alongside more than 30 years of experience in education, we reflect on the emotional demands teachers face, the role of emotional intelligence, and why coping alone is no longer enough. We explore how resentment, pressure and constant accountability can slowly erode wellbeing even in highly skilled, experienced professionals.

Together, we discuss why structured reflection, psychological safety and meaningful supervision may be essential for educators to thrive, not just survive.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What burnout looks like beyond exhaustion
• The role of emotional intelligence in managing pressure
• Why emotionally intelligent teachers still leave the profession
• Internal vs external support models in schools
• Trust, judgment and fear of being seen as “not coping”
• Why relationships with pupils keep educators going

Why This Episode Matters

This episode invites us to rethink how we support educators. When teachers understand their own psychology, feel safe to reflect, and are genuinely listened to, wellbeing improves and so does the experience of children in the classroom.

Educator wellbeing isn’t a “nice to have”. It’s fundamental to ethical decision-making, positive relationships and sustainable education systems.

Connect with Gillian Airey Goodwin (Guest)

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/gillian-airey-goodwin-b9b401239/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gillianaireygoodwin?igsh=ZGsxd3NzMXh3MHN1

Connect with Mike Lane

Website: https://www.ridgewaypsychology.co.uk/
LinkedIn: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/michael-lane-4304a3123

Connect with Adam McCartney

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dradammcartney/
Website: https://www.dradammccartney.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.AdamMcCartne

In this episode, we explore why behaviour systems work for many students but not for those who sit outside the middle of the bell curve and what changes when we genuinely listen to a child’s story. We look at how timing, nervous-system regulation, curiosity, and relational repair help us move from confrontation to connection.

We also reflect on the post-COVID social gap, why some young people struggle to engage with traditional approaches, and how simple relational moments greetings, attunement, and authenticity create safety in small but powerful ways.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why some students don’t respond to standard behaviour approaches

• How dysregulation and shutdown affect when (and how) we talk

• “Connection before correction” as a foundation for repair

• A clear structure for restorative conversations

• Using thoughts–feelings–behaviour models to guide reflection

• The role of affirmation versus confrontation

• Practical tools: emotion coaching, comic strips, draw-and-talk, gaming-based dialogue

• How curiosity lowers threat and builds trust

• Why playfulness and authenticity matter in relational moments

  
  

Why This Episode Matters

This episode invites us to rethink behaviour support through a relational lens. When we create space for young people to tell their story, conflict becomes a chance to understand, repair, and strengthen trust. Instead of focusing on control or consequences, we focus on connection, timing, and insight, because real change happens when students feel safe, heard, and valued.

When we honour a child’s story, we open the door to growth, for them and for us.

Connect with Mike Lane

Website: https://www.ridgewaypsychology.co.uk/
LinkedIn: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/michael-lane-4304a3123

Connect with Me

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dradammcartney/
Website: https://www.dradammccartney.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.AdamMcCartney