The transition into Key Stage 3 is often described as a fresh start but for many young people, it’s where things quietly begin to unravel.

In this episode of Between Two Psychs, we explore why the move from primary to secondary school can be such a vulnerable point, particularly for students who sit on the margins. We unpack the steady rise in exclusions between Years 7 and 9 and ask a deeper question: what does this transition feel like psychologically for children and what are schools unintentionally missing?

We talk about the shift from one secure relationship to many, from nurture to independence and from feeling known to feeling lost in a much bigger system. Along the way, we explore concepts like learned helplessness, acceptance, autonomy and happiness and why behaviour is often a signal of unmet needs rather than defiance.

This is a conversation about connection, belonging and helping young people develop a sense of direction inside a system that can feel overwhelming.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why exclusions rise so sharply during Key Stage 3
• The psychological impact of moving from one key adult to many
• How independence, when introduced too quickly, can increase distress
• Learned helplessness and its link to disengagement and EBSA
• Why “promoting happiness” may be more useful than “reducing exclusions”
• The role of acceptance, shared identity and belonging in student wellbeing
• Why some students thrive in transition while others struggle
• Starting transition work earlier, including the role of Year 5
• Evidence based supports like Friends for Life and Coping Cat
• Using thoughts feelings behaviour models to support reflection and goal-setting
• Community-focused goals versus purely academic targets
• How small-group and coaching conversations can prevent exclusion
• Why teacher reflection, supervision and support matter just as much as student intervention

Why This Episode Matters

Key Stage 3 is often the most overlooked phase in education but it’s where identity, belonging and disengagement begin to crystallise.

This episode invites educators, leaders, and psychologists to look beyond behaviour and systems and instead focus on acceptance, connection and purpose. When young people can see where they fit, feel supported rather than dropped, and are helped to develop their own internal goals, school becomes something they can stay connected to not something they need to escape from.

Because behaviour is rarely about refusal.
More often, it’s about not feeling seen, safe or accepted.

Connect with Mike Lane

Website: https://www.ridgewaypsychology.co.uk/
LinkedIn: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/michael-lane-4304a3123

Connect with Me

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Website: https://www.dradammccartney.com/
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