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Girl, Stop Apologizing (Audible Exclusive Edition)

A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals
Lu par : Rachel Hollis
Durée : 8 h et 10 min
4.5 out of 5 stars (8 notations)

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Description

This exclusive Audible edition includes five downloadable prints featuring beautifully designed quotes from the book and access to Rachel's inspirational keynote from the wildly popular Rise Conference.

I believe we can change the world. But first, we’ve got to stop living in fear of being judged for who we are.

Rachel Hollis has seen it too often: women allowing their lives to pass them by. They feel a tugging on their hearts for something more, but they’re afraid of embarrassment, of falling short of perfection, of stepping too far outside the norm. Hollis’s energy and passion are undeniable as she powerfully narrates her own words, encouraging women to live up to their full potential and chase their most audacious dreams.

In Girl, Stop Apologizing, #1 New York Times best-selling author and founder of a multimillion-dollar media company, Rachel Hollis sounds a wake-up call and lets listeners in on her personal roadmap for success. She knows many women have been taught to define themselves through other people—whether as wife, mother, daughter, or employee—instead of learning how to own who they are and what they want. Challenging women everywhere to stop talking themselves out of their dreams, Hollis identifies the excuses to discard, the behaviors to adopt, and the skills to acquire on the path to believing in yourself.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library on your web browser, along with the audio.
 

©2019 Rachel Hollis (P)2019 Rachel Hollis

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Notations

Global

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Interprétation

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  • Johanna
  • 08/03/2019

girl, listen.

Boiled down, this book is about embracing and expressing who you are without apology. That message I can get behind. The general layout is first addressing the excuses to let go of that keep you stuck, adopting great habits that set you up for success, and then acquiring the skills necessary to make growth possible.


I’m breaking my review into three parts because I have complicated feelings towards Rachel Hollis. She is a motivator and an inspirational speaker – that you cannot argue with. She knows how to pump you up and how to kick you in the butt to get you going. So there are some things I got out of this book. As with anyone and anything, there are some personality quirks and little things that just aren’t my favorite or not my style. Beyond those annoyances and style differences though, there are some truly problematic things that RH says in this book. She has a large cult following who overlook these things, but they are not okay.


As a disclaimer: I have read her previous book, followed her online for years, viewed her documentary, seen countless live videos and Instagram posts, read tons of email newsletters, and been a general fan of RH for a long time (up until the last few months). So this is not a negative nancy review coming from a cranky curmudgeonly troll. This is someone who sees the immense power in her influence and wishes she’d listen and do better.


Positive things I got out of this book and/or things I am glad she said: 

- Rachel discusses how as children we pick up on the behaviors that are going to get us attention, which we generally equate to love. If we aren’t extremely self-aware, these behaviors will remain well into adulthood as ways to earn love and affection, and these habits and believes about who we’re supposed to be can be damaging to our adult growth. 

- Letting other people’s support of you/appreciation of you determine how you embrace yourself or live your life is just stupid. “Are you a shadow of who you’re meant to be because someone in your life doesn’t fully appreciate you?” 

- She actually addressed feminism and how we culture little boys and girls as children to become the grown men who can actually function in society and grown women who are crippled by the idea that their worth is found in how good they are for other people.

- Basic boundary and schedule stuff. It’s old news for me but a lot of women still have no idea they can actually say no to people, leave toxic relationships, or change their schedule so they’re not exhausted 24/7. So I’m sure this was beneficial for many readers.

- Set aside 5 hrs/week to reach your goal, and treat that time as sacred.

- Aim for feeling centered/grounded, not balanced.

- “Mommy guilt is bullshit.” *claps all around*

- I honestly loved her bit about guilt & shame, specifically in reference to the religious community she grew up in and how it translated into her sex life as an adult.

- “Are you humble enough to suck for as long as it takes you to become better?”

- You’re allowed to do things that inconvenience other people. And in reference to that, “If you’re willing to do it for them, you better be willing to demand they do it for you.”

- I also love her tough love that if you can’t find an hour in your day to yourself, you’re not really living. My first gut reaction is to get defensive of the moms she’s speaking to, but I really do believe this for most people most of the time, and I think this is one of those things that you need someone to tough love you on.



Little things I was not personally a fan of: 

- A LOT of pop culture references. The book starts off with a story about a Demi Lovato song, and there are references to Beyonce, Oprah, the Kardashians, Lady Gaga, Kendrick Lamar, and more throughout. 

- She is a wealthy woman, and it makes her extremely unrelatable. At one point she said, “You know how when you meet with a nutritionist for the first time and they have you write down everything you eat in a week?” I actually laughed out loud at the idea of her thinking hiring a nutritionist is relatable content. She also recommends you take a weekly date night with your spouse and talks about how they keep their marriage healthy by going on “extravagant vacations every year without kids.” 

- Felt a little like a not-so-humblebrag. Lots of talk about her goals being bestseller list, flying first class, her follower count, her makeup, her hair, plastic surgery and her resulting great boobs… Just a lot of status symbols as goals. 


Problematic things that are objectively not okay in this book:

- Rachel doesn’t seem to realize that 90% of the things she says are extremely albeist and harmful to people with chronic illness, mental illness, and/or disabilities. Examples: “Still using a diaper at 32? That would NOT be cute.” She says that if there’s anything wrong with you or you’re suffering in any way, in pain at all or unhappy, that you’re not focusing enough on your own self-care, that you just don’t GET “self-care.” I’d like to see her say that straight to the face of someone with chronic illness or chronic pain. She also mentions several times that if you’re not in tip-top shape physically and emotionally, you will have a lot harder time reaching your goals and being successful. 


- Rachel is obsessed with weight, appearance, exercise, and body size. Unhealthily obsessed, and it’s not okay. She traipses into fat-shaming several times in this book, which I wasn’t surprised by, but the sheer quantity of mentions of “getting in shape” and “sticking to your diet” and “losing that weight” was actually baffling, I wish I had counted them. Examples: She quotes herself as “severely overweight,” yet has said in multiple places that she was a 12 (maybe a 14?) at her heaviest – to call a 12-14 (smaller than the average American woman) “severely overweight” is objectively unhelpful, stupid, harmful, and fatphobic. She summarizes being overweight as being not the best version of yourself and not the best mom you could be. “It’s so simple to lose weight. It’s so simple to get in shape. It’s simple, but it’s not easy.” - further reinforcing that if you’re overweight it’s because you’re lazy, shortsighted (because you can’t hold out for the joy of a future hot bod when that Chick-fil-A sauce is calling your name), and you don’t have the willpower to look attractive. And my favorite – “There are no overweight animals in nature.” Literally RIGHT after she says that it doesn’t matter what size you are or what your weight is, she says, “There are no overweight animals in nature.” and “The only animals that are overweight are the ones that live in our homes. Pets are overweight. You are not a pet. You are a powerful, beautiful, bold woman, and you will treat yourself as such.” I truly have NO words. And a second favorite – she’s discussing her breast size after babies and says she went from a perfect B to an E cup: “E. That’s a cup size. E as in ELEPHANT, as in ENORMOUS, as in YOWZA.” No joke. Still I have no words for this woman’s opinion of larger bodies.


- Along with weight, she doesn’t seem to know exactly what she wants to tell you about it. Several times she’ll tell you not to live in the “I’m too fat” feelings, and encourages you to change your mindset by writing yourself a letter about all the times your body was incredible, but then she tells you a story about how much she hated her post-baby boobs so instead of learning body positivity, she spent thousands of dollars on plastic surgery. There’s nothing inherently wrong with plastic surgery, but be straight up about whether or not your solution to hating your body is a healthy perspective/mindset shift OR if it’s just doing whatever it takes to make your body look like the idea you have in your head. (Which is obviously destructive, and she doesn’t give quantifiers for people with eating disorders and/or unhealthy relationships to food. All she cares about is – “if you don’t feel good about the way you look, what are you waiting for????”) 


- She walks this weird line between acknowledging her privilege and thinking she is where she’s at because of her own merit alone. There was a whole rant in the book about how disappointed she was in some celebrity for not acknowledging they had help with raising kids and running a business, and she talks a lot about all of the professional help they have around the house and with the kids, but still in other places it felt like she just doesn’t get it. She talks about how when she wanted to start her wedding planning business, she just went and got an unpaid internship and dealt with abuse from clients for a long time so she could learn the skills and network. I don’t know about any of y’all, but I couldn’t afford the sacrifice of time (choosing to work for free means sacrificing time you could work for money, so it does in fact cost money to do an unpaid internship), and I don’t even have children. She could afford to do that because her husband had a crazy job at Disney and could afford for her to not make any money, AND they had a freaking nanny full-time. But instead she just says that she worked hard and traded her current comfort for the future end result she wanted. She continues to talk about how she built her business with only hard work, hustle, and a Google search, but also takes the time to point out all the people who helped her in the early stages of her business, even going so far as to say that no one is truly self-made. It’s very confusing.


- Rachel Hollis has a major problem with stealing people’s intellectual property. It’s been in the news for a long time, and I was honestly skeptical that she was maliciously stealing mommy blogger’s quotes and info, but after reading this book, I’m much more of a believer. I counted at least 15 quotes in this book that she pretended were her own idea. No attribution, no citing, no reference to the person who originally said the phrase. She just rolled it into her own content, pretending she came up with it. A list for you: “Hope is not a strategy.” “I love Jesus but I cuss a little.” The quote about how if you’re not in the arena taking punches you can’t criticize me (Teddy Roosevelt quote originally and Brené Brown has been applying it to her work for years). “You can’t take care of anyone if you don’t take care of yourself first.” The quote about aiming at what you can hit vs. aiming higher and flying (has been rendered many times but isn’t original to her). “Be interested more than you strive to be interesting.” “If everything is important, then nothing is.” “If it’s not true for everyone, it shouldn’t be true for anyone.” “You are a combination of the 5 people you hang out with most.” The quote about how the only way you fail is if you don’t try at all and don’t accomplish anything as a result. “If you want to change someone else, change yourself” (seems to be a pretty close rendition of Gandhi’s quote about changing the world). “Other people’s opinions of you are none of your business.” “Don’t compare your beginning with someone else’s middle.” “If you want something you’ve never had, you have to do something you’ve never done” (Thomas Jefferson). “You cannot control the circumstances of your life; you can only control your reaction to them.” SHE DID NOT WRITE THESE QUOTES OR COME UP WITH THESE IDEAS.


- Rachel has a serious problem with the working class, and it’s not okay to toss your mom under the bus for making you boxed cake every year for your birthday. C’mon. That’s tacky.


- She states in her section about her mom leaving her dad that it was essentially ridiculous for her mom to move out because “you cannot assert your independence if you don’t have the financial means to back it up.” I don’t have the time or energy to go into how destructive this is as an idea for women in abusive relationships, but it’s severely disappointing that she’d say something like this without thinking it through and that none of her very well paid editors caught this massive mistake. There are other ways she could have communicated the same general idea if she really wanted to talk about how traumatic it was for her to not be wealthy as a child (I grew up fairly poor, so I understand the underlying feelings, but I would share them in way less immature ways), she could have done that. Instead, she tossed out a careless statement that can and will be used to make women in abusive relationships feel like they cannot leave if they don’t have financial independence to do so, and that’s definitely not something we need more of in the world.


- She states that you can go cold turkey on addiction if your why is strong enough (as she did with smoking), and that’s not great. She doesn’t understand addiction or mental illness and continues to pretend she is the equivalent of a mental health professional and continues to spew the garbage that if you only have a strong enough willpower you can get rid of any mental illness or addiction you may have. 



The Audible version does include two bonus features: a session from the Rise conference (I didn’t listen to it – the book was already too much and I’ve seen the documentary already) and a meditation on gratitude (which I did listen to. I appreciated her trying to teach meditation, but she could have first done a little research into how to guide meditation well – she didn’t leave enough quiet space for anyone to actually meditate with her. She talked nonstop for the 5 minute duration). 



Overall, I would not encourage you to read this book. There were some positive things, but I think the negative and destructive ideas she continues to push at her readers are too bad for me to recommend this book in good conscience

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  • elizabeth
  • 13/03/2019

Girl, you need to apologize!

I really wanted to love this book! Loved Girl, wash your face. I pre- ordered the book and was ready to get fired up. RH was able to connect with her audience with her first book and this one doesn't even come close. The zero sense of reality other than her upper middle class is bs. One example, when you go to see a nutritionist for the first time, as if this is something we can all relate to. The obsession with weight. Is fat shaming okay? Saying she took an internship and didn't get paid, but not mentioning she had her husbands paycheck to rely on. "You can't assert your independence if you don't have the financial means to back it up." Say that to the woman listening who is in an abusive relationship. It's reckless! The pop culture references. She starts the book off obsessing over Demi Lovato. Did she forget this lady just had a major set back with her own addictions? Oh yes, but we should be able to just give up addictions. The moment she knew she didn't want to be poor at her birthday party where her mom made her a box cake and she had no decorations. Been there RH and that didn't make me think I didn't want to be poor it made me appreciate my parents and that they did all they could for me. Being wealthy doesn't make you rich! The whole chapter on asking her husband before she did anything."Grown up women don't ask permission!" I ask him out of respect, not because I have to. Huge difference! She gets so heated about the word Boss Babe and how disrespectful it is. But The entire book is allll about RH! It's extremely narcissistic and toxic to woman. One minute she's humble the next it's a brag session. There was some good in this book but the bad out weighs the good. I can't and won't recommend this to anyone I know.

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    2 out of 5 stars
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  • Laura
  • 12/03/2019

Rambling humble brag

I’ve been looking forward to this book after being a faithful listener to Dave and Rachel’s podcast. There is some really good, useful insights in this book, but they are buried under a load of irrelevant ramblings. We get it. She’s successful. She’s busted her ass to get here. But there is only so many “I’ve built a successful company” “I work harder than anyone” “I am building an empire” that can be in the book before it feels like the message is being shoved down your throat.

I wouldn’t recommend but I wouldn’t tell someone not to read it. There are good messages throughout if you have the willingness to wade through everything else.

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  • Brad
  • 18/03/2019

Save money and read the first book

It was so similar to the first book. I’d save your money and just read Girl Wash Your Face

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  • Makena Baco
  • 15/03/2019

Nothing original, listen to her podcast for FREE

Rachel Hollis is a podcaster I listen to frequently and she says some very motivational things and I think she really does care about her tribe and has a great vision and mission. However, I bought this book because she promised at the beginning that this would be a “tactical” guide for setting and achieving goals. If you know nothing about her or have never heard her speak, the advice she gives here may be very tactical to you.
For me, it was a bunch of the same things she has already presented in her podcast, at live events or in her start today journal. She mostly gives a little advice and shares a lot of personal stories, so it was a bit more autobiographical than I expected.
I learned one piece of tactical advice from this book and I enjoyed her chapter on “feminism” - I agree that women should call themselves BOSSES not #girlboss, thank you for speaking up, Rach!

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  • Momof5
  • 25/06/2019

If Self Help Memes Were a Book

This book is really terrible. There is no substance here. This feels like the "influencers" who make money from selling a lifestyle to others that is both superfluous and unattainable.

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  • reader1124
  • 18/03/2019

Repeat 101 level self development

Rachel says “I won’t repeat my first book” and yet she does. Royal disappointment. Is this the end of the road or will every keep buying it? I returned this book.

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  • Janis Wick
  • 20/03/2019

Ugh, just another self-help guru making millions

I bought this audio book with no knowledge of who Rachel Hollis was but simply because the title made me laugh out loud and, perhaps more importantly, I wanted to know how to stop repeatedly apologizing, even when I had done nothing wrong. The book, however, does not address this issue. Rather, it launches into 8 hours of rah rah, you have potential, never mind that you are a mother, you can do anything, you, too, can make millions, and NEVER feel guilty. Perhaps most telling, she says "Reach for it. You can do as little as write poetry or as huge as starting a multi-million dollar company." Something very near that, anyway. That statement that the desire to write poetry is "little," I would suggest, some people might find rather astounding. The one simple fact that all motivational, prosperity preachers fail to mention (while they take their millions to the bank and not from any legitimate business to be sure) is that the U.S. economy is one of capitalism (just stating the obvious truth; don't go after me) which means that it is necessary to have millions of worker bees at relatively low salaries in order to enrich a few. Indeed, the average salary for a white female in the U.S. in 2017 according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics was $41,000 (https://www.thebalancecareers.com/average-salary-information-for-us-workers-) while CNBC reported that most Americans believed that a million dollar a year salary was necessary to be "financially comfortable," at the same time that fewer than 10% of the American population actually made such a salary or higher (https://www.cnbc.com/2017/06/23/how-many-americans-are-millionaires.html). This book is a worthless piece of you know what.

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  • Ali Campbell
  • 07/07/2019

Awful book

How anyone thinks that they are so qualified to tell others how to act and behave when they haven’t even gotten to the teenage years is beyond me. Literally wanted to reply #girljustshutup.

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  • Steve
  • 20/06/2019

Wow, just wow...(not in a good way)

Oh my.... where to begin... This book is by a woman who has clearly become so detached from the world and those who are marginalized by socio-economic level, race, religion, gender and/or trauma that she believes her own sad/selfish story. Shame on you Rachel... There surely must be more that you believe and do to encourage, support and inspire women. Clearly your materialistic goals fulfill you now but, as a person who works with those at end of life, all of your material and relationships that are overly scheduled will mean nothing at this end of this life. Yes, we are born and we die but, we can live everyday and your laughable joy of that great purse or outfit or child’s accomplishment that you feel as your own will never be enough. You can do better, be better... take a real look at yourself and please, please, please educate yourself on social stratification and generational oppression and maybe just maybe rewatch A Christmas Carol and really learn the message it can send.... shameful, self indulged book... yuck!

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  • Global
    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Anonymer Hörer
  • 02/09/2019

5 stars

Entertaining, motivating and credible. Especially, because the author herself is reading out. Also for non native speaker it is easy to understand, Rachel speaks very clear.

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  • Robin (Germany)
  • Mecklenburg Vorpommern
  • 02/07/2019

Fabulous.

I'll probably have to hear this every day/week of my life for a while now. GOLDARN, this was fabulous. ... And how did the end (Conclusion: Believe In Your Dang Self! - incl. audible exclusive live recording from Rachel Hollis' RISE conference) made me totally cry motivational tears? and real tears in the ending gratitude meditation?! IMPORTAND: I need to recommend the audio book to you. Belive me, you WANT to hear her tell you her story (especially you want to hear that Conclusion).

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  • Oriana
  • 09/03/2019

once again Rachel chances my life

I love the way she speaks and is very direct, is the thought love that I find very inspiring. This is a must read for everyone!

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