Somewhere in your family line, a woman picked up a box. She wasn’t quite sure what was in it, she just knew it was hers to carry now.

She tucked it under her arm and lived her life a little differently now…a little less HER and a little more what was in the box.

More palatable. Less “too much”. Skinnier. More agreeable. More reasonable. Prettier. Less outspoken. Less dramatic. Quieter.

And then handed it to the next generation and the next and the next.

Karen C.L. Anderson knows what's in her box because she spent years trying to burn it, flush it, rip it up, and kill it off entirely — only to realize it was never hers to begin with.

And that you can't destroy what was never really you.

What you CAN do is break the cycle by facing whatever is in your box head on and saying THIS ISH ENDS WITH ME…

…and then actually doing the identity work to impact your life now and generations to come.

Karen is an author, coach, and 💃Silent Disco Queen (it’s a fascinating story) who helps women identity and navigate internalized shame but to see how she approaches it?

👉Just look to her Substack.

“Come with me...we're gonna go laughing while exploring the intersection of shame, safety, feminism, mother-adult daughter relationships, body image, diet culture, weight loss medications, "taking the easy way out," and silent discoing on the boardwalk…”

I love that Karen talks about shame openly and honestly and sometimes with a genuine laugh and I guarantee this conversation is going to change how you think about shame.

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WHAT YOU WILL HEAR IN THIS EPISODE

🔥 The actual box Karen keeps on her desk with her three core shame beliefs on pieces of paper and why she keeps them front and center instead of burning them. Just because you’re an expert on shame does NOT mean you still don’t carry shame

🔥 The vision she had lying on the bathroom floor with stuff coming out both ends: a long line of women, each one handing a box to the next, wrapped differently every time but the same stuff inside — and the moment she realized "it didn't start with me. It's not mine."

🔥 Why shame is evolutionary, physiological, AND a nervous system adaptation all at once. Karen breaks down all three layers and suddenly everything about how you react when you feel exposed makes complete sense

🔥 Why you can’t entirely get rid of shame and what the concept of "unshaming" actually means, i.e. changing your relationship to it so it stops quietly running the show

And we end as we always do with what Karen gets to have the rest of her from doing this work.

“Freedom…most of the time” and why “most of the time” is the most honest and human part of her answer.

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Links Mentioned

🌐 Find Karen and all her brilliance at https://www.kclanderson.com/ and https://substack.com/@kclanderson

📚 You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma and Shame Karen's most recent book (2023) and her personal favorite https://a.co/d/07b9MrIw

📚 Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation, and Inspiration https://a.co/d/07REJ0HW

🪩 The Unruly Collective https://wetheunruly.com/the-collective

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There's a reason people abandon their grocery carts mid-aisle and walk straight out of the store and it is not because they forgot their list.

Grief does things to a brain and a body that nobody ever told you about. It dysregulates your nervous system and makes small talk with a cashier feel like climbing Everest in flip flops. It makes the Muzak unbearable when the song that plays is the one that was playing the last time everything was okay.

Suzanne Jabour knows this because she lived it. In September 2020, her son died suddenly and unexpectedly and what followed wasn't just grief but a crash course in how catastrophically unprepared we all are to navigate it, give it, receive it, or even name it.

So Suzanne decided to do something about it and became a certified Grief Educator, a Transformational Coach, author and speaker who has spent the years since her son Ben's death in 2020 doing what most of us are too scared to do.

👉🏼 Talk about grief openly and honestly, and as casually as what we're watching on Netflix (Suzanne is currently loving Dept. Q).

This conversation will change how you think about grief. Guaranteed.

WHAT YOU WILL HEAR IN THIS EPISODE

🔥 Why grocery stores are genuinely the most hostile environment for a grieving person and what Suzanne's year and a half of outsourced grocery shopping taught her about rebuilding capacity one smoothie ingredient at a time

🔥 Why the people who showed up for you in the beginning quietly vanish right when grief gets hardest and why it is not cruelty but a collective skills gap

🔥 Grief isn't just about death. It lives inside every flopped launch, every relationship that quietly dissolved, every version of yourself you thought you'd be by now, and why naming those losses changes everything

🔥 What losing her son taught Suzanne about finally putting herself at the top of the list, releasing responsibility for everyone else, and why that is not selfish at all

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Links Mentioned

🌐 Find Suzanne and all her brilliance at https://linktr.ee/suzannejabourgriefeducation

🎧 Listen to Suzanne’s TEDx talk ”Grief is Hard…Let’s Do Better” TEDx Talk: https://youtu.be/3wRQTueKxJY?si=GyECNz4TZowf4x1a

🪩 The Unruly Collective https://wetheunruly.com/the-collective

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Welcome to We the Unruly, a rebellion for cycle-breakers, disruptors, change makers, movement creators, and other leaders here to create legacies built from truth, pleasure, joyful rebellion, and the kind of unapologetic self-expression that makes fragile patriarchy want to control us even more.

But we're no longer playing that game.

I'm Jen Vertanen — Identity, Impact, & Legacy Coach and women's empowerment expert. I help high-achievers untangle and unwind from decades of patriarchal b.s. and beliefs handed to them, reconnect to WHO they are, and build A Fuck Yeah life through purpose, joy, pleasure, impact, meaning and intentionally living your legacy now.

This episode is a perfect example of the depth and non-performative b.s. inside The Unruly Collective and if this episode spoke to you on a soul-longing level to live a life that means more, we have a you-shaped space at the table full of women who "get" it.

🪩 Come join us inside The Unruly Collective https://wetheunruly.com/the-collective

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♥️ The world needs us now more than ever so if you loved this episode or any others, please leave a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts and/or Spotify to help other mission driven women find We the Unruly.

What if your inner critic isn’t the enemy but a scared part of you trying (very badly) to keep you safe?

In this deeply honest, expansive conversation, I sit down with my very first life coach, Kate Swoboda, to unpack fear, self-doubt, nervous system safety, and what real courage looks like over the long haul.

Together, we explore:

1. why fighting your inner critic only makes it louder
2. how self-compassion is anything but fluffy
3. why alignment—not ease—is the true measure of an unruly life

This episode gives brilliant insight into nuance, integrity, and reclaiming your power without harming yourself.

If you’re done white-knuckling your way through growth and ready for a more humane, sustainable way to live, lead, and create, this one’s for you. Hint: This is exactly how I went from self-loathing to self-loving.

👯‍♀️ Connect with Kate

Find Kate and all her brilliance at 👉 yourcourageouslife.com and checkout her Level 1 ICF Accredited Coach Training (where I got certified) at TeamCLCC.com

📚 RESOURCES MENTIONED

1. The Unruly Collective
2. Kate's books: The Courage Habit and 100% Fully Alive

We the Unruly is building a movement of folks creating their own paradigms of how to live, love, and lead while building lives, businesses, impacts, and legacies built from truth, power, pleasure, rebellion, and the kind of unapologetic self-expression that makes fragile men miss the days of complacent, agreeable women.

We call it living your legacy NOW and if you vibe, you belong. Come join us in The Unruly Collective and be in community with folks who “get” it.

Jen Vertanen is the founder of We the Unruly—a living rebellion against self-betrayal disguised as success.

With 30 years of turning vision into reality and her own hard-won evolution, she works with leaders and creators who are done diluting their power and ready to build what only they can.

Known for her sharp insight and disarming humor, Jen helps people live, lead, and create legacies without performing, shrinking, or self-abandoning.

Stay Connected: YouTube | Website | Facebook | Instagram

👋🏼 Thanks for listening!

We the Unruly song written by Wendy Babcock

Lisa's? Live her legacy NOW.

In this inaugural live episode of We the Unruly, I sit down with my soul-friend, accountability buddy, and gratitude practitioner Lisa Condon for a deeply vulnerable, completely off-the-cuff conversation about belonging, self-trust, redefining success, and living your legacy while you’re still here to enjoy it.

What unfolds is equal parts heart-expanding, spicy, rebellious, and grounding.

We pull back the curtain on what it really looks like to un-become the stories you were handed, step into who you actually are, and create impact from that place of embodied truth.

The conversation touches everything from perfectionism, ambition, identity, spiritual downloads, the cycle of gratitude, ADHD realities (including brushing your teeth 👀), feral raccoon energy, and the freedom that comes from finally deciding: “EFF it — I get to live my life my way.”

Listen in and let's get Unruly!

👯‍♀️ Connect with Lisa

Find Lisa and all her brilliance at 👉 lisacondon.com

📚 RESOURCES MENTIONED

1. The Unruly Collective
2. How gratitude impacts the brain from Harvard Review
3. Big A$$ Wall Calendar (Lisa got the wall version and I got the journal version to help us both see 2026 at a glance because we each have BIG plans)

We the Unruly is building a movement of folks creating their own paradigms of how to live, love, and lead while building lives, businesses, impacts, and legacies built from truth, power, pleasure, rebellion, and the kind of unapologetic self-expression that makes fragile men miss the days of complacent, agreeable women.

We call it living your legacy NOW and if you vibe, you belong. Come join us in The Unruly Collective and be in community with folks who “get” it.

Jen Vertanen is the founder of We the Unruly—a living rebellion against self-betrayal disguised as success.

With 30 years of turning vision into reality and her own hard-won evolution, she works with leaders and creators who are done diluting their power and ready to build what only they can.

Known for her sharp insight and disarming humor, Jen helps people live, lead, and create legacies without performing, shrinking, or self-abandoning.

Stay Connected: YouTube | Website | Facebook | Instagram

👋🏼 Thanks for listening!

We the Unruly song written by Wendy Babcock

Feeling STUCK in a life that no longer fits?

(you are SO not alone...not by a long shot which is one of the core reasons why I created BE. DARE. CREATE.)

You know that moment when everything in your life should feel fine, maybe even great, but deep down, something feels off? That restless feeling, the nagging thought that there has to be more?

That’s what my guest, Amy Pons, calls the pinch.

It’s that moment of realization when the career, the relationships, the day-to-day grind no longer align with who you truly are and want to BE.

In this episode of BE. DARE. CREATE., Amy and I dive super deep into how to break free from the copy-paste life, rewrite the rules, and step into the FULL power of your magic.

Whether you’re feeling disconnected from your purpose, stuck in a job that drains you, or just craving something more, this conversation is ABSOLUTELY for you.

(We also talk about vulvas...it's a good one!)

Amy and I talk about...

• How to recognize "the pinch" - that moment when life no longer feels...'right' and what to do with it
• Why it's so forking important to recognize when you're 'shoulding' on yourself and how to define success on your terms so you can stop that already
• Healing in only ever an inside job and how to get started
• Your body knows...it absolutely knows and how to actually tap into it for wisdom and decision-making
• Vulvas...so much vulva talk but it's all super relative to how you BE, how you get stuff done (CREATE), how you show up (DARE), how you heal
• And lots lots more...

Meet Amy Pons
Amy Pons is an intuitive coach, marketing expert, and host of the podcast Women Making Moves. After spending decades climbing the corporate ladder, she had a soul-stirring realization—she wasn’t truly living. Now, she helps women step into their full power by embracing who they were always meant to be.

Connect w/ Amy

Listen to Amy’s Podcast: Women Making Moves, esp. my episode on giving yourself permission

Follow Amy: Unlock The Magic | LinkedIn

Mentioned In This Episode

The Vulva Gallery on Instagram

Want to get in on your own version of BE. DARE. CREATE. Your Life. Your Legacy?

First step is giving yourself PERMISSION. Download my {free} guide if you're ready to get started today!

Head on over to jenvertanen.com/podcast for show notes and other binge-worthy episodes.

🫶🏼 If you loved this episode, please leave a review on your favorite podcast platform. It means the world and helps more people find these conversations!

I'm Jen Vertanen. Speaker. Coach. No-B.S. Transformation Partner. I'm your kick-in-the-ass strategic partner who helps high-achieving overthinkers, perfectionists, and dreamers stop stalling, start taking bold action, and build a life & legacy that makes their 80-yo selves proud. No fluff. No waiting. Just real, unapologetic permission & momentum.

*cw we discuss death and I share bits of story around my mom's passing

In this deeply insightful episode, I sit down with Aypril Porter, a certified death doula and Human Design expert. We explore what it truly means to navigate end-of-life transitions, the emotional and spiritual aspects of death, and how Human Design can play a powerful role in healing, relationships, and self-discovery.

Aypril shares her unexpected journey into death work, how her family’s unspoken grief shaped her curiosity about loss, and why death doulas are becoming more recognized for the vital role they play.

We also dive into Human Design—how understanding our unique energetic blueprint can help us trust ourselves more fully, navigate relationships, and even bring peace at the end of life.

If you’ve ever felt uncertain about grief, death, or your own life’s direction, this conversation will shift your perspective in the best way possible.

Resources & Links

🔗 Connect with Aypril Porter

• Website: https://www.ayprilporter.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ayprilporter

📚 Books Mentioned in This Episode

• Parenting the Child You Have – Aypril Porter
• Understanding Human Design – Karen Curry Parker
• The Definitive Book of Human Design – Ra Uru Hu & Lynda Bunnell

Want to get in on your own version of BE. DARE. CREATE. Your Life. Your Legacy?

First step is giving yourself PERMISSION. Download my {free} guide if you're ready to get started today!

Head on over to jenvertanen.com/podcast for show notes and other binge-worthy episodes.

🫶🏼 If you loved this episode, please leave a review on your favorite podcast platform. It means the world and helps more people find these conversations!

I'm Jen Vertanen. Speaker. Coach. No-B.S. Transformation Partner. I'm your kick-in-the-ass strategic partner who helps high-achieving overthinkers, perfectionists, and dreamers stop stalling, start taking bold action, and build a life & legacy that makes their 80-yo selves proud. No fluff. No waiting. Just real, unapologetic permission & momentum.

Ready for a raw, real conversation about self-acceptance, coming out later in life, and giving yourself permission to live authentically?In this episode, I chat with Lisa Kirkman, host of Big Gay Overalls podcast, about her journey from feeling like she was watching her life in third person to fully owning who she is.Lisa shares her powerful story of breaking free from the "shoulds," finding her voice, and creating a life that actually fits instead of forcing herself to fit into a life that wasn't meant for her.We dive deep into what it means to accept yourself, set boundaries without feeling like an asshole, and intentionally design a life you love.Whether you identify as queer or not, this episode is foranyone who's ever felt like they're living someone else's version of success.On today's episode all about self-acceptance so you can live YOUR best damn life, we discuss:Why self-acceptance is a manual process, not an automatic oneHow to stop protecting everyone else at the cost of yourselfThe freedom that comes from giving zero f*cks about others' expectationsWhy tiny steps forward are more powerful than you thinkThe importance of finding your ride-or-die support systemUse Lisa's story as inspiration to get out of your own damn way and create YOUR Best Damn Life.This conversation is your permission slip to start.Read the transcript, watch the YouTube video, and get the show notes on Your Best Damn Life here.

Want to get in on your own version of BE. DARE. CREATE. Your Life. Your Legacy?

First step is giving yourself PERMISSION. Download my {free} guide if you're ready to get started today!

Head on over to jenvertanen.com/podcast for show notes and other binge-worthy episodes.

🫶🏼 If you loved this episode, please leave a review on your favorite podcast platform. It means the world and helps more people find these conversations!

I'm Jen Vertanen. Speaker. Coach. No-B.S. Transformation Partner. I'm your kick-in-the-ass strategic partner who helps high-achieving overthinkers, perfectionists, and dreamers stop stalling, start taking bold action, and build a life & legacy that makes their 80-yo selves proud. No fluff. No waiting. Just real, unapologetic permission & momentum.

*Note: This is an extra sweary episode because sometimes that's exactly what the topic calls for. You've been warned!*If you're tired of feeling burnt out, spread thin, and giving f*cks about things that don't actually matter...this episode is your permission slip to stop that shit. Here's the truth - you have a finite number of f*cks to give, and society, culture, family - hell, even that rando on Instagram - all have opinions about where those should go. But you know what? That sneaky little f*cker called "should" has been running your show without you even realizing it and that stops NOW.So today, we're changing all that because when you know better, you do better. And it's never too late to start giving the right f*cks.On today's episode all about protecting your energy so you can live YOUR best damn life, we discuss:Why you're treating your f*cks like confetti at the NYE party you didn't even want to attendHow giving too many f*cks is draining your emotional energy i.e. getting in the way of you living your best life5 types of f*ck-giving that are burning and stressin' you outA framework for becoming a connoisseur of f*ck-giving (so fancy!)And ends with The F*ck Yeah Challenge: Your step-by-step guide to reallocating your f*cks.Read the transcript, watch the YouTube video, and get the show notes on the Your Best Damn Life website here.

Want to get in on your own version of BE. DARE. CREATE. Your Life. Your Legacy?

First step is giving yourself PERMISSION. Download my {free} guide if you're ready to get started today!

Head on over to jenvertanen.com/podcast for show notes and other binge-worthy episodes.

🫶🏼 If you loved this episode, please leave a review on your favorite podcast platform. It means the world and helps more people find these conversations!

I'm Jen Vertanen. Speaker. Coach. No-B.S. Transformation Partner. I'm your kick-in-the-ass strategic partner who helps high-achieving overthinkers, perfectionists, and dreamers stop stalling, start taking bold action, and build a life & legacy that makes their 80-yo selves proud. No fluff. No waiting. Just real, unapologetic permission & momentum.