Somewhere in your family line, a woman picked up a box. She wasn’t quite sure what was in it, she just knew it was hers to carry now.

She tucked it under her arm and lived her life a little differently now…a little less HER and a little more what was in the box.

More palatable. Less “too much”. Skinnier. More agreeable. More reasonable. Prettier. Less outspoken. Less dramatic. Quieter.

And then handed it to the next generation and the next and the next.

Karen C.L. Anderson knows what's in her box because she spent years trying to burn it, flush it, rip it up, and kill it off entirely — only to realize it was never hers to begin with.

And that you can't destroy what was never really you.

What you CAN do is break the cycle by facing whatever is in your box head on and saying THIS ISH ENDS WITH ME…

…and then actually doing the identity work to impact your life now and generations to come.

Karen is an author, coach, and 💃Silent Disco Queen (it’s a fascinating story) who helps women identity and navigate internalized shame but to see how she approaches it?

👉Just look to her Substack.

“Come with me...we're gonna go laughing while exploring the intersection of shame, safety, feminism, mother-adult daughter relationships, body image, diet culture, weight loss medications, "taking the easy way out," and silent discoing on the boardwalk…”

I love that Karen talks about shame openly and honestly and sometimes with a genuine laugh and I guarantee this conversation is going to change how you think about shame.

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WHAT YOU WILL HEAR IN THIS EPISODE

🔥 The actual box Karen keeps on her desk with her three core shame beliefs on pieces of paper and why she keeps them front and center instead of burning them. Just because you’re an expert on shame does NOT mean you still don’t carry shame

🔥 The vision she had lying on the bathroom floor with stuff coming out both ends: a long line of women, each one handing a box to the next, wrapped differently every time but the same stuff inside — and the moment she realized "it didn't start with me. It's not mine."

🔥 Why shame is evolutionary, physiological, AND a nervous system adaptation all at once. Karen breaks down all three layers and suddenly everything about how you react when you feel exposed makes complete sense

🔥 Why you can’t entirely get rid of shame and what the concept of "unshaming" actually means, i.e. changing your relationship to it so it stops quietly running the show

And we end as we always do with what Karen gets to have the rest of her from doing this work.

“Freedom…most of the time” and why “most of the time” is the most honest and human part of her answer.

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Links Mentioned

🌐 Find Karen and all her brilliance at https://www.kclanderson.com/ and https://substack.com/@kclanderson

📚 You Are Not Your Mother: Releasing Generational Trauma and Shame Karen's most recent book (2023) and her personal favorite https://a.co/d/07b9MrIw

📚 Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters: A Guide for Separation, Liberation, and Inspiration https://a.co/d/07REJ0HW

🪩 The Unruly Collective https://wetheunruly.com/the-collective

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There's a reason people abandon their grocery carts mid-aisle and walk straight out of the store and it is not because they forgot their list.

Grief does things to a brain and a body that nobody ever told you about. It dysregulates your nervous system and makes small talk with a cashier feel like climbing Everest in flip flops. It makes the Muzak unbearable when the song that plays is the one that was playing the last time everything was okay.

Suzanne Jabour knows this because she lived it. In September 2020, her son died suddenly and unexpectedly and what followed wasn't just grief but a crash course in how catastrophically unprepared we all are to navigate it, give it, receive it, or even name it.

So Suzanne decided to do something about it and became a certified Grief Educator, a Transformational Coach, author and speaker who has spent the years since her son Ben's death in 2020 doing what most of us are too scared to do.

👉🏼 Talk about grief openly and honestly, and as casually as what we're watching on Netflix (Suzanne is currently loving Dept. Q).

This conversation will change how you think about grief. Guaranteed.

WHAT YOU WILL HEAR IN THIS EPISODE

🔥 Why grocery stores are genuinely the most hostile environment for a grieving person and what Suzanne's year and a half of outsourced grocery shopping taught her about rebuilding capacity one smoothie ingredient at a time

🔥 Why the people who showed up for you in the beginning quietly vanish right when grief gets hardest and why it is not cruelty but a collective skills gap

🔥 Grief isn't just about death. It lives inside every flopped launch, every relationship that quietly dissolved, every version of yourself you thought you'd be by now, and why naming those losses changes everything

🔥 What losing her son taught Suzanne about finally putting herself at the top of the list, releasing responsibility for everyone else, and why that is not selfish at all

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Links Mentioned

🌐 Find Suzanne and all her brilliance at https://linktr.ee/suzannejabourgriefeducation

🎧 Listen to Suzanne’s TEDx talk ”Grief is Hard…Let’s Do Better” TEDx Talk: https://youtu.be/3wRQTueKxJY?si=GyECNz4TZowf4x1a

🪩 The Unruly Collective https://wetheunruly.com/the-collective

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Welcome to We the Unruly, a rebellion for cycle-breakers, disruptors, change makers, movement creators, and other leaders here to create legacies built from truth, pleasure, joyful rebellion, and the kind of unapologetic self-expression that makes fragile patriarchy want to control us even more.

But we're no longer playing that game.

I'm Jen Vertanen — Identity, Impact, & Legacy Coach and women's empowerment expert. I help high-achievers untangle and unwind from decades of patriarchal b.s. and beliefs handed to them, reconnect to WHO they are, and build A Fuck Yeah life through purpose, joy, pleasure, impact, meaning and intentionally living your legacy now.

This episode is a perfect example of the depth and non-performative b.s. inside The Unruly Collective and if this episode spoke to you on a soul-longing level to live a life that means more, we have a you-shaped space at the table full of women who "get" it.

🪩 Come join us inside The Unruly Collective https://wetheunruly.com/the-collective

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♥️ The world needs us now more than ever so if you loved this episode or any others, please leave a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts and/or Spotify to help other mission driven women find We the Unruly.

What if your inner critic isn’t the enemy but a scared part of you trying (very badly) to keep you safe?

In this deeply honest, expansive conversation, I sit down with my very first life coach, Kate Swoboda, to unpack fear, self-doubt, nervous system safety, and what real courage looks like over the long haul.

Together, we explore:

1. why fighting your inner critic only makes it louder
2. how self-compassion is anything but fluffy
3. why alignment—not ease—is the true measure of an unruly life

This episode gives brilliant insight into nuance, integrity, and reclaiming your power without harming yourself.

If you’re done white-knuckling your way through growth and ready for a more humane, sustainable way to live, lead, and create, this one’s for you. Hint: This is exactly how I went from self-loathing to self-loving.

👯‍♀️ Connect with Kate

Find Kate and all her brilliance at 👉 yourcourageouslife.com and checkout her Level 1 ICF Accredited Coach Training (where I got certified) at TeamCLCC.com

📚 RESOURCES MENTIONED

1. The Unruly Collective
2. Kate's books: The Courage Habit and 100% Fully Alive

We the Unruly is building a movement of folks creating their own paradigms of how to live, love, and lead while building lives, businesses, impacts, and legacies built from truth, power, pleasure, rebellion, and the kind of unapologetic self-expression that makes fragile men miss the days of complacent, agreeable women.

We call it living your legacy NOW and if you vibe, you belong. Come join us in The Unruly Collective and be in community with folks who “get” it.

Jen Vertanen is the founder of We the Unruly—a living rebellion against self-betrayal disguised as success.

With 30 years of turning vision into reality and her own hard-won evolution, she works with leaders and creators who are done diluting their power and ready to build what only they can.

Known for her sharp insight and disarming humor, Jen helps people live, lead, and create legacies without performing, shrinking, or self-abandoning.

Stay Connected: YouTube | Website | Facebook | Instagram

👋🏼 Thanks for listening!

We the Unruly song written by Wendy Babcock