What happens when devotion asks you to abandon your own inner voice?
In this episode, I trace the journey from “radical submission” to the first hairline cracks of doubt. Through missions, ministry culture, and the myth of holy self-erasure, I explore how good intentions can morph into control, how “calling” can become a cage, and how the body keeps telling the truth anyway.

This isn’t just my story—it’s a mirror for anyone who has:

• Tried to be “good” at the cost of your own knowing
• Confused compliance with love or faith
• Bumped into purity culture, authority, or “leadership” that didn’t feel like love
• Wondered about the difference between service and saviorism
• Needed language for consent, boundaries, and coming home to yourself

You’ll hear journal excerpts, the ache and beauty of community, a tender lesson in consent, and the slow cracking of a worldview... the very beginnings of moving from either/or to both/and. It’s an invitation to hold complexity, honor impact over intention, and choose a path where obedience to your deepest truth is not rebellion, but awakening.

Song credit: You're Real, Layla Minoui & Julia Bryan

Content note: religious trauma, spiritual abuse, colonial dynamics, interpersonal violence.

Hello love, I'm Julia Bryan. I am a registered nurse, singer songwriter, EFT tapping practitioner, ex missionary, and Flamekeeper of the Sensual Soul Project. EFT tapping changed my life, and allowed me to really tease apart the cluster fuck of my experience growing up in religious fundamentalism, and the emotional, spiritual, and psychological abuse I experienced as a missionary. After years of therapy, EFT was the powerful tool that really allowed me to experience deeper healing and connection to myself. I want to share this gift, so I created "Feel to Heal," a free guide and introduction to EFT tapping. Download the guide here: https://www.sensualsoulproject.com/free-guide

We’re building something rare — a living, breathing sanctuary for those of us reclaiming our soul’s wild truth. A place to be seen, held, and celebrated in all your messy, glorious becoming.

We are building a community app, and I want you to be among the very first inside. Come join us! Get on the waitlist at sensualsoulproject.com, and let’s walk this path of soul freedom together.

In the mean time, let's connect on TikTok or instagram.

In this first episode of The Sensual Soul Project, I dive deep into my journey from a fairly normal life steeped in biblical teachings to becoming a radicalized missionary. Part one of this story covers key moments in my upbringing that helped prime me for this path.

I explore the role of sexual shame in the church and at home, and the effect it had on my self-development. This first part of my story will take you through a discipleship program for young adults formerly run out New Life Church in Colorado Springs, where I spent a year after graduating high school. I describe the harrowing experience of "missions training," a three-day event shrouded in secrecy, that was designed to prepare students for missionary work in hostile environments. The training culminated in a chilling reenactment of a Taliban raid, where church members and program leadership played both the Taliban and captured missionaries. It is as strange as it sounds, and you may find it hard to believe.

In the next episode, I will release part II of my story and we'll travel across the oceans to Uganda and Sudan, where I spent nearly 2 years as a missionary, enduring spiritual and emotional abuse. I’ll share my personal experiences, the struggles I faced, and the moments of awakening that challenged my beliefs.

Whether you’ve walked a similar path or are simply curious about the interplay of spirituality and religion, this podcast invites you to reflect on the impacts of fundamentalism. I'm so glad you're here! Hit that subscribe button to be notified when part 2 drops, you don't want to miss it.

Welcome to The Sensual Soul Project; Out of Righteous Religion and into the Sensual Soul. This podcast is about life beyond religion. It’s about asking the hard questions, exploring the infinite shades of gray, and leaning into our ability to hold paradox– embracing the both/and vs. the either/or of fundamentalism. I will share my story of overcoming spiritual and emotional abuse as a missionary in Uganda, and the messy road of leaving the church and rediscovering my sense of spirituality. You’ll also hear the deeply moving stories of amazing humans who’ve made their way out of fundamentalism and into the light of their own truth.

Get ready to be inspired as I’ll be dropping new episodes on Monday of each week.

I started this podcast because I want you to know that you are not alone, and I want you to know that it IS possible to transcend your triggers around spirituality and find the deeper meaning that you crave.. I want to share the tools that have helped me to heal my trauma and the deep subconscious caverns of guilt, sexual shame, and self-doubt that persisted for many years after leaving the church.

I hope you find inspiration to explore and rediscover your sense of spirituality, and the courage to live your most authentic, vibrantly expressed life! First episode drops on September 14!!!!

We’re building something rare — a living, breathing sanctuary for those of us reclaiming our soul’s wild truth. A place to be seen, held, and celebrated in all your messy, glorious becoming.

Our community app goes live this September, and I want you to be among the very first inside. Come join us! Get on the waitlist at sensualsoulproject.com, and let’s walk this path of soul freedom together.