A Shakespearean sex comedy about a Greek shortcoming.

THE RIND KING: ACT III, Scene 2

In this scene, Wyrd Sisters Unfiltered broadcasts the beginning of the Rind King’s end. As fairy passion breaks the E-Men’s programming across the North, the ghost of the Muskrat Wizard returns with one final “optimization”—and the King signs away his army without bothering to read the fine print.

In this Episode:

A Message from Our Sponsor: The broadcast opens with an advertisement for Gorgon Vitality Pills, promising greater strength, intelligence, courage, and romantic success—before quietly admitting that the product does not work in any way.

The Spark Index Rises: Windy reports that magical energy is surging across the North as the fairies’ lust-dust restores the E-Men’s suppressed emotions. The King’s essence is failing, his soldiers are retreating, and the witches can feel the political tide turning.

Muskrat Wizard 2.0: Now equipped with “humility patches,” the spectral Muskrat offers the King Emergency Order No. 220. After briefly shifting reality to locate a more gullible version of his former master, Muskrat persuades him to surrender control of the E-Men to the Wyrd Sisters in exchange for “everything he deserves.”

Father Knows Worst: Rain returns as the ghost of the King’s father, briefly offering the love and approval his son has always craved—before revealing it as a cruel joke. She warns him that his mirror has deceived him, the Ides of March have arrived, and his tragedy is nearing its final act.

Featured Song: “FAKE NEWS” — The King attempts to sing reality out of existence as Rain, the Trolls, and the entire kingdom predict his downfall. Every warning becomes “fake news,” every defeat becomes a victory, and every sign of approaching death only strengthens his insistence that he will rule forever.

A serialized production from M. R. Furlong and Hush! CAUTION. Echoland Press.

THE RIND KING: ACT II, Scene 4

In this scene, the Rind King’s careless rhetoric becomes a literal instrument of death. As the E-Men advance through the North without fear, conscience, or independent thought, the King replaces military discipline with one simple command: “Stab first, ask questions later.” The consequences arrive almost immediately—and even the Muskrat Wizard cannot optimize his way out of them.

In this Episode:

Protocol Double-Alpha: After learning that E-Men have destroyed a sacred shrine and killed noncombatants, the King dismisses the tragedy as a successful operation. General Marius protests, but restraint is officially replaced by indiscriminate violence.

The Wizard’s Final Update: The Muskrat Wizard rushes into the tent with urgent news—only to be stabbed by a soldier following the King’s new command with perfect literal obedience. As Muskrat is dragged away insisting he is “not dead yet,” the King promotes his killer to the newly formed Ass-Men.

The General Breaks Rank: Marius’s secret relationship with Lyra is exposed, along with the accidental destruction caused by their combustible romance. When Marius attempts to resign, the King fires, condemns, banishes, and unsuccessfully orders him killed—only to discover that no one in the tent is brave enough to confront the heavily armed general.

A Ghost in the Machine: In the realm between life and death, Muskrat meets Mother Fairy, who informs him that his riches, technology, and influence are now worthless. To save his soul, he must haunt the man whose vanity and ambition destroyed him: the Rind King.

Featured Song: “ERROR 404” — Mother Fairy delivers an irreverent funeral anthem for the fallen tech wizard. Filled with crashed servers, fatal hacks, failed reboots, and increasingly distracting romantic advice, the number turns Muskrat’s death into both a comic system failure and a reckoning for a life spent serving power.

A serialized production from M. R. Furlong and Hush! CAUTION. Echoland Press.