Right, picture this. It’s 2:30am. I’ve been bounced off half of Sydney’s motorways on the way back from Albury-Wodonga, the NSW/VIC border, and I’m talking myself through a full-blown panic attack because, well, everyone else is asleep. Zzzz

Today started as a quick meet and greet and hit top gear — strapping freight, riding in an Kenworth and remembering why I love the transport industry so much. I’m trying to build something that brings trucking and mental health together… and for most of the day, I felt real purpose and inspired.

Then, I hit Sydney.

First, the M7 shuts. No biggie, I keep on truckin’.
Then, NorthConnex shuts. Just my luck.
Roadworks everywhere. Detours through the back roads of the big smoke. Sleep? Not likely tonight.

Now I’m picturing myself fronting up to an 8:30am meeting at the University, then a filmed interview I’ve been looking forward to all week, and an advisory group meeting (yep, big day) running on fumes — and the inner critic is LOUD. The anxiety is like THUNDER. Here comes the wave of dread. I just need to get back to Newcastle.

Perfection or nothing.
Don’t stumble.
You can’t afford it. The stakes are too high

So I go back to basics: name what I can see, breathe longer out than in, loosen the grip, label the task instead of the monster. The goal isn’t to get rid of fear at 3am — it’s to keep pointing northwards while it’s yelling at you.

By the time I get home, the panic’s still there… but it’s smaller. And it’s not driving anymore. Thank God, neither am I. Now to sleep, I’ve got a big day coming up!

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Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience.
Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.

Borderline Personality Disorder has a habit of sending me down to the beach, to ask the big questions about life. To try and think my way through its distortion of my reality. Just like the waves in front of me, this time the memories have come flooding in. In this episode I’m sitting on the sand at Bar Beach, where I revisit some of the hardest truths that I can only now accept, about love and relationships. Newcastle holds some very difficult memories of my battle with BPD (and the rest) but now I can look back from a much healthier and resilient standpoint. In this episode I talk about the “switch” that flipped so often, from idealisation to complete distrust. The damage caused when my system was overloaded with obsessive intrusive thoughts, uncontrollable ruminations, and the guilt that followed when I finally saw everything clearly again.

This isn’t a redemption arc. Not yet anyway. It’s a completely honest and very real look at how relationships (and people) get caught in destructive BPD tornadoes — and what it took for me to break the pattern. I share thoughts on what helped me slow the spiral, repair my heart and soul after complete emotional rupture, and forge a version of myself that doesn’t need to test every bond to feel safe. That can trust, and be the partner I am meant to be. Even if I haven’t yet had the chance to be in a relationship and be that person since…

The good news? BPD has been proven to be at the mercy of therapy and treatment, and it can be silenced and rendered unable to continue its destructive ways. Progress is certainly possible, as shown in the research consistently— even if it’s messy, non-linear, and at times painful and uncomfortable (but worth it, trust me).

If you’ve ever felt love drown under a surging wave of negative emotion, this one will feel familiar. Borderline Personality Disorder is complex and often overwhelming. It distorts reality and pretends to be your friend. But it can be managed effectively. Unfortunately, it can be too late to save what should have been an amazing future with somebody special. And that’s the reality I now try to understand and accept. And I find myself again, sitting at the beach, late at night, with just my thoughts and memories…

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Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience.
Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.

Jay is someone I have wanted to interview on the podcast for a long time. And if you listen to his story you'll understand why. What really sets Jay and his story apart, for me at least, is the steps that have been made to be able to engage with life in a healthy, balanced manner. In this episode he introduces me to a new paradigm, one that I had been reluctant to accept. How the breath is the core component that underscores everything. How the breath used properly can dampen anxiety before chaos ensues. For me? Groundbreaking.

We talk about how dyslexia made Jay's school years challenging, along with ADHD chaos. How out of this his MMA grit came forward, and a body that never quite settled—until a three-year breathing crisis and a botched surgery forced a life-or-death turning point. What followed wasn’t a quick fix or shiny hack, but a slow, humble process of learning how to lower a revving baseline through breath, embodiment, and honest awareness. And make no mistake, this was a life and death moment. When you are battling just to breath correctly, life all of a sudden is not on solid ground.

Jay shares the daily practices that helped shift his nervous system out of constant sympathetic threat and into parasympathetic ease: slow nasal breathing, gentle mobility, infrared heat, yoga, and learning to notice what the body is doing before the mind runs away with it. We explore why CBT and logic often don’t stick when anxiety is loud, and how a body-first approach creates the conditions for the mind to finally do its best work.

There’s a powerful reframe for social anxiety here too. Most interactions are safe, yet the body reacts like there’s a tiger in the aisle. We unpack how to “get between the film and the viewer,” recognise the fear script early, and use the breath to downshift before words are said and actions made.

We also touch on insights from a 10-day Vipassana silent retreat, and what it really means to stop riding the emotional seesaw and start living from the middle.

Underneath it all is something simple but profound: when the body is calm, connection stops being costly and becomes nourishing. This is a conversation about rebuilding from zero, and how one breath, one honest moment, and one small win at a time can change everything.

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Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience.
Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.

In this episode of The Dysregulated Podcast I talk about living without a “baseline” and the swings between days of huge momentum and days where everything stalls. Living with ADHD and BPD means my capacity isn’t always stable, and when I run hot — big output, little sleep, racing thoughts — it can feel productive right up until it isn’t. I unpack how workaholic thinking, the inner critic and impostor syndrome turn urgency into a virtue, and why that pattern has landed me in hospital before.

This episode is about pacing instead of pushing: recognising the warning signs, building recovery into the plan, and redefining success as staying in the game rather than burning out. But I haven't quite nailed down how to do all of this. I also speak honestly about medication — what helps, what complicates things, and how I’m trying to put guardrails around it. If your baseline feels like a moving target, this is a reflection on how I need to find sustainable momentum without destroying my engine.

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Follow my journey through the chaos of mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way.
Lived experience is at the heart of this podcast — every episode told through my own lens, with raw honesty and zero filter.

This is a genuine and vulnerable account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.

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Follow The Dysregulated Podcast:
Instagram – @elliot.t.waters
Facebook – The Dysregulated Podcast
YouTube – The Dysregulated Podcast (Official Channel)

Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience.
Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.

Dysregulated Daily is a daily check-in video series designed to capture what the big episodes often miss, the reality of mental health day to day in all its chaotic forms. Instead of focusing only on mood, I introduce capacity as the core signal: how much usable emotional, cognitive, nervous-system, and functional bandwidth I actually have to engage with life. My reality is of a dysregulated headspace, everyday. And this series will offer you access into my life living with complex mental health disorders, the difficult moments but also the wins on the board.

Join me in tracking mood and capacity scores, not to compare but to gain insight and awareness into our own journeys.

This is as real as it gets. There are no secrets here and I will be showing you everything I can about the day-to-day experience of living with mental illness. If you are battling yourself, know that I'm in the trenches with you. And now for the first time Dysregulated Daily takes you into the warzone that is my life everyday.

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Follow The Dysregulated Podcast:
Instagram – @elliot.t.waters
Facebook – The Dysregulated Podcast
YouTube – The Dysregulated Podcast (Official Channel)

Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience.
Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.

This episode is about a hard reframe: stepping back from the dream of marriage and family, not out of bitterness, but honesty. Instead, I am investing my energy where growth is actually possible (I hope).

I talk about the grief that brings up for my inner child, the relief that comes with clarity of direction, and why focusing on career and purpose isn’t avoidance but a sign of maturity of the self. I discuss my nervous system limits (more on that soon), my mental health reality, and the cost of chasing dreams that perhaps aren't possible after all.

I also introduce Dysregulated Daily, a new YouTube series of short, honest check-ins coming soon.

Alright, time to launch!

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Instagram – @elliot.t.waters
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YouTube – The Dysregulated Podcast (Official Channel)

Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience.
Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.

A sunrise over Newcastle, a phone balanced in my car, and a decision to stop waiting for bloody perfection. In the next fortnightly check-in, I talk about the creative bottleneck that’s stalled a head full of episodes, how expectations kill momentum (again), and why pressing record is so important (as it uploading). It’s about choosing ANYTHING and focusing on consistency over polish, and naming the self-talk that gets in the way. That inner critic just won’t quit.

I also share some good news, a shift in perspective from becoming an uncle again, and where things for the podcast are heading next. That includes returning to the road transport industry, building mental health advocacy inside a culture that often rewards silence, and what retaking a load restraint course taught me about neurodivergence under pressure. The Dysregulated Podcast is expanding onto YouTube and laying the groundwork for short daily check-ins—honest, simple entries tracking mood, stress, and coping in real time. The goal stays the same: reduce stigma, build mental health literacy, and show the whole picture as it actually is.

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Follow The Dysregulated Podcast:
Instagram – @elliot.t.waters
Facebook – The Dysregulated Podcast
YouTube – The Dysregulated Podcast (Official Channel)

Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience.
Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.

What if your best ideas arrive amongst a wave of dysregulation and mania?

This episode dives into that blurry space where genuine inspiration mixes with bipolar highs, BPD intensity and ADHD momentum. The hard work of figuring out what’s real before it costs you dearly.

I share the checks I use when ideas start firing: grounded excitement, steady thinking, intact sleep, the 24-hour rule. I talk about the times I completely misread the moment, like the night I tried to “cure depression” at 3 a.m. and the ideas I held back on that later proved solid. That tension creates doubt, grief and second-guessing, and is part of the reason why mental illness is so fractured.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Is this momentum real, or am I kidding myself?” then I reckon this one’s gonna sound familiar!

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Follow my journey through the chaos of mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way.
Lived experience is at the heart of this podcast — every episode told through my own lens, with raw honesty and zero filter.

This is a genuine and vulnerable account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.

--

Follow The Dysregulated Podcast:
Instagram – @elliot.t.waters
Facebook – The Dysregulated Podcast
YouTube – The Dysregulated Podcast (Official Channel)

Created by Elliot Waters — Inspired by lived experience.
Mental health insights, real stories, real conversations.