Hello my dears,
Its been over two weeks since finally the daily panic attacks have stopped and normalcy is beginning to return. I experienced a civilian trauma that I had been able to dodge until the beginning of this year. Now I have experienced every civilian trauma and only the war ones remain - which I REALLY hope I can avoid. Either way it had a significant impact - to put it mildly. But one step at a time. For now its time to breathe again.

But it leads us to the question that so often pops up: Why do these things keep happening to me?
A question many of you most likely asked yourself - somehow these things seem to keep targeting you.
The answer is sadly simple: It is a viscous circle, because people have the tendency to kick down, you can’t really easily shake things off anymore and less support from society and/or your social circle.

You are the limping member of the herd - so to speak. You attract predators, as they always look for the easiest way, and get little support, because people can gain little from you. And since there is little to gain from you - there is no harm in kicking your direction. What are you going to do about it? In my experience most people are fair weather friends - and should have an according place in your life. Once you have success again - they will come back.

Lastly your limping makes you more prone to error and further injury, because you can’t properly catch yourself and have a weak footing. And since you are more likely kicked than helped - you are held to a higher scrutiny than everyone else. Your best protection - sadly - is that people don’t know you are limping. Which is why I always recommend to hide, because people like to view themselves as more supportive than they actually are. I also recommend to remember it all - for when you are in power and when you choose your inner circle. Hopefully soon.

Take care and stay safe

Johanna

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In this episode we talk about the core of many traumas and pain in the past - feeling worthless, unlovable and unloved. A feeling despite being so prevalent is neither good nor normal and especially harmful during this dark time of the year and even worse in the holiday seasons.

When listening to those who suffer, I keep hearing all sort of variants of “I need to hide who I am. If others knew they would leave me”. Be it because they feel broken, useless, unloved, unworthy of love, tainted, talentless or the like or maybe all I listed.

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In this episode we talk about the anger that is a very consistent companion during our healing, the so called angry teenager you might have heard about and how to deal with the anger.

You might have seen a quote like this: “Healing can be so hard. It’s a constant battle between your inner child who is hurting, your inner teenager who is angry and your current self who only wants peace”.
And there is a lot of truth to that, but not in the way it seems.

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Contact: contactme@johannadraconis.com
Website: www.johannadraconis.com
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