There’s always a seed where chaos and confusion start. For me it started in childhood with codependency with my caregivers. That later carried on into my romantic relationships. Today I share a brief part of my life as a teenager where the seed began in choosing abusive unhealed men in my life.

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Blessings!

"I grew up in a home where love came with strings, where boundaries were blurred, and where chaos was... familiar. It shaped how I saw relationships, how I responded to conflict, and how I measured my worth. Ilearned early that keeping the peace sometimes meant ignoring my own truth. "it meant serving others and meeting their needs and abandoning myself. Codependency is not a badge to wear though, as a codependent, control was at the forefront of our relationships too, not to hurt someone like a narcissist does, but to "fix" or "rescue".

Chaos felt familiar because it mirrored your childhood emotional environments. Criticism, neglect, mocking etc.

We talk about how familiarity is not compatibility although it may feel like it. The cost of not stopping the cycle and choosing toxic/abusive partners. How we choose chaos because it’s all we knew growing up.

It is not about intelligence or ignorance, it’s about poor programming as a child. It depend on the severity of childhood trauma. We can all have some type of childhood dysfunction as no family is perfect, but there is childhood trauma that leaves some at a higher risk for abuse later in life.

Take Away

Practical step: Write down what felt “normal” in your first relationship

Reflective question: What did I confuse with love because it felt familiar?