Struggling with recurring fights in your relationship? Wondering how to rebuild emotional safety after disconnection?

In this episode of Self-Led Love, I break down the most important relationship skill for long-term intimacy: repair.

Using a real story from my own marriage (yes, the dinner where I kept interrupting my husband’s storytelling), I model what healthy conflict repair actually looks like in practice.

You’ll learn the three essential components of effective relationship repair:

• Accountability – Taking responsibility for your part in the conflict.
• Validation – Understanding the emotional impact of your behavior.
• Creating a New Reality – Changing patterns to build trust and safety.

If you care about conscious partnership, emotional maturity, attachment healing, or applying Internal Family Systems (IFS) to relationships, this episode will give you practical tools for conflict resolution and deeper intimacy.

Repair isn’t just an apology.
It’s how couples rebuild trust.
It’s how communication improves.
It’s how love becomes safer over time.

Want a step-by-step framework? My workshop Repair for Relationship Resilience offers a complete roadmap. Podcast listeners can access it for $22 with code PODCAST.

www.bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop

Subscribe for weekly episodes on relationship growth, IFS, emotional intelligence, and Self-Led Love.

✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller

Free resources + more from Bahia:
Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend
The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist
www.bahiamiller.com

Want to go deeper into the work?
🎧 For our podcast community:
Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22
Use code PODCAST

*Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer*

Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach.

Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality.

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this work, no specific outcomes are promised, and each person’s healing and relationship journey is unique.

Please listen with discernment, self-responsibility, and care for your own nervous system. When needed, seek support from qualified professionals who can meet you in your speci...

ADHD can impact partnerships in all sorts of ways. And without both partners doing the U-Turn to connect with their own parts... resentment builds... and the spark dwindles.

In this episode of Self-Led Love, Bahia Miller is joined by Dr. Carol Shilliday—clinical psychologist, IFS assistant trainer, and longtime ADHD specialist—for a grounded, compassionate conversation about how ADHD shows up in intimate relationships.

Together, we explore ADHD not as a character flaw, but as neurodivergent wiring that deeply affects executive functioning, dopamine, emotional regulation, and follow-through—and how, without understanding, it often turns into shame, resentment, parent/child dynamics, and disconnection in partnership.

We talk about why ADHD is linked to higher divorce rates, how symptoms get misinterpreted as moral failures, and why both partners often end up feeling unseen and unloved.

You’ll hear:

• Practical ADHD support strategies—without turning into control
• the subtle perspective shifts that empower ADHD partners
• how critical acceptance, education and creativity are for ADHD partnerships

We also explore how Internal Family Systems (IFS) helps ADHD couples by working with parts, unblending from shame and criticism, and restoring self-leadership on both sides of the relationship.

This episode is an invitation to move from blame to understanding—and from managing each other to partnering together.

✨If this episode resonated, share it with a partner or friend—and consider leaving a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to help Self-Led Love reach more couples ready for repair. ✨

Connect with Dr. Carol Shilliday
Email: drcarolshilliday@gmail.com
https://www.drshillidaytherapy.com/
PRE ORDER THE BOOK INSIDE ADHD HERE

✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller

Free resources + more from Bahia:
Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend
The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist
www.bahiamiller.com

Want to go deeper into the work?
🎧 For our podcast community:
Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22
Use code PODCAST

*Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer*

Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach.

Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality.

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this work, no specific outcomes are promised, and each person’s healing and relationship journey is unique.

Please listen with discernment, self-responsibility, and care for your own nervous system. When needed, seek support from qualified professionals who can meet you in your speci...

Understanding how our parts show up in relationships can transform the way we connect with ourselves and our partners. In this solo episode, Bahia Miller breaks down the different types of parts — managers, firefighters, and exiles — and how they influence patterns, conflicts, and intimacy in partnership. She explores the protective roles these parts take on, why they sometimes cause friction, and how bringing awareness to them can create space for healing and deeper connection.

Reflection:
What are the dominant parts showing up in your relationships? As you listen, notice what your exiles might be carrying underneath and how your protectors are trying to help.

Free resources:

• Self-led Love Checklist: bahiamiller.com/checklist
• Transform Your Triggers Unblending Meditation: bahiamiller.com/unblend

Work with Bahia:
If you’d like to learn more about working with Bahia or explore her offerings, visit www.bahiamiller.com for details.

Want to go deeper into the work?
🎧 For our podcast community:
Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22
Use code PODCAST
bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop

✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller

Free resources + more from Bahia:
Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend
The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist
www.bahiamiller.com

Want to go deeper into the work?
🎧 For our podcast community:
Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22
Use code PODCAST

*Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer*

Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach.

Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality.

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this work, no specific outcomes are promised, and each person’s healing and relationship journey is unique.

Please listen with discernment, self-responsibility, and care for your own nervous system. When needed, seek support from qualified professionals who can meet you in your speci...

Motherhood changes everything — including which parts of us are in the forefront. In this episode, Bahia Miller is joined by Jessica Tomich Sorci for an honest and tender conversation about the profound identity shifts that occur when a woman becomes a mother.

Together, they explore the reconfiguration of our inner parts, the emergence of “mom parts,” and the challenging emotions that come with this season of life. They discuss the impact of new parenthood on partnership, the pressure many parents feel to be cycle-breakers, and why community support, vulnerability, and asking for help are not luxuries — but necessities.

Reflection:
As you listen, notice which parts of you feel most present in your experience of motherhood (or parenthood). What do they need right now?

Connect with Jessica Tomich Sorci:
Mom Parts Community: momparts.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jessicatomichsorci/?hl=en
Pre-Order her book here: https://www.jessicatomichsorci.com/when-good-moms-feel-bad

Free resources + more from Bahia:
Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend
The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist
www.bahiamiller.com

Want to go deeper into the work?
🎧 For our podcast community:
Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22
Use code PODCAST

✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller

Free resources + more from Bahia:
Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend
The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist
www.bahiamiller.com

Want to go deeper into the work?
🎧 For our podcast community:
Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22
Use code PODCAST

*Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer*

Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach.

Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality.

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this work, no specific outcomes are promised, and each person’s healing and relationship journey is unique.

Please listen with discernment, self-responsibility, and care for your own nervous system. When needed, seek support from qualified professionals who can meet you in your speci...

Discover how triggers in relationships can actually be gifts for growth. Bahia Miller guides you in noticing your emotional, mental, and physical reactions, turning inward to understand your parts, and practicing curiosity instead of blame. Learn how to pause, reflect, and respond skillfully to build self-sovereignty and healthier connections.

Free Resources

• Self-Led Love Checklist – clarify what’s your work vs. your partner’s work in the relationship: www.bahiamiller.com/checklist
• Unblending Meditation – slow down after a challenging interaction and get in relationship with your parts: www.bahiamiller.com/unblend

Work with Bahia:
If you’d like to learn more about working with Bahia or explore her offerings, visit www.bahiamiller.com for details.

Want to go deeper into the work?
🎧 For our podcast community:
Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22
Use code PODCAST
bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop

✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller

Free resources + more from Bahia:
Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend
The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist
www.bahiamiller.com

Want to go deeper into the work?
🎧 For our podcast community:
Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22
Use code PODCAST

*Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer*

Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach.

Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality.

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this work, no specific outcomes are promised, and each person’s healing and relationship journey is unique.

Please listen with discernment, self-responsibility, and care for your own nervous system. When needed, seek support from qualified professionals who can meet you in your speci...

Bahia Miller explores three foundational strategies for approaching the question “Can this relationship be saved?”—especially when things have been hard for a long time.

In this episode, you’ll learn about:

• Why detaching from a specific outcome can restore clarity and choice
• How turning toward your pain (and resentment) reveals powerful inner lessons
• What it looks like to embody your inner work in real relationship
• The difference between saving a relationship and saving your relationship to yourself
• How to discern whether your partner has the capacity to grow with you

A gentle invitation:
As you listen, notice where you may be choosing attachment over authenticity—or where your inner parts are asking for more honesty, care, or responsibility.

Free Resources:

• Self-Led Love Checklist – clarify what’s your work vs. your partner’s work in the relationship: www.bahiamiller.com/checklist
• Unblending Meditation – slow down after a challenging interaction and get in relationship with your parts: www.bahiamiller.com/unblend

Work with Bahia:
If you’d like to learn more about working with Bahia or explore her offerings, visit www.bahiamiller.com for details.

Want to go deeper into the work?
🎧 For our podcast community:
Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22
Use code PODCAST

https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop

✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller

Free resources + more from Bahia:
Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend
The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist
www.bahiamiller.com

Want to go deeper into the work?
🎧 For our podcast community:
Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22
Use code PODCAST

*Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer*

Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach.

Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality.

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this work, no specific outcomes are promised, and each person’s healing and relationship journey is unique.

Please listen with discernment, self-responsibility, and care for your own nervous system. When needed, seek support from qualified professionals who can meet you in your speci...

Bahia Miller defines SELF LED LOVE and the importance & nuance of taking responsibility for your parts, building trust with yourself, and showing up consciously in relationships.

Learn how noticing and tending to your inner parts can reduce reactivity, deepen connection, and transform relationship cycles. Self-led love is about awareness, repair, and growth—not perfection.

Free Resources:

• Self-Led Love Checklist – clarify what’s your work vs. your partner’s work in the relationship: www.bahiamiller.com/checklist
• Unblending Meditation – slow down after a challenging interaction and get in relationship with your parts: www.bahiamiller.com/unblend

Work with Bahia:
If you’d like to learn more about working with Bahia or explore her offerings, visit www.bahiamiller.com for details.

Want to go deeper into the work?
🎧 For our podcast community:
Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22
Use code PODCAST

https://bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop

✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller

Free resources + more from Bahia:
Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend
The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist
www.bahiamiller.com

Want to go deeper into the work?
🎧 For our podcast community:
Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22
Use code PODCAST

*Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer*

Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach.

Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality.

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this work, no specific outcomes are promised, and each person’s healing and relationship journey is unique.

Please listen with discernment, self-responsibility, and care for your own nervous system. When needed, seek support from qualified professionals who can meet you in your speci...

Bahia Miller introduces Self-Led Love and her mission to support others in learning to meet triggers with compassion, take responsibility for their parts, and build love rooted in self-leadership and emotional intimacy.

Free Resources:

• Self-Led Love Checklist – clarify what’s your work vs. your partner’s work in the relationship: www.bahiamiller.com/checklist
• Unblending Meditation – slow down after a challenging interaction and get in relationship with your parts: www.bahiamiller.com/unblend

Work with Bahia:
If you’d like to learn more about working with Bahia or explore her offerings, visit www.bahiamiller.com for details.

Want to go deeper into the work?
🎧 For our podcast community:
Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22
Use code PODCAST
bahiamiller.com/repair-workshop

✨ Follow on IG: @bahiamiller

Free resources + more from Bahia:
Bahia’s Unblending Meditation: https://bahiamiller.com/unblend
The Self-Led Love Checklist: https://bahiamiller.com/checklist
www.bahiamiller.com

Want to go deeper into the work?
🎧 For our podcast community:
Join the Repair for Relationship Resilience Workshop for $22
Use code PODCAST

*Self-Led Love Podcast Disclaimer*

Self-Led Love is a space for reflection, education, and relational growth. The content shared here is offered for educational and informational purposes only, and reflects my lived experience and professional perspective as an Internal Family Systems–informed relationship coach.

Any stories shared on the podcast are either my own, anonymized, or composite examples drawn from real experiences. Identifying details have been changed to protect privacy and confidentiality.

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy, medical care, legal advice, or mental health treatment. While many listeners may find resonance, insight, or support through this work, no specific outcomes are promised, and each person’s healing and relationship journey is unique.

Please listen with discernment, self-responsibility, and care for your own nervous system. When needed, seek support from qualified professionals who can meet you in your speci...