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A nostalgic Transformers cinema trip should be straightforward. Book the tickets, watch some robots, explain why everyone needed the toys. Instead, Tom gets a PG-versus-12A headache and a son who’s spotted a useful opening in the ongoing Spider-Man negotiations.

In Episode 90 of The Variety Show from Studio:Channel84, Rob and Tom dig into Tom’s experience booking the Transformers 40th anniversary screening through Cineworld, the conflicting age-rating information he found, and the bonus footage they missed because someone needed a wee. Would you complain, leave, or spend the opening minutes frantically checking the BBFC on your phone?

Listener questions send the film chat in several directions. Tom wants Pierce Brosnan to have had a shot at Casino Royale, Rob wants six-hour Lord of the Rings films, and Jurassic Park briefly gets a Care Bears makeover. Then there’s the cinema snack debate: McDonald’s at the door, nachos in the auditorium, disappearing ice cream counters and the entirely reasonable ambition to watch a film with a Chinese takeaway.

Rob’s car also has opinions, mostly expressed through alarms and unexpected braking. Cue a rant about parking sensors, automatic full beams and touchscreen controls that turn switching on the fan into a small administrative task. Bring back the bloody buttons.

In the Snack Sack, three tubes of Pringles face judgement: baked cheese and garlic, Burger King Bacon Double Cheeseburger XL and the Fallout mystery flavour. There’s disagreement over garlic, a surprisingly convincing burger aftertaste, and a separate argument about whether normal people eat one Pringle or a stack. The Fallout verdict? Leave it in the vault.

Fancy testing your film knowledge? Play along with eight rounds of a five-clue movie quiz featuring IMDb ratings, release years and some baffling five-out-of-ten reviews. Apparently, a film can make you laugh, cry and punch the air while still being aggressively average.

Finally, the 90s music showdown pits Guns N’ Roses’ November Rain against Westlife’s I Have a Dream. First, though, Rob and Tom need a word about a greatest rock songs list featuring Britney Spears, TLC and Dr. Dre.

Movies, music, snack reviews, parenting and everyday irritations. New episodes every other Monday.

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