RDZ-BALL!

Dominant, classy, organised. Are we actually becoming a football team?

SOLANKE: CONFIDENCE, LOCATED?

Two misses, one good goal. Good times around the corner?

GALLAGHER! YES, GALLAGHER!

Plus Sávio, Kudus, Archie and the magnificent Udogie.

BENTANCUR’S BIG BONE-HEADED MOMENT

Schadenfreude bites Maguire on the arse.

ROOM 101 & THE COVENTRY CARNAGE

Things we hate, things we want banished — and the small matter of Coventry. What could possibly go wrong?

YOUR DISTINGUISHED PANEL

With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott and Suzie Barnacle.

THFC COYS!

INTERMINABLE INTERNATIONAL BREAK

Some Spurs successes, but more injuries. Whoda thought?

THE NEXT BIG THING

The desperate ITKs have been rummaging around Germany and Brazil for players you’ve never heard of.

MANCHESTER CITY: THE BILL

Nearly a billion quid of alleged cheating, four Spurs Champions League places lost and a huge question about what we do next.

THE PATHWAY FOR YOUTH

Jamie Donley says there isn’t one.

MORE VINAI BULLSHIT

We’ve heard it all before.

ARSENAL PLAYERS WE CAN TOLERATE

Pat Jennings. Anyone else?

ROOM 101

Real issues for real Spurs fans

With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott & Dave Bradshaw

COYS THFC Spurs Tottenham Hotspur

FOUR-P & KULU

One’s out for a month. One might be back. Possibly. Maybe. Could be. Spurs medical updates: now available in horoscope form.

ARE WE STILL SCARRED?

Andy Robertson thinks so. We’ve got ten new players and got rid of 44, though, so presumably there’s more going on than collective football PTSD.

LANKSHEAR & MIKEY

Goals for the kids, more evidence that Lankshear’s departure looks increasingly odd — and that Mikey Moore might be preferable to Tel and Mudryk.

ARCHIBALD AT 70

Steve Archibald is seventy. Julie looks back at a Spurs legend.

ROB WHITE AT THE HALL OF FAME

Rob was there representing his dad. We get the inside look.

SPURS PLAYERS WE’D FORGOTTEN

Pienaar. Routledge. Konchesky. Yedlin. Pletikosa. And, somehow, Kulusevski.

CATS OR DOGS?

Robertson’s a dog. Kinsky, Udogie and Xavi are cats. We have absolutely no scientific evidence for any of this.

THE OPTA APOCALYPSE

18th. Forty-three points. Apparently the supercomputer has been drinking.

With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Rob White & Kev Acott

ROCK BOTTOM - we started there alphabetically, now we’ve earned it.

LIVERPOOL - more shots, more possession, more chances. Guess what.

VILLA - well at least we broke our duck in a lost cause, but that’s 48 games without winning after conceding first. We’re allergic to setbacks.

WHERE ARE THE GOALS? - Dom has disappeared. Will January be too late?

RDZ - fragile team, criticism of individuals. What could possibly go wrong?

101 & OTHER NONSENSE

Spurs Twitter loses its mind, Robertson gets threatened with violence, Kulusevski is somehow “back” again, and someone finds a good-looking man in a twatty shop.

INTERNATIONAL BREAK - who isn't coming back injured?

With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch & Barry Graham

COYS THFC

No goals. Again. But hey, we didn’t concede.

Paul Merson called Everton our cup final - we'll take a cup final in September, right?

Tonali silky? More woolly.

Injuries. Natch. Even PPPP is crocked.

Thirty-minute Spurs. RDZ says that’s all we’ve currently got in the tank.

Savio vs his teammates. Plus RDZ having a public pop at Tel. Team spirit is clearly thriving.

RDZ OUT? Tactics outdated? Predictable? Blames everyone else. Or… maybe give him five minutes before we sack him.

Richy stays. For now. Bergvall gets a new contract. Liverpool await.

Villa - will they turn up as 1970 Brazil?

ROOM 101

And - can 34 more 0–0s keep us up?

With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott & Suzie Barnacle

COYS THFC

60% possession, eleven shots, not a single one on target. We’ve brought in ten players but still lack a guy who can stick it in the onion bag.

Mudryk isn’t ready. Tonali isn’t ready. Solanke isn’t ready. Udogie isn’t ready. Nobody’s ready. Except Richy, who's ready to catch a plane to Saudi Arabia.

We pick through the latest Spurs nonsense, ponder the new arrivals, lamengt the ones we've lost, and ask whether this is a tactical masterplan or just another elaborate way of making supporting Spurs unnecessarily difficult.

Plus Room 101, VAR, missed chances, medical advice and 'bunker mentality'.

With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott & Dave Bradshaw

COYS THFC

A routine win. Yes, really, even if it was against the Charlton youth team. Sávio played twenty brilliant minutes, scored, and immediately crocked himself. Mikey scored a banger and earned a loan to Köln.

Then...Newcastle . Archie at right-back, PPP on the wing. We looked all right until we conceded. Plus ca change. RDZ says the mentality and environment have to change.

Transfers & Space Travel Mathys Tel took a free-kick that's still orbiting the Sun. Meanwhile, Richarlison, who loves Everton, doesn't want to join...Everton. Big Kev Danso leaving hurts. Enter Tosin. And Mudryk.

Julie is here to pay a proper tribute to the great Cyril Knowles on the 35th anniversary of his passing. Plus stupid tweets and Room 101.

With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott & Suzie Barnacle.

COYS THFC Spurs

The more things change...

Roberto De Zerbi claims we’re not a team yet and weren't ready. But why? The jetlag from the Australasian tour? The endless injury list? A deeper malaise?

Meanwhile, we’ve handed him millions to shape his team. What if he flounces out in October? The next bloke will inherit yet another mismatched Frankenstein squad.

We deep-dive the Brentford debacle and look at incomings and outgoings.

Joining world-weary host Simon Lipson are:

• Julie Welch, effing and blinding
• Kev Acott, delusionally believing
• Lee Brown, hypocritically calling out the bedwetters

Plus: Villa fans' 24 hour Schadenfreude, why blaming Michael Oliver is idiotic, a fond farewell to "Flappy", and a look ahead to Charlton and Newcastle.

And, of course, some juicy Room 101s.

#COYS #THFC